I saw him again the cafeteria again, after the orientation, a week later.
I went to talk to him but I ended up bumping into him by accident in my rush to get near him. But I was so excited that I finally got a reason to talk to him.
"Oops, my bad," I laughed, excited to finally speak to him.
"Watch where you're going, loser," Tesha spat. I was taken aback. What?...
I suddenly became aware of my friends looking at him with contempt. They could tell he didn't belong here. They just saw a poor minority with worn out clothes and terrible skin. They didn't see what I saw in him.
They started to attack him verbally.
I felt helpless and horrified. I wanted to do something but I didn't. I thought of my home situation. My hateful father. My friends approval meant everything to me. I couldn't lose it. In my own selfish desire to protect myself, I let them attack him. I lost my own chance with him.
This wasn't how I had expected to go down, at all.
My friends started to bully him and I played along. It was painful and horrible.
Because I was a coward.
I would come home, and I would shut myself in my room. I would slide down against the wall of my bedroom and mentally hate myself.
In my dreams, I would dream of him and I walking together through the school hallways holding hands. Sometimes he would kiss me first, other times, I would kiss him. He would smile at me, which was so rare for him in reality.
After about a year of the bullying the one I wanted to be with, my father almost killed my mother.
She was rushed to the hospital, and my grandparents found out about the abuse.
They demanded a divorce and my father gave it gladly.
He wasn't going to be taken to court, because his side of the family was more powerful than my mother's.
I didn't care that he deserved to suffer. I was past that point in my life. I just wanted peace for my mother and I. I was just so glad that demon was out of my life. My mother lay in that hospital bed, smiling tears of joy through her swollen lids.
I went to school the following day, in a daze.
I was getting my shoes on, when I realized that my friends had stolen Miguel's umbrella.
After the day before where I almost lost my mother, I had had enough. I snatched the umbrella from Bryan's hand and I ran in the rain, after Miguel.
"Miguel!" I called out. I could just see him in the distance.
I ran when I suddenly stopped in my tracks.
I saw Miguel getting over the railing of the bridge.
My voice got stuck in my mouth. I felt helpless again. The same way I couldn't protect my mother, I felt paralyzed to stop Miguel.
Don't jump, my mind thought in a panic.
Then he climbed down and I breathed relief. I wanted to run over to him, beg for forgiveness, but somehow I felt unworthy...
I stood in the rain, never once opening Miguel's umbrella. I just let the cold rain drench me.
I watched him walk away into the distance, and I just stood there. Numb and empty inside.
That night, while I sat beside my mother's bedside in the hospital, I had nightmares of my friends standing around the bridge, pointing down into the waters, laughing.
I would run to the edge of the bridge and see in horror that Miguel had jumped.
"Miguel!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.
I would up with a start. My head was sweating. I looked over at my mother. She was fast asleep, and my grandparents were asleep in chairs, the same as I.
I resolved that I would change my life.