"Cheers to season 42!" I hear Lindsay Shookus, one of the producers of Saturday Night Live, toast. It's Monday evening, and Harry and I were currently at some fancy New York, Upper East Side restaurant with the rest of the SNL crew and their families for the first dinner party of the season. "And cheers to Ariana and Harry finally getting back together!" She adds completely catching me off guard as everyone at our table cheers. It's sweet that everyone is so excited we're back together, their opinions mean a lot to me. "And cheers to Donald Trump giving us a comedy gold mine" she jokes which makes everyone laugh.
"Okay can we talk about me and Donald Trump in the same sentence, especially in any form of celebration" I say playfully to end Lindsay's seemingly everlasting toast.
"Sorry! I just wanted to make it clear that I am really genuinely happy to see you two together" she explains and some people at the table cheer and clap in agreement but I can't help but just blush and look down in my lap.
"Enjoy it while it lasts, you never know with us" I hear Harry say and I immediately look up in shock as I playfully hit his arm. "What? I'm joking" he smiles as he jumps a bit from my slap as if it actually hurt.
"Even if you're joking I'm still taking your advice and enjoying this" I hear my fellow cast member and actual friend Vanessa Bayer say as I roll my eye.
"Okay yeah fine we've broken up a couple of time get over it people" I laugh. I know everyone here knows about Harry and I's on and off status, even if I didn't tell them directly it's constantly publicized. It's something I've had a hard time dealing with but I love all these people and they make me laugh and I know they know the real me so if I can be reminded and teased about it by anyone I'm glad it's my coworkers. Besides, I think it's good to be able laugh at it and myself.
It's nice to catch up and get back to work, besides from Harry, the laughs and memories I share while working at SNL may be when I'm happiest. There's so many people in the show, from the cast and crew to the week's host and their crew so I haven't been able to catch up much with people who aren't sitting at my table but, the conversations I'm having at the moment make me excited to catch up with everyone else as well.
"There's so doubt in my mind that we have a very talented group of people dedicated to this show so let's go and make this a good season" I hear Lorne say to end his little speech. Lorne created this show back in the seventies and the fact that he took a chance on me and gave me my career is something I'll always cherish. He's been a father for me when even my dad wasn't and seeing him give me a subtle nod of approval tonight when he saw me with Harry means the absolute world to me. I'm really enjoying today.
"Are you tired?" I whisper in Harry's ear as we stand with the rest of the crew. Everyone is hugging each other and leaving since the dinner had just ended. Personally, as much as I love hanging out with the cast, I want nothing more than to go home and cuddle with Harry as we watch a movie, preferably The Pink Panther.
"No, are you?" He asks and before I can reply our conversation is interrupted as I hear someone call my name.
"Ariana!" I hear Abel, aka The Weeknd, the musical guest for the week say as he walks over to us.
"Hi!" I say with a smile as I lean in to give him a hug. I've met Abel a couple times before, at different events and he's been on SNL a couple times before. "I'm really excited you're here! How does it feel being the first musical guest of the season?" I ask. I'm so use to making small talk with the celebrities that come on SNL each week, and while I can still get anxious, it's nice to have a clear routine of what to say and do.
"It's really cool, I'm feeling very blessed. It's gonna be incredible to watch all of you perform live" he admits and I nod my head.
"It's gonna be incredible to watch you perform live" I say back, "nice haircut by the way" I add and I see him blush while letting out a little laugh.
"Yea, we've both got some pretty intense haircuts" he says as he looks at Harry and we all laugh. I watch as the two of them make some small talk for a while as well. I can't help but stare at Harry as they talk, I don't even know what they're talking about, i can't focus on it. From Harry's beautifully structured cheekbones, to his hypnotizing green eyes and his beautiful pink lips, he's perfect. How is he real? How is he mine? There's no one in the world I would rather be with. "Well it was good seeing you two, I'll let you guys go" he says with a smile before hugging me once again. I don't know why he felt the need to hug me one more time but I go along with it as I say goodbye to him as well. I watch as he walks away and once he's out of earshot I look up at Harry who just looks down at me.
"What?" I giggle, I can't exactly read his face but he seems a bit annoyed. "Are you jealous?" I tease as he loosens up and smiles. I can't believe he was actually getting jealous, especially since I couldn't help but stare at Harry and completely swoon over him the whole time Abel was talking to him. Although the fact that he's seemingly let it go so quickly let's me know he does realize how much I admire him. "Well you should be" I add in a pretty casual yet serious tone as I look away from him but I can feel his stare burning into my skin. "The last guy I fell in love with was also a musical guest on the show" I smirk as I turn to see a big smile form on his face as he pulls me closer to him. "That's how we met, I think he was in some boy band or something, I don't know, he was British I couldn't understand a word he said with his accent" I joke as I feel Harry cup my face with his hands and give me a kiss.
...
