TOBIAS:
I didn't sleep much last night, I mostly just focused on Tris. Her breaths were so uneven and I could feel her body tighten at the slightest movement. The entire night I have been mentally beating myself up. How could I let this happen to her? Why did I ever leave her? I should have seen Zeke a different time, and stayed here with her. Then I could have taken her place. Right now I would have the bullet wounds in my back, not her. I glance at the clock and realize I should be giving her pain medication soon. I gently slide her off me to retrieve the medication from on top of the empty wheelchair. There is a little bottle of pills and a little container of this lotion type of medicine which should be applied on and around her wounds. I take both of the medications and a glass if water and wait by her bedside. I look around and realize that everyone is still gone. I really have no idea where they could have gone but I'm still happy they did. Tris needed some rest and I wanted her to get it.
I decide to put the lotion on first. I pull the blanket off her gently and start to push her shirt up. I don't take it off completely and I just address the one on her side for the moment.
Her side makes me cringe. Not in disgust, but in guilt that this happened to her.
Her skin is bandaged but creeping over the bandages I see how her skin is red as if it was a rash. When I take off the bandage, she stirs. I try not to cause her any pain other than what she is already experiencing under the scar in her side. I open the jar and take some of the lotion on my fingers. Ever so gently I apply it to the scar of where they removed the bullet and smooth it into the wound. I feel her back muscles tighten under me and her eyes flutter open. She looks down at me and tries to smile but I know it's hard.
"Sorry," I whisper. I pull my hand back, not wanting to hurt her.
"Sorry for what?" she whispers back . I can here the pain in her voice. "You realize you're helping me, right?"
I force out a smile and gently apply the lotion. It must burn because I see Tris's hands squeezing the covers. Guilt spreads through me. Once I'm done, Tris moves and starts to pull her shirt back. Well, attempts. Before I can stop her she moves and just as soon as she does a small cry escapes her and her eyes water. She bites her lip and when I meet her gaze, it breaks me. I can tell that the pain is excruciating but so is knowing how weak she is.
"Hey, let me do the moving for you. You just relax," I say. I lean over her and slip her shirt over her head. I carefully apply the lotion to her back and then pull the blanket over her so she doesn't get cold. I lean over and kiss her on the temple before getting her the pain killers.
"Here," I say. "This will help with the pain." She mumbles a thank you and I help her sit up. I move so she can rest against me, her head on my chest. She swallows the pills down and curls up in my lap. I stroke her hair gently and press my lips to her hair.
Times like this remind me who she really is. A small, sixteen year old girl. Sixteen. She is still so young but always in the toughest situations. Under all the stress and pain. I shouldn't have let any of this happen to her. I should have taken the shots. I should have carried her burdens. Let her sit out and fought her battles.
I also notice other things about her in this moment. Yes she is young and small but she is also Brave. Ruthless. Kind. Selfless. Smart. Everything I wish I was. The better half of me. Someone who can break down walls I built around myself. Someone who values me. Someone I value. Someone who loves me. Someone I love.
"Tris," I start. "I'm so sorry. I should never have let this happened to you. I should have been there to protect you. But I wasn't. And I won't be able to forgive myself for that but I know one thing. I will never, ever, let it happen again. I will always be by your side wether you like it or not . I'll step in front of you to take the hits. I will comfort you when you need it. I won't let go of you. And if there is anything, anything you need, I will go to any extent to get it." I feel tears threatening to fall onto my cheeks but I don't let them. Until Tris turns her head towards me, tears streaking her face.
"Tobias you have done more than anyone has ever done for me and you have not done anything wrong. And don't think for a second that you are getting rid of me. I love you, Tobias."
Before the words completely escape her, I kiss her. She holds onto my neck, not letting me leave. And I wrap my arms around her, pressing her as close as she can get; without hurting her. I run my shaky hand through her hair. I'm trembling knowing I could have lost her. Anyone else probably wouldn't have survived. But she pushed. Pushed for me. I've never had someone love me that much. And now that I do, I won't let her slip out of my reach.
She pulls away and looks into my eyes. Her gaze melts its way through me.
