The door to Sunset's home opened as her and her friends dragged themselves into the living room. Once inside, Sunset closed the door just in time to see her friends flop onto the couches while groaning.
"Oh come on. It wasn't that bad girls," Sunset yawned, taking a seat on her couch besides Twilight and Applejack.
"That test was brutal and you know it," Rainbow muttered with her head on a decorative pillow.
"Please. I've dealt with tests harder when I Went to college," Sunset admitted while stretching her arms. Her friends could hear the bones snapping back in place.
"Hang on. You went to college?" Applejack and Twilight asked, wondering if it was a joke or not.
"Yup. I went to college back in equestria," Sunset said straight faced. She then inhaled before slightly whispering, "Best years of my fucking life."
"Of course. Let's just start the episode," Rarity suggested, not wanting to hear about the stuff she did. It would probably scare her if she ever found out.
"Fine, we'll watch a few episodes. Spoilsport," Sunset muttered, turning everything on.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sarge and Grif are standing next to the Warthog which is now on its side behind Red Base. Lopez is crouched over it, repairing it. A socket wrench is heard in the background.
"You know what? I'm honestly impressed that Lopez is even able to repair it," Rainbow Dash complemented. Lopez must some kind of master repairman if he can fix something that was blown to hell by a tank.
Grif: And then I thought, you know, we could sneak around the side while they were hiding behind the rock, but uh, well that's when the tank showed up and.. shit just started blowin' up. I don't know. (sighs)
"It was an exhausting day Mr. Grif," Fluttershy said reassuringly.
"For a lot of us...," muttered Rarity.
Sarge: (exhales in exasperation) Grif, do you have any godly idea how much this piece of equipment costs?
"Welp! He's dead," Sunset said.
"But they just-sorta-killed Church!" gasped out Pinkie Pie. you can't just kill characters off all willy nilly.
"I wouldn't be surprised at this point," added in Applejack while taking a sip from her soda.
Grif: I-I don't know, uh, like, uh, what.. ten, ten.. twenty, twenty-five bucks, maybe? Uh, you-you're gonna kill me now, aren't you?
"More than likely bub," said Rainbow Dash with a shrug.
Sarge: Tell you what, Grif, I'm a fair man.
"Bullshit," Sunset said with a flat look.
Sarge: I'll give you a ten second head start here before I let Lopez do anything he wants to ya.
"Oh my~!" both Pinkie Pie and Sunset said, after hearing Sarge's poor choice of words.
Glaring at the two, a blushing Rarity yelled out. "That is not what he meant and you know it!"
"Hahaha~! Not our fault Sarge sounds like someone who would tell you to squeal like a pig!" Sunset laughed out.
Lopez stops working and stands up to face Grif.
Grif: Guys, I just want you to know, I'm really, really sorry here, and-
"Could you find it in your hearts to forgive him?" asked a hopeful Fluttershy.
Lopez puts down his tools for a gun.
"I'll take that as a no," muttered Applejack. It seemed like no one liked Grif.
Sarge: Five Mississippi. Six Mississippi.
"No fair! You counted before he ran!" yelled out Pinkie Pie. she hated when people did that in games like tag and hide and seek.
Grif: (backing away) Okay, uh, I Guess I Better get going then.
"Run yellow boy!" cried out Rainbow Dash.
Lopez and Sarge look at each other then turn and start firing at Grif off screen.
Grif: Hey guys, that's not funny! Somebody could get hurt here.
"That's the point man," muttered Rainbow Dash.
Cut to the top of Blue Base where Tucker is standing next to Tex who is firing at something.
Tucker: That's basically it, sir. They have five guys over there and a big jeep.
Tex: And your flag. (reloads)
"Jesus! That voice!" said Applejack. That beat most bad guys in movies she's seen by sheer meanest alone.
Tucker: Right, that too.
Tex throws a grenade at something.
"What kind of training dummies do they have that can withstand a grenade?" asked Twilight.
Tucker: Uh, hey, Tex? I Don't know what it's been like at your other bases, but we try not to use other soldiers as target practice here.
"Wait what?" asked the stuned group.
Camera pans, showing Tex has been firing "at" Caboose.
Caboose: I'm scared.
"That's a terrible thing to do," Fluttershy and Rarity said at the same time.
"He probably did something to piss Tex off," Rainbow said lazily.
"That doesn't give him the right to do that," Sunset growled. Heck even at her worst (not counting the whole going demon part.) she would of never did that to Snips and Snails.
Tex starts looking over various weapons. Caboose runs up to Tex and Tucker.
Tucker: So, you've got the Special Forces black armor, Isee. Were you in the Special Forces at some point?
"I Doubt they let you keep the armor if your not in the army anymore." Twilight said while adjusting her glasses. There was no way the army would let go of armor like that especially if it had a cloaking device.
"Who knows, he might of stole it from a soldier," Applejack said with a shrug.
Nodding in agreement, Rarity said. "I Wouldn't doubt it, especially after we saw how skilled he was in that flashback."
Tex: (looks at Tucker while reloading a gun)
"I Think that's the only answer your going to get Mr. Tucker." whispered Fluttershy.
Tucker: Yeah, I Used to have black armor too. It was black because I Got this stuff all over it from th-
Tex runs off.
Tucker: Oh, okay, you gotta go? I'll see you later.
"Ok rude," muttered Twilight.
Caboose: (whispering loudly) I Don't think he likes you.
"He's not the only one," Rarity said with a smug filled smile.
Tucker: ...Thanks.
Tucker and Caboose run up to the edge of the base.
Tucker: Where are you going?
Tex: Red Base. Kill everybody. Get the flag back.
"Blunt and straight to the point... neat," said Sunset. At least he was efficient.
Caboose: Oh... Okay! We'll just stay here and guard the trans.. porter...
"If I Was Tucker, I'd stay away from that darn thing," muttered Applejack. Heck she would of toss the darn thing.
