Jack stared up at the ceiling. He was laying on his bed fully dressed on top of the covers, his arm was tucked underneath his head. Farrier was pottering around the room as he got ready to leave. Today was a chance for the men to say goodbye to loved ones before they were sent to France. Families had been arriving all morning and soldiers had awoke early to dress their best and greet their loved ones.
"You're not coming?" Farrier called from the bathroom.
He continued to stare at the ceiling "No," he replied flatly.
He heard the cupboard in the bathroom open and close and then something clattered into the sink, followed by Farrier cursing under his breath.
"You should come," Farrier mumbles after a few moments, he steps into the doorway of the bathroom with a toothbrush between his teeth.
Jack lifts his head to look at him "No, I'm good," he lowers his head back down.
Farrier steps back into the bathroom, spits out the toothpaste, swills the sinks and clears his throat before stepping back into the bedroom. Suddenly his face appears hovering over Jack.
"Jesus!" Jack jumps sitting up on the bed.
"So you're just going to sit in here all day?" Farrier says as he sits on the bed opposite Jack.
Jack drags a heavy hand through his hair, groaning "What would you have me do?"
"Come. You might actually have fun," Farrier rolls his eyes.
"Watching everyone else with their family. Yes, sounds like great fun," Jack enthuses sarcastically.
Farrier nods slowly "Your folks not coming?" he says understanding.
Jack shakes his head "They're with my dads sister in Scotland," he shrugs nonchalantly.
A few moments of silence fall between them and Jack looks anxiously around the room. His eyes meet her sea green eyes in the photograph on his bedside table. He sighs longingly as he looks at her sweet face and her angelic smile.
"Ali not coming?" Farrier asks quietly.
Jack scoffs once as he grips the edge of the bed "I don't think so," he stares blankly out of the window. A young soldier is chasing after his toddler son. His arms are outstretched as he playfully hurries after the giggling child. The child's chubby legs are unsteady and he tumbles to the grassy ground. The soldier laughs lightly and scoops up his son, spinning him until they are both laughing.
"Collins?" Farrier cuts through his thoughts.
"Hmm?"
"What's going on?"
Jack pauses for a long moment then speaks. "Erica's pregnant,"
Farriers eyes widen, he says nothing as he stares at Jack.
"I went to Weymouth to try and find Ali but only her mother was there. I told her everything and she gave me this," Jack digs into his pocket and chucks the ring towards Farrier. Farrier catches it swiftly and eyes the ring intently.
"This is the ring you gave to Ali,"
Jack nods and Farrier tosses him the ring back. Jack catches it, twists it between his fingers idly before tucking it safely away again.
"Her mother thinks I should give it to Erica," Jack says.
Farrier tilts his head "And what do you think?"
Jack chuckles lightly then "That's what I've been trying to figure out for the past two days,"
"Her mother gave me her work address. She's here in London. I found her yesterday and we talked....I- I think there's a chance she still loves me," Jack says hopeful.
Farrier sits back, he regards Jack carefully. "But?" He probes.
Jack lets out an exasperated sigh "I'm so torn, here," he pats the left side of his chest where his heart is "I love Ali I do," he cries "But this baby..." he trails off.
Farrier stands and steps towards the window. He stares out and his eyes follow the young soldier and his son. He watches them silently for a few moments before he speaks. His voice is guarded and quiet, not at all like his usual self.
"Let me tell you something Collins," he starts "I was young and stupid once, not too different from yourself. I had a girl, Molly, beautiful she was. She had blonde hair and green eyes, your Ali reminds me a lot of her. She was...good. She was kind, smart, funny and she loved me, more than I deserved. Before the war I worked in the city. There was a girl at my office, Hannah. We used to stay late together, finishing up the paperwork and what not. One night when everyone else had gone home she pulled out a bottle of Whisky. We sat with our backs against the desk and drank and talked and talked and drank. She told me that her first love had be killed in the Great War. She asked me about Molly and I can remember telling her how happy she made me," Farrier pauses for a moment, his eyes not moving from the window.
"She leaned in listening and I remember leaning closer and kissing her. I don't know why I did it, I just did. One thing led to another and well...you know how it is. We must have passed out afterwards because our boss came in the next morning and found us both laying naked under the desk. He fired us right there and then. Of course I rushed home but somebody had already told my beautiful Molly. She wasn't even mad, just heart broken and that was worse. I wanted her to be mad, I wanted her to yell at me, to beat her fist against my chest and scream but she didn't. Her silence was a killer and it tortured me knowing what I had done to her, afterwards she packed her bag and left. Hannah found me a few weeks later, she was pregnant. I wanted to hate her, I wanted to push her from my life but I couldn't. I'd made such a mess already. I told her to come and stay with me at my house and she did,"
"What did you do?" Jack asked after a few moments.
