Chapter 41 - Perspective
- JUNE -
Ilang beses kong kinusot ang mga mata ko para siguraduhin kung totoo ba ang nakikita ko. Naglalakad ako papuntang classroom nang makita ko siya. Nakaksandal sa pinto, nakapasok sa bulsa ang mga kamay at naka-earphones na para bang may hinihintay. Nang makita niyang palapit ako, ngumiti siya at inalis ang earphones.
"J-jacin!" tinago ko sa likod ang mga kamay ko para pigilan siyang yakapin. Gusto kong ibaon ang ulo ko sa dibdib niya at langhapin ang pabango niyang miss na miss ko na... "Wala ba kayong training? B-bakit nandito ka?"
Ngumiti siya na lalong nakapagpaliwanag sa paligid. "Wala si Coach, I can skip the afternoon training. We can have lunch together."
"O-okay!" Malawak akong ngumiti at sunod-sunod na tumango. Baka hindi ko na mapigilan ang sarili ko't mayakap siya ng sobrang higpit!
Sabay kaming pumasok ng classroom at maya-maya lang, dumating na rin si Yuan. Hindi naman dumating ang teacher namin sa first subject kaya nagkwentuhan lang kaming tatlo. Kinuwento namin kay Jacin ang mga nangyari no'ng birthday ni Yuan, at ang lakas ng tawa niya!
"Why would they take June, anyway?" tanong ni Jacin pagkatapos tumawa. Nakakunot ang noo.
Nagkibit-balikat si Yuan, "You know them. They love embarrassing me, and June was the easy target."
Ngumuso si Jacin, "They could've taken me too, I could've been there. You were there on my baby party,"
"They would've taken you, but you were too busy."
"Nag-baby party ka rin no'ng birthday mo?" tanong ko kay Jacin.
Tumango siya. "I begged them not to involve you, and it was a lot of begging. It was so embarrassing and I don't want you to witness that." natatawa at naiiling na sabi niya. "They filled the fountain with milk and chucked me in there like a cookie. I stayed there for hours. They only let me go when I had to pick you up for our dinner."
Nagsimula pala ang baby party tradition ng dalawang grupo dahil kay Miles. Mukha pa rin daw kasing baby si Miles kahit seventeen na ito, kaya sinabuyan nila ito ng gatas. Ginawa rin daw nila ito no'ng mag-seventeen si Tyler. They successfully pranked him with the help of Polaris, and since Polaris liked the idea of baby party, ginawa nila ito kay Yohan last year, kay Blue last May at kay Yuan just last week.
Ang cute nila. Hanggang kailan kaya sila magb-baby party?
Ngayon ko lang nalaman na nag-baby party pala si Jacin. Kaya pala kakaiba ang kinang at lambot ng balat niya no'ng birthday niya.
Nang matapos ang first period, umalis si Jacin para bumalik sa training.
Excited akong tumingin sa oras. Tatlong oras na lang, lunch na at makakasama na ulit namin siya.
- JACIN -
"Alright archers, as I've told you yesterday, I won't be around this afternoon but that doesn't mean you can slack off and skip practice. May tiwala ako sa inyo."
"Yes, coach." We all say while trying hard to stifle our smiles.
"And Ayu, please." pleads Coach, "Pumunta ka sa infirmary, don't push yourself too much if you're not feeling well."
"I can handle myself coach and I'm completely fine." says Ayu firmly and stubbornly.
Coach just shakes his head before turning his gaze on me.
I'm aware of what that means so I avert mine nonchalantly.
"You can have your break and lunch now." He finally announces.
"Jacin, wanna eat lunch with us?" Marco offers.
I shake my head before smiling, "Kasabay ko si June."
And they all whistle and tease me.
"I wish I had a girlfriend!"
"Sir, ngayon pa lang magsusumbong na ko! He's gonna skip the practice para makasama ang girlfriend niya!"
"Who am I kidding? Of course you'll all skip the afternoon practice!" Coach once again shakes his head and sighs, "Fine. You're all free this afternoon. Don't be late tomorrow!"
"Yes, Coach!" We all salute with big smiles.
Mine fades when he shoots me a look. "Take her to infirmary, Jacin. The competition's just a week away. I need all of you to be in perfect health."
I heave a sigh as I face her. She's standing right beside me and I can clearly see the paleness of her face.
She glares, "Don't."
"Don't be stubborn and just come with me."
"Huwag mo 'kong pakielaman. Go have lunch with your girlfriend." she says, still glaring.