Cut to Grif on top of Red Base.
Grif: So, Sarge thought my strategy had merit, but was poorly executed, probably because SOMEBODY didn't believe in it.
"He actually said that?" said a surprised Rarity.
"I Thought his only way of talking to Griff was through murder threats and gunfire," added in Rainbow Dash.
Simmons: Bullshit. He told me he thought you were a retarded monkey, and he's gonna suspend your weapon privileges.
"Ok I Can believe that," commented Twilight with a nod.
Donut: Hey, since I Capture the flag, d'ya think they'll give me my own color armor now?
"You know what? Ya, he deserves it," Pinkie Pie said, with the others nodding in agreement.
Simmons: What do you mean "captured"? You thought you were buying it at the store, you idiot.
"Hey he did more than you asshole," said Rainbow Dash with a glare.
Donut: Still, you think there's a shot?
Simmons: Maybe they'll give you Grif's armor, since he destroyed the Warthog.
"You were there to, so don't you share half the blame," asked Fluttershy.
"Knowing Sarge, he most likely only blamed Grif," said Rarity while rolling her eyes.
Grif: Yeah, heh-wait... You don't.. You don't think they'd do that, do you?
"I Don't think he can?" said Twilight with some uncertainty.
Cut to Sarge watching Lopez fix the Warthog. A socket wrench is heard in the background.
Sarge: Try connectin' that hose to that metal thingy there.
"Huh? I Thought Sarge would at least know a thing or two about military vehicles," commented Applejack.
Lopez stands up.
Sarge: I Think that's what's makin' that rattle.
"Are you sure it's not rattling because of it getting hit with a tank round?" asked Twilight.
Lopez turns and faces Sarge.
"....even though I Can't see his face, I Can already tell he's giving him "The shut up and let me work" look." AJ chuckled.
Sarge: Ithink I'll let you do it.
That causes Rainbow to let out a giggle. "Good idea gramps."
Lopez returns to work. Invisible Tex runs behind Sarge.
Sarge: What the...? What was that?
"Oh, this is going to be good..." Sunset giggled evilly.
Cut to the rest of the reds.
Grif: Simmons, what's going on? What's over there?
Simmons: (looking over the edge of the base) I Thought I Saw something for a second.
"Wow, I Was thinking they'd be to busy goofing off to notice anything," muttered Rarity. Slightly impressed with the reds.
Camera pans down to reveal invisible Tex, then cuts back to Grif.
Grif: Hey rookie, tuck the flag someplace safe until we can figure out what's goin' on.
"Their acting like real solder," Twilight said with a hint of surprise.
Donut: Good idea. Iwas sick of carrying this thing anyway. (drops the flag into the middle of the base)
Cut to Tex, then to Grif and Simmons looking off the edge of the base.
Simmons: Did you hear that?
Grif: Yeah.
Donut: (whispering) Hey! What's going on?
Cut to Tex who throws a plasma grenade, then cut to Grif and Simmons from behind. Grif turns around.
Grif: What the fuck?
Cut to Donut who has the plasma grenade stuck to his helmet.
"Y'know, I Half-expected the grenade to hit Grif..." Pinkie mumbled. ".... given his luck so far...."
"Maybe Donut used up his luck getting the flag," said Rainbow Dash with a shrug.
Donut: What?
Simmons: (turns around) What is that thing?
Donut: (concerned) What thing?
"The thing on your head man," said Applejack. How did not feel that hit his head.
Grif: There's somethin' on your head.
Donut: What, is it a spider? Get it off!
"It's not a spider man!" yelled out Sunset. Seriously, why where they just standing their not doing anything.
Simmons: No, it's not a spider, it's, like a.. blue thing.
Donut: What, like a blue spider? Get it off!
"It's not a spider you dumbass! Do you not hear the damn thing hissing like a stick of dynamite?" yelled out Rainbow Dash.
Grif: It's not a spider! Calm down. It's some kinda.. fuzzy, pulsating thing.
Donut: That doesn't sound much better than a spider.
"Get off the whole spider thing and get the damn thing off!" cursed Rarity.
Simmons: Does it hurt?
Donut: No.
"It's about to," muttered Sunset.
Simmons: Maybe we should try to take it off.
Grif: Good idea. Go for it.
"Finally!" yelled the group.
Simmons: Me? By "we" I Mean "you". Asshole.
"Your the one being the asshole!" yelled out Applejack.
"Is it really the time for this!?" screamed out Twilight. What was Simmons problem!?
Donut: Well somebody needs to get it off. Look, it might be dangerous.
The grenade explodes.
"Son of a bitch!" Sunset screamed out while the rest of the group jumped back at seeing grenade explode.
Grif and Simmons: Son of a bitch!
Fade to black with sounds of people being hit.
Grif: Sim- Where'd he go?
More sounds of people being hit.
Grif: Don't kill me, I'm too good looking to die!
"..... well fuck." Pinkie Pie uncharacteristically cursed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
No one said anything and just went straight to watching the next episode.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Grif: (heard in distance) Sim- Where'd he go? Don't kill me, I'm too good looking to die!
Fade in to Blue Base. Caboose is looking through the sniper rifle.
Caboose: Man... He is really kicking their asses.
"I'll say!" commented everyone.
Tucker: How come I Never get the fucking sniper rifle?
Everyone giggled at Tuckers misfortune, especially Rarity who looked like she got a new shipment of fabric early.
Caboose: (lowers the rifle) I'm really glad Tex is on our team and not theirs.
"Ya! You'd be a team of ghost then!" giggled out Pinkie Pie.
Tucker: Sure makes things a lot easier on us.
Caboose: Yeah. Ithink switching Tex for Church was a good trade.
"Don't make Church sound like a thing to be traded in," Fluttershy chastised the two on screen.
Tucker: It definitely seems like your killing Church is starting to work out for us.
"Certainly worked out for me...." Rainbow chuckled.
