The envelope keeps staring at me and it's making me feel nervous. Although it had my name written on the front in a nice, neat scrawl, I still felt as if it wasn't something that I should have opened. It was like the envelope world's version Pandora's Box; once the seal is broken and the card has been read, there's no going back.
I think that's half the problem, really. There's no going back. It's my fault. The note was right about me dropping hints and at the time, I meant every single one of them but now that it's all about to become reality, I'm not so sure that I actually want what's about to happen, to actually happen.
Does that even make sense?
Picking the card up once again, my eyes scan Isaac's handwriting, taking in each word as if they all individually held something cryptic within them.
Was this it? Was Isaac about to propose to me? Months ago, I'd said that I never wanted to get married, that I was more than happy with the way things were and that having a child together was all the commitment that I needed because let's face it, a child will last a lifetime whereas a ring and a certificate are easily destroyed. That was then, of course. Now, well, things were different and maybe I was starting to feel as if maybe being married to Isaac wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. It may very well be the best thing in the world. How would I know?
I'm still on the fence about it all. My head's been all over the place since Sera came to be and every day, seeing how Isaac is with our daughter, it's made me fall in love with him all the more. My feelings for him have evolved and all those things I said so long ago no longer stand true. Whether that meant that I now wanted to marry him, who knew. All I really know is that I never, ever want to not be without him.
If that meant becoming Mrs Fletcher, then that wouldn't be the end of the world.
My mind is so conflicted that I am basically a walking contradiction. My thoughts even rebut each other, that's how torn I am between what I want and what I think I want and what I know I want and what I know I don't want. If a therapist were to sit me down this very second, I'm a hundred percent sure that not even they would be able to make heads or tails of my thought process.
All I know it, I have until 7 pm to make sure that I have it clear in my head and in my heart what it is I want.
If I've lead Isaac on and he's going to ask me to marry him when that's not what I really want, he's going to be devastated when I turn him down. Our relationship wouldn't be able to survive that; seeing his reaction when we discussed the possibility of marriage when I was pregnant was enough to tell me that we were on different pages. What if we're now in two completely different books? But then again, what if Being Mrs Fletcher is what I want. He'd be over the moon when I say 'yes' to the proposal. He'll want to shout it from the rooftops. We'll both excitedly plan our wedding, we'll share some soppy vows, exchange rings, have lots of sex and make plenty of gorgeous babies to join Martha and Sera. We'll have what every girl dreams of.
"Earth to Charlotte?" I hear my sister, Emma, say, her hand waving in front of my face. I almost forgot that she was here even though I had called her in a panic the second I found the envelope on the pillow next to me. There was a deep frown line between Emma's eyebrows and it only deepened the longer I stood there, jaw agape, staring blankly at her. A few times, I tried to get the words out but all that I managed to form were some strangled sounds. "Luc, does that make sense to you?"
Our brother shrugged his shoulder as he bounced Sera on his hip. "Not really. Maybe that's what a mid-life crisis sounds like."
Gasping, I reach out and swat Luc's arm, making sure that I target the arm that's not wrapped around my daughter. How dare he suggest that this is a mid-life crisis! I am only twenty-something; that is not at all close to being middle-aged. Glaring at him, I try to get him to wither under my annoyance but Lucas is too familiar with my looks and he knows that I'm the least threatening person in the world.
"Well, if it's not a mid-life crisis, what's the problem?" Luc asks. He rattles one of Sera's toys in front of her face and she gives him a wide, gummy grin. "God, you are adorable, you know that, right? Maybe I can try and persuade Millie that we should have a baby."
"Don't even think about it," Emma warned him. "If you have a baby, that means that Mum will put so much pressure on me to have one just so that we've all got children and I am so not at the stage where I want to be a mother. That's beside the point. Charlotte, you rang me and demanded that I come over. What's the deal?"
Not knowing how to phrase it, I throw the note under her nose and hold it there so she can read the words on it. Her eyes scan it a few times but she doesn't grasp the meaning, simply shaking her head and lifting her blue eyes to meet mine.
"What hints have you been dropping?" She asks.
With a sigh, I mumble out my answer. When I receive a confused stare in return, I try again. "I may have dropped a few hints about how I maybe want to get engaged and you know, marry Isaac."
"And? What's the problem?" Emma demands, that frown line now turning into a mini canyon on her face. "If you've been dropping hints and he's picked up on them, isn't that good news? Congratulations on your imminent engagement."
"But-" I start to argue back with her only to stop when I realise that I like the sound of what she said. Congratulations on your engagement. It sounded so official and perfect that I momentarily got caught up in the happiness and forgot what I was saying. Not caring because I'm sure whatever was about to slip off my tongue was undoubtedly stupid, I start a new conversation. "I need a dress. I don't have dresses that I can fit into apart from the one that I wore to the Courtenay Ball but that's with the dry cleaners still because I had half of Léa's placenta on it."
