☆ CHAPTER FIVE!☆
005. These funny things
|| STRANGERS ||
❝we're the broken
beauties, blindfolded
minds collide and we
fall.❞
➳➳
IT WAS FUNNY how often people chose to forget things that they used to remember- things that they use to rely on more than the sweet relief of fresh oxygen or the taste of pure energy that passed their lips whenever they got so much as a morsel to eat. Funny, how hard it was to recall the smell of grass after it had just rained or the noise of the generators that once were placed right outside people's homes; even the way a certain somebody greeted those around them could be forgotten in a matter of seconds.
I always found myself forgetting the little things, because there was too many big things filling up it's space.
I had forgotten about how strange the three Capitol women were when they really found their voices; they chatted and gossiped like no time had passed from my first games and honestly, I had really not thought about the headache it seemed to give me each time I was put through it. It slipped by in the rush of a night without sleep, and a morning when the images of my dreams once again found it's way into my real world- such as the red lip stick one of the three women had suggested for my look.
It was the colour of fresh blood- rather obviously.
Another thing that I has forgotten was the panic that the preparation for the parade brought on me, or the calm that replaced it once I had made my way through the team and into where Carmella had been hiding away. It had been two days, and yet I looked at my stylist like it had been years since I had seen her when she hid me with her, because I had forgotten what it was like to have her around.
I had forgotten how comfortable it was for her to guide me with her arm around my waist, as she was tall enough to naturally keep it there while she worked, as well as how gentle she was as she pinned parts of herself onto my outfit with each stone that simmered or wire that pulled at my skin. I had momentarily ignored how many times she would make sure I was ok, or how thorough she would always be when it came to my family.
I had truly forgotten what it was like to have a friend around me, or the luxury of it being somebody that was my age.
"Lillian was left alone after she was hit; we got her back to Evelyn's sister's home when they took you away. They didn't do any real damage." Carmella muttered between stitches when she heard the door click shut.
I didn't think there was anything I could have said to that; I just nodded.
"It was a stupid thing for me to do," I sighed as I glanced down at my manicured hands.
Carmella took my hand in hers. Her nail polish was a glittery gold that was somehow unable to remind me of the past- like she had chosen the colour so that I could look at her tanned hand in mine without feeling the deep rooted ache that had been forced on me before by deja vu.
"It wasn't stupid, what you did will help you in the long run. You might have given yourself a step up in the games."
Carmella disagreed with me, but I couldn't help but want to scowl at her reason why. People had been doing that recently- they would tell me what I should do but not tell me why. There was a secret that I was missing here, something I was unaware of that both Carmella and Alec seemed to think was important enough to talk about.
I didn't have the heart to tell Carmella that I hadn't done it for the games, or even myself. I hadn't done it to ensure my survival, I had done it to try and seal my fate before I could feel anything other than fear. I did it because I thought I was helping him, when he never even existed in that moment.
"Do I need to use the blindfold or will you close your eyes this time?" Carmella changed the subject skillfully as she waved around a sparkly blindfold that changed colour in the light. It was clear that the conversation was over; I didn't know why until she threw her eyes over to the top corner of the room where there was a camera trained on us.
"I think I can manage," I replied as I set my eyes on the mirror again. She knew I had seen the camera too.
It only took a moment for her to dress me, but it was more than enough time for me to forget what the world outside look like when she asked me to open my eyes again. As I wiped my sweaty palms on the side of the fitted dress it slowly changed from black to gold; it looked like electricity was pulsing through the bottom of the dress when I walked off of the pedestal and towards the door I would inevitably be walking through. My eyes and lips resembled what it had two years ago, this time my eye make-up was somehow more impressive than before, but it was still like nothing I had ever seen.
Power was the only word that I could say to her, but she understood what it was that I meant by it almost instantly. Before- in my first games- it had been lightning, but this time she had gone for something a little more perminent then that, something that flowed through the world in every moment. I didn't think I deserved such a title.