"Dash..." Fluttershy said with a warning tone. Patience thinning.
Caboose: Ya know, ya think so? You know, I Was gonna say something but, uh, well you know, uh... nuh...
Tucker: Did Tex get in the base?
Caboose: (raises the rifle and watches Tex enter the base) Yeah.
Cut to the flag stand in the Blue Base. The flag reappears.
Male Game Voice: Blue Team, flag returned.
"Da fuck?" muttered Sunset. How the hell did the flag come back? And who said said that?
Tucker: What the...? Who said that?
Church then appears near Caboose and Tucker.
Church: (clears throat) Sorry, that was me. I, uh, I Guess I Had something stuck in my throat. Your flag is back, by the way.
"The hell was in your throat that could make you sound cool?" asked a confused Rainbow Dash.
Caboose: Hey, it's Church!
Church: Yeah, it's me. Hey, Caboose.
Caboose: (peppy) Hey, Church, what're you up to?
"*giggle* Caboose sounds so happy to see church," Fluttershy giggled out.
Church: Caboose, (laughs) ah-huh-huh, I'm not really here to make small-talk, okay? How'd you guys manage to get your flag back?
Tucker: Wh-What? Oh, th-that flag? We've always had that.
"Wow, he's not good under pressure." Twilight blinked as she watch the blue solder failing to keep his cool.
Church: Tucker, who do you think you're trying to fool? Hey, wait a second... Where's Tex?
Tucker: I'm not really sure, he said he was gonna go to the store, something about uh, elbow grease.
"Worst, lie, ever," muttered Rainbow Dash.
"Of all time." added in Sunset.
Church: Oh great. This is so typical! What was the one thing I Told you guys the last time I appeared?
Caboose: (clueless) That Sidewinder is cold..!?
"No darling..." muttered Rarity, trying to be patience with the blue rookie.
Church: (grunts) What was the OTHER one thing I Told you?
Tucker: Not to let him get involved?
Church: Right. And what did you do?
Tucker: ..We let him get involved.
Church: And not just a little involved. How involved?
Caboose: Very, very involved.
"God, it's like watching a parent scold their kids..." muttered Sunset.
"Brings back memories huh guys?" asked Rainbow Dash. getting a few nods from her friends, who all remember back when they were little and where getting chewed out by their parents... well all of them except Sunset.
"I wouldn't know..." whispered Sunset while sadly looking down. While she was happy that her friends had happy families, it hurt to see something she didn't have, and the closest thing she had to a parent back in Equestria more than likely wanted nothing to do with her.
Cut to Tex in the Red Base.
Sarge: (emerging from the left) Freeze.
Lopez emerges from the right, trapping Tex in.
"Holy shit they actually caught him!?" Rainbow Dash yelled in surprise.
"Yeah... but for how long?" muttered Twilight.
Sarge: Drop your weapon.
Tex: (drops the gun) Hey, buddy.
Sarge: What.
Tex: You really better hope the first one knocks me out.
Rainbow Dash smirked as she quickly pulled out a book titled "Badass Quotes for me to Use" and wrote that line down.
Sarge hits Tex with the butt end of his shotgun, conveniently knocking Tex out.
"Gotta give the old man props! That was pretty cool," praised Applejack.
"Especially with the fact that Tex was wearing a helmet," Sunset said in agreement.
Cut to Grif in the Red Base getting to his feet.
Grif: Ow, what the... My freakin' head. Jesus.
"Yay! Griffeys alive!" cheered Pinkie Pie.
Simmons: (stands up from tending to Donut) He's hurt, Grif. He'll make it, but we need to get him some help fast.
"How the fuck did he survive a bomb going off on his head!?" yelled out Applejack. She was no genius, but she knows for a fact that should be imposable.
"Maybe the helmet saved him?" suggested Rainbow Dash, only to reserve a glare from the farmer.
"That wouldn't make much sense ether," countered Twilight.
Grif: Yeah, yeah, hold on one second. What happened here? W- First Donut's head exploded, and then you fainted, and then some black thing showed up and started-
Simmons: Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. I did not faint, something knocked me out.
"Dude, you so fainted," laughed Sunset.
"So undignified," giggled out Rarity.
Grif: Okay fine, keep lying to yourself. Whatever helps you sleep at night.
Simmons: Man, just go find Sarge, we need to get Donut outta here.
"At least he's worried about the guy," commented Rainbow Dash. with the way Simmons talked, it sounded like he hated everyone but Sarge.
Grif: Yeah, sure. Oh, and uh, I'm fine by the way. Thanks for asking. (runs down the ramp)
Simmons: Whatever, no one likes you anyway.
"Poor guy needs a hug...." Pinkie whispered, with her friends nodding in agreement. "It's gotta be rough, being the one guy no one likes on the team..."
"It is," Twilight and Sunset said in unison. They felt for Grif and knew how it felt not being the most well liked person around. Sunset, both with the fallout of her former bullying days and the whole anon-a-miss fiasco, and Twilight, with her time in Crystal Prep.
Cut to Caboose looking through the sniper rifle at Grif entering the Red Base.
Caboose: Yep, he's definitely captured... Or dead... Captured or dead. ... (inhales sharply as he has an epiphany) Or captured AND dead!
"Oh no!" cried out Pinkie Pie, dramatically.
Church: (sarcastic) Oh, well that's just PERFECT!
"What's got your panties in a twist dude?" asked Rainbow Dash.
Tucker: What!? What is your problem!? Why do you even care if he's captured? I Thought you hated that guy anyway for stealing your girlfriend.
"Ya dude! I Thought you would be jumping for joy?" pointed out a confused Sunset.
Church: I Never said I hated Tex. I just said that she was the reason why we never got married.
Caboose: She?
"WAIT, SHE!?" Everyone else repeated in shock. "TEX IS A WOMAN!?"
"What a twist!" yelled out Pinkie Pie.
Cut to inside Red Base with everyone but Donut present.
