Song of the chapter - Why Try? by Ariana Grande
Gina drove away from the school in her beat up bug. The motor was loud, the light blue paint was peeling and the vinyl seats had a distinct smell I couldn't quite put my finger on. The further we got from the school, the more relaxed I got. It wasn't a complete relief because I knew I was just delaying the inevitable. But in that moment it didn't matter.
I took a deep breath and looked out the window. Disappointment washed over me as I thought about what a coward I was. How many girls had been dumped and run away as fast as they could to avoid seeing the guy? We hadn't even dated for an entire week and I was acting like a broken hearted wimp. I wasn't even broken hearted, not really. I just didn't know how to act in this situation. It was a new one for me.
"So, home? Or do you have another destination in mind?" Gina's question pulled my thoughts back to the present.
"Nope. Nothing. I'm just escaping my doom," I told her. It didn't matter where we went. Just as long as it wasn't back to class.
"Okay, well, it's still early in the day. I'm really not interested in hanging out at home because both of my parents have home offices." Gina shook her head, adding in a whisper, "they never leave."
Admittedly, that would be awful. I appreciated my hours at home after school without my parents. The best days were when Seth was gone as well. That was literally paradise in my opinion. It could never happen often enough, but sadly it hardly ever happened anymore. Seth was always there.
"Yeah, that would suck." I sympathized. "What are you thinking?"
"My favorite place in the world. It's silent, no one bothers you for hours and it's surrounded with books." Gina had a wistful smile as she spoke. Maybe I'd found a new paradise, because that sounded perfect.
We pulled up to a large bookstore a few minutes later. I had only been there once with my family and we were not silent, it didn't last for hours and no one let me touch the books. My mom dragged us in, picked the books herself, then shuttled us back out again. It didn't seem like a great place to hang out in that context.
Gina led the way to the back of the store where some cushy chairs were set up in a haphazard way, as if customers had repeatedly rearranged the furniture to suit whatever sized group they had and the employees never bothered to put them back. She walked over to a pair of overstuffed leather armchairs and dumped her bag in one. She looked over and gave me a sneaky grin, then turned to wander off through the aisles in search of a book, I assumed.
I took a seat in the other chair and decided to keep an eye on her stuff, then take my turn when she came back. I pulled out my phone absentmindedly, but was surprised to see several text messages. The first was from Robin.
*Hey girl, where'd you run off to? Call me!*
I'd give her a call later, when I was in the safety of my own room, without the potential of prying eyes or witnesses to my sorrow. Ugh, I was a pathetic mess.
The second text was what stirred me up even more. Luke had sent me a message right after Robin's. He must have sent it the second the bell rang, judging from the time stamp. My hands were shaking as I opened the message to see the whole thing. Apparently it went on for quite a few lines.
Sheesh! My nerves were raw.
*Mal, what's going on? Are you okay? That TJ guy is sitting in the back of the class looking very guilty and you're not here. What did he do?*
My heart raced as I read it. Luke had warned me and now his prediction had come true. I was dreading the "I told you so," that I knew was on it's way. Somewhat deserved I guess, but still. No girl wants to hear that from a former crush.
Dang, as much as I tried to stop having a crush on Luke, the guy would go and act all concerned about me and ruin all of my efforts. Darn cute classmate! I actually thought that focusing on my "broken heart" would help with that problem, so I tried to focus on the current drama of my life and not the future possibilities.
Luke said TJ was sitting in the back of the classroom, not in his normal seat in the middle. What did that mean? My mind swirled with possibilities, wondering if he had regrets. That was a dumb thought, of course he did. How could he not? The question was, which type of regrets? Regrets for breaking things off, or starting things to begin with. I wasn't sure I wanted the answers, but it did make me feel a little better that he wasn't handling it any better than I was. At least it didn't seem that he was.
I had planned on pocketing my phone and not thinking about all of it until later, but the vibration it gave off called me to attention.
*Seriously, Mal. What's wrong?*
Luke wasn't giving up so I figured I should reply to calm him down. What was wrong with my life that there I sat, nursing my wounded emotions, but I was compelled to comfort the boy who had no feelings for me?
*Nothing unusual. We decided to stop seeing each other and I took a sick day. I'll be back to grace your presence tomorrow. ;-)*
I did pocket my phone after that, deep into my bag so that I wouldn't feel any vibrations if and when Luke replied. Then I looked around to see if Gina was nearby. I needed a distraction, and sitting around waiting for her to come back wasn't it. A few seconds later, she walked back over and plopped into the chair next to mine, book in hand and a very uncharacteristic smile on her face. Gone was the goth-ish expression, replaced by something more like contentment.