"It really was incredible, how do you feel babe" I hear Harry ask as he pulls away from our kiss and I can't help but smile, I'm so happy. We've just finished the first show of the season and I'm feeling so good. It's been awhile since I've performed live in front of an audience and it's been even longer since I did so while feelings genuinely happy in my own life as well. I love making people laugh and I'm so glad everything worked out so flawlessly and I'm thankful to have Harry here, watching and supporting me backstage.
"I'm so... happy!" I squeal, I'm so full or jitters and excitement and I just want to go out and celebrate with Harry and the rest of the cast. We've been working hard all week it's finally time to just relax and hang out without the stress of work. Plus, since I'm working I've spent much less time with Harry compared to the last three months or so. All I want to do is wrap my arms around him and never let him go.
"Ari! Harry! C'mon lets go!" I hear my fellow cast member Pete Davidson's girlfriend, Cazzie, say. Pete is the other young cast member and I feel like we share a lot of things in common just because of our age, that includes the people we know and hang out with. "Are you guys going to the after party?" she asks and I nod my head, why wouldn't we go? I mean it's tradition. "Oh okay" she says as she nods her head, she looks kinda concerned.
"Why? What's up?" I ask but she shakes her head.
"Nothing, I mean it's gonna be kinda crowded you know. A lot of random people, a lot of people who are kinda friends with some people" she admits and I nod my head. I know that. The first episode of the season and the last are usually the most packed, alongside the Christmas episode. It's not just an after party celebrating a week of hard work, it kinda turns into a huge New York party that everyone tries to get into.
"Oh yeah that's fine" I smile as we all walk towards the exit to jump into a cab and head to the after party. I turn to give Harry a look and notice he's just as confused by everything as I am. I don't know what Cazzie was trying to get at but I decide to just brush it off, it was probably nothing. The four of us get in a cab and I listen as Pete tells us about the crazy day he had trying to get to work today. Once we actually arrived at the party however, Harry and I are pulled away from Pete and Cazzie as we go to talk to others at the party.
"I can't believe that actually made the show, you are crazy girl!" I hear Leslie Jones exclaim and I can't help but burst into laughter. I'm laughing so hard I can't even say anything. Leslie is so clearly drunk, she's discussing a sketch that I wrote as a joke that was just awful and didn't make the show but for some reason she has such a vivid memory of it being performed earlier and I don't want to tell her the truth.
"I honestly can't breathe!" I exclaim in between laughs as she bursts out laughing. Leslie is the oldest member of the cast and even though I'm the youngest, we get along just as well as anyone else. I continue to talk to her for a couple of minutes until I realize Harry is no long near me and I kinda wanna go find him. He usually gets pulled away from me at things like this but I'm kinda ready to leave and just spend the rest of the weekend with him. I continue to talk to Leslie for a moment before others start to come by and join our conversation and I slip out.
I love being able to just blend in and stay unnoticed and I know that I can't really do that anymore. This place is definitely crowded and it makes me kinda anxious, I know people recognize me and I just want to find Harry and get out. Thankfully, it feels like the people I do know kinda stand out, it's like I'm being swarmed by faces but my eyes instantly lock on to the ones I actually know. I still can't find Harry but I do find Pete and I hope he might know where he is. As I walk over to him I realize I recognize some of the guys he's talking to. How do I know these guys? Where have I seen them before?
That's when it hits me and I stop dead in my tracks. All I want to do is just turn around and run out of here but I realize I need to search for him. Those guys are Ricky's friends and if they're here, maybe he is too. I can't blame Pete for hanging out with him, I mean he doesn't know what happened, no one really does. Thankfully, I don't see Ricky around them. Maybe he didn't show up. I pray to God he has enough integrity to not show up after what he's done to me. That's when I feel someone wrap their arms around me and I can't help but push them away with every ounce of strength in my veins.
"Ari, is everything okay?" I hear Harry say as he frowns. I can't thank God enough for putting Harry behind me right now, especially since my initial thought was much, much worse. I don't think I would put it past Ricky to pull some sleazy, disrespectful move like that.
"Yeah sorry you scared me! I was just looking for you, I didn't expect you to be behind me" I admit which makes Harry laugh and I can't help but smile as well.
"Shall we get going?" he asks and I nod my head. I don't like staying out all night like some other people, I mean after the after party there's an after after party but I rarely go to that. I know Harry knows that and that's probably why he's come to find me, he knows I want to leave. "Are you tired he asks and I shrug, I kinda am but if he isn't I'll do my best to stay up and keep him company tonight until he's tired. "Yea you are" he smirks and I laugh, "I know you too well" he laughs and I can't help but blush. He's right, I am tired, I mean my whole sleeping schedule gets messed up on weeks I have the show and leaves me exhausted by the end.
"I didn't want to tell you incase you don't want to go to sleep yet" I admit as he shakes his head and we walk towards one of the exits of the party venue. That's when I see it, or I guess him. I should have known the idea of avoiding him was too good to be true, He's right there, Ricky, standing by the exit Harry and I were walking towards, just hanging out with a few friends. Why is he here? He should know he shouldn't be here, maybe he does. Maybe that's why he's hanging by the exit where no one else is rather than in the mix of the party with most of his friends. Either way I can't go near him, I can't let Harry go near him either. "Wait, I think I forgot my bag" I admit as I grab Harry's arm to turn around, there's plenty of exits we can use another one.