"I will, later. Kapag nadala na kita sa infirmary." Hinawakan ko ang braso niya at hinatak palabas ng field. She's really sick. Because if not, nakawala na siya sa hawak ako and most likely punched me by now.
"Let me go, Mendes."
I do, the moment we set foot into the infirmary. Hindi ko siya binitawan despite her constant struggle against my grip.
Ayu looks weak and vulnerable which seldom happens... only when she's sick.
Tumingin ako sa wall clock ng infirmary. Lunch break na. Minsan lang mawala si Coach, I shouldn't waste this opportunity to be with June.
And she's waiting for me.
I know I should leave but I can't bring my body to do it.
"Mr. Mendes?" the nurse calls out and I know why.
"She's being stubborn, isn't she?"
The nurse nods. "She keeps on saying na ayos lang siya at kaya niya ang sarili niya pero sobrang taas ng lagnat niya. Pinapauwi ko na nga ayaw naman niya. Baka hindi din naman siya makakapag-drive sa lagay niya. If you can take her home—"
"I can't, my girlfriend's waiting for me."
"Then just stay here with her and make sure na makakapagpahinga talaga siya. I have other patients to take care of, Mr. Mendes. I'm sure Ms. Velasco will understand. She's kind. Too kind actually," She smiles and claps a hand on my shoulder. "I'll leave now. Don't let that stubborn girl out hanggang hindi siya nagpapahinga."
Tumango na lang ako bago pumasok sa kwarto niya.
She's glaring again. "Ano pang ginagawa mo rito?"
"Babantayan ka."
Sarkastiko siyang tumawa, "Hindi ko kailangan ng bantay. Leave."
"No."
"Fine, then I'll leave." She says firmly, gets out of bed and walks toward the door.
Hinarang ko ang braso ko para hindi siya makalabas. "I said no. Don't make this hard for the both of us. I'll leave later. Sleep and take some rest. You need it."
"What if I say I need you back?"
I suddenly want to laugh, sarcastically too. "You don't need anyone, like what you always say to me."
"Are you staying because the nurse told you? Or because you're worried about me?"
"Why are you asking? You don't care."
"I asked because I care, Mendes!" she punches my chest and damn it hurts, "Kung wala kang pake sa'kin, umalis ka na lang!"
"Why are you being like this?"
"Hindi ko rin alam!" she screams. Her voice cracks and a single tear escape her eyes.
Now she's crying... fuck.
"Bakit nga ba ako nagkakaganito?" she runs a hand frustratingly in her long black hair, "I told you to leave, but my whole being wanted you to fucking stay."
She's just sick, Mendes. She's acting like this because she's just fucking sick.
"I know I sound pathetic so go on, laugh your ass off at me!"
I grab her waist and carry her back to bed. "I won't laugh at you. I'll stay. Matulog ka na."
"Why? Why are you staying?"
"Because we're teammates, we should help each other." I answer simply. Why the hell is she being like this? Why the hell is she showing her emotions she didn't let me see before?
"Fuck you, Mendes." she says and turns her back to me.
I close my eyes and clench my fist.
In that pitch black darkness, I see June's face.
Kanina pa siya naghihintay.
So I open my eyes and grab the phone out of my pocket. I feel so damn guilty while reading her texts.
"Pumunta ka na sa girlfriend mo, Mendes." Ayu says, her back still facing me. "I'll take my damn rest so just fucking get out."
- YUAN -
June is happy as hell and anyone could tell that. She's smiling the whole time kahit nang nakaaalis si Jacin. Even while taking our surprise quiz she's fucking smiling.
She is that happy.
Ang dali niyang basahin, and I don't mean that in a bad way. She's just so true and so kind. I'm sure she's a very bad liar or if she ever lies at all.
She's beautiful but not the typical beautiful. Oval face, natural thick brows; her one brow has a slash-like scar. Once I ask her kung paano siya nagkapeklat do'n, her first answer was that she couldn't remember. But after the baby party, she confessed that she was hit with a fucking baseball bat by one of her classmates. It takes all of my strength to stop myself from finding those people who bullied her and run them over with a fucking truck. Honestly though, the scar makes her look badass a bit, just a bit. Her nose is straight, thin pinkish lips and slightly crooked teeth that fits her exceptional features.
Physical attributes aside, June is even more beautiful on the inside. I have witnessed her beautiful heart, felt it in the past the months I've spent in this school with her... and have feelings I shouldn't have.
Fuck.
Jacin's a one lucky bastard.
Nawala lang ang ngiti ni June nang mag-lunch break. Hinihintay namin si Jacin para sabay-sabay kaming makapag-lunch but it looks like he's not gonna come.
