Kennedy's POV
I sat in the car and thought about the things that had just transpired.
I gripped the smooth steering wheel with all my might and repeatedly banged my head against the wheel.
Partly trying to erase the the last 15 minutes of my life. And the other half trying to feel a slight satisfaction to calm my rushing head. But I only made my head ache worse.
I'm tired of saying is this my life. Because it is! And this is the life I chose.
I thought I knew what I was getting into.
But clearly I was truly and utterly mistaken.
I drove home in silence. Everything flooded my mind. My life , my world. Was a lie.
I thought I knew what my life was or was becoming. But now I don't . The foundation I once had and stood upon faithfully had disintegrated. And now I'm the one that's left broken and confused.
Fuck no more tears.
It's my life and I can cry if I want to. Too bad I have no one to call. No friends to run to or to uplift me.
How can you feel something and nothing at the same time? Is it even possible?
I had made it home.
And I didn't know what to do with myself.
I decided I'd crash in his guest room .
When morning came. The sound of the alarm system let me know he was home.
Yet I laid in bed and stared at the wall. With my back facing the door.
I heard his footsteps coming up the stairs and I knew he'd coming looking for me to try and plead his case. But I didn't wanna hear it. I didnt!
I heard him check his bedroom . And when he noticed I wasn't there he let out a sigh.
And made his way to the guest room. The closer he got the faster my heart beat.
He turned the knob and I sighed awaiting his presence.
And yet he kept jiggling the door. Yess I remembered to lock it . I didn't need to see him right now.
"Kenn it's daddy open up" he said timid and softly.
By this time I'm sitting up in my bed livid ! This fuck niggah got the audacity to come to this house tryna talk to me after last night ? Ha! Nahhh it don't work like that.
I rather be in the presence of Drew than him.
The door jiggled once more and the door opened. FUCK !
There I sat indian style , arms crossed, with a killer mug.
And here come these 2 bitch made niggahs.
There they stood. Silent. Looking at me. You could tell they didn't know what to say to me , how to say it , or how to even start.
The longer they stood the more pissed I got.
"Soooooo, yall ain't gone say shit ? Aight I'm out. " I said with a clear attitude.
"Hey ! Sit down" My sperm donor said as he gripped my arm firmly.
I snatched away. But made sure I sat my ass down. Because his tone was just like the other night.
"What the fuck yall here for? What the fuck yall want?"
"We came to talk and to explain ourself. " they spoke in unison.
"There ain't shit to explain ! What's done is done. Yall already showed me who yall really were. I'm good. Yall can leave. " I said once more with an attitude
Drew chuckled lightly more to himself than to anyone in particular.
"What the fuck is so funny?" I asked
"Aye ! Watch your mouth with all that got damn cussing" my sperm donor said.
"Sure thing Sperm Donor as soon as you get out my face I will. " I snarled
"The fuck you just say to me ?" My dad yelled trying to get at me. But Drew was holding him back.
"Ohh so now you wanna defend me huh ? You couldn't defend me when he had a gun pointed to my head could you" I yelled on the brink of tears. But not sad tears angry tears.
"ENOUGH ! " Drew had finally spoke. "Kenn . You sit down. "
I sat and he sat next to me . But the closer he got the farther I scooted away. Until I was cornered into the wall and forced to be within arms length of him.
And there my sperm donor sat across from me.
Once again their eyes staring at me.
I heard my sperm donor clear his throat "ok look"
I looked up trying to stare everywhere except for his eyes. Which were the same as my eyes. If I looked at him while he was being like the real daddy I knew. I would forgive him. And right now I still wanted to be mad. I was still hurt.
I knew it was killing him that I wouldn't look at him. He always said always look into a person eyes and in their face so you know that they have earned your respect.
At this point he has lost mines. He knew it . We all knew it.
"Where do I start man where do I start" he looked at Drew for a sign of help. But Drew didn't know where to start either .
I was tired of them "not knowing where to start" so I started for them.
"What is this ''Big Ke'' stuff ? Who is "Big Ke" are you "Big Ke" ?" I asked curiously.
