I blink for a second to roughly wipe away my tears, so I don't see him lunge at me. My head crashes back against the wall behind making me see stars. I feel his hands close around my throat. He squeezes painfully while I claw at his arms and fight against him. I cannot get any fucking air. I feel the darkness trying to engulf me as I desperately try to pull at his iron grasp.
He loosens his grip slightly because he must realise that I'm about to loose consciousness. I look into his eyes and see that they are completely wild, just like they used to be. The monster has been unleashed. The memories of the countless times I've been in this position flood into my mind. I've worked so hard at blocking out these awful memories, but the floodgates are wide open now.
"I think you need a little reminder of who is in control here. We're not over until I say so... and my dear sweet Elizabeth, we will never be over." I try to fight him off with all of my strength, but he just gently rests his forehead against mine with his hands still clamped around my throat. He is clearly trying to compose himself. Where are you Daniel? I think desperately.
I take this moment of weakness as my chance. I knee him in his crotch as hard as I possibly can and he crumples to the floor. The sudden rush of oxygen burns my throat, but I scramble towards the front door.
Ed is quicker than me and kicks the chair I was sitting on into my path. It knocks me painfully into the corner of the wall and the pain reverberates down my side. I keep going, but Ed uses the lost second to block my exit.
His eyes are alight and feral as he stalks me like his prey. I take a step back and see my phone still on the settee. I move backwards slowly with my hands out as if I am backing down. I lower myself onto the settee. I discreetly press the redial button while keeping my eyes straight ahead, not remembering who the last person I spoke to was, but sure it could only be Daniel or Caroline. I glance down at my phone while Ed swaggers confidently towards me, mistakenly thinking that I am submitting to him. I see Caroline's name is ringing. I stand up to block his view of the phone and pray that she answers.
Ed grabs both my wrists, squeezes hard and then twists them painfully behind my back. The result is that our chests are pressed against each other. My heart is beating violently, but I can feel that his is beating even faster than mine.
He leans down and tries to kiss me. I feel physically sick. I thrash my head madly so that he cannot connect with my mouth. He lets go of my wrists so that he can roughly seize my jaw.
In the second that I am free, I push him away. It has little effect, but he backs off just enough for me to try to work out how to get out. I try frantically to think of how I can get around him to reach the front door, but my mind is not connected to my body. I have to calm down if I have any chance of beating him.
"I like this feisty side of you Elizabeth, but I'm going to make sure you remember you're place. You know how much we will both enjoy that."
He lunges at me again, but I just manage to move enough to the side that he cannot get a good enough grip on my arm. He glares at me crazily and for the first time in my life I'm ready to fight back.
He tries to grab me, but I'm too fast for him. His next attempt connects with my collar bone and the pain takes my breath away. I stumble slightly, but quickly regain my balance.
I swing my arm back and punch him square in the face, feeling his nose crack under my fist. I surprise us both at just how hard I hit him. My hand is excruciatingly painful and I can hardly bend it. But I feel a rush of satisfaction when I watch his hands cup his face. A surge of bright red blood oozes between his finger and down his arms.
He laughs crazily through his fingers and looks at me right in the eyes. His whole body stills and I realise in that moment that he is going to kill me.
I try to run past him hoping to still have the advantage, but he grabs my hair with his bloody hand. He punches me in stomach, taking the wind out of me and grapples me to the floor. I'm screaming for my life, but quickly realise that no one is coming to save me.
Before I have time to scramble to my feet he is on top of me, clawing at the tops of my arms to try and keep me still. I writhe, kick and scream with all of my might. He leans across me, his face covered in drying blood, pinning me to the floor. I watch in horror as his one hand starts to undo and pull at my jeans. I feel nauseous. His movements are frantic as he begins to yank down my jeans.
I know I have to try and fight for my life and what is left of my dignity. He leans up and furiously removes my jeans while I desperately try to keep them on. He then claws at my knees and thighs to open my legs. I kick out at him in the chest and stomach repeatedly with all the strength I have left. Thankfully, he looses his balance and falls backwards.
I clamber to my feet and reach my front door without looking back. I can hear him screaming my name, but it almost doesn't sound human. I stumble into the hallway, moving so quickly I bounce painfully off the opposite wall.
I don't look back while I pound the door of my next door neighbour. Mr Hughes answers and I fall into his arms. I tell him someone is in my flat and he orders me to stay with his wife while he goes to check. Mrs Hughes holds me tightly on the floor and I cling to her while we wait.