June's phone vibrates and all the happiness in her face disappears the moment she opens the text. "Hindi raw makakasabay si Jacin. He said something came up kaya baka hindi na siya makasunod."
Bumagsak ang balikat niya.
She looks so sad.
I don't want to see her like this. Gusto kong nakangiti lang siya kahit hindi ako ang dahilan.
How do I make her smile?
I'm not good at jokes. I don't even know how to make one.
It's a first for me, wanting to make someone smile.
How do I do it?
The whole afternoon passes by slowly, with June faking her smiles even though it's obvious she's still sad.
She's really bad at hiding her emotions.
"Your Dad's gonna pick you up, right?" I ask. Last subject is already over and I still haven't made her smile.
She just nods.
"Sumabay ka na sa'kin palabas. I've brought my car."
"Okay... Salamat."
Shit. Just how the fuck will I make her smile? "June." I say and stop dead in my tracks.
"Bakit?"
"Did you swallow magnets?"
She shakes her head, confused. "Hindi naman. Bakit?"
"Because you're attractive." I say. I fucking said it.
Slowly, she smiles... and then she laughs.
I smile too. Success.
Pinanood ko lang siyang tumawa.
I like watching her. Lalo na kapag tumatawa siya.
Suddenly, everything is in slow motion as if someone pressed the remote. June is laughing slowly, everything around us is moving slowly, except for the creature inside my chest... it's beating incredibly fast as if I ran a fucking mile.
"Akala ko kung ano na!" she utters between her cute laughs.
Everything is back in their normal pace—everything, but my fucking heart. "Just wanted to make you laugh, you looked all down and gloomy."
"Pick-up line 'yon eh, hindi naman joke."
"I know, and you're really attractive." Hold your fucking horses, Yuan. Hold it.
"Binobola mo lang ako eh!"
"Hindi kita binobola." I say, and squint to make a clear sight of what I'm seeing.
Palapit kami ni June sa Pyxie Point, and I can see Jacin beside his car, arguing with Ayu.
Nauuna akong maglakad kay June, she's right behind me kaya hindi niya pa nakikita ang nakikita ko. I stop and face her so my body would block her from the view.
"I'm hungry. Samahan mo ako sa cafeteria." I hold her hand—I'm supposed to hold her wrist but who cares—and lead the way to the cafeteria.
But after walking several steps, I trip.
I fucking trip and fall on the ground, butt-first.
June looks like she doesn't know what to do first, laugh at me or help me.
Ngumuso ako. This is fucking embarrassing but if it would make her laugh, I'm fucking willing to do it again. "You can laugh, I know I look funny."
And she does laugh, even louder this time while offering her hand. "Ililibre na lang kita ng ice cream, Little Yuan."
I take her hand and get up.
June's still laughing, pero nakatalikod na siya sa Pyxie Point nang dumaan ang sasakyan ni Jacin, kasama si Ayu sa loob.
Lilingon sana si June but I cup her face and pinch her cheeks. "I'm so hungryyy."
"Dumaan muna tayo sa infirmary," she holds my arm and shows me my wrist. "May sugat ka."
"It's just a small scratch."
"Kahit na. Kailangan magamot 'yan."
I'm about to refuse but when she holds my other wrist, I just let her.
I like the idea of her holding me—I don't mean that in a sexual way. It's just—fuck. What the hell am I even thinking?
"Mr. Yuan Mendes, you again? What happened to you this time?" the nurse asks when we arrive.
I show her the little scratch.
Sighing, she puts an antiseptic and places a bandage on my small wound. "Kalalabas ni Jacin at Ayu rito, kayo naman ang pumalit."
"Po?" June asks, "Si Jacin at Ayu?"
"Ang taas kasi ng lagnat ni Ayu kanina. Walang ibang magbabantay kaya si Jacin na ang pinag-bantay ko... hindi niya ba nasabi sa'yo?"
"H-hindi po eh."
"Oh." The nurse shrugs, "I'm sure he's going to tell you anyway.'Wag kang mag-alala Ms. Velasco. Binantayan niya lang talaga si Ayu. That girl was so stubborn! She kept on insisting she was fine, eh ang taas-taas nga ng lagnat niya."
"M-matagal po ba sila rito?"
The nurse looks a bit reluctant, "Kanina pang tanghali."
Fuck this. June looks sadder now, hurt even. Tsk.
Ayu was the something that came up. He spends his time with his ex... rather than his girlfriend?
I have a sudden urge to punch Jacin but I punch myself instead... mentally.