Simmons: Sarge, we need to get Donut air-lifted outta here.
"Please! Mr. Sarge?" Fluttershy pleaded cutely. Eye's all big and bottom lip quivering.
'Too cute,' thought the rest of the group.
Sarge: Could you put that in a memo and title it "Shit I already know!"!?
"This. is. GOLD!" Rainbow giggled as she wrote in her book.
Sarge: Get on the horn with Command! (turns to Tex) Well, look who's up. Rise 'n' shine, buttercup.
Tex is standing, sparks flying from the right shoulder, jerking it back. There's a brief sound like a distorted voice.
Tex: (now sounding female) Oh great... You broke my voice filter. You cock biting fucktards!
"Ha! Gotta use that next time at work!" laughed Sunset.
"She sounds kind of pretty... minus the whole cursing," whispered Fluttershy.
Grif: Ah-ha! I knew it! Only a chick could give me a headache this big!
Fade to black. There's a moment of silence.
".....whatever horrible thing happens to him next, he deserves it." Fluttershy deadpanned with a nasty glare.
"Agreed." Rarity nodded.
Sunset rolled her eyes at this. 'Drama queens.'
Tex: ...What's the matter? You never seen a girl before? How long have you guys been out here?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"We got to see more!" yelled out Rainbow Dash as she grabbed the remote from Sunset and pressed play.
"Ok seriously, can you guys just ask?" questioned Sunset as they got ready to watch the next episode.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fade in to Tucker on top of Blue Base.
Tucker: Let me get this straight... You're telling me that the guy that showed up here, scared the living shit out of us, shot at Caboose, and beat the hell out of the Reds wasn't a guy at all? That he was a chick? And, on top of that, she was your ex-girlfriend?
"Eeyup!" answered Applejack.
Church: In a nutshell, yes. That's an excellent summary.
"Thank you, Mr Exposition." Sunset said, sarcasm dripping off of every word.
Caboose: I should have known... She didn't like me... Girls never like me.
"Are you sure it wasn't for the fact that you unknowingly called her a slut?" asked Rarity with a flat look.
Tucker: Caboose, I Don't think anybody likes you.
"That's just mean," muttered Sunset. That was a bit harsh, even for her.
Caboose: I like me...
"Poor Caboose..." whimpered out Pinkie Pie.
Tucker: I Don't think I've seen a girl that mean before. Are you sure she's a chick? And not a guy? Or like, part guy part shark?
"Part shark? That sounds so dumb," Twilight said while rolling her eyes.
"Ya, sounds like a plot for a bad movie," Rainbow Dash agreed.
"That sounds cool! But it would need a tornado!" giggled out Pinkie Pie.
Church: I'm pretty sure I'd know if Tex was a guy. And I'm definitely sure I would know if she was part shark.
Caboose: Wait, oh wait, oh wait. If she's a girl, then why is she named Tex?
Church: Uh... because she's from Texas.
"Makes sense?" muttered Rarity, with an unsure tone.
Caboose: ...
"......how is it that a single answer can raise so many more questions?" Applejack asked in bewilderment.
Church: Trust me, it makes sense. And you can't blame her for being so aggressive. It's not entirely her fault to begin with.
"Then what is the reason?" asked Sunset with a raised brow. "Is she like in a constant state of PMSing?"
Spitting out the drink she got from Sunset's fridge, Rarity looked to her friend in horror. "SUNSET!!!"
Tucker: Right. You should blame God. First he makes hangovers, and now, half women, half sharks that won't even sleep with me. Thanks for nothing, God!
The group then heard the sound of thunder outside, freaking them out for the soul reason that there wasn't a single cloud in the sky, and their wasn't any rain scheduled for the next few weeks.
Church: Will you shut up with that? She got recruited into some kind of weird experimental program back during basic where they infused her armor with this really aggressive A.I. I'm not really sure how it all works, but all I know is it made her meaner and tougher than hell.
"Jesus! Why would anyone do that?" asked a wide eyed Rainbow Dash. while the thought of a A.I that made her stronger sounded cool, she didn't something that would make her hurt her friends.
"Some people will do anything to win," answered Rarity. It was sad but true, she saw that first hand while in fashion contest, and seeing her fellow competitors sink to any lows to beat the competition.
"Ya..." Twilight agreed with a low tone. Remembering her time in Crystal Prep, and how her classmates would do anything to prove that the deserved to be in the school.
"Even things they regret..." muttered Sunset, thinking back on her old life of making people miserable just to further her own goals.
Caboose/Pinkie: A.I... What's the A stand for?
Church/Twilight: Artificial.
Caboose/Pinkie: ...What's the I-
Church/Sunset: (interrupts) Intelligence.
"Thanks guys~!" thanked the party girl.
"No probs Pink," said Sunset with a smile.
"We're always happy to help," Twilight added with a smile.
Caboose: Ooohhhhhhhhh what was the A again?
Church: Let's move on.
"Okay, can someone please level with me here?" Rainbow interrupted, getting everyone else's attention. "Is it just me, or does Caboose seem to be getting.... dumber as the show goes on?"
AJ arched a brow at this. "I've gotta admit... he does seem a lot less smart than he was when the show started...."
Tucker: So, the military put this program in her head, and that program made her a killer, but underneath it all she's really just a sweet, down-home girl?
"So tragic!" cried Rarity, while wiping a few tears. It reminded her of some of her romance novels.
Church: Oh hell no. She's always been a rotten bitch. It's just now she's a rotten bitch with cybernetic enhancements.
"*heh* ya that sounds more believable," snickered out Sunset. Tex gave off the feeling of always being so intense.
Tucker: Wow. Sounds like you really won the lottery with that one. Good catch there, buddy. She's a keeper.
"Strong in sarcasm, he is," said Pinkie Pie in a yoda voice, getting a few laughs from her friends.
Church: So how're you doing, Caboose? Are you following any of this whatsoever?
