chapter seven
"what if it's love?"
ONCE THOSE words left her mouth, richie felt a blush creep upon his face. "what?" he whispered.
ryan's face showed that she too was shocked at the words she spoke. she looked down and bit her lip nervously; ryan started to peel at the skin harshly with her front teeth.
"i don't know, i mean- i didn't..." ryan mumbled then sighed. richie could tell how unsure she was with her wording, and he noticed her body began to tense up. he gently placed a hand on her knee.
"hey— there's nothing to be ashamed of. i mean a crush is a crush," richie chuckled, a comforting yet still flirtatious tone dripping from his tongue.
"i know richie but don't get me wrong, i like you— at least i think i do?" she shook her head softly and gazed down at the floor. " 'm sorry, emotions are hard for me sometimes," the girl sighed.
richie gave her hand a slight squeeze as he listened to her. "it's okay," he nodded. "they're hard for me too."
ryan smiled softly up at him. "i'm not sure how i feel about you—but i do know that i'm not sure if im ready for this," ryan whispered, and turned her body even more away from the boy.
richie understood. they had met barely hours prior, yet supposedly the young heart wants what it wants. or at least that's what all the storybooks preached.
richie took his hands, and gently pulled her towards him. he laid her head onto his lap and he began to play with her brown locks. ryan stiffed her shoulders at the gesture. she tried her best to relax once she realized what richie was doing.
"ryan, that's okay. it's alright," he murmured to her.
"are you sure?" ryan sniffed lightly and nuzzled into the boy's thighs.
richie soften his eyes as her sincere question. he gave a sadden sigh then began to play with her hair once more. "of course im sure, baby." he nodded to himself knowing that she couldn't see him. "i promise."
they stayed like this for a long time, not a sound in the room except for their mixed breathing. richie's eyes refused to leave ryan as his fingers intertwined through her soft curls. a lot was running around his mind.
"rich?" ryan finally broke the silence after roughly 15 minutes. she opened her eyes and twisted so she was laying with her back on richies lap instead of her side. ryan gazed up at him.
"hmm?" he hummed back, his brown irises meeting hers as soon as she looked up.
"can i tell you about... about my dad?" she said in a hushed tone. richie widen his eyes.
"yes of course," richie fumbled over his words. "of course you can."
ryan readjusted her laying position so she wouldn't feel so stiff. "well ive never told anyone this before so if i mess up— if i get nervous..." ryan paused as she preparing herself to talk about such a tough subject. "please bare with me, okay?"
richie waited patiently for her to start. he didn't want to rush her. "okay," he hummed.
⚠️
"it began when i was 4 i think... that is when my mama left us so time wise it makes sense to me," ryan cleared her throat as she began to ramble. "um, at first it was just him hittin' on me because he said my mama leavin' was... um that it was my fault," she swallowed thickly.
"then he uh, my dad started to hit a little harder as i grew more...i still managed to get by though...but when i hit 12 years old, other thing started to happen," ryan rambled fast, to get everything off of her chest as quick as possible. then she stopped. ryan stared at the floor, trying to remember even though she swore she would never forget the way his callused fingers felt but ryan underestimated the way her mind could protect her.
"what other things happened?" richie responded hopefully, waiting for her to answer him— though his mind had already ventured to the darkest of places. richie wanted to think he was wrong. "ryan, what other things did he do to you?"
"uh, w-when i turned 12, i hit puberty," ryan closed her eyes so she wouldn't see richies eyes staring down on her. she heard a soft click of richie tongue followed by a swallowed down curse word. "and I started to look more like uh a woman—physically," ryan paused again to collect her thoughts and calm her breathing. "h-he did things that i can't ever forget..." she began to cry, and richie took her off of his lap and into a hug slowly and very gently. he held on to her as she softly sobbed into his shoulder. she damped the material of his button shirt. richie shushed her sobs softly as he ran his fingertips down her spine. "richie i'm scared," ryan murmured choppily through her sobs. "i don't want to go back to him."
⚠️
"i know you are, but I'm going to help you through it, okay? i won't leave you," richie cooed softly.
"promise me," ryan sniffled slowly as she balled up the polyester of his shirt in the fists of her hands. "please."
"huh?" richie asked.
"i know it's weird because i met you today but i need to hear someone say it," ryan clutched the back of his shirt tighter. "so please," she paused. "promise me that you won't leave me too."
her words stung. they felt like someone took a match and flicked it into the boy's heart. he always thought the saying 'they set my heart ablaze' was a feeling he couldn't wait to experience — but he hadn't considered the painful ache it could cause. ryan was so broken, one could tell by the way she carried herself.
richie nodded. he was making a silent promise to himself: as long as he was alive, richie was going to make sure this girl was safe.
