For the next couple of weeks I'd try my best each day when I'd go over to his house to work on his library. But each time I did, I'd always end up getting distracted...
"Charlie go away, you're distracting me." I told him, pushing at his arms which he slipped around my waist.
"I'll give you something distracting, if you want." He growled by my ear.
I elbowed him away but nothing worked. "I'm never gonna get this done if you keep bugging me like this."
"Who says you have to?"
I groaned at his persistance, when in truth I loved everything about it. "Nice try, idiot."
He didn't say anything and I felt as he looked around at the other walls that were beginning to empty out as I organized them in neat piles on the floor. "You've actually gotten really far on this." He said, seeming to be impressed.
"Yes, that's why I now have to finish it."
He let go of me and walked around. I watched him.
This man who treated me like his... his girlfriend. He was stubborn and manly and mean and perfect. The man who I was used to see wearing formal clothes with slacks and Italian shoes and ties... He walked around wearing jeans and a white tshirt. His hands in his pockets and his hair carelessly messed up here and there. If I didn't know any better, I'd think he was mine.
At that thought I scolded myself inside. No, we didn't own eachother. If there was something I hated the most it was possession. If anything, we had a thing. Well, we did. We kissed eachother, we slept together, we ate together, we teased eachother. Things between us were just fine the way they were.
He turned and looked at me. "I'll give you an hour." He said. "Then I'm coming to get you back in my bed." He slipped out of the office and I bit my lip to hold in the giddy smile that was wanting to show.
I did as much as I could within that hour, and as soon as it was up, he swooped me in his arms and locked the two of us in his room. We often did that.
It was the weekend, and we were in his bed the next morning, clotheless and hot from being tangled together. My phone rang.
"Ungh." He groaned, the vibrations of his chest echoing in my ear.
I rolled over and grabbed it from the night stand.
It was Andy.
We hadn't spoken in weeks. He was always on business these days, and cameras were following him around like crazy so we never got to talk to eachother anyway.
I wanted to answer it, I wanted to see how he was, and my selfishness wanted to know if he still thought about me. Obviously he still did.
"Are you gonna answer him?" Charlie's voice woke me from my dilemma and I flinched at it. "You've been staring at your phone for a while now." He said.
I put my phone back on the night stand and rolled back into him. He embraced me back and I saw the satisfaction in his eyes when he looked down at me. I was happy I made him happy, but something in me still throbbed with guilt. I just wanted to see how he was.
...
It was a Friday and I was at home alone, like usual. Something in me thought of Andy. I called him.
"I didn't realize how much I missed your voice." He said when I asked how he was.
The truth was, I didn't realize how much I missed his either.
"Christmas is coming up." He mentioned while we caught up with eachother.
"It is." I let out with a sigh. The stress was unreal. I wasn't even sure why, but I felt like I had so much to do. Really I didn't know if I was supposed to get Charlie something. What was I even supposed to get him? Were we even that kind of relationship?
Well yeah, he's giving you a garden.
"What are you doing for it?"
"Nothing." I answered without thinking.
I didn't know what I was doing, but I know something usually had to do with my brothers.
"Go on vacation with me." He said.
I didn't hesitate when I told him okay. I was excited, and unfortunately didn't think twice about Charlie. Instead waited for Christmas break to come the next week to go to Spain with him. Spain.
Another day after he called, it was Monday.
"One more week, Diana. Then you get to stop worrying about schoolwork!" Erin said on the phone when I was parked in the parking lot of the school. She was okay now, but her parents wanted to take her on an early vacation that lasted for a whole month in apology for neglecting to take care of her. She was milking it, but I wouldn't blame her.
"As if that matters now." I grumbled with a flick of my finger, watching as a piece of lint from my jeans flew up in the air and floated back down.
"Goodness, are you okay?" She asked in surprise. "You sound moody."
"I'm fine." I told her, grabbing my bags before the late bell rang. "I miss you, come back."
"I miss you too, but I don't want to come back." She chuckled on the phone as I walked into the school. "By the way, how's Mr. Richman?"
I felt my face scrunch up in confusion, but then remembered who she was talking about. "Andy? Oh, uh, he's good."
"What've you two been up to?" I heard her teasing voice ask. "Rockin the bed lately?"
Well not with Andy, but with someone else...
I blushed at her words. "No," I said calmly, wanting to escape to my class and from that conversation the best I could. "Hey, I actually have to go now." I said before she asked anything else.
"Alright, have fun!" She laughed at me, knowing full well I won't. Maybe in lunch...
