《ANGST》
Nausea
Fear
Weakness
Many mixed emotions stirred in me like a storm, giving me a headache. My palms felt clammy and my heart was beating at an unatural rate, tears pricked the corners of my eyes and I just thought I could be dreaming. Unfortunately it wasn't a dream as I heard a knock at the door, a masculine voice called out to me, I stayed quiet. Fear was balled up and blocking my vocal chords, avoiding me to reply.
"_________? Are you alright?"
I shook violently as sobs started to rake through my body, the bathroom was filled with loud banging from the door. How was this happening? Why now? We were too young to be out in space, separated from our families that were lightyears away, the pressure of the Galaxy relying on us resting heavily on our shoulders. I felt the weight crushing me, my gut felt as if it were being ringed harshly without release.
This was the cruel reality, I felt selfish for thinking that I was the only one who missed home, surely the others were just as homesick as I. The door had opened and I felt my limp body being embraced by strong arms. I couldn't control my breathing, my chest heaved in and out rapidly, my blood rushed through my veins, hot tears cascading down the sides of my face. Ugly sobs tore through my throat, making it raw.
I clutched something soft, a fabric, so tightly my knuckles were turning white. I thought about my family, our customs, my friends, everything I left behind. My heart ached and nothing seemed to make it better as every moment made it seem like a torturous force ripping it in half, making me lose my sanity and sense of strength. My back was being rubbed soothingly, soft meaningless whisperes in my ear, and a faint smell of pine mixed with fire filled my nostrils. The image of pine trees was a blur to my mind, then a fireplace in a small cabin surrounded by towering pine and oak trees.
I snuggled my head closer for a better aroma, my face was warm, I heard a faint heartbeat that didn't belong to me. It was slow, soothing even.
Ba-Bump... Ba-Bump... Ba-Bump...
I counted each thump, each time sounded more like a thunderstorm, memories of rain on my home planet was nostalgic. I could almost smell the aftermath of a rainstorm, or feel the droplets of the skies tears on my face, see the flickering of lights in the gloomy skies.
Then I could almost reach out and grasp it, but the farther I reached the more it drifted away. Frustration and Anger only boiling within me, I couldn't understand why I was chosen to be here, I wanted to go home, but I couldn't risk the innocent lives of those in the Galaxy.
"___________, deep breathes... please calm down... I just need you to breathe."
His deep voice, clearer than the light of day, almost alluring, magnetic.
He was always the one, and he will always be the one. The one who will help me get from my weakest, up to my strongest. He just brought me a sense of home altogether, reminded me that I wasn't in this alone. We all had our flaws, even himself, he was hotheaded and impatient, but he just knew how to comfort me when I was in my worst.
He was just irreplaceable, a diamond in the rough. My reminder of home, that hot headed paladin...
Keith.