Good thing that the group study haven't been finished when I arrived home. Mom asked me where are my brothers and I just said that I had to leave earlier before them because I think I caught a cold.
"A cold?! Are you alright, sweetheart?!" Mom asked in panic.
"Mom, it's just a cold. I'll sleep and everything will be fine again." I said calming her down. "I don't think I'll eat dinner, I'm still full." I said. And as I motioned to leave the living room...
"Sweetheart." Mom started, I turned to her. "Uh.. I.. Can I ask a question?" She asked.
I looked at her puzzled. "A question. A single question won't hurt." I said sighing, I'm so tired to even speak.
She slowly took her hand away from me as she was about to reach for me. Then she forced a smile, "I'll just ask it to your brothers. I believe you need rest. Ask for anything and I'll be there."
I smiled back, "just a glass of water will do." I said, "Let the maids do it. You look pale and exhausted Mom, you shouldn't worry so much." I assured her.
At first she looked at me in dismay, but she just smiled and nodded. "You rest first, sweety."
I entered my room, put my bag on the couch and slammed face-first on the bed. I was so exhausted that taking my shoes off is tiring. So I just lie there, I heard the door cracked open. The maid must be here to give me the glass of water but then I find myself drifting to sleep. And I wasn't able to look back on who entered my room.
It has been almost a month since I last had a dream. My dreams consist of different weird things, like I was eating my own pillow, I was crying out loud so loud I woke up the whole city, or in a garden where I was dating a person who is completely unfamiliar to me and a dream where I studied in a different high school. But I wasn't sure that I ever dreamed of something this real. And it actually is connected to me. I wasn't even sure if this is reality or really a dream.
I was standing in the living room, I didn't know why and how exactly I got here. The last time I know is I was sleeping. And then kaboom, I was here. There's no sound except the ticking of the clock. I scanned the room, but any hint of my brothers were invisible. Then I heard something cracked. It was my Mom, walking from the kitchen, she wiped her hands on the apron smiling.
I smiled at the fact that atleast Mom was here. I was about to reach for her when the phone rang. She looked startled as I was. Then she answered the phone. I slowly walked next to her.
"Who's calling Mom?" The thing that I always ask whenever Mom is on the phone. And it happens rarely. But she didn't even turn to answer, she talked to the phone like I wasn't there.
Then her blissful face turned pale. It's like something's draining away the colors of her face. And the beautiful curved of her lips straighten. The person on the other line kept asking if she was still there. But Mom was stoned on the ground, her lips are sealed to speak and as I feared, tears started rolling down her cheeks.
As much as I wanted to ask what the other line has said. As much as I wanted to reach for her, I just find myself stoned to the ground too. And I still wasn't sure the reason why, but tears started rolling down my cheeks.
"Noooo!" I shouted the moment I knew that my Mom would collapse. But my feet are getting heavy, and I wasn't able to catch Mom. But before she hits the ground, she shattered into pieces. Like a glass. And slowly, everything in the room shattered too. And all I see was black.
I wasn't sure where I am but I knew this will never happen. That this never happened. Then a black long car appeared, parked in front of me. I've never seen this car before, but deep inside, it looks familiar. Then the window started rolling down. I immediatey stepped back in surprise.
A man sat there, looking straight ahead. I knew that he came from a noble family just by staring at him at this distance. His nose is pointy, his lips straight, his hair is black and I wasn't able to see the color of his eyes. But his nobleness wasn't the reason why I was surprised.
I knew him. I just know him. His pictures are framed in different parts of the house, big or small, hanged or placed. I knew him, and even if he won't look at me, I knew his eyes are the color of hazelnut.
To my surprise, he turned to look at me. And he smiled at me and gave me shiver down my spine. I see him everyday, in every corner of the house. But i've never seen him in motion, I've never seen him moving or speaking nor sitting in a car. I've never seen how lively his smile is until now. He was always framed, the same smile and the same pose.