"Yes baby I am "Big Ke" . I was the biggest drug lord for the whole south and the mid-west. I made shit happen. I was the killa. I was the "infamous Big Ke" niggahs heard about me but never saw me" He stopped.
"Why would you never tell me this. This whole time I thought you were someone you weren't. I thought you were an honest man. Not an OG. are you serious?" I asked baffled.
"I'm serious as an heart attack. Your mom was just a random girl I hooked up with from time to time she would fuck me for crack. When we found out she was pregnant I man-ed up and took care of my responsibilities. " he spoke
"So I'm a crack baby" I asked
"No ! You are not a crack baby as soon as we found out she was pregnant we checked her into a rehab facility. And got her off of drugs. But when you turned 3 she started back up. And I couldn't have that around you. So I threatened her to leave. "
"You're the reason who my mom left me ? Why couldn't you get her help like you did last time ?" I asked getting even more upset
"I tried that. She would escape , and thieve elsewhere just for crack money. She would sleep with my drug rivals just for more crack. You can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped. You just can't"
"Why was it so easy to turn over things to Drew . And you didn't even know him like that . Why did you quit why did you give the game up? " I asked asked with curiosity.
"I was beginning to get too old. I had more than enough money saved. Why not pass it down to someone I trust. Anddd. Ummm. You remember in Kansas your close friend Andy?" He said shakily
A smile was brought to my face all the good times Andy and I had . " Yeah what about him? Mann I miss him sooo much. Wait he moved to New Orleans I gotta track him down. " I said eagarly , wishing this "Lil meeting" would hurry.
"Well ", he scratched his head and looked at Drew . "Drew is Andy".
My eyes almost came out of its socket. Drew was Andy ? It makes sense now. Andrew is his real name. Yess. Its so clear now. Andy's mom was mixed that explained his curly hair , he was carmel complected , and he was caring .
All my anger washed away for a second. It was ANDY! I felt like a child again , all those good memories. Andy always thought I was beautiful even when I didn't think it myself. I immediately engulfed him in a tight hug.
But quickly pulled away when I realized that he was Drew too. And what Drew did surely didn't deserve a hug.
"Wait, whoaaa hold on. Youre Andy? How could yall keep that from me? So you kept in contact with him this whole time " I asked looking at my father.
"Yes , yes we did"
"So why did you leave? Everyone left at the same time. You were supposed to protect me but you didn't. You left! " I semi-yelled.
"Kenn I had no choice" He said saddened
"Don't call me that" I hissed at him.
"Ma Dukes decided to move to N.O. for a niggah. And it worked out for a while but not long . We were barely getting by and your dad gave me his number in case we ever needed something. I tried reaching out you Kenn-edy. I wrote to you. But you never wrote back. So eventually I stopped" he said.
" I never got one letter from you. I felt you had forgotten all about me. " I said sadly
"He wrote you faithfully for a few years but I would always keep them. I didn't want you to get hurt. He was so far away. And ... I just don't know" My father spoke up and said.
"How could you play God with my life. I had NO one. No friends. I was alone. You were always gone. How could you keep my closest and dearest friend away from me . That's mad low" I said as I cut my eyes at him.
"I knew yall 's friendship was going to blossom into something more and at that time a 9 year old wasn't ready for that"
"We were 9 we weren't thinking about fucking. You know what ! Yall straight ! yall can have this. " I threw up my hands and exited the room.
There was a park close to the condo . I walked there letting the cool air send chills down my spine.
I sat on my favorite thing in the whole playground. The swings.
I swung and swung the faster I got the higher I got and the higher I got the less clouded my head became.
The weather . The air . The swings. Brought nostalgia. And a smile appeared on my face.
It quickly disappeared when I heard.
"Can we talk ?"
The voice sounded familiar but not too familiar because I hadn't heard it in years.
I look to my left . At that very moment my heart stopped , blood refused to circulate through my body , and air would not exhale it just stayed on my chest.
"Mom?"
Author's Note.
ok tell me what you guys think.
what will happen next?