I'm really sorry that happen to you while I'm away...
You sighed your eyes tired from the lack of sleep you'd had over the last few days, John had been keeping away from his computer and you'd managed to keep your eyes down low whenever Janet or Pete lingered their watchful glare over you.
You waited for the dots to stop and for him to continue writing: thrumming back and forth over their spot on the screen as if to mock your need to get home and try and fail to sleep.
You rubbed away the sting in your eyes checking the clock, if you waited any later than half four you were at risk of catching Matt in the lift. You imagined how ironic the thought was, a month ago and you'd be glad to be sharing the same breath as him, now he was a solidification of how screwed up your life was.
Your mind flashed back to the day you'd called Kylo's mobile, after finding his number on the universities website. The painfully long time it took him to answer and the conversation that followed those ominous bells:
"Hello?"
"Hel-lo Kylo?"
"What do you want?" his voice had been irritated as soon as you'd fumbled those few words to him, "how did you get this number?"
"I just wanted to know how you were...and-"
He cut you off bluntly, painfully quick, "look ____ I get it. You want what happened Saturday to be more than it was. Just sex," he confirmed it.
In two words he confirmed how much you'd felt for him that night, the tone of his voice stung your heart, like a pin straight through the centre, "I need you to leave me alone. Ben doesn't want anything to do with you either. So don't you think for all our sakes you just leave Matt alone too?"
You hadn't had the capacity to speak your mind. Your brain recovering for the sharp pain chipping its way through your ribcage.
"What did I do wrong?" You whispered hating how your voice echoed through the line.
He sighed heavily as though these weren't the words he wanted to use, as though a gun had been pointed to his head, as though they were forced, "You picked the wrong brother..." and then he had hung up.
You'd cried a lot that night to Sarah, she'd rebuked you for it, saying if you'd only tell her where they lived so she could give them a piece of her mind.
Days had past and Matt had been sending you daily texts equally as admonished and accusing. He'd thankfully avoided you at work and you'd appreciated his lack of presence.
The dots stopped their rhythm and a new message appeared from John, You've worked really hard this week. You always do. While ever I work here your job is safe and you don't have to worry about Pete. Speaking of which him and Janet left ages ago. Get yourself home and good luck with your exam tomorrow.
You smiled upon reading it, the first genuine one in a while and typed a reply, I appreciate your support John. Thanks for the luck I'll be off now. Enjoy the sun.
You checked your clock once more, you'd been day dreaming for a while it was quarter to five now, you cursed fumbling over your desk to switch everything off and grab things for tomorrow. Once you were satisfied you made a dart for the lift. Pressing the button wondering whether to just take the stairs, but you knew the thought was irrational you couldn't run forever.
Besides the central glass stair case would just mean more eyes on you and since your run in with Janet and Pete you felt as though eyes followed you around the room. You let your eyes fall to the floor of the elevator and quietly pushed your feet in, there were two people in the corner and now you were too afraid to even look.
You shuffled to press the button but found it was already lit up, "___!" you recognised the voice and took in a deep breath, biting the bullet to see who was stood in the corner.
Bill was standing alongside of Matt, you'd regretted being so hopeful it had just been you, him and some random person in there, of course not. You let your eyes fall back to the floor, "sorry I was miles away...how are you?"
"I'm good but Matt here seems to be spoiling my fun, I'm meeting Karen tonight." You'd not realised he was vacating the lift doors, holding them open as if to prolong your misery.
"Oh well have fun yeah, don't do anything I wouldn't an all that?" You smiled up at him satisfied Matt was no where near his side and thus no where near yours. You were debating whether to make an excuse of having left something at your desk, but the thought at this point seemed pathetic and you knew it. You couldn't avoid your demons forever.
Matt scoffed at your comment and Bill eyed you up, protectiveness there. He could see your discomfort and gave you an apologetic smile, you reflected it and let him leave the doors, so they could close shut and imprison you inside.