"Doubtful," muttered Applejack. She wasn't trying to be mean, but the blue rookie wasn't that smart in her opinion.
Caboose: I think so... That guy Tex is really a robot, and you're his boyfriend. So that makes you... a gay robot!
"HA!" laughed out Sunset, Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash, while the rest of the group could only roll their eyes at Caboose's answer.
Church: Yeah... that's right... I'm a gay robot.
Rainbow bit her lip, trying not to laugh again.
"Can we please get that on a t-shirt?" Pinkie giggled, only to be silenced by a sharp glare from Rarity.
Cut to Grif and Simmons holding Tex at gunpoint.
Grif: So, you're a girl, huh?
Tex: ...
Simmons: Just ignore him, that's what I do.
Grif: Not so tough now that we unloaded your weapon, are ya?
Tex: Hey, punk, I Don't need a weapon to kill you.
"I'm starting to like this woman." Applejack smirked.
"Writing it down!" Rainbow smiled as she pulled out her book.
Grif: Yeah, right. What're you gonna do? Punch me?
Tex leans in at Grif quickly. Grif flinches and steps back.
Grif: Ahh! Not in the face!
"PUSSY!" Laughed Sunset and Rainbow.
"Oh how quickly the bravado goes out the window for that one..." Rarity chuckled.
Cut to Church on Blue Base.
Church: Well don't worry because I have a great plan for how we're gonna rescue Tex.
Tucker: A plan? Oh, man, I hate plans. That means we're gonna have to do stuff. Can't we just have a strategy or a ..mission statement?
"Dude your in the army, suck it up," muttered Rainbow Dash.
Church: Ijust need you guys to run a distraction, while Ispring Tex.
Caboose: (nervous) Distraction? Heh. That sounds a lot like "decoy."
"You shouldn't use your team like that just to save your girl," Sunset said a glare. While she could see why he would do it, she didn't agree with this method.
Church: The way I see it, the Reds have absolutely no idea how many Freelancers we have out here. So all I need from the two of you is to run around in the middle of the canyon, wearing black armor, while Isneak in the back of the base.
"I got to admit, that actually seems like a solid plan." Applejack mused to herself.
"Now we just have to wait for these idiots to fuck it all up." Sunset stated. "Seems to be a status quo at this point."
Tucker: Sounds good. But Church, where the hell are we gonna get two suits of black armor?
Church looks at the teleporter, then Tucker looks at it too.
Tucker: (looks back at Church) ...Oh fuckberries...
"Here we go again..." Rarity groaned, rolling her eyes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Yoink!" Applejack said as she snatched the remote and pressed play.
"Ok this is getting old real quick," Sunset Growled out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tucker comes out of the teleporter with black armor on.
Church: Are you okay, Tucker?
Tucker: Yeah, I'm fine. (runs up to the top of a nearby hill) Come on, Caboose!
Caboose: (on top of the base) Does it hurt?!
"Ihope not," Rarity said.
"Why would they get a faulty Teleporter that also hurt you?" questioned Twilight.
Tucker: No, not at all!
"That's good," Fluttershy sighed in relief.
Caboose: Okay! Here I come!
Church: Does it hurt for real?
Tucker: Ohh, yeah. Big time.
"You guys are dicks." Sunset deadpanned.
"In other news, water is wet, the sky is blue and the sun is bright!" Pinkie jabbed.
Church and Tucker turn towards the teleporter.
Caboose: (emerging from the teleporter in black armor) Owwwchie. (turns to Tucker) You lied to me.
Everyone snickered.
Cut to Sarge on top of Red Base.
Sarge: Ah, dammit. Lopez, c'mere. Do you see something out there?
Lopez looks through a sniper rifle, then turns to Sarge and lowers his head. Camera pans down to Grif and Simmons inside the base.
"Iwonder if that means Tucker and Caboose are doing their part already?" Rainbow Dash wondered.
Simmons: There's no L in it, it's pronounced both.
Grif: That's what I'm saying. Bolth.
Simmons: Both.
Grif: You sound like such an ass the way you say it.
Sci-TwI's eye twitched. "Bad... grammar...."
Sarge: Grif! Quit your yammering and get your keister up here. Need some help. Got more of them Special Ops fellas headed toward the base.
"And so it begins," said Sunset with a smirk, oh how she so wanted to see them fuck this up.
Grif: As in... more than one? Uh, maybe we should bolth go, sir.
Simmons (And Sci-Twi): BOTH.
"Twi, you DO know he's doing that on purpose to piss off Simmons?" asked Applejack. Wondering if her friend was getting too angry over this.
"Yes... but it's still annoying," muttered the glasses wearing teen.
Grif: Seriously, man, like an ass.
"Agreed," said Rainbow Dash in agreement.
Sarge: Well, well. Another brilliant idea from the think tank. Why don't you both come up? Leave the prisoner alone. We could just put her on the honor system - have her guard herself.
"And there's the sarcasm from Sarge," muttered Rarity.
Grif: Good point, sir.
Sarge: YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT IT IS! Now get your ass up here. We got just enough time for me to spray paint the bull's-eye on your back... Ah, by bull's-eye I of course mean camouflage. Now move it, cupcake.
"Jesus! Why doesn't he just kill Grif himself if he hates him so much!?" yelled out Rainbow Dash. this hate boner had was ridiculous!
Grif: Yeah... (sighs) I'll be right up.
Cut to Church looking through a sniper rifle.
Church: Hey, Tucker. Come in, man. You there? This is Church. It's working. The orange one is coming out of the base. I repeat, the orange one is coming out of the base.
Cut to Caboose and Tucker hiding behind a rock, listening over the radio.
Tucker: Roger that.
Caboose: Oh, oh oh oh, Tucker, Tucker, Tucker! Is that.. Is that Church?
"Who else would he be talking to?" asked a slightly annoyed Rainbow Dash.