He is my father. Who died from a car accident, about 13 years ago. I didn't remember much of him. I don't recognize his voice, how tall he is, I don't remember how he cuddle me to bed, tell me bedtime stories and help me ride the bike. All I know was his name and the fact that he's my father.
"Is that you.. Abigail?" He asked looking straight at me in the eye.
No word can explain how I feel. And I couldn't find the courage to answer. So I just nodded in reponse.
A wide and bright smile curved on his lips. Even if he looked aged, I still see why Mom fell in love with this man, physically. The traces of handsomeness still stays. And the streak of his hair adds on.
"You grew up so fast." He said with distant on his eyes. I didn't move from where I was standing, I was too afraid to reach for him. For it might turned to be what had happened to Mom earlier.
"You resembles your Mom.. So much." He added.
I started hearing the sound of ambulance. It gets nearer and nearer, louder and louder. I turned, stunned, to Dad. But his lips smiled, he never turned away or to anything except me. He just stared at me. And then slowly, as tears roll down his cheeks, he disappeared just like how Mom did. And voices started rumpaging on my mind.
"What happened?!"
"Where's the car?!"
"Get the child out of the car!!"
"Sir!! Sir!!!"
It hurts my ear, their loud voices calling for help, the siren of the ambulance and people shouting. And I started vanishing too.
Then the next time my eyes flew open. I was on my bed, tears kept gushing from my eyes. I held tight to the sheets. The dream, I know it isn't real... But..
"Are you okay?" The head maid asked walking inside my room, with three other maids. But I couldn't answer, I was trembling hard. Then Mom slammed the door open and hurriedly went to my side.
"Are you okay sweety? Is your head hurting?" She asked.
But I just stared at her and unknowingly, seeing my Dad inside Mom. The sound of the ambulance, people shouting my name and Dad disappearing. I couldn't find a way to shake it off.
I stared down at the bed sheets, it was wet from my tears. "I'm fine.. I just had a bad dream." I managed to answer.
But they don't look convinced. Mom stayed and asked the maids to have a time with me alone. The maids reluctantly left the room. Mom reach to wipe the tears away from my face, but it just kept on gushing.
"Tell me about your dream." Mom said, "sharing it will lessen the burden."
I stared at her for a moment. I don't know but there's this part of me that doesn't want to tell it. But I sighed and said, "I dreamed about Dad. For the first time."
My Mom seemed to be calm and doesn't look surprise like she had expected it coming. "And then what?"
"Dad died in a car accident right?" I asked.
This time, she looked puzzled but she nodded in response.
"Why was he on the road again?" I asked, although Mom didn't really elaborate to me what happened till then.
She looked surprised and confused now, but she answered anyway. "On the road to attend a business proposal meeting."
"And who was with him?" I asked immediately.
That made her looked at me intently in the eyes. "It doesn't make sense sweety, tell me what is it." She said ignoring my question.
"Who was with him in the car?" I asked again.
She seemed to surprise to the change of my tone. "He was there with his secretary who died too. And of course the driver." She answered.
"I.. I think I was there, Mom." I finally said.
"You're not there sweety, you were with Lou back then. Inside the house. You were both eagerly waiting for your Dad's return. Don't you remember?" She respond.
"B-but.. I saw it.. I saw me." I struggled to say.
Yes, if I do remember, before I completely closed my eyes to leave the dream. I got a glimpse of a child, very small, around 3 years old. She looked exactly like me except that her hair is short, bob cut. She was sitting next to Dad smiling happily with mallows on her hands. I couldn't be wrong.
"You're dreaming sweety, there's no way you'll be there." Mom said trying to convince me. She stared at me wanting so much for me to believe her.
"I'm sorry.." I said looking down, "I must be very shocked. I know, it's just a dream. It's just a dream." I kept repeating it to myself.