Mr Hughes returns a few minutes later and informs me that my flat is a mess, but that the intruder must have fled. Mrs Hughes asks if she can call anyone for me, but then I see Caroline run into the hallway. She is sobbing as she rushes to me and drops to her knees in front of me.
I can see that she is checking me over from head to toe to try and judge how badly I am hurt. I'm smothered in dark red dry blood, but I tell her it's not mine. I thank Mr and Mrs Hughes repeatedly and they tell me to just knock their door if I need anything at all.
Once we are back in my flat, we sit on the floor with our backs against the front door. She just holds my hand while I tell her what happened. I'm not sure how long we sit there, but it feels like hours. Eventually, Caroline gets up to put the kettle on. I walk into the living room and tidy up the mess.
Once the room is back to normal, I sit on the settee feeling completely numb. It's strange though, my mind for once feels content that I've actually fought back. The blood on my body and clothes shows me that for the first time I've hurt him more than he could hurt me.
My phone beeps at the back of the settee. I feel along it until I find it and pick it up. I see a message from Daniel.
I know you said you were OK earlier and to stay out, but just wanted to make sure that you really are OK. Hope you're having a lovely night with Caroline. Just let me know if you want me to come back. D x
I frown because I'm not sure what Daniel is talking about, but then there is a fuzzy vague recollection through the adrenaline of Ed holding my phone. I scroll up and see the texts from earlier.
Sure enough Daniel had text asking if I was OK and whether Caroline is still able to stay over if he were to stay out. Ed had messaged back pretending to be me saying that I was fine and to stay out. I feel physically sick at the realisation that Ed knew we wouldn't be disturbed. I notice that Caroline is leaning against the doorframe holding two cups of tea. Her face is still puffy from her tears.
"Who is that?"
"Daniel had text earlier to ask how I was and whether it was OK for him to stay out. Ed had my phone, so he had responded to say he should stay out and I'd see him tomorrow."
"Hang on. In all this shit, I didn't give him a thought. I thought he was staying in with you tonight. Where the hell is he?"
I know I have to confess. "I told Daniel that he should go out with the cast and crew from his new film tonight-"
"And he actually went? He fucking left you on your own?" She shouts.
"I lied and told him that you were going to stay the night."
"Why? Why the fuck would you do that?" She screams at me and I can't help but scream back at her.
"Because you were both smothering me. I'm not a victim anymore Caroline. I can still see the way you all look at me. Poor Lizzie, we all need to protect her from Ed because after what she let happen, she can't possibly do it alone." I mimic her voice and instantly regret it, remembering Ed doing it to me earlier tonight. I know her concern comes from a place of love. But I hate that I've always been the damaged one – the one they both need to take care of because I might break.
"That's not true at all and you're not being fair. Look I don't want to argue about this, but you were fucking stupid to put yourself at risk like that. He could have killed you."
She bursts into tears and I find I'm the one comforting her. "You going to ask him to come back?"
The thought of Daniel looking at me like this, seeing me like this makes my heart stop in my chest. I couldn't bare to see him look at me with pity in his eyes realising that I'm the victim of abuse, rather than the Lizzie I am now. I couldn't cope with that on top of the shame I feel for allowing Ed to have that level of control over me for so long. The shame of what I let him do.
"No." I answer calmly. Caroline opens her mouth to argue with me, but then thinks better of it. She walks back into the kitchen. I take the opportunity to text him back.
Everything is fine. Hope you are having a wonderful night. Speak soon. L xxx
Caroline returns with a frozen bag of peas for my swollen hand as a peace offering.
"I was so scared what I was going to find when I got here." I watch her shudder and a few tears fall down her cheeks.
"I'm sorry for all that I've put you and Sarah through. I realise how much strain you've been under."
"Never be sorry. We love you and would do anything for you. I guess I've been holding my breath for the last two years waiting for tonight to happen."
"Me too, but guess what Caroline? I fought back. I didn't let him hurt me. I didn't fucking apologise and beg him to stop. I thought he was going to kill me. But I was happy to go down fighting because there was no way I will ever let him do that to me again. I'm not the scared little girl I used to be, I will never be that person again. He will not take anything else from me. I have my parents, you, Sarah, Helen, Charlie, Jeremy and now Daniel to thank for the person I am now. I will forever be grateful."
"I'm glad to hear it. We love you and I wish I could have seen that bastard's face when you finally stood your ground." She looks at me for a few seconds with Ed's dry blood on my face, arms and in my hair. "But you really should take a shower."
- sooooo, Ed has shown his true colours! What do you think of this chapter?
Thank you for still reading and please vote if you're enjoying it. Can't wait to read your comments! -