Church: Okay, now just keep moving around outside of the base, and draw their attention.
Caboose: (speaking over Church, drowning him out) Tell him, that I.. that Isaid.. for me to say hi..?
"Calm down Caboose," whispered Fluttershy with a grimace. He was starting to become too overbearing for her, and he wasn't even in the same room as her!
Tucker: Whoa, wait, wait, hey. What? I missed that, Caboose was talking to me. Shut up man, I'm on the radio.
Cut to Church.
Church: I said, just keep movin-
Tucker: (over radio) I'm not yelling, I'm just telling you to let me finish talking to Church. ...No, I'll tell him you said "hi" later. No, you can't talk to him. How could you possibly talk to him on my headset?
"Ok, the guy needs to calm down," muttered Applejack.
Church: (severs the connection) Oh my god. I Can't believe I actually died for this war.
"Ya, died in combat by friendly fire, over an extreme game of capture the flag, "how heroic"." Sunset said with enough sarcasm that would Dr. Perry Cox proud... and yes I do watch Scrubs.
Cut to Grif looking through a sniper rifle. Church can be seen running through the background towards Red Base.
Grif: I Don't see any- (sees Caboose running across the Gulch) Uh oh. Yep, there's one. (Caboose stops next to a rock and stares at it) ...Why is he just standing there?
"That's a good darn question," growled out Twilight. What was that idiot doing!?
Cut to Tucker crouching behind another rock.
Tucker:Caboose, get behind the rock. They can still see you.
Caboose: They can't see me. I Can't see them!
"Okay seriously, did he get a concussion when no one was looking!?" Rainbow snapped.
"It is quite jarring with the way he's acting," agreed Rarity.
Tucker: That's because you're facing the rock.
Caboose: (looks at the base) Oh. Right. (ducks behind the rock)
Tucker: Real smooth, dipshit.
"Agreed," muttered the more hotheaded members of the group, while the more leveled headed just shook their heads in annoyance.
Cut to Sarge on Red Base.
Sarge: They're definitely Special Ops. I ain't seen troop movements this coordinated since my days on Sidew- (Church enters Sarge's body) Wa-kika-herger!
"And where's this Wa-kika-herger?" Pinkie asked, looking at a small map.
"Was he gonna say Sidewinder?" Applejack asked everyone.
"He might of been there before Tex annihilated everyone. Who knows," Sunset replied while shrugging her shoulders.
Grif: Sir, are you okay?
Church as Sarge: Uh, who you talking to, Red? Me?
Grif: (sarcastically) No. I'm talking to Lopez. Because, you know, that's real rewarding.
"Ouch," said an impressed Sunset, it took balls to mouth of to two people who were just shooting at you a bit ago.
Lopez takes a swing at Grif who steps back.
Grif: Hey, what'd I tell you about that?
"BAD! Bad Lopez! Know hitting a teammate over something so small," lectured Fluttershy.
Church: Oh, uh I-I'm fine, that's... I'm just so mad about, these uh, goddamn Blues out here. They got me so goddamn mad, I could spit! (horks one up and spits on his visor)
Sunset blinked. "Oh Lord..."
Rarity grimace, face turning green she then asked. "Did he REALLY just..."
Grif: ...Um, sir? Did you just spit inside your own helmet?
Church: Uh, yeah. I Guess I did.
Grif: Permission to speak freely, sir?
Church: Go ahead.
Grif: That's really fucking gross.
"Agreed," everyone, even Pinkie, said.
Cut to Caboose crouching down.
Caboose: Hey, Tucker?
Tucker: What?
Caboose: I'm having a really good time... with... you.
Tucker: (annoyed) That's great, Caboose.
Caboose: Yeah, it's like we're real soldiers.
"Does he think this a game?" asked Rainbow Dash.
"Minus the fact that they're fighting over a flag, people have died in this war." stated an annoyed Twilight.
Tucker: Would you please go hide behind another rock?
Cut to Church as Sarge running down to where Tex and Simmons are.
Church: Hey, man. What's up, yo?
"Yo? Are you even trying?" Sunset mocked.
"Makes Simmon's impression sounds a lot more genuine," Twilight groaned.
Simmons: Uh... hey...? What's going on out there, sir?
Church: What's, uh.. why nothin'. Why would you ask if somethin's wrong?
"Well for one they have a dangerous prisoner," pointed out Rarity.
"Two, said prisoner could break out and kill them at any moment," added in Applejack,"
"And three, their down one man and the enemy team could attack at any moment," finished off Pinkie Pie with a nod.
Simmons: Ithink that's a perfectly normal question in a time of war.
"There's also that," Rainbow said in agreement. At least the kiss ass gets it.
Church: Yeah, well, I Don't know. You're starting to act kinda suspicious there ..other Red guy. So I'ma keep my eye on you.
Simmons: (turning around to face Tex) Sarge, I'm starting to think that-
Church hits Simmons on the back of the head, knocking him down.
Simmons: Ow, geez, the back of my head!
"That's what he decides to say before getting knocked out?" asked Twilight. She didn't know what was more annoying, the fact that simmons said all of that, or the fact he said that and not yell for help.
Tex: What the hell are you doing!?
Church: Tex! It's me, Church! I've come to rescue you.
Tex: You're kind of short to be Church.
"Really? Everyone looks about the same height in the show." Pointed out Pinkie Pie.
"Maybe the creator of the show didn't have the time or money to give the characters more defining body types?" Fluttershy theorised.
"Sounds about right," Rainbow Dash said with a nod.
Church: What? Oh yeah, right. The armor.
Church leaves Sarge.
Sarge: Hurk! What in Sam Hell? Where the- Who spit on my visor?
"Pfft! Hahahaha! Ok, that's still gross and all but that was too funny!" laughed out Applejack, while the rest of the group let out a few giggles.
