Day 10
I'm finally coming out of my rut . I have my first show in 10 days tonight and I can't wait to get back out there . I finally got my new outfit and to a sparkly two piece with thigh high boots - I feel like a super hero in them don't judge me .
(( as always pictures on @sdkftclifford on twitter ))
I open up with problem now and I'm so excited to see the fans reactions to me performing after I released it a while back. The show tonight is going to be in Washington . Seattle to be more exact ! A place I for one have never been to . So all day today before I need to get ready , I'm a little tourist around this beautiful city . Me and Josh and his boyfriend go to sight seeing to kill time before the show tonight. I feel like inviting Brad but my feelings are all over the place and I don't want to give him the wrong idea .
"You ready?" Josh came into my tour bus with his boyfriend Matty. "Yeah hold on ," I answer . I grab my phone from the charger and follow them out of the bus. "You look gooood." Josh complimented as we got into the car he rented for today . I would say thank you but Josh just wants me to compliment his styling skills , he did pick out the outfit I'm wearing . "Only because of you," I put my seatbelt on and Josh laughs. "Obviously ," and he flips his nonexistent hair .
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We see all there is to see in Seattle by about 7:00 o'clock in the evening and we left 12:00 it's been a fun day . I took loads of pictures and I think this is my favorite part of touring , seeing the place I'm visiting and being a real tourist . Not the fake ones that go on tours of the place , and read pamphlets. I like to try to pass as a local whenever I go somewhere new and dig my feet into the culture of the place .
"Why do you have to leave so soon?" Josh is applying my eyeliner and Matty is sitting on a couch in the dressing room we're in. Matty is leaving today after the show , he can only stay for a short while to see Josh . "Babe I wanted to see you for good luck before my interview at vogue tomorrow . I wish I could stay longer but you know I have to go ."
"Open," josh whispers talking about my eyes . I felt a sudden punch in my heart when Matty said that last part . For the first time in 10 days , the sweet Michael who I assumed would never hurt me appeared in my mind . He's said that to me so many times and I believed him . He supposedly didn't want to go but in reality he probably couldn't wait to get away from me so he could get into another girls pants . But there's something in Matty's voice that makes me believe he'll always come back to Josh . I can see the honest love in their eyes and I guess I never knew what that felt like . I always flew to him , he hardly came to me . I'm the one who made sure he was okay. I'm the one who made the effort to see him . I'm the one who pulled herself in a million different directions to make sure he was happy . I'm the -
"Show time princess."Thank god my mom came in before I really let my thoughts run wild . I get all set up before going on stage . I can still be me . Right ? Be Kelsi Burnes and give my all . I'm so happy I left when I did .
I refuse to tear myself to pieces to make him feel whole .