TW: attempted suicide
I don't like my mind right now
That one sentence describes me perfectly right now.
My thoughts are racing through my head, I can't think straight. It's always like this late at night when I can't sleep, but these night have become more frequent, nearly every night. I'm lucky to get 2 hours of sleep each night.
And I drive myself crazy
All these thoughts are making me slowly go insane. They are always the same too. They say I only think about me. That I'm selfish and I don't think about others, only my worthless self.
I don't know why I'm still holding on.
Why is everything so heavy?
I get weighed down by all of this, and I don't know what to do about it. Maybe it'll stop if I let go, if I just end it all here.
No.
I can't do that, but God is it tempting.
Nobody would miss me, my dad disowned me when I came out and I haven't I heard from him since.
My mum was the only one who cared for me growing up, but she was diagnosed with cancer 3 years ago. I was the one to look after her but she lost her battle after 6 months, leaving me in the care of my dad. He hated me and blamed me for my mum's death, beating me and calling me names. As soon as he found out I was gay, he kicked me out, not wanting to be around a 'gay faggot' like me.
I have only a few school friends, probably because I barely go anymore, it's just a waste of time. My mind wonders off to others places when I try to concentrate.
But at the moment everything is a waste of my time, maybe I should do it.
But, what about Baekhyun?
I promised I wouldn't, not for myself, but for him. He knows about what's going on, but he still chooses to stay my friend throughout all of it.
One of the only people who did.
I don't even know why he did, I'm not anything special, just a depressed and suicidal teenage boy who can't even look after himself properly.
I don't like having to rely on him to stop me from doing 'stupid' things, and to help me through just everyday life.
He would be better off without me.
He could then concentrate on school and everything else without me bothering him.
I can see he gets so stressed over having to look out for me and having to do practically everything for me, but he still carries on and does it.
These thought carried on for the next hour until I couldn't cope anymore.
2:32 am
To: My Baekkie
Help, please. The voices won't stop
'He won't get it', 'he'll be asleep', 'he won't come and help your worthless self'.
The voices pushed me into my bathroom, where all of my