Church: Tex, there's not much time to explain, so I'm just gonna give you the summary here, okay? I'm a spirit now, and I'm trapped in the physical world. I possessed this Red guy so that I could sneak in to the base and rescue you while the rest of our guys run around out in the middle of the canyon dressed in black armor that they got from going through the teleporter.
Tex: ...Okay.
"...... what?" asked Rarity with a surprised look on her face. Did Tex really just listen to all that and believes it too?
Church: What? That's it? Okay? You're not surprised by any of this?
Tex: No. It pretty much all makes sense.
"Ya! It makes total sense!" Pinkie said with a matter of fact tone, not noticing that her friends where shaking their heads.
Church: Not even the whole "Church is a ghost" thing? That didn't do anything for ya?
Tex: Ican see right through you, it's pretty obvious...
"Iam legitimately surprised that she's taking this so well..." Sci-TwImused to herself, with the rest of the group nodding in agreement. "I mean, I'd have at least 10 different questions after hearing that..."
Church: Okay, well, let me hop back in this guy, and we'll get outta here.
Sarge: (as Church re-enters him) Huuurk!
"That looked painful..." muttered Fluttershy. While the first time was a little funny, but now seeing it a second made it look like a really painful experience.
Cut to Caboose looking through the sniper rifle, with Tucker near him.
Tucker: What're you doing?
"And why in the fuck do you have a sniper rifle?" asked Sunset. After his team killing with the tank, you'd think Tucker would of kept anything dangerous from Caboose.
Caboose: One of the Reds has Tex. I'm going to shoot him, and kill him, and free Tex. Then Church will forgive me for killing him, and we will be friends.
"That's... so stupid," muttered Twilight.
"That and he's about to screw up," pointed out Applejack.
"Again," added in Fluttershy in a dry tone.
Tucker: Oh, come on. You don't actually believe any of that, do you?
"Sadly I think he does," sighed Rarity.
Caboose: (taking aim on Sarge's head) Ohhh, we're gonna be best friends.
"That's... kind of creepy," muttered Sunset.
Cut to Church as Sarge, and Tex, outside the Red Base.
Church: Alright, I'll make one more distraction, then you run up to the teleporter and escape. Ready? One... Two... Three!
Caboose shoots Sarge in the head, and his body falls down.
"Boom... headshot," Pinkie Pie said while wearing a pair of sunglasses, and a Minnetonka Aussie Side Snap Leather Hat! (god it took forever to find that hat.)
Church: What the? Where did my body go? Oh, you've gotta be KIDDING me!
Caboose: Tucker did it!
Rainbow fell to the floor laughing. "TWICE! GOT KILLED TWICE IN THE EXACT SAME WAR, BY THE EXACT SAME PERSON!"
"Tucker did it? Really?" asked Twilight. Did Caboose really think anyone would buy that?
"*giggle* they should put that on a shirt!" laughed out Pinkie Pie.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"One more!" yelled out Pinkie Pie as she grabbed the remote from Sunset, causing said girl to glare at her party friend.
"Ok now I'm getting pissed off," she growled out but was ignored by everyone watching the next episode.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Colors are dulled. Sarge is running up a hill, toward the camera.
Sarge: (with a slight echo) Hello? ... Hello? I said hello? Hello, is anybody out here?
"Sarge!" gasped out Fluttershy.
"But didn't he die!?" Applejack asked wide eyed.
Cut to Church.
Church: (with a slight echo) Holy cow, would you stop yelling? I'm here.
"Church is here as well," pointed out Pinkie Pie.
"Could... could this be the afterlife?" asked a confused Twilight.
"It... looks pretty dull," said Rarity. Was that what she had to look forward to in the future?
Church runs up to Sarge.
Sarge: What is this place?
Church: Well, that's.. kinda hard to explain. Um... You were shot in the head, buddy. So, here ya are.
Sarge: Am I dead?
"Dead then Disco my friend," answered Pinkie Pie while shaking her head.
"*Pff!* says you," muttered Sunset. She quit like disco and always looked forward to disco night at the bar.
Church: Are you dead? Well, yeah, that's how I ended up here.
Sarge: Are you some kinda angel?
"Oh hell no," muttered Rarity.
"Funny, that seems like a more fitting place for him," snarked Rainbow Dash.
Church: (chuckling) Aheh heh heh.. am I an angel. Uh, (clears throat) yeah, actually, I am. I'm an angel. Um, do you wanna go to Heaven? 'Cause it's, like, ten bucks to get in.
"Is he seriously trying to swindle him in the afterlife?!" Sunset groaned.
Sarge: Well I, uh, I didn't really bring any.. I mean, my wallet's back in the car.
Church: Hey, you don't have it there, huh? Well uh.. that's too bad. Pretty crappy reason to be damned to Hell for an eternity.
"While I'm not sure Sarge is going anywhere pleasant when his time comes with the way he treats Grif, I'm pretty sure pulling this crap is a good way to get a ticket to somewhere toasty." muttered Applejack.
Sarge: I don't remember dyin'.
Church: Yeah, that's my fault too. I was... sort of possessing your body at the time that you were shot. Sorry about that.
"Oh ya I'm sure he'll understand," Rarity said in a snide tone.
Sarge: Hold on a second, that ain't fair.
Church: Not fair? Yeah, join the frickin' club. I got shot by my own tank.
Cut to Sheila aiming at Church.
Sheila: [Target locked.]
"YES! THE TANK IS BACK!!" Sunset cheered.
"How the fuck does the tank have a soul!?" yelled out Applejack. This was just too much.
Church: Oh ha ha, very funny Sheila. Shut up. You know I still haven't forgiven you. I didn't say you could talk to me yet. Go there, g-get, go over by the base. Shoo, shoo!
Sheila lowers her turret and drives off.
"Aww..." whispered Fluttershy. She felt bad for poor Sheila.
Cut to Grif and Simmons over Sarge's body in the real world; the picture is distorted, wavy anytime the real world is shown.