When lunch did roll by I went into his room, like always. Sometimes he had meetings and I had to eat with Connor or Cole. No one knew, still. And I constantly wondered how that was, since I was always in his room, and no one ever walked in or walked by. The only person who ever really interrupted us was Mr. Joseph, and that man didn't even assume a thing.
"Hey." I said walking in, throwing my bag on a desk and sitting down.
"Hey." He said back, typing rapidly on his keyboard, seeming to be busy as always.
"Working hard?"
"Eh." He answered, hitting a few buttons and finally looking up at me. He leaned back in his chair, letting out a sigh. "What are you doing today?" He asked.
I laughed at him. "Why do you even bother asking me that?"
He shrugged and turned in his chair, getting out left over pizza from the previous weekend. I got up and joined him. "You never know," He said. "You might get tired of me."
I smirked, "I am."
He poked my stomach, making me flinch and swat him away. "Shut up." He told me, handing me a pizza. "Oh, by the way," He backed up in his chair and leaned down to pull out of his briefcase a book. He handed it to me. "Here."
I looked at it and smiled. "For me?" I asked with false modesty and he rolled his eyes.
"I've read it before, it's from the library."
I reached for it and he snatched it back. "You've gotta pay for it first."
"Do I?" I teased.
"Yes, you do."
"How's that?" I asked, already knowing.
He looked me in the eyes and growled, "I think you know." For that I repeated a small part of our weekend, slipping onto the floor and unzipping his pants.
I looked up at him first and he ran his fingers through my hair, then his thumb traced my lips lightly. Then I payed for the book, Dracula.
...
Charlie and I were on seperate couches, throwing eachother popcorn. He was actually pretty good at catching it in his mouth. I laughed at him as he shot them at me, one by one. "What are you trying to do?" I said, blocking the food with both my hands.
"Why aren't you catching it?" He asked sarcastically.
I narrowed my eyes at him, "Sorry, I can't catch the popcorn you're throwing straight at me." I shot back, having him run out of popcorn. "Idiot." I muttered.
He laughed beautifully at me and stood up, plopping down at my side on the couch and wrapped his arms around my shoulders, pulling me down onto him.
"Charlie," I grunted. "What are you- Charlie?" I got out as he obnoxiously wrapped his legs around me as if we were wrestling. I laughed loudly as he poked my side, and realized I was being imprisoned so he could tickle me.
"Stop," I gasped, trying to escape his strong hold, holding in my laugh all the while.
"I love your laugh." He said, easily ignoring my struggle and I tried to lung myself over, the only way to get out would be to escape my shirt.
I held my breath, loving that he loved something about me. My laugh.
I groaned loudly as I tried to crawl away and we ended up falling to the floor, me then being able to slip out of my shirt and stand. I let out a breath and watched as he layed on the floor, looking at me in surprise. "How did you-"
I ignored him, turning around and going to his room.
Before I knew it he was in his room beside me, throwing one of his button downs at me. "Why do you always want me to wear your clothes?" I asked with a chuckle.
He threw another shirt at me while he answered, "I actually don't know." He threw another shirt at me when he laughed, "I guess it's because when you wear my clothes I feel like your mine."
My heart skipped a beat at his words and he threw another shirt at me, seeming to try to cover up his embarrassment.
I also tried not to make it look like it affected me, but I couldn't quite keep down the flush in my face when I looked back at him.
I slipped on one of his most comfortable shirts and walked over to him. "You're cute." I teased him and he shook his head, eyes locked just with mine.
His stare suddenly turned serious and I didn't want to break the contact. The warmth in his hot brown eyes overtook mine and I felt my face get even more pink. We just stood there staring at eachother for the next thirty seconds. That's when he brushed his thumb against my cheek and went in for the classic kiss they have in the movies. I felt at that moment, nothing but affection and his adoration for me. I kissed him back.
"Thanks." He told me when he pulled back and pressed his forehead against mine.
I chuckled against his lips. "For what?"
He smiled back at me, his hand running through my hair. His smile made my heart vibrate in my chest. "For making me happy."
It was like our lives did a one-eighty. Never had I ever been one to sleep around with someone other than Andy. Never had I been able to sleep around at all. I also never saw myself in a relationship like the one he and I shared. And I was positive he felt the same way.
Neither did he ever look forward to going home after work. Going back to see me. He'd never been like that, and I had never played around like a child.
But when he said that, I knew things were becoming more and more serious. Honestly, it scared me a little.
"Thanks for allowing me to make you happy." Was my only reply.
He laughed again and hugged me. I still was never able to get used to these feelings I'd get from him.
...
A Wednesday in his house after school I was sitting on his couch, reading the book he let me borrow. I sat at the corner with my knees up, leaning against the armrest, and him lying down facing my knees. "Pay attention to me." He demanded, setting his hands on my legs.