Lucas gags at the piece of information. "No one needs to hear that type of talk. As for a dress for this evening, Emma, wouldn't Mum have something at her studio for Charlotte to wear?"
Now, there's the reason I asked Emma and Luc to come and help me out. Between my brother and younger sister, they had everything in hand. Emma got on the phone to someone at the design studio and demanded that they bring over some dresses in my post-pregnancy size while Lucas organised for a hairdresser and a make up artist to come to the house. Surprisingly, Luc knew a lot of people in the hair and beauty industry from all the times that Mum would drag her precious little boy to catwalk show after catwalk show every season for fifteen years.
In the space of a few hours, I had a dress to wear, hair that looked shiny, glossy and perfectly styled, as well as make up that screamed old Hollywood glamour. Emma chose all my accessories and ordered me to wear the earrings that she bought for me a few Christmases ago. Luc was busy settling Sera after I'd breastfed her, promising that he was free to babysit her while Isaac and I went out.
"Will Isaac be coming back here to get ready or-" Emma began, her words being cut off by the sound of the doorbell ringing downstairs. Holding up a finger, my sister tells me not to move a muscle until she came back upstairs and then promptly ran to answer the door. Five seconds later, she screamed, "Charlotte, get your arse down here!"
Trying to gracefully descend the stairs in the heels that Emma had flung at me an hour ago, I slowly took one step at a time, adding to the dramatic effect, until I was finally stood in the entrance hall, face to face with a booted-and-suited Isaac Fletcher.
He looked amazing in his three-piece suit, bow tie knotted at his neck. Isaac smiled when he took in my mid-length red dress, eyes lingering on my legs before trailing upwards as the smile grew wider and wider.
"You never disappoint," Isaac said, his voice low and hoarse in that unbelievably sexy way that I couldn't resist. It took all my self-restraint not to pounce on him and ram my tongue down his throat. From the smirk that toyed on his lips, he knew exactly what I was thinking. "Are you ready? I don't want to be late for our reservation."
Nodding, I begin to follow Isaac out the door, turning to see Emma giving me a thumbs up gesture. From the window of the front room, I could see Luc forcing Sera to wave at me, a smile on both their features. Hopefully, when I return this evening, I'll have some news that would have them grinning from ear to ear.
"Where are we going, then, Mr Fletcher?" I question as he held the door of the town car open for me. Admittedly, I had so many more questions for him but I think if I leave the night unfold, he may give me answers without me probing. "You're never usually this secretive about date night."
Isaac laughs. "Well, this isn't your typical date night," he cryptically says, avoiding my question a little bit longer. It wasn't until we were ten minutes into the car journey that Isaac finally turned to me and said, "We're going for dinner." Just then, the car pulls onto the side of the road and comes to a stop near a very familiar sightseeing attraction. "On the London Eye."
My heart beat faster and faster and faster in my chest. I remember dropping a hint that we should go on the London Eye together, hoping that he'd pick up on it and maybe think that it would be a great setting for a proposal. It was cliché as hell, but I didn't care.
"We're going on the London Eye?" I squeal in the most girlish way imaginable. I didn't even sound this pathetic when I was a teenage girl but that's the image I'm portraying right now. "Oh, my gosh, Isaac... this is incredible."
He laughed at my enthusiasm and took my hand in his, leading us up to the entrance of one of the pods. A man in a suit greeted us and showed us into the pod, seating us at the specially set table that had two dinner plates set out, cloche coverings, and a bucket of champagne to the side.
"Enjoy your evening, Sir, Ma'am," the man spoke before disappearing. A moment later, the pod door closed and slowly but surely, the attraction begin to move.
Isaac popped the cork of the champagne bottle and poured us both a flute each. When he handed mine to me, he said, "Let's make a toast."
"To what?" I ask, my words coming out as a giggle of nerves.
"To us, of course," Isaac laughs. "To us and to all the memories we're going to make. Staring tonight. I love you, Charlotte Louise CLlément-Delaney. I always will."
Cliffhanger!
Will Isaac propose?
This isn't my best update and for that, I apologise. I've been suffering from a toothache for days and at 2 am this morning I was in A&E (accident and emergency- the UK's version of the ER), crying my eyes out from the pain. I'm now on some very, very friendly drugs and feeling a little loopy so, yeah...
I know the first bit is majorly confusing, where Charlotte has absolutely no idea on her feelings and what she wants but hopefully, her head and heart will make the right decision.
I'm keeping this A/N short because I need to rush off and take my next round of painkillers and antibiotics. I'll see you on Wednesday, my peeps.