"You are the Capital's Spark, after all." Carmella reassured me as she offered her hand again.
I turned my head to look at Carmella, the real Carmella and not her mirror image so that I could try to take in all the little details in her face. I would remember her, she was one of the only people I really wanted to remember, in the last few days I had left to suffer. In a way it was a blessing, but in so many others a curse.
"Thank you, Carmella. For everything."
The colourful girl smiled at me as she ran a finger under her eyes to try and clear away the tears that were threatening to spill over. She sniffed as she laughed and shook the water away.
"Hey, I still get to dress you one more time until you go into- until you leave. Save the thank you for then."
I took her hand and let her guide me out of the room, and then down a mess of corridors until they opened up into the tribute centre. It was almost automatic for me to scan the room for anyone that I knew. I was so concentrated on the faces that I didn't even notice Carmella let go as I tried to find the people that I wanted in the sea of chariots and tributes; I only really established that I was standing alone in the entrance to the large hall when a low whistle snapped me out of whatever trance I was in.
The long and slightly curled hair on my head whipped around my face as I turned sharply to face a friend; there was some comfort in looking at a fave that I had been waiting for amongst all of the noise. It was harsh, and her nose was curled up so much that I feared it would retreat to her forehead at any moment if it could- her smile was so blunt that it almost looked out of place. She mockingly fainted when I caught her eye- her arm landed on my shoulder lazily to steady herself as she acted so dramatic; I had really forgotten how heavy it was for Johanna Mason and I to be in the same room.
"I'd say that you look hot, but the emotionless stare really ruins it." Johanna snipped as she leant into my hold. I knew she was poking me for a reaction, anything other than the blank look that she was faced with, but it was impossible for me to laugh when I was so close to it all. I hadn't been here since the first time; it was impossible to find closure.
"It's nice to see you too." I acknowledged as I looked from wall to wall. "I must say you're the best looking tree I've ever seen."
Johanna's eyes turned sour as she glared at her stylist, something that they would be more than familiar with. She was known to hate people, it was her thing, but I believed that there was a special place in the redhead's heart for her stylist team's hatred as they continued to dress her up like the thing she loved the most- only to ruin those cherished ideas.
"It's been 5 years and they still haven't dropped the tree concept. If I had an axe I swear-"
"You would kill them all before they could make another costume. I know, you say it every time we meet. " I gently unlatched Johanna's arm from my shoulder to straighten the arm of my dress. I suddenly felt as if someone was watching me, like the floor had been made of hands that were waiting to grab my ankles so they could pull me under.
All Johanna had to do was look at me to understand the feeling, something that I treasured more and more in a world of those that didn't seem to understand at all.
"Sometimes I can't help but see them too." Johanna nudged my shoulder with her arm. "It's worse in places that they've actually been in- for me it was the forest- but I find it's best to pretend that they aren't there. I used to say sorry, but once I realised that they couldn't reply, it became worthless to me. I realised I was crazy, and stupid, and I tried my best to let it go."
Finally I saw a genuine smile fall apon her lips, lips that were as chewed up and broken as mine were.
"Being harsh helps you know. I find that the blood becomes a lot less important when you see it everywhere; if I were you Lorna I would stop trying to ignore the violence and embrace it- there's no better time than now, right?"
I couldn't stop the soft laughter that bubbled within me, it felt foreign and unnecessary and yet I loved how it seemed to lift the anxiety from my chest as I thought about how much I needed her words. Despite the situation, Johanna managed to smile at me before her team called for her again; they had some kind of deep green fabric in their hand that they were trying to add to what she already had on. Johanna's happy mood was quickly doused in her anger when she saw what they had with her, which made her departure anything but sweet.
"Finnick is by Twelve, you should go and talk to him before the parade starts." Johanna muttered to me as she picked up her large skirt and tried to walk back to her chariot. At the last moment she turned to look at me again with a fondness, something that screamed to me that it was going to break any moment. "It's ok to still be grieving Lorna, but now you need to use it. Stop letting it control you."