"You didn't bring one" he frowns, crap, I was hoping he didn't realize that.
"Are you sure? I feel like I did" I admit, I know I'm lying, he knows I'm lying, I don't know what to do. I'm really starting to panic.
"Yea, Ari you never bring your purse to these after parties" he explains and he's right, I never do. I'm too afraid that I'm gonna lose it or something so I leave everything back at my house. Now I don't know what to do. "What's wrong babe?" he asks and I decide to assess the situation. How close is Ricky to the exit? Maybe we can walk out without even having to see him. I quickly glance over to the exit hoping Harry doesn't notice, he's right in the corner by the door, I could try and walk out but there's a high probability that Harry will notice him. I quickly look back at Harry only to realize he's now staring towards the exit as well. Fuck.
"Harry" I start even though I have absolutely no idea what to say. He snaps his head back to face me and he looks furious, he has definitely spotted Ricky.
"IS THAT HIM?" He yells, although it's so loud it's not like anyone is really getting drawn to us over his shouting. I want to say something, I want to calm him down but the words won't leave my mouth. I can't say anything, no matter how hard I try. I'm panicking, standing completely frozen in front of Harry. Why can't I say anything? What is happening? Before I have a chance to snap back to normal Harry is already rushing over to Ricky.
Once I've finally gotten the strength to move I run towards him but it's too late. He's already pushed past Ricky's friends and I watch as he raises his fist and punches Ricky right in the face as people go to pull him away from him. "Harry stop!" I yell as I grab onto the hem of his shirt and try to pull him away from everyone. People look so confused, no one knows why he just punched him, I'm not surprised. Why would Ricky tell them he laid hands on me first? I look over at Ricky, he cups his face with his hand looking somewhat ashamed before looking over at his friends. I guess he doesn't wanna look like a wimp or something because he instantly bounces back as he approaches Harry while people try to pull him away as well.
"What the fucks your problem huh? You wanna fight?" I hear Ricky shout and I just want all of this to stop, I never wanted to hear his voice again, I never wanted Harry to put himself in this situation. I just want to move on, why can't that happen? I was so close.
"You're a piece of shit! How do you live with yourself? Try and fucking come near me!" Harry shouts back. I beg for him to let it go and move on, I keep telling him he's not worth it but he isn't listening. He's too caught up in everything, he wants to do what he wants and I can't stop him. I hear him continue to yell obscenities at Ricky and I know there's nothing I can do.
I watch as Harry gets angrier and angrier as does Ricky and they both manage to pull away from everyone, including myself. Ricky makes a fist with his hand as he goes to punch Harry but Harry blocks it and punches him once again. I see the muscles in his arm bulge. I've never seen him act so aggressively but I just want to get out of here. Thankfully it looks like Ricky has no energy left to fight and Harry turns around. I watch as he scans around to find me when we make eye contact I can't even stay long enough for him to say or do anything, I just turn and head towards the exit and I know he's following.
"Ari! Ari! Are you mad at me?" he shouts once we're outside and finally alone. I hear his footsteps race over to me as he grabs my hand and I turn to face him. I don't know how I feel until I look at him and I suddenly burst into tears.
"Why couldn't you have just let it go?" I yell as I wipe my own tears.
"Ari he hurt you" he argues but I don't care. I know what he did, and I just want to move on. I guess he realizes that his argument means nothing to me as he just lets out a sigh as he calms down again. I know he's still angry but the fact that he's trying to be more gentle and calm for me means a lot. I'm disappointed with his actions but I still love him immensely, and I don't want to let this get in the way, Ricky has done enough, he's not gonna drive anymore wedges in my life. "I'm sorry. Ari, I really am. I didn't know it would hurt you, I'm so sorry. I just- he deserved it" he admits and I know he's right.
"I can't argue with that" I admit as I look at Harry and he looks at me and we both let out a small laugh as I roll my eyes. "Seriously though, don't put yourself in that position ever! Not for me or anyone. I don't like the idea of you fighting someone, you could get hurt. Plus it's kinda scary to see you be aggressive, I don't like that" I admit and he nods his head. "I wanted to be angry at you" I whine as Harry continues to laugh as he engulfs me in a hug.
"'I think I forgot my bag'" he mocks and I let out a groan. "You're such a bad liar" he laughs and I'm glad we aren't letting Ricky ruin our night.
"Okay, now I'm mad at you" I pout as I pull away from him and head towards the front of the venue to get a cab as I hear Harry laugh.
"You can't stay mad at me forever" he yells and I turn around as I begin to walk backwards just so I can give him a dirty look.
"Watch me" I say with a frown that quickly turns into a smile. Fuck, I guess he's right.