"You look pleased. Find a good one?" I asked.
"The best, one of my favorites. I could read it a million times and find something new to love with every read."
"Wow! Sounds good!" I looked over at the book in her hand but didn't recognize the title or author. It was some type of dystopian story, not my thing. But she made it sound amazing. "My turn to find something." I gave her a smile and went to peruse the shelves for my next favorite novel.
***
Home was no better than it had been, but no worse either. At least I could say that was a constant in my life. Seth and his band of yahoos were already there when Gina dropped me off, playing another disgusting death game. Their brains were no doubt becoming altered by the second. Was that how serial killers were created? Those games were like target practice. Ugh.
I went directly to my room, or attempted to. Seth's voice called out to me before I was able to make it to my safe place.
"Mal! Come here!" he yelled from the couch. Lazy freak couldn't even get up and walk to the stairs.
Did I go back down and deal with his nonsense or retreat to my hiding place?
"MALLORY!"
Ugh. I begrudgingly turned to head down to his lair, knowing that he'd just continue to harass me if I didn't. I didn't have the energy for that type of drama so I surrendered, unwillingly.
As I rounded the corner of the hallway and slowly walked to the back room, I saw Seth rise from his throne and make his way in my direction.
"I need to talk to you," he said with a grim look on his face.
"Sounds serious," I replied.
Without answering, he grabbed me by the arm and pulled me away from his friends, past the kitchen and into the living room. There were at least three rooms between our location and his friends, more than enough to give us privacy. This was serious.
"What's up?" I asked, wanting to get the talk over with and rush to my room. He was making me nervous.
"That's my question, what's up? I've been hearing things, Mal. Things I don't like too much."
What? He sounded like my dad. Or the principal. What the heck?
"Seth, spill. I have no idea what you're talking about." But then, suddenly, I did. He'd heard rumors. My face paled, I could feel the color drain. He must have thought it was from guilt, shame. However, it was mostly mortification. Did everyone believe the crap spread around a high school? It had to be common knowledge that ninety percent of what was said by teenagers was false. But I guess I overestimated the average American teenager.
"You know, you and TJ. How could you do that to him, Mal? He's had your back this whole time and then you go and stab him in his."
I put my hands up, trying to shut his rant down. "Whoa. First of all, you have no idea what you're saying, as usual. Second, I didn't cheat on TJ! I have no idea how that started or why. Third, you of all people should know by now that the things we hear around school are false, Mr. Dylan-telling-that-Mal-has-crushes! You've started most of the rumors about me, how do I know you didn't start this one!"
I effectively ended his rant by starting one of my own, but I wasn't going to let him talk over me. And I wanted him to know that I knew what he had said. No more Mrs. Nice Guy.
Seth's eyes widened as I spoke, and once I finished he was strangely silent. Not Seth's style, to be honest. I wondered what was rolling around in his head.
"I have to say, I didn't see that coming," he said, mostly to himself I think. "So you really didn't cheat on TJ?"
I shook my head, keeping a glare on him as I did.
"Hmmm, that may have been a little payback for the false information I gave him earlier."
"Who? And what "false information?"
Seth looked back up at me, mouth open in surprise, I don't think he meant to say that part out loud.
"Oh, um...well." He took a deep breath and sighed. "Crap. So Dylan was bugging me about secrets, your secrets, so I fed him some bull about your crushes. I heard you talking once about some of them, but I knew they weren't real anyway.
And then I added his name for a little punch at the end." He shrugged, then made a sheepish face, "sorry."
"Wait, Dylan told you about TJ? He said he heard the rumor!"
"Yeah, pretty sure that was a lie," Seth told me, patting my shoulder and then he turned to walk back to his posse.
I just shook my head. I'm not sure what kind of truth serum Seth had taken to confess all of that, but I got the impression that Mr. Sally was up to something. He was a bigger pain in the butt than just a locker leech. I had enough problems already, I didn't need a new one. At least Gina wasn't giving me death glares anymore. And Seth wasn't as horrible as usual.
Two problems solved, or at least on hold, and two problems to go. Dealing with Dylan, and getting over TJ. Dang my hands were full.
^^^^^
Ah high school, such memories, right?!? Any predictions whether Seth will calm down on the douche or do you think it's just a time-out? Time will tell!
I liked the sound of this song, even though it's not really about giving up. It's kind of a toxic relationship song I think. But it works here too I guess...