Johanna pointed to where the District Twelve chariot was parked near the back of the hall- it wasn't that far from where Alec was hovering with Haymitch Abernathy- as she finally walked away. The two seemed to be sharing the horrid mood they constantly had around them in their own bubble of misery, I could only imagine how suffocating it would be to stand beside the two before an event like this.
I could feel my heart beat louder and louder as I got closer to the pair in front of me, the crack between my hand's skin and palm became slightly clammy as my mind kept track of the conversation the Girl on Fire was having with Finnick. I hadn't spoken to him since Annie wanted to end it, a lot has changed.
"What about you Girl on Fire, any secrets worth my time?" I caught the words underneath my shoes as I walked over.
Katniss Everdeen was the one that spotted me over Finnick's shoulder, her grey eyes were lined with just enough black for them to seem like ice as she watched me try my best to ignore the way District 10's tributes morphed into Atlas and his partner Roland each time I glanced over. Somehow I felt like I was finding an edge that I hadn't had- something that may of made the girl from twelve more uncomfortable than before.
"After all this time I was expecting a better hello Finn-" I finally spoke up, only this time my voice didn't sound as husky as it normally would after not talking for so long. "-but I understand that you're reputation is far too important to get in the way of."
I plastered on a smile, one that I couldn't tell if Katniss Everdeen bought or not as Finnick's turned around like he had heard a ghost. His smirk faltered as his eyes met mine, there was genuine happiness in there somewhere between the hurt and playfulness he had put up in its way, but it was strong enough to remain even as he placed his large hand on my smaller shoulder. He chuckled slightly, perhaps a little put-out, before he put his other arm around my waist.
"Have I taught you nothing?" Finnick joked as he tried his best to maintain his cheeky nature. It seemed as if I had caught him off guard, so much so that he almost struggled to get the next flirt out of his mouth.
"You look beautiful Lorna," Finnick smirked before he looked towards Katniss again, knowing full well that the other tributes would be watching. I made sure to keep eye contact with the girl from District Twelve as I took a step towards her and out of Finnick's hold. She was still discontent, but now there was a layer of humour swimming within it.
"Is he bothering you?." I asked to try to put the girl at ease slightly. Her back was flush against the chariot and her hands were intertwined with the horse's mane for comfort, something that made me feel a little less out of control. "My name is Lorna Titan."
This time when I glanced at District 10 Altas had moved closure, so close in fact that I could smell the rotting flesh that fell from his wounds in a room that was a clean as this one. It seemed as if his District partner had disappeared, much like in the real games, as Atlas waiting oh so desperately to get into his spotlight. His smile was just as wicked on another man's body- even after all this time.
Katniss' height outweighed mine by at least three inches, but I thought nothing of it as I offered my hand for her to shake so that I could be reminded of how much had changed.
However, when I grabbed her hand it was morphed into one that I had felt too many times to bare. It was rough, as if it had been working all of it's life, but still thin enough to half resemble the hands I imagined the Girl On Fire would have as my brother's characteristics were mixed within it.
I may have forgotten a lot- that much I knew- but I would never forget things such as how scratched my brother's hands felt even after he had spent days without so much as lifting a finger. It was engrained into my mind- I could feel it even as I let Katniss' hand go and took a few steps back to try and rid myself of any similarity I had felt. I knew it was his hand I imagined when I blinked- the similarities were shockingly true.
My brother's handshake was so much like her's that I couldn't ignore how much District 10 looked like Atlas anymore, or the smell that was so big in my mind that it could never be forgotten. It seemed as if Finnick had noticed how my smile seemed to drop- it seemed as if my short moment of pretending had been shattered by a memory that I just couldn't forget.
It was funny how often people chose to forget things, but even funnier how comman it was for people to remember things that they begged to get rid of.
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2420 words.