You couldn't tell how many floors had passed, blood rushing through your ears as if a defence mechanism to block out the silence. You were sure you'd nearly made it to the bottom when a piercing ringing sound ripped through the numbing in your ear drums. It took a second to realise it wasn't just your imagination, when Matt's body was pushed up against yours not quite realising how much closer he'd gotten.
You were sure you hadn't experienced fear until right then, "what the fuck is happening?!" the walls seeming to get closer and closer together: claustrophobia taking over.
"My statement exactly," Matt's voice was resonating somewhere close by you, but you could no longer sense your surroundings.
You concentrated on your breathing, "did you do this!?"
"It was the only way to get you to fucking acknowledge me," Matt said exasperated.
"For fuck sake Matt I fucking hate confided spaces at the best of times," you said feeling a little more calmness in the fact Matt has pressed the emergency stop button and you'd not actually got five seconds to live before it plummeted into oblivion.
"Start talking then!" he stated beginning to pace in front of you, "why are you ignoring me, why are my brothers acting like you're some kind of horrible bitch and why the fu-" his voice droned on in your skull, not having heard such a concession of curses ever leave Matt's mouth before.
"Talk to me!"
You couldn't do it, between Kylo's threats to stay away and Ben's hatred for you, you saw little point in coming clean.
"___" his voice was no longer angry it was desperate and it drowned out the blaring siren in the death cube.
"Ugh you already know the answer, you already know what happened that night," you pleaded not wanting to say.
"Say it," he was seething with something you were afraid to call pain, how could you do it to him how could you just up and say it.
"It doesn't matter, Kylo's made it perfectly clear to me to stay away..." you sighed avoiding his eyes like the plague.
"What do you mean, Kylo's made it clear to stay away?" Matt said taking on a new tone of curiosity.
"Just..."
"Just?" he asked crossing his arms.
"We..."
"___ say it"
"Me and Kylo. We...We fucked..."
"Shit," he breathed.
You averted your eyes again, "look you weren't there for me that night."
"-oh? So you what? Go about fucking my brother in stead?" he said exasperated.
"No, it wasn't like-"
"What then? What was it like?"
"Well... I'm not being funny but you fucking promised me a date and then you never asked, so yeah I went for Kylo...because he actually had the balls to do more than leave me hanging-"
His palm slammed the wall at the side of where you'd huddled into the corner, his angry breath hasty around you, as if the heat within him had make it boil and condense invisibly in the air.
"No..." his voice cracked as if saying it out loud would change the truth of your words.
"Yes! Except he told me it meant nothing and fucking told me to stay away,"
"Uhh", was all he managed and then the lift went silent and your thoughts were supressed by the tone that was blaring out the speaker in it. You scanned the room for a camera hoping people weren't watching you argue. There wasn't but the news made you sad, as though it solidified your loneliness right then. It was getting too much the lack of an argument making you remember how the walls seemed to close in on you and suffocate your breath from your throat. Your legs gave in and you slid down to the floor so you could wrap yourself in a ball.
"It's not all my fault you know Matty..."
"...how is it not? You think it's okay to do what you have to me, do you know how that's made me feel, you can't just fuck both my brothers-"
"-why not? It's not like you made a move to me? Not like you answered my calls?"
"Well I didn't know what to do, I'm not the brother that gets picked..."
You felt for him. Those words he had meant and it saddened you, "No excuse."
"You could have asked me out you know!" he said and you were feeling okay to stand up once again.
"Yeah if you'd have answered my fucking calls!" you said angrily remembering how close he was to you, "you could have made a move..."
"...and you could have kept it in your-"
"-don't you dare say it, not you. Matty not you too," you said pleading to him with teary eyes.
"So what we act like none of this happened? Like we were never friends?"
"Matty...I wanted to tell you, but how could I do that to you? How could I split you further away from your brothers? Kylo might have used me but I never used him or Ben, if I was with them it's because I saw a future with them. I can't help what happened, but I can make sure you three are still friends because you're-" Matt cut off your rambling pushing his lips against yours. You didn't hesitate to take them, not for a second, letting it get passionate quickly. An angry, passionate lust, something you couldn't say you'd seen in the golden haired triplet.