"You know how you said you would give me anything?" she says, a mischievous grin spreading across her face. A look I have only have seen a few times and I've learned to love.
"Is that what I said?" I say jokingly, with a confused expression on my face. She just laughs. Another thing that sends my heart racing.
"Yes, now aren't you going to ask me what I want already?" she replies.
"Ok, Beatrice. Is there something, anything I could get you, because I promise I will go to any extent to receive it for you," I say with a jokingly superior accent.
"Well, as a matter of fact there is," she says, with the same mocking accent.
"And that is?" I say, not entirely knowing what to expect.
"You." She says with that flirty smirk back on her face.
"Now that will be a little harder but..." I joke but she cuts me off by crashing her lips onto mine. We stay like that for a while until I pull back and look into her eyes, that are now awake and bright. That alone can manage to put me in such a better mood after only seeing hurt, pain, and exhaustion both physically and mentally swimming in them for the last couple days.
"I'm not sure why you even bother ask when you have had that since the day I pulled you out of the net," I say. Her cheeks turn red at this and I just chuckle and put my hand on her head, guiding it to rest on my chest. I press my lips to her hair and just stay there. Eventually I whisper into her hair and say, "I love you so much Tris. Thank you for making me the luckiest man in the world." She lifts her head to meet my gaze. When she does, I see the tears that are threatening to spill over and making her voice shaky.
"And thank you, for being the first person to ever say that to me." She replies, kissing the hollow beneath my throat. "But I'm pretty sure I'm the lucky one in this relationship." She rests her head back on my chest and we just sit there while I mindlessly twist her hair through my fingers. It's a comfortable silence. Finally she breaks it.
"Tobias?" She says, her voice soft and tired.
"Yah Tris?" I whisper in her ear.
"Take me home," she whispers back.
"I wasn't planning on going anywhere without you," I reply. It's true but I honestly have no idea where she means by home. Our homes seem to have lost their titles. You shouldn't be controlled by serums at your home. You shouldn't have to relive painful memories of the people that used to be there with you. You shouldn't have to sleep in the same room as you once cried of pain and fear in. And home is definitely not where a bunch if scientists watched and tested on you. Right now, we don't have a 'home'. Just us. Just each other.
"Let's go back to Chicago. We can stay at your old house if you want that. I know it brings up bad memories for you but we don't have many options right now," Tris says. "And I mean we will probably have to sort out some problems with the leaders anyways," she adds.
"Yah. I guess that's the closest to home but still somewhat escaping it," I reply.
"Can we go now?" she whispers.
"If that's what you want," I say. I don't really know why she wants to leave right now considering how weak and tired she is, but if that's what she wants that's what I'll do.
"Yah," she says. "It is." She lifts her head off my chest and starts to get up. I keep one hand on her side for support and the other I hold her by the elbow. Slowly she stands and once her weight is off me I get up too. I keep my arm around her waist an guide her arm to my shoulder. Again, I lift her just barely so I'm carrying her weight and she is just moving her feet. Still, every step is slow and every breath heavy. Slowly we make our way towards the exit of the building where we find all our friends. I explain that we are going back and Amar offers to drive us to which I gladly accept. Once we are in the car, I sit against the wall with her laying against me, her legs sprawled out on the chair. Her breaths get heavy and she falls asleep. I rest my head on the window.
"You know, I'm going to tell you what I told Tris a while ago. She definitely brings out the best in you." Amar says. "And now I not only see the better person you've become but how that reflects on her. She is stronger with you. Confident. Sometimes she seems very sad and disoriented but only when you are gone. Basically, what I'm saying is; don't let her go, Four. Don't let her go."
"Thanks Amar," I say. "And don't worry, I wasn't planning on it."
And I honestly don't.
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Hey guys:)
First of all geeez thank you for the votes!!! (Thats why the update came so stinking fast!)
Special thanks to Cutiebooboobear just because they have constantly been commenting and voting ever since I started this crazy thing in the first place!
And also life has been crazy recently and it's kinda getting better. Comes and goes highs and lows.
Sooo basically thanks for being my little escape between the hours of 10pm-1am:)
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