"I'm reading."
"Diana."
"Charlie." I said distractedly, pretending to ignore the warmth of his hands.
"Stop reading." He said, sitting up and reaching for my hair. "Pay attention to me." He repeated.
"You're like a needy child." I sighed out, having him laugh his beautiful and rare laugh at me and run his fingers through my hair with adoration.
I was about to say something else to him about how jokingly clingy he was becoming, but before I could speak there was the sound of his front door shutting that startled us both.
I looked up and saw a woman with dirty-blonde hair and freckled skin holding her large purse on her shoulder, looking between Charlie and I in awe.
Charlie's weight on the couch vanished and I noticed how he immediately stood up, going stiff and angry. The old look of bitterness showing on his face.
"What are you doing here?" He growled at the woman.
She looked back at him, with her wide eyes lingered onto me. "I just came by to see how you were doing." She said innocently. "And I see... you've been good, I'm guessing?" She asked awkwardly, referring to me.
His eyes shot her with such hate I didn't know what to do. I'd been in that position before, but she was acting as if he spoke normally. "Get out, you know I don't want you here."
"Chance, I miss you, you sister misses you-"
"Mom-"
I didn't know what came over me, but seeing him angry again made me feel as if he was slipping away, so I grabbed his hand from my seat on the couch and he froze, looking down at me. "Aren't you going to introduce me?" I asked him, his eyes looking back into mine with serenity slowly surfacing.
When he looked back up and his calmer eyes ignored her eyecontact, but he still grumbled when he spoke. "Diana, this is my mother."
I stood up after letting go of his hand and reached out to shake the woman's. She looked at me in surprise, returning her hand and locking it with mine, her eyes running over me and then shooting back at Charlie.
"Mom, this is Diana." He said after, not elaborating on anything else, thank goodness. I honestly didn't want to hear him say student, or friend. Because I felt like neither.
"I'm Karla. It's very nice to meet you." His mother told me with a smile she seemed to try to hold back.
"You too." I told her, and Charlie cleared his throat.
"Can you leave?" He asked her, not nicely, but calmly.
She looked to the both of us and seemed extremely eager to speak more, but instead only nodded her head, and just left.
I looked at him, not sure what to think.
He avoided me by staring at the wall for the longest time, and seemed to try to walk away, but I grabbed his arm and pulled him toward me. "Charlie, are you okay?" I asked in confusion. He tried shaking me off, but I pulled him closer. "What was that about?" He didn't answer me again. "Will you look at me?" I groaned, turning his head to face me.
He looked angry, still. But holding back from it. "You should go." He told me.
I dropped my hand from his face and let go of him, leaving like he asked.
At home I was mad at myself. I was mad because I allowed him to push me away, when he obviously needed someone to talk to. I felt bad, and only wanted to fix things.
I was about to go to sleep, but felt the unusual loneliness of not having him near me when I was asleep. That's how our nights often went lately. I'd sleep at his house until around 7am, then I'd go home and get my things for school. I guess we'd become part of eachother's daily routine.
When I couldn't take it I hopped in my car and went to his house, the moon was high and it was late. He was in bed when I walked in his room, seeing him wide awake and staring up at the ceiling.
He sat up and looked at me in surprise. We just stared at eachother. Why had I come? I asked myself that too many times, but kept shoving that aside, and instead watched as he threw the covers off himself. "Oh thank god." He growled, quickly reaching for me and pulling me along with him and falling on his bed. That's when I knew he also missed me.
We held eachother close and he seemed to stay awake for longer than usual. I pulled away, "Talk to me." I said.
He stayed quiet for a while, but soon he spoke. It was quiet, and it was low and miserable. His breath flew across my face in such a gentle way I almost felt his misery too. "I'm not a good person."
Beside him I felt the same way. I wasn't a good person either, but I didn't think about that until later. At that moment I just wondered why he thought that way, and if it was true.
I didn't yet say anything, and allowed him to talk. Eventually he did. "I was close with my dad, until he left. I was sixteen, and I felt like it was my mother's fault." When he spoke he sounded so disappointed in himself, and it made me realize that all along although he hated the world and everyone in it, he hated himself the most. "I know she thought I was like him, and my sister was just as broken as my mom..." He took a deep breath, his manly voice never leaving, but I saw that it was still weakened and pained. "I don't know why, but since then I've hated being around them. It just reminds me of how easy it was for him to leave, after acting like a father for all those years." He kept his distance from me, and I felt it. I didn't realize how clingy I'd become until I felt how much I hated not being around him. "They don't deserve it at all, Diana."
