Song of the chapter-
Mad World by Gary Jules
I suggest listening to the song as you read the chapter, it might make more sense I guess?
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The next morning I woke up in Taylor's room, since I knew I could trust him. I never went back to my room last night. I went straight to Taylors. He also rooms with Shawn and Hayes, but they were both asleep when I came.
The guys were asleep and I checked my phone, seeing that it was 8:30am. I was glad I woke up early. That meant I could sneak into my room, grab a change of clothes, my make up, and hair stuff, and come back and get washed up here.
I snuck out of the room and into my room. No one was awake, thank god.
I went to my suitcase, grabbing a change of clothes. Then I went in the bathroom, grabbed what I needed, and went back to Taylor's room.
I shower, blow dried and straightened my hair, and did my make up.
I changed into a white and baby blue Young & Reckless tank top, a pair of white shorts, and some Toms.
I walked out of the bathroom and Shawn was awake.
"Hey, what are you doing in here?" He smiled, wiping his eyes.
"Jacob and I aren't friends anymore..." I sighed, sitting on the end of Shawn's bed.
"Wanna talk about it?" I shook my head.
"Not really" I said. He nodded.
"I'm sorry" He said. I sarcastically laughed.
"You didn't even do anything."
"I know. But I'm still sorry about how your feeling." I looked down at my shoes.
"It's okay." We sat in silence until I spoke up.
"I'm gonna go get some air. I kind of want to be alone." I said, standing up.
"Okay that's fine. Take all the time you need" Shawn said. I nodded before leaving.
I went straight to the beach, sitting down on the sand to think.
This is all my fault. I never should've yelled at Jacob. I ruined everything, just like I ruined everyone's lives by being born. I should've never agreed to go on the Magcon Tour. I should've never became a model. I should've just went to another school, stayed quiet, and finished with my diploma. From there, I would've gone to college. Then get a job. And live my life.
I brought my knees to my chest, feeling tears begin to well up in my eyes and stream down my cheeks.
Everything's my fault.
Why am I even here? There's no point. There's no point in anything, anymore. Acting. Singing. Living. Breathing.
Maybe that's why my mom always liked Rose better. Because she knew I wasn't supposed to be her daughter, let alone be alive.
This world is a sick place. A sick, filthy god damn place.
If I died, a part of the world may be sad, Shawn may be sad, Matt may be sad, Hayes may be sad, Aaron may be sad, Jack J may be sad, Taylor may be sad, Nash may be sad, the rest of the sexy six may be sad, Rose may be sad, Karime, Jessica, Lisa, Alexis, Danielle, Penny, Jade, Hannah, they may all be sad. But this isn't where I belong.
But what if it's what they want? What if they only pretended to like me? For fame, for a name in this world?
Or maybe I'm overreacting about all of this. But I'd doubt it.
I got up, brushed the sand off of my shorts, and went back into the hotel.
I knew one person who had a gun. Cameron. He brought it with him for emergencies. There are crazy people in this world, and you may never know when you need a weapon for self defense.
I went in his room, to see he was in the bathroom. Nash and Aaron were down in the lobby eating breakfast probably, because they weren't in the room.
I went to Cameron's bag and shuffled through everything, finally feeling the smooth black hand gun in my grasp. I quickly grabbed it, putting it under my shirt and running back to my room. No one was there.
I grabbed the note pad sitting on the table in the room and a pen, and I sat down and began to write my goodbyes.
Dear everyone,
I'm sorry it had to come to this, but it was bound to happen someday. I guess today's that day.
I can't handle the stress being put on me to be perfect. The stress of being under the public eye every second of every day.
So, if you even care, I'm sorry I'm putting you through this.
I can't take it. And I can't talk to anyone about it. Because the one person I could talk to about it, betrayed me.
So, I'm sorry. I love you all.
-Hailey Reneé Letchworth
I folded the note and began to write separate ones, scribbling them onto paper, afraid of someone walking in and taking the gun away from me and stopping me.
Dear Matt,
Thanks for being an amazing friend to me. I'm sorry we both liked each other, and I picked the wrong guy. Because you're a really great guy, and I know you'll find someone perfect for you.
I hope you become a famous singer and go on tour with Ariana Grande, because I know you love her.
I love you Matt. Thanks for being my friend.
-Hailey Reneé Letchworth
I folded the note and put it next to the other one, beginning to write the others.
Dear Shawn,
Thanks for being there for me this morning, and for being an amazing friend. I'm sorry we both ended up liking each other, and that we never had our date, but you should save that date for another girl.
You're such an amazing and talented singer, and I hope one day you're performing in Madison Square Garden.
I love you Shawn.
-Hailey Reneé Letchworth
I set Shawn's letter next to Matt's, and continued.
Dear Aaron,
I don't really have anything to say, to be honest.
We never really got to know each other on a personal level, but when we did talk, you were hilarious.
I love you Aaron.
-Hailey Reneé Letchworth
Letter after letter, they began piling up.
I began to get to the last ones.
Dear Cameron,
Deep down, I know I'll always have feelings for you. You were my first actual love. The only guy I felt comfortable around.
You kissed my scars, being the only guy to ever do that in my entire life.
You made me feel special.
And I find it kind of funny, because you're the one who ended up hurting me.
But I forgive you, because I love you.
I hope you're up on the big screen one day in an MTV movie.
I love you, Cameron Alexander Dallas
-Hailey Reneé Letchworth
I finished writing the letters, setting them all on the desk separately.
I sat down on the bed, bringing the gun to my head. I breathed in and out.
This is it. It's all gonna be over now. No pain. No more pain. No more suffering. No more pretending.
I can finally be at peace. I can finally relax.
But before I could pull the trigger, the door slammed open.
"STOP!" He yelled.
"WHY?! WHY SHOULD I?" I yelled. He calmly walked towards me, trying to take the gun away.
"Hailey please, you don't have to do this. Please."
"But I do" He tried to get the gun out of my hand, but accidentally, the trigger went off.
And the bullet went through my stomach.
The end.
Maybe.