Break up Plan :
You can only see the beauty of the moon when the sun isn't shining.
-----
Venice Chua
I was sitting alone. Hindi ko na matandaan kung kailan ang huling punta ko dito. Everytime I visit this place, I barely remember that I am living a scripted life.
I wished
I hoped
I prayed
That someday, he would somehow look at me in the eyes and see a future with me.
I may be numb about it but I am not blind.
I may show that I don't care about it but I care so much.
I cannot deny the fact that I love him too. I love him so much that I forgot to love myself back. I continued loving him despite knowing that he is inlove with somebody else.
I love him
Sometimes when I look at Makky, I wanted to feel angry.
I wanted to curse her.
But it turned out that I envy her more than to feel angry.
I am his girlfriend.
I should have the right.
I am entitled for the things that he should do and give to me rather than give it to her.
Ako dapat yun eh.
I should be that woman.
Not her.
But for four years.
A glimpes of the truth followed me like a shaddow in the dark.
Kung kaya ko lang gumising sa katotohanan, gagawin ko. But it's too damn hard to give up on someone you cherish and loved the most.
Nagmahal ako.
Kahit alam kong iba ang nararamdaman niya.
We go on dates.
We celebrate special occassions together.
Pinakilala ko na siya sa mga magulang ko.
But something's still lacking. May kulang parin eh.
He can't look at me the way he looks at Makky.
His smiles are different when he's with her.
He laughs more often when she's around.
He plays damn well when she's seated on one of the bleachers.
Lahat 'yun noon ko pa napapansin.
I just don't want to admit it.
'Yung pakiramdam na ako ang girlfriend ngunit kung ituring niya si Makky, higit pa sa pagiging asawa.
That's the truth.
It hurts me everytime I see them together.
Makky always complains of being bullied by him. She doesn't know how much I wanted that kind of attention from him.
Potatow
Potatow
Makky hates that word.
But that word pains me everytime I hear it coming from Blue.
I drove his car, bringing him home. He had drank too much with the Jaguars. Kaya ako na ang nag-uwi sa kanya.
" Makky" He called her.
" Makky" He called her again. Ba't ba si Makky na lang ang tinatawag niya.
" It's Venice, Babe" I told him. Muli siyang tumahimik.
" Si Makky, hindi namamansin. My Makky isn't talking to me. And I don't know what I did again this time." He said. He's drunk but he's still thinking about Makky.
" Nag-away na naman kayo?" I asked him while my eyes are still focused on the road.
" Palagi naman akong inaaway 'nun." He said before a minute of silence again.
" Binubully mo naman kase 'yung tao" I told him.
" Mahal ko eh" Halos magpreno na ako dahil sa narinig kong saad niya.
" Babe" I called him ngunit wala akong narinig na tugon mula sa kanya.
" Babe" I called him once more, ngunit wala parin.
Alcohol makes a man tell the truth. It's the antidote of lying.
Those were just a part of the things I envy Makky.
She's Makky.
I'm Venice
And that makes sense at all.
Sa pangalan palang, magkaibang makaiba na kami.
I decided to text Blue.
" Babe, Meet me at the cafeteria" I hit the send button before making my way to my car.
Wala pang dalawang minuto ng makatanggap ako ng reply mula sa kanya.
" Okay. I'll see you. Drive safe" I read it.
It's been four years already.
It has been four years of longing, waiting and hoping.
It's time to give up.
I parked my car infront of the Cafe. Hindi ko naman lubos akalain na magkasabay lang pala kaming dadating.
We both came out from our cars afterwards.
This handsome man is someone to be proud off.
Ngumiti ako sa kanya ng magtagpo ang aming mga mata.
It's still different until now.
He doesn't see me the way he sees Makky.
'Yung mga tingin niya kay Makky, It's like piercing through your soul.
But the way he looks at me, It's like a typical stare he gives a random person. That's how I see it. Babae ako, I know the slight difference when it comes to that matter.