You shouldn't feel this way, Yuan La Croix. Really fucking shouldn't. Jacin's not that kind of guy. You don't know the other side of the story so shut your cake hole. Shut your fucking heart too.
Once the nurse is done with my wrist, hinatak ko na si June palabas ng infirmary, papunta sa cafeteria. I buy us ice cream.
I pinch her cheek, "Yes, you're still attractive when sad but please don't be sad. It's making me sad too."
She smiles a little and gently pushes my hand away, but I don't let go. "'Wag mo na nga akong bolahin."
I pinch her other cheek, "If you don't smile, I'll have to make you." Using my fingers, I push the corner of her mouth upward to form her soft lips to a smiling one.
"Ete ne pe! Ngengete ne!" she struggles while laughing,
The moment I let go, she does the crazy wide smile again, the same crazy-wide smile that has me doomed.
- AYU -
I don't expect Jacin to stay, don't expect him to be the first thing I'll see the moment I wake up.
"You shouldn't have stayed." I tell him firmly.
"I shouldn't. But here the fuck I am." He curses. Jacin curses a lot when he's feeling troubled, confused or when he doesn't know what to do.
Magaan na ang ulo ko ngayon unlike earlier. It feels like someone's hitting my head with a huge ass baseball bat.
Naalala ko ang mga ginawa ko kanina. I feel stupid and pathetic, I even cried in front of him! Damn, Ayu! You aren't weak!
"You look fine now and as I said, I'll leave." He says and gets up from his seat.
"Bakit ba hindi ka pa kanina umalis? I shouldn't have seen your face... You're just making me want to be with you more." Pag-amin ko, na ikinagulat niya. Even I am surprised to the words coming out of my mouth.
"What?"
"Why, Jacin? Why did you choose to be with me than to be with your girlfriend?"
"You're sick, that's why." he says coldly, but I know he it's just his front.
"You still love me don't you?" I ask him. I feel so desperate and I fucking hate it.
"How many times do I have to tell you? I still do. But don't worry, I'll get over you soon enough."
I snort, "With the help of Velasco? She's nothing compared to me."
"No." he says firmly, and suddenly he looks angry. "You are nothing compared to her."
"But you still love me." I know he still does and I'll fucking hold on to that.
"I do, but not the way I did before." After that, he walks out.
I follow suit because what choice do I have? Palabas ako ng infirmary when the nurse stops me. Ang dami niyang bilin, binigyan pa ko ng isang katutak na gamot na tinapon ko naman sa trashcan.
"Those are your meds." Jacin grabs my hand to stop me, but the medicines are already in the trashcan.
"Do I look like I care?" hinampas ko paalis ang kamay niya. Lumabas ako nang tuluyan infirmary and it's his turn to follow suit.
Binilisan ko ang lakad ko and that's when my head throbs. Akala ko may bumato sa'kin ng bola but when I look around, si Jacin lang ang nakita ko. Umikot ang paningin ko and my knees feel weaker than ever.
Hinanda ko ang sarili ko sa pagbagsak nang maramdaman ko ang pagsalo ng mga braso niya sa'kin.
The next thing I know, Jacin is already carrying me.
"Where the hell are you taking me?"
"Ihahatid kita sa inyo."
"What?!"
"You can't drive in your state."
Nagpumiglas ako but I don't have enough strength para makawala sa kanya. He just puts me down when we arrive at the Pyxie Point where his car is parked. "Bakit hindi mo ihatid ang girlfriend mo? Bakit ako? I thought you didn't love me as much as you did before? Bakit kabaligtaran ng ginagawa mo ang sinasabi mo!?"
Binukas niya ang pinto sa shotgun side, at walang kahirap hirap na ipinasok ako doon. He's so strong, damn it.
He climbs into the driver seat moments later and starts the engine.
"If I'm nothing compared to her, why the hell are you still here with me when you should be with her? Huh?!" I laugh sarcastically before answering my own question. "It's not because I'm sick. It's because you're a fucking liar. Mahal na mahal mo pa rin ako Jacin. You care for me more than you care for your girlfriend, and you are proving it now." I click my tongue and look outside. "Poor, Velasco."
Speaking of the devil, papunta siya rito. She's with Yuan; there's something in his eyes. A smirk forms my lips. I know that look. June isn't that poor after all. May sasalo naman pala sa kanya oras na bitawan siya ni Jacin.
"Don't be so sure." Jacin says, not looking at me.
I stare at his reflection on the window beside me. "Oh, I am sure."
I'm getting you back Jacin Mendes, by hook or by crook.
You'll be mine again.