Grif: Sarge! Don't you give up on me soldier, do you hear me? I'm ordering you!
"Wow... he sounds really upset," muttered out a surprise Twilight.
Cut to Sarge in "Dead World."
Sarge: Who is that? Who's there?
Church: Looks like your guys are trying to save you.
"Which is a surprise seeing who it is," commented Rarity.
Cut to Grif hitting Sarge in the chest with the butt end of his gun.
Grif: You gotta breathe, man! You gotta pull through! Come on, Sarge!
"Ok one! You do not help someone with a dun wound like that, two! Why would you want to help him!?" yelled out an annoyed Twilight.
Cut to Sarge in "Dead World."
Sarge: That is not the way you were trained to do that, Private!
Church: He can't hear you.
"Which might be a good thing, don't want Grif freaking out anymore then he has to," muttered Sunset.
Cut to Simmons.
Simmons: Grif, this isn't working. We have to try something else.
"Like get a real Doctor!" yelled out Pinkie Pie.
Cut to Church in "Dead World."
Church: If he gives you mouth to mouth, I'm leaving.
Cut to Simmons.
Simmons: ...Maybe you should give him mouth to mouth.
Cut to Church in "Dead World."
Church: I'm leaving.
Everyone burst out laughing.
Sarge: I can't believe how hard they're trying to save me.
"I mean Simmons makes sense, but why would Grif even care?" wondered Rarity.
"Maybe Grif just can't let someone die in front of him? Suggested Fluttershy.
Rolling her eyes, Rainbow Dash muttered. "More like he doesn't want to get in trouble with command."
Church: Why wouldn't they? I mean, my team didn't, but, why wouldn't yours?
"Do you want the answer written on a list to save time?" Twilight snarked.
Sarge: I thought they didn't like me.
"I think I can think of at least one of them who doesn't like you..." Sunset said in a flat tone.
Church: Aw, don't sell yourself short. I don't even know ya, and here I am about to guide you to Heaven for only five bucks.
"Are you still on about that?!" asked an annoyed Twilight.
Sarge: Hold on, if you're an angel, how come you ain't got no wings?
Church: Because nobody rang a bell, ah heh heh heh heh. Seriously, do you have the money or don't you?
Sarge: Oh, I feel the worst about Grif. I always made fun of him. I never even told him.. he was my son.
This gained wide eyed looks from everyone. "WHAT!?"
Church: No way! The orange guy is your son?
Sarge: Nah, I just wanted to screw with him one last time. But now I'll never get that chance.
"You. Dick." whispered Fluttershy.
Cut to Grif rising to his feet.
Grif: He's breathing! We saved Sarge!
Cut to Sarge in "Dead World."
Sarge: I'm what?
Church/everyone: He's what?
"Bullshit!!!" screamed Twilight.
Sarge: Well, I'll be a monkey's... they saved me.
Church: What? No, come back! We need to even the sides!
"Gotta give him credit though, he really cares about this war," muttered Sunset.
Sarge: Thanks for your help, wingless angel fella! (voice starts to fade away) Will I remember any of this?
Church: Yes, but only if you give me two dollars!
"Give it up, dumbass!" Rainbow jabbed.
Sarge regains consciousness and stands up between Grif and Simmons in the real world, the wavy effect is no longer present.
Sarge: (clears throat) There. What... What happened here?
Simmons: Sir, you got shot in the head, so we gave you CPR and saved you, sir.
"Still stupid by the way," muttered Twilight.
"We know," responded the others.
Sarge: I always believed in you, Simmons.
"Wrong person oldman," Rainbow Dash said with a smug look.
Simmons: Uh, actually, it's Grif you should thank, sir. He did all the work.
"At least Simmons is giving Grif the credit that he deserves," praised Applejack. She could at least respect that.
Sarge: Grif?
Simmons: Yes, sir.
"Your welcome!" Pinkie Pie said in a rare smug tone, finally! Now Sarge would give Grif a break.
Sarge: Grif, why in Hell would you give somebody CPR for a bullet wound in the head!? That doesn't make a lick of sense.
"WHAT!?" screamed the group in outrage. Was Sarge really going to treat him like shit after he just saved his life!?
"Come the fuck on!" screamed Sunset.
Grif: (sighs) You're welcome, sir.
Sarge: I mean it's all so damn inconsistent! What would you do if they stabbed me in the toe? (fade to black) Rub my neck with aloe vera? (Sarge says this in the Earlier Version) Hey there, Grif! I think I feel an aneurysm comin' on. Could you help me out with one of them therapeutic mass-ag-es? ...Use your fingers, not your knuckles. ...That there, that's good. Lower back. Yeah, I can feel that working already. Don't be afraid to go too low. (long pause) ...oh yeah, shiatsu.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As the episode ended, Sunset turned off the DVD player and started to stretch out her arms to work out any kinks. "Well that was a wild ride, but I think we should take a break from this show and maybe watch something else for a bit before we're burnt out on it."
"Good point darling, and I agree that we should watch something else for a while." Rarity agreed.
"Ya, as much as I like the show I wouldn't mind watching something else for a bit," Applejack added in, with the rest of the group responding in agreement.
"Cool, I actually had a show in mi-!!!" Sunset was saying before Rainbow Dash snatched the remote from her yet again, and started to flip through channels, not noticing that Sunset was now sporting a pissed off look.
"Awesome! I got a great show in mind and- ack!!!" Rainbow Dash yammered on before she was tackled to the floor by a pissed off Sunset.
"THAT'S IT!" screamed out the sun themed teen, as she and Rainbow Dash started rolling around the floor.
"FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!" cheered Pinkie Pie.
"Don't encourage this!" yelled Rarity, while the rest of the group tried to pry off the two fighting teens.
"Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" Pinkie giggled out.
"Don't do that ether!" snapped Twilight. Sporting a blush from the mental image that popped up.
And so ended another day with the girls.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CHAPTER END!
(whoo! That took forever!)