" Why the sudden decision, Babe." Blue asked me.
" Tara sa loob" Aya ko na lamang sa kanya ng hindi ko sagitin ang tanong niya.
Umupo kami pareho. He was just looking at me, reading my every move.
But his stared were still plain.
I cannot feel any connection at all.
" Blue" I called him.
" Bakit?" He asked.
" I want to tell you something" I said
" Go on" He encouraged me.
" I'm sorry but I cannot do this anymore, Blue. I cannot live with it anymore. Alam naman nating pareho ang nararamdaman ng bawat isa diba. And you cannot hide it from me. I know how much you tried. And how much I tried understanding it but I still have my limit, Blue." I started. I looked at him straight in the eye and the way he looks at me. It was as if he isn't even afraid of loosing me.
" Kahit hindi mo sabihin sa akin Blue, alam ko. Ramdam kong pinipilit mo lang ang sarili mo sa sitwasyong meron tayo. And I don't intend to trap you into a loveless relationship. Blue, gusto ko kung magmamahal man ako, mamahalin din ako pabalik ng taong mahal ko. I love you but you love Makky. And Makky loves you back. 'Yun lang naman 'yun Blue eh. Maniniwala ka ba sa akin kung sasabihin kong araw araw kong hinihintay na makipagbreak ka na sa akin? Would you believe me if I say that I readid myself every single day to accept that thought with me? Kase ramdam ko, Blue. Ramdam ko kung gaano mo pinapahalagahan si Makky na ayaw mo na siyang nakikitang nasasaktan. Ngunit patuloy mo siyang masasaktan Blue kung hindi mo gagawin ang tama. I will not say that our relationship is a mistake because despite the situation we had, rinespeto mo parin ako. Even though we had this whirlwind type of relationship here, I still appreciate that you didn't just dump me and gave up Blue. But I'm not that naive and dumb not to think of how you supposed to do it on your own Blue. Nakilala na kita sa loob ng apat na taon. I know you. Well, not as much as Makky knows you but I know you by heart, Blue. You told me you're leaving for the States. I'm happy for you. You're a good man Blue. But a good man must do what he thinks is right. We need to end this because we aren't happy anymore, Blue. You cannot love her if you are still tied on the relationship that we have. We have to let go of each other. We have gone this far for you to prove my worth Blue." I told him. I wanted to be emotional in front of him but didn't. I tried my best not to.
" I have loved you, Venice. Don't think that I took you for granted. I loved you the possible ways I know. But I cannot compare my love for you to the love I feel for Makky. She's my life Venice. She's the air that I breath. She's the blood that runs through my body. She's my everything. Forgive me for hurting you this much. I have been such a pain in the ass. But I cannot loose her. I will accept everything that you are going to do and say to me. I believe I deserve it but that won't change the truth that I am madly inlove with Makky." Sunod sunod niyang saad sa akin
Huminga ako ng malalim bago ko siya sinagot.
" I am not that woman you think I am, Blue. Marunong akong ipaglaban ang nararamdaman ko ngunit hanggang dun lang ako. Hindi ako maninira ng kapwa ko babae dahil lang sa larangan ng pag-ibig. Naniniwala ako na kung para sa'yo, para sa'yo. At hindi ikaw ang lalaking para sa akin, Blue. You are made for Makky. Salamat sa pag-ibig na inialay mo sa akin. You gave me your love but not your heart. You gave me your smiles but not your laughters. You gave me your time but not your day. Blue, you tried but you cannot hide the truth that you love her since day one." I told him.
" I loved her since day one. That's true. And I love her until now. Break up with me Venice. We started as friends and it's just right that we'll still end up being friends" Blue said.
Tipid akong ngumiti bago ako muling nagsalita
" I'm breaking up with you, Josh Blue Alvarez" I muttered to him
I saw him smile
" Accepted" He said with a smile
——