Burning Sky // Alec Lightwood ➰

Okay, so here's the story of my life.

Alec's pov.

We are both sitting on the floor of her room with our backs pressed to the old bed. Sky has her gaze turned upon the floor, her grey eyes laced with pain and uncertainty as she fidgets with her hands.

I don't dare to move or say something. I figured that it would make her uneasy and anxious. So I just wait until she is ready.

  "So, look, you have to understand that what I am about to tell you, it's not easy. So...you will have to be a bit patient with me." She speaks up startling me. Her eyes are still fixated on the scrawny floorboards but mine are on her, watching carefully her every move.

"It's okay. If you feel pressured or anything and you want to stop it's perfectly understandable." I say peering down at Sky who wears a troubled expression.

"Okay god." She breathes moving her hands to tag at the hem of her t-shirt." I don't even know how I am supposed to say something like this." She shakes her head. " I know that you've trusted me before and I did too, but this time it's more than that."
 
Silence envelopes us as I try to register her words but after a few moments a shake my head and turn to her with my eyebrows furrowed." More? Like how...?" I try but I let my sentence hang loosely in the air, the unspoken question never rolling off my tongue.
 
Something flashes in her eyes and she seems to understand where I was getting with it. "Like how something could be worse than my sister dying?" Sky offers and lets out a forced breath when I don't answer.

"I wouldn't call it worse. It's just that I've come to terms with the fact that I am always going to miss my sister. And I'll never stop grieving her. Because I loved her, more than anyone else on this earth. Because she was just May and even after all these years I am still not used to her absence. It's terrible because the day she died all the light from my life left too, all the happiness she brought was no longer there, and the only thing that is left is this great hole in my heart, in my life."  At the end of her sentence her voice was barely above a whisper and thick with emotion.

She stops briefly to recompose herself before sitting up straighter and continuing. "What I am trying to say, is that if I learnt something after all these years, is that my sister will die every day for the rest of my life, and every time will be more painful. But I have accepted that. I know that is how everyone should feel after such a terrible loss. What I can't accept it's the aftermath." She concludes leaving me dumbfounded.

I never thought about it this way. I always believed that I should have gotten over May's death, I am the only one still holding on to it, who just can't accept it.

  I haven't told these things to anybody. To anybody until now. I voice my exact thoughts to Sky and silently watch as she lets my words sink in. A small warm smile lights up her face and finally her eyes avert from the ground and settle on mine. There is an unknown glint behind her grey orbs, and she looks at me with empathy.

  "That's normal Alec." I love how my name rolls gently off her tongue with an overwhelming affection. "You have to let yourself feel the pain, and no, you aren't going to be able to get over it. But that means that you will never stop loving her, that she will always be here." Sky lifts her hand and presses it on my chest where my heart is supposed to be. I suck a breath and feel a lump forming at my throat. My heart is hammering into my chest so loudly I can practically hear it in my ears. I wonder if she notices the great effect such a small gesture of her inflicts on me, if she can feel my heart jumping through my shirt. She notices that her palm is still resting on my chest, a blush creeping on her cheeks, and she removes her hand, gently letting it to fall on her side. And I can breathe again. "A-and t-that's the best you could hope for." She stumbles with her words as she runs a hand through her black hair.
 
It takes me a few minutes to speak again and when I do the words come out in a small voice, and I am panting like I have been running a marathon. "Thank you. People have been trying to convince me to move on with my life and leave that behind. They talk like they didn't lose her too. Like I am doing something wrong. " I say honestly at her and she gives her head a small shake.

"You aren't doing anything wrong. When people try to find ways to forget... the consequences are..." Sky lowers her eyes on her hands who are slightly shaking. Without thinking I reach over and take a grasp of them. She looks taken aback for just a simple second and her eyes widen for a fraction, but she doesn't move them.

"Well, the way I see it," she attempts again, starting differently this time, " there are things in life that will always haunt you, no matter how old you are or how many years have passed. And what I am about to tell you is one of these things. I should have talked to you about it when I told you about May, I know, but I was just...afraid." She mumbles and her hand shakes in my own but I give it a light squeeze.

"Afraid? What do you got to be afraid of?" I question her confused and when she answers she looks everywhere but me.

" That night, you-you told me that I was strong , fearless." She says and I nod, to indicate that I remembered. "If you knew the whole story, you would no longer believe that. " her voice comes out sharp with a cold edge to it. "I didn't want you to think badly of me. I-I have done things I am not proud of..." 

I shake my head in disbelief and turned to the younger girl tagging at her chin and causing her to look at me. My determined eyes fall upon her torned and doubtful ones as I speak up. "Sky what ever you are going to tell me it's not going to change what I think of you. I want you to know that nothing will make me take back what I told you that night. You are one of the most brave and strong people I know. And I am fighting demons, you'd think I would know a fair share of them." I joke a little bit causing a small giggle to escape form her lips and a smile to appear on my own.

"Well, " she starts giving me a small push, "you are one of the only people I have trusted enough to tell them this, and let me tell you that list is shorter than your friend list."

"Hey, hey, I have friends!" I exclaim faking hurt to which she gives me a pointed look causing the both of us to erupt into small laughter.

When it faints down Sky turns to look at me and shrugs.

" So you should feel proud of yourself."

I raise my eyebrows at her and flash her a cocky smile before answering that I kinda do.

She gives me one last push with her elbow before falling into complete silence.

Several minutes go by until she turns her gaze to the wall in front of us and sighs.
" okay, so here's the story of my life."