Mom smiled who looked convinced. She patted me on the shoulder, "You think you'll be alright if you go back to sleep? It's still 30 minutes early for breakfast. But if you want I'll be here.."
"I think I'll just attend school early. Books from the library would probably calm me down." I decided, Mom hesitantly agreed.
My mind is still clouded by my dream up until I was entering the school's vicinity. I was surprised to find that there are a lot of students who attend school this early. I even caught their attention, maybe I was the first Bauge to attend school today. I wonder if Tiffany's on the way. But then I just shook it off and made my way to the library.
As I entered the building, it is as if like that of the first time I entered it. Too quiet. There are no noise except for the tweets of birds hummering from the windows. I grasped my bag closer to me and walked my way to the library. The librarian hasn't arrived yet, but the door seemed open.
I slowly walked to the doorstep, and when I completely opened it. I realized, I wasn't alone. Tiffany and, I don't know if it's Harry or Edward from afar, but when they both looked at my direction his almost black-colored eyes that shimmers coldly.
"Think about it." I saw Tiffany mouthed to Edward.
I think I interrupted them in the middle of a conversation. They were both standing, facing each other. Tiffany, standing there with her arms crossed. And Edward, lost in thought and scattered books around him. I didn't know what happened or what's happening. "Uh.. I'm sorry.." I mumbled and motioned to leave the room.
When someone grabbed my arms. "You caught a cold?" Tiffany said, loosening her grasp.
I looked at Edward from afar then to Tiffany. "I'm fine now."
"I heard you spent time in Edward's place yesterday." Tiffany said.
I was caught in surprise but then I faced her, relaxed. "Please don't tell my brothers." I pleaded.
She looked hesitant but she nodded. But before she leaves, she left me words to think about. "Just think that I advised you Rule One too. And I guess Rule One would be having a revision."
I stared at her, I don't have a single idea what is she trying to say. Revision?
"Rule One: Never talk to One.." There's a pause. ".. AND to Ten. In short, don't talk to the Styles." She left without letting me answer.
She left me there hanging. And the next time I know, Edward was on his knees gathering the books. I hurriedly went to help him. I was on my knees too, gathering the books scattered on the floor. I wonder what happened.
When we were done gathering the books, he stood up, thanked me and motioned to leave without any more words. But there's this part of me that wants to hear him say more, even if it's just nonsense. I just want to hear his voice.
"Uh.." Without knowing, I tried starting a conversation. "I.. I wasn't able to thank you properly yesterday."
He turned with an irritated glare. "Please forget about what happened yesterday."
"What?!" I didn't mean to sound that surprised. "Uh.. I mean, w-why should I?" I asked.
"Because it's meaningless to remember nonsense." He coldly answered.
"T-that wasn't a nonsense.." I blurted out.
"Could you please stop talking to me in school.. Anywhere." He snapped.
"I don't understand you.."
"You don't have to."
"Why wouldn't anyone explain to me things?!" I snapped, "You all say I should avoid this and that! Without even giving me the reas--"
"Because I hate everything connected to my brother! I hate my brother and you!! I hate to be pitied by my brother! Mostly, pitied by you!! Happy?" He said almost shouting.
I stepped back, "Y-you.. You think... I pity you?" I asked slowly.
"Everyone pities me because I don't live just like how my brother lives! I don't have a car, instead, a bike! A worker, instead of a C.E.O! I don't need pity! Because I chose this life! This is how I govern my life, and you don't have to give a shit!!!" He shouted.
I shook my head slowly. "You know what, the person who needs pity the most is the likes of you. Not because of the differences between you and Harry. But you, who can't even smile when you have lips like yours." And I had enough, I left the room without needing to hear another word from him.
I was hurt. I knew I was hurt. And I know I wouldn't be able to accept any words that will come out of his mouth anymore. So he thinks that I talk to him out of pity? So he thinks that there's no friendliness between the things I'm doing? Moreover, he thinks that I'm that kind of a person?