Charlie's voice cracked miserably, and it was the first time I'd ever seen him so weak. I couldn't take it, his sorrow or the distance between us, so I wrapped my arms around him the best I could and felt him wait. I don't know what he was waiting for, but after he did he wound his arms around me also and hugged me tightly.
"They don't." I told him, finally speaking. "But you don't deserve to feel like this either."
"I don't know why they bother anymore." He grumbled. "I just want them to leave me alone."
"They care about you." I said, suddenly realizing how much I also cared about him. I raised my head to look at him in the dark, and he still looked so troubled.
"I'm sorry I was mean to you, Diana." He said awkwardly.
I found a smile rise in me when I realized he wasn't used to apologizing, but regardless I kissed him.
He let out what seemed like a relieved breath and kissed me back, something in the two of us winding down to a certain comfort, and we fell asleep.
...
"Are you ready?" Andy asked with a strangely calm excitement when we stood together, disguised at the airport on our way to Spain.
"Yeah," I told him, taking the hand he reached out for me to hold. We walked together into the airplane and I felt the excitement cooly rush through me. "But then again, I still wouldn't mind just hanging out at your place." I chuckled when we sat down.
It was true too. I didn't want him feeling like he had to get me all these things, and I truly felt more comfortable just being home. It was Spain of course, so I was excited. It just felt like so much.
"Diana, stop worrying about it. I know you're not a greedy person." He spoke casually beside me. "I already had this planned, but decided I wanted you to come with me."
I was happy he wanted me to go with him, and excited to get there of course. Winter break just began, and I rushed out of that town as soon as Andy called me to pick me up. A pit in my stomach stayed throughout the entire plane ride and reminded me of Charlie. He didn't know where I was going, only that I wouldn't be home for a while. That was it, that's all I told him. And luckily he wasn't clingy and asked where I was going and when I'd be back. He also had a lot of exams to grade, so he said it would be a break from such a distraction for him.
I blushed when he said that, because it was true. It was hard for either of us to get things done these days, since we were either calmly talking to eachother or doing r-rated things in his room.
The plane ride was actually amazing. We didn't go first class or anything since he said it would've brought too much attention, which was completely fine to me. I didn't even care about first class, since I was being fed and tended to even when I didn't need anything. But he promised first class when we were flying back. I told him it wasn't necessary.
When we got there the first thing we did was go to our hotel, which was definetly the most beautiful place I'd ever been. "Wow." I simply said.
"Should I switch to a room with two beds? Or keep the simple one king bed room," He asked when we were walking to the front desk.
I raised an eyebrow but only shrugged. "It's up to you." I said. And of course we kept the simple one bed.
When we got up it was golden. It was fancy in the modest of ways, which described Andy perfectly. "You don't mind staying in here, do you?" He asked.
I laughed at him and shook my head. "Are you kidding? This is amazing, of course I don't mind staying here."
He smiled secretively at me again and we both collapsed onto the large bed beside eachother. "I'm glad you came along." He told me, pinching my chin softly.
"I'm glad you chose me." I said.
Andy gave me a funny look, "Chose you? Well who else would I choose?" He asked with a chuckle. "You're the only person who makes me feel normal. Other than Toby, of course."
"Normal?" I asked, as if he was normal already. Then I realized what he was talking about and felt really clueless.
I always forget who he is.
The rich and young business man. Famous, determined, and serious. I smiled, was he even the same man?
"See what I mean?" He asked. "You don't even think of me as some wealthy guy who's in magazines and on tv." Andy seemed to glow as he spoke, and his head snuggled against mine softly.
"Sometimes I forget." I said in embarrassment.
He kissed me. "Around you, I forget too."
That day we waited until night came along and went out to explore for restaurants. After that we went on a classic walk on the beach, the air free and cool. He told me about the first time he met me, and how his business mode turned off and he slipped back into himself again. "It had been a while since I felt like myself before that." He admitted, holding my hand in his.
"Actually, what I did was very out of character." I admitted back and he laughed.
"Trust me, Diana, I'm aware of that."
I leaned against him, "So was it smart to 'forget' I was seventeen that night and not tell you until after?"
He seemed to get embarrassed also, and shook his head. "Ah- sure, I guess it was. But," He suddenly pulled me into him and held me there. "It was out of character. So I forgive you."
He spun me around and we danced to nothing but the crashing waves, the feeling in my stomach keeping me warm. I didn't think about the man who taught me calculus back at home. Home? Since when was his place my home? Since I stopped being lonely.
When Andy and I got back to the hotel, we slept together. But this time was the second time we had ever copulated, and after I didn't even think of how bad of a person I was, lying next to someone else.