JUNGKOOK'S POV:
I stood there, looking down at the tiny lights, from my penthouse.
The penthouse I bought for us.
The reason I wanted her to choose a place was only one; I wanted it for us. I wanted her to make a home out of this place for me. But somehow, nothing worked out. I kept on making mistakes, over and over... until I lost the one woman I loved. Until she held someone else's hand because she realized I didn't deserve her.
I remembered her eyes when she was looking at me amidst the golden fairy lights when I was putting the ring on Irene's finger... They were so sad and in shock, and how bad I wanted to tell her that the engagement didn't mean anything, but that Daniel was around her all the time and I didn't want to risk Irene's marriage and her father's life.
If only she had trusted me, but somehow... this thing, trust was too much to ask of her. She didn't trust me five years before, she wasn't going to trust me now.
And her voice when she told me that I had hurt her...
All those things she told me the other day, about how unfair i had been to her the whole time. How she wished she had never met me. She was right, I had hurt her more than she deserved. I had only thought about my own feelings, I never asked about hers for once.
And here I was, finally realizing that everything I had worked for, all those sleepless nights, all those nerve wrecking deals were for nothing because I couldn't get her. This place was useless because it would never be home without her.
All of this meant nothing anymore.
I was sipping the bitter coffee but my thoughts were more bitter.
Why did it have to be like this?
My stream of consciousness was disturbed by a call. And I started out immediately.
*
"There he is! My man!" a very drunk April grinned at me, accompanied by a very amused Irene.
"What's going on?" I asked.
"I offered her a drink and um..." Irene explained.
I ran my fingers through my hair. As much as I wanted to avoid her, I was glad I could see her one last time.
"I'm leaving, sorry. I have to visit the hospital. Take care!" Irene stood up.
"But... what am I supposed to do with her?"
"Sort it out" she winked and left.
*
I took her up, bridal style, all the way to my penthouse in the elevator. She kept shouting random lyrics from 'I hate myself for loosing you' by Kelly Clarkson once in every two or three minutes. I opened the door and brought her in. After a little debate inside my head I decided to take her to my bedroom and sleep on the couch myself.
I took her inside the bedroom and put her in bed. This was probably going to be the last time I would see her. Probably the last time I touch her. She was going away because I didn't deserve her.
I stood up after giving her one last longing look and started towards the door but...
She held my hand. As I turned around and looked at her I saw her eyes glistening with tears in the dim light.
"April"
"Why don't you call me noona anymore? Do you hate me now?" she was up, sitting in the bed cross legged, still holding my hand.
"Ap.. N-noona, you should rest..."
"Did you just called me ape? Do I lookie like ape to you?" she tilted her head to a side and pouted. God, she looked cute.
"You need rest, I'm going to stay in the living room. If you need anything just tell me..."
She jerked my hands towards herself so I lost my balance and came down on the bed in an awkward sitting position. She crawled on top of me and settled herself in my lap, hands around my neck.
"You think I didn't try huh? I know you thought I left you because I wanted to. But the second I got there I knew I had left my home behind and I regretted it so much" she whispered near my ear. It was becoming so hard to control myself. I wanted her so much, I needed her so much...
"And you wanted to know why I kept applying for that loan? I wanted so I could get to visit you, but guess what happened when it finally got approved?" she drunkenly opened her purse and took a folded pamphlet out of it.
"This!" she placed her little finger on a spot and I could see it.
A theme park I had visited when Irene had brought her baby to Korea. I loved her baby so much and I had taken them there. And somehow somebody had captured us among all the other families.
"You know why I have this with me right now? Because it's become a habit, carrying it around so that if someday by chance you decide to listen to me..."
So that's what happened. This amazing girl had tried all along to get to me, only in the end to be stopped by a misunderstanding that I was married and had a baby.
That's why she had not tried to find me when she got the job. That's why she planned to avoid me, and put that paper up on her door. Because she didn't want to wreck my "supposed" marriage.
I clenched my eyes shut as I felt a sudden surge of loathing for myself. She tried to tell me, so many times but I didn't even bother to listen to her? I didn't deserve someone so beautiful, so angelic like her.
Now that I knew the truth, it had become both harder and easier to leave. Like the selfish jerk that i had always been to her, I still wanted a chance. But my mind wanted to set her free, because she had already suffered enough at my hands. I didn't trust Daniel, but if she wanted him, I had to be okay with that.
No, I could never be okay with someone else having her, but I had lost my chance so I had to be. Even if I wasn't okay I had to stay away from her so that her life wouldn't be miserable. She wanted me to go away from her life and that's what I had to do.
Her head rested on my shoulder and I could smell her fresh, flowery scent mixed with alcohol. I carressed her cheek as a tear escaped my eyes.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I promise I won't hurt you again" I told her.
"Why not?"
"Because you dont deserve that"
"Jungkook..."
"Yes?
"I...I can't get over you. Help me with that, please?"
"How?"
"Take me"
"Huh?"
"Touch me please...please" her voice became a tiny whisper as she took my hand and placed it on her thigh.
No don't ask me to do it, because my selfish greedy heart might lose all reason and...
"I want you Jungkook. Don't you remember how we almost became one that night? Haven't you been holding it all in for me? Didn't you want me even when you came to my apartment?"
"Noona!"
"Don't you wanna take it out?" she carresed my cheek with her sleek, beautiful fingers while I felt my resistance crumbling as her other hand moved over my chest and lower down. Lower...
"You're drunk noona"
"I would still want you if I wasn't. I don't have it in me to want someone else" she pressed her lips against mine.
No, it cant happen.
I pushed her back into lying position, but gently.
"Good bye noona" I whispered against her ear and kissed her forehead as I got up, pushing her hands away from myself.
As soon as her head touched the pillow, she fell into a deep slumber while I got up and left the room. I wanted to cry aloud. What had I done? I had to apologize to her when she would be sober but how? I would probably be out of the country by then...
I grabbed a pen and a paper and started writing it down. An apology. I could only hope that she'd read it and forgive me. I knew I could never ask for her love, for her trust... but only her forgiveness would mean the world to me...
A/N:
Word count = 1400 :)