You broke away to talk, "Matt I can't let you...do.." he started to kiss patterns down your jawline and then to the sweet spot below your ear, "...this..."
"Uh huh," he cooed trailing further down to your collar bone and stopping, sure it was because he couldn't go any further without taking your clothes off, but surprised to find it was only to suck a deep red bruise into the spot making you let out a moan that was washed away with the alarms.
You pushed him back chest rising and falling, "we can't do this again..."
"What again," he sighed feeling defeated.
"Me and Ben. Me and Kylo," you wanted to say something along the lines of you didn't want to be used for sex but using the word in front of Matt felt strange now.
"Let me take you out, please..."
"How can you say that after what I've done. How can you even trust me?" You slid back down to your seating position.
"Let me prove to you I'm not like my brothers? Hmm please ___," he soothed dropping to his knees so he was level with you, forcing you to look in his eyes.
You didn't answer his question in words in stead deciding to move towards his lips again, kissing them softly this time, before resting your head on his.
The doors to the lift were pulled open in that moment and you both flinched back from one another, "is everything alright in here?"
You cleared your throat grabbing Matty's hand he'd offered to help you up, "sure I'm just claustrophobic..."
"Who pressed the emergency button?" You looked up to see a maintenance man slightly below you on the bottom floor of the building. The elevator raised about two feet from the man.
"That would be me, I assure you it was an accident," Matty said stepping down from the device and helping you out.
"Okay...You sure picked a bad time to have an accident huh? Supposed to be going home in thirty," the man sighed a little angry.
"Sorry...Mark isn't it?" you said remembering his name from doing the payroll.
He nodded, "is there anything I can do to help or?"
"No Miss," a pause of contemplation and composure, "Hey I guess it's okay. Accidents happen," he said only seeming to notice your face now you were out.
You smiled at him in silence for a while, "gee are you okay you said your were claustrophobic where are my manners?" he stammered ringing his hands out in front of him like a teenage boy with a witless crush.
You giggled slightly replying "it's fine. I'm fine. I hope it won't take too long to fix?"
Matt squirmed in the corner of your vision his hand itching to grab yours and make a show of it.
"Nope, considering I'm fixing it," he said winking in the process. A bubble of butterflies squirmed in your stomach you regarding the feeling, the man if front of you was at least ten years older than you. Dark hair sticking haphazardly from his cap a rotund belly oozed out over his belt that was tight around his waist. No the butterflies were most certainly not from him they were from Matt's dancing in the corner, having given in to politeness. He snatched your hand in his and pulled you to his side, gentle but urgent and then snaked his arm around your shoulders, "that's good then...I apologise again. Let's get going hmm beautiful?"
You considered the action: his jealous tone, and revelled in it walking by the side of him like a prize possession.
"So tomorrow, we will go out..."
"Go out where?" You interjected as you reached the front door. He opened it for you and you thanked him still blushing from his previous actions.
"I'll pick you up at six. I have somewhere in mind..." He said raising his eyebrows as you turned around the corner to your cars.
Before you could escape onto the tarmac of the car park he pushed you against the wall of the building. Without hesitation you kissed him gently taking all your strength to pull away slowly.
"I know you can do better than leave me with that," he said hungrily as you backed off the curb.
"Tomorrow then Matty," you beamed at him walking to your car which was a little further away from the office building than Matt's, "I'll text you my address" and with that you opened your car door.
You sunk into the seat and noticed you were breathing for the first time since he'd stopped the lift. You let your body catch up for a little while before you ignited the engine and set off for home.
A/N
Oh dear look at this I'm updating 3 years later again. I do hope you can forgive me. I have every intention to write and then life gets in the way. However a week today I'll be in the air on a 9 hour trip to Orlando. I'm going to make a real effort to write and get this story finished. I appreciate all your patience and sweet comments which I'll be replying to shortly. I'd like to think things are getting better for me then life throws something else at me. My triplets get me through though and my kind readers, love you all x