Farrier turns away from the window and faces Jack "I married her Collins. I wasn't even in love with her but I did it anyway. I often ask myself if I made a mistake marrying Hannah, but when I look into my daughters eyes I know I didn't. Amelia lights up my life, she reminds me that this war is worth fighting. I fight this war so that she can have a better life,"
"What happened to Molly?" Jacks asks, his eyes fixed on Farrier.
Farrier smiles sadly "She moved on, found someone else a few years later and never looked back," he says sadly "I think about Molly every day. My punishment is never knowing if she's thinking about me. Every night when I shut my eyes I see her face and I pray to God that where ever she is, or whatever she is doing, I hope she's happy," Farrier pauses for a few moments, he grabs his leather jacket from off his bed and shrugs it on.
"I didn't think I could ever love Hannah as much as I did Molly, but having Amelia made me realise that I can...You will always love the mother of your child Collins, remember that," Farrier walks towards the door and twists the handle.
"Where are you going?" Jack asks standing from his bed.
"To see my family,"
Farrier let the door swing shut behind him as he left. Jack stood silently for a few long minutes, he had known Farrier for eight months now and he'd had no idea he was married or had a daughter. Hearing Farrier talk about Molly made Jack's heart sink. What if Ali was his Molly? Jack walked towards the door hoping to catch up with Farrier, as he hurried down the quiet corridor his mind replayed what Farrier had said.
The air was cool but the sun was bright overhead as Jack stepped outside. Farrier was already out of sight as Jack idly weaved between the dormitory buildings. He walked alone for several minutes, his mind flipping between Ali, Erica, the baby and back again. As he rounded another corner he saw her.
"Erica?" He says somewhat surprised.
Her eyes narrow at him as she regards him cautiously "Jack," she says back tightly.
Jack fumbles with his words "Look Erica I wanted to apologise for my reaction the other day. I was...shocked," he laughs nervously.
Erica's lip curls up into an involuntary smile "Yeah me too,"
Jack steps towards her "I've been doing a lot of thinking," he pauses "About you...and the baby,"
"And..." she probes.
"I want to be there for you. I do care about you I want you to know that but-"
"You're not in love with me," Erica finishes sadly.
Jack sighs and rubs the back of his neck, rocking awkwardly on his heels "Yes," he confesses "I can't...I love Ali,"
Erica steps towards Jack and takes a hold of both of his arms "And what about the baby?"
Jack touches a delicate hand to her cheek "I will love this baby," he whispers "And I will love and care for you because you are the mother of my child and nothing will ever change that," he leans closer to Erica.
She wraps her arms around his neck and hugs him close to her. Jack rubs her shoulder as he embraces her.
"Here feel," Erica says softly. She takes his hands and places it on her small stomach "You can't feel anything yet but, they're really in there," she says.
Jack chuckles lightly as his hand rests against the soft material of her dress. His heart swells and butterflies dance in his stomach. In that moment everything was perfect and suddenly Farrier's earlier words flash in his mind "You will always love the mother of your child Collins, remember that,"
"I want to do what's right for you and our baby," he says taking a hold of her hand.
"Will you give me a chance to fall in love with you?" He asks.
Erica's eyes gloss over with tears and she nods her head excitedly "Yes," she croaks.
He watches her for a moment as the butterflies in his stomach start to fade. He needed to be there for Erica right now, he had to learn to fall in love with her for the sake of their baby. It was in that moment that Jack thought about Ali, where she was and what she was doing. He bent down and kissed the top of Erica's head gently. The action was awkward bur he smiled nonetheless.
"I'll see you later, I'm heading to the square," Jack announces.
Erica looks up at him and nods, her face falls slightly but she hides it well "Okay," she says sweetly.
Jack back steps before turning around and hurrying towards the square. His heart is pounding fast in his chest. As he nears the chaos of the square Jack spots Farrier to the far side. He's holding a young girl in his arms, about 6 years old. The girl Amelia he was guessing, wrapped her arms around Farriers neck and hugged him tight. A woman with reddish brown hair stood near them, watching them adoringly. Farrier carried the child towards her before leaning down and gently kissing her. Jack turned away not wanting to pry on his private moment. A sad expression crossed his face but he shook it away.
Stepping onto the edge of the square, another pilot named Dwyer clapped him on the back. Jack forced a happy smile as he joined in with the laughter between the men. He lifted his head to look back over to Farrier, but his view was obscured by a passing car. He watched the car leave before turning to find Farrier. He was nowhere to be seen.