"i promise," richie mumbled and interlocked her pinky with hers. "i promise."
after the two made their promise, they stayed curled up in the small ball of limbs for an hour. richie felt ryan's chest move up and down gently as she began to softly snore. the snores told him that she was finally asleep.
with this new information, richie carefully untangled their bodies. he tried his best to move ryan away from the edge of the bed and toward the freshly fluffed pillows without waking her. the taller grabbed one of the extra throw blankets and draped it over ryan. he watched as she slinked further into her sleep.
richie then left the room. he crept to the kitchen, and the oven clock read 1:27 am.
richie made his way out the back door, and perched himself up on the back steps. his dark eyes took in the slight sliver of the moon and cherished the silhouette for a moment. the night spoke to him in ways the sun couldn't imagine or understand. richie spent most of his life living among the stars, and the many twinkles made him feel at home. when the town he lived in for all of his live started to slumber, richie was one of those souls who was blatantly awake.
his mind began to slur as he imagined all of the things that ryan and he had talked about. all that she had gone through. before he knew it, salty tears stung at his eyes as they threaten to pour. richie was quick to bring his hands up to his eyes. he struggled to wipe them away, for the emotions continue to pour out.
when richie heard the back door open, he raced to bring his hands back down to his lap. it would have been too obvious to the person who found him that he was crying. richie did what he did best: he smiled as a cover up.
"richie?" the voice called once they saw the messy curls illuminated in the moonlight. "why are you up man?" richie recognized the voice quickly. one of the only voices he knew to bring him that much comfort and nostalgia.
his best friend. eddie kaspbrak.
"eddie, i know," richie mumbled, his words were quiet but the other boy heard him well. eddie tilted his head at the boy. his behaviour was rather odd. richie never called the boy by his preferred nickname, nor was he ever quiet or soft.
"know what, rich?" eddie whispered back to him, approaching the conversation with caution. he then sat on the step above richie's.
"ryan—" was all richie managed to spit out before his raw vocal chords cut out. richie knew his happy-go-lucky façade was slipping but he was too comfortable with eddie to hold back any longer.
any confusion left eddie's face as he soften his eyes. "richie... i knew she was going to tell you soon but i didn't think it was going to be tonight," eddie rambled and placed his hand on richie's shoulder. the boy in front of him sniffled slightly. he opened his palms and rested his forehead in one.
"does everyone else know?" richie asked, his tone cold. "did— was i the last one to know that her dad..."
eddie sighed and offered a soft squeeze on his shoulder. "most people," he paused and licked his lips. "bill found out on his own—at lunch today, and bev too,"
"on their own?" richie asked to clarify.
eddie nodded, "yeah, then after school stan and i found out together," eddie stated. "we also found out on our own."
"why didn't she tell me?"
"rich, you have to remember, we haven't known ryan any longer than a day," eddie pointed out. "of course she didn't plan on letting any of this slip— and ryan didn't tell any of us, we all found out on our own," eddie explained further as he rubbed soft circles on richie's shoulder.
"do you know what he did to her? all what he put her through? h-he," richie swallowed so his voice wouldn't crack and break any more than it already was. "he hurts her in ways i could never imagine."
"how..." eddie clicked his tongue softly. "how bad is it?" he stumbled with his own words the he licked his lips before taking a deep breath.
"ryan told me that at first he— he hit her and he hurt her..." he whispered out, clutching his fists around his nails tightly. he felt them tear at the skin of his palms. "then he— he," richie couldn't continue. he couldn't keep it in anymore and the boy let the tears slip from his eyes. richie crumbled backwards onto eddie's lap and sobbed quietly.
"oh god," eddie mumbled to himself as he wrapped his arms around richie's shaking body.
"she doesn't deserve it eddie! s-she doesn't!" richie sobbed into eddie's lap. "no one fucking does."
"i know," he mumbled back to the boy and rubbed soft patterns on his back. "i know."
eddie let richie stay like that until he had surly cried out all of his tears, which took around twenty minutes overall. that was way longer than the boy had ever allowed him to cry before but every time richie thought he was done crying, more tears would come. it seemed as though every time his mind would drift back to ryan, the more emotions that would flood back. finally, richie sniffed harshly and pushed himself off of eddie's lap. his back popped from being cemented over eddie for so long.
"eddie?" richie whimpered after stretching and slumping back down into a hunched over position with his shoulders concaved.
"yeah, rich?"
"why do I feel this way?" richie questioned, breathing heavily. his head was pounding but richie was trying to focus on the words rolling off of his tongue so he pushed the pain away.
"like what?" eddie quickly asked back.
"all mushy inside?"
"mushy?" eddie pondered, looking down at richie.
richie huffed out a breath. he couldn't figure out how to express what he wanted to say. "yeah," he rubbed his eyes. "about ryan."
"richie..." Eddie took a moment to smile for the first time in a half hour. "i think
you have a crush on ryan."
richie shook his head at the thought. the idea had already been tossed around his head. "no— it's different than a crush," richie bit down on his lip. "but different in a good way?"
"well, what if it's love?" eddie suggested.
"love?" richie asked shockingly. he was fifteen. teenagers didn't know anything about love— or that's what richie had been taught. "i-i don't know eds."
"then i don't know...how do you feel about her?" eddie asked, looking at richie.
"uh, well whenever i'm around her, i get this weird feeling in my stomach?" richie started to explain but he was busy questioning his feeling at the same time. "and when other guys look at her the way i do, i get angry." he sighed. "i know she's hurting, and has trusted us enough to help her— but i want to be the one to help her... no one else." richie babbled out, explaining the best he could, though he was never the best at explaining his feelings.
"yeah richie," eddie smirked softly as he stood from the steps. "i think you're in love."