I was stomping my way out of our building when I bumped into Zayn.
"Oh!" I almost shouted.
He looked at me then rubbed the back of his neck smirking. "I was looking for you, and here you are bumping into me looking as.. Angry as hell." I calm my eyebrows down. But still, I knew I looked pissed off. Then he laughed, "You went to school too early, and now I think you're starting to regret it."
"I.. I just bumped to someone I am supposed to avoid." I answered. There's no point in hiding it.
He doesn't look suprised. "I'm thinking of whether it is the green or the black one." And before I could answer, he continued. "By the way, I have something to ask you. I think it will piss you off, can we have a walk?"
I felt puzzled. So we just stood there waiting for an answer, I snapped stupidly thinking that he is waiting for MY answer. I nodded and we started our walk.
At first he was silent. I was silent too. We just looked like we're waiting for a good time to start the conversation. But when I looked at him, I realized, I was the only one unease. He was walking with a serious face looking distant. Then he turned to me and smiled.
"I was wondering what happened to you dream." He started.
"Oh.." I said looking at the distant too. "Is that your question?" I asked.
"Yes.." He answered. "You have the option to tell me or not to tell me."
I nodded. "I met Dad." I started, he doesn't looked surprise nor too calm. He just kept on walking, but now, slower. "He was happy to see me fine as I grow. It was the first time I've ever seen Dad in motion. Not framed, not painted nor memories. He's just there, riding in a black car smiling at me, atleast, he looked like he's waiting for me to join him in. But then, I was there--"
"You saw your face?" He asked.
"Uh.. Yes. I saw me." I said.
"Are you sure that it was you?" He said, he looked as defensive as Mom.
I started to be pissed off, just like what he said. "D-does it matter?" I asked.
He closed his eyes and nodded.
"It doesn't matter." I contradicted. "It's just a dream! Why do people have to make a big deal out of it?!" I asked.
"Then why are you crying when you woke up? Then why are you shouting while you're asleep? Because it doesn't matter?!" He asked, he rose his voice, and I was too surprised to respond.
Why.. Did I cry? Why did I shout? Why is it bothering me the whole time?! "B-because.. I.. I died too." I answered.
He turned to me, staring deeply. He looked like he doesn't expected me to say words like death. He stopped from walking, anticipating for me to continue.
I continued a few steps then turned back to look at him. "I died inside with Dad. I saw it. I heard and felt it. I heard gun shots, I heard peple calling me and I heard ambulance." I paused. "But in the end, I'm here. And Dad is dead like he is supposed to be. It doesn't matter, after few days it will be just like any other dreams. Forgotten. Fades to a memory."
"The person who shot the gun. Did you see it?" He asked.
"Why does it matter. Why do we have--"
"Did you see it?! Did you? Or did you not?!" He asked, a little forceful now.
"I did not! And if I saw him, what will happen? File a case? Have a proof saying I saw it in my dream? You're nuts! Dad's dead!! Why can't you accept that?!" I asked, angry now.
He looked surprise. But I won't be sorry, I knew I was right. And there's no need for me to say sorry, I only did was to say the truth. "Yeah.." I didn't expect him to agree. "Dad's dead.." He repeated it twice as if convincing himself. "You should tell Mom the rest of your dream." He finally said.
"I don't have the reason to tell her." I said.
"You don't have the reason why you shouldn't." He opposed.
"I don't have the reason to worry her anyway." I answered back. "And I have this feeling that I should be knowing something you all are hiding from me."
"Because--" I didn't even let him finish.
"Because you were worried. Because you were protecting me. I'm fed up, Zayn. I'm so fed up." I said.
Surprisingly, he smiled sadly. "Because there are things in life better unsaid." And he turned around and before he left, he turned to look at me again and added, "Harry's birthday is coming up..
I just wonder if you're going to attend the party." He said and left.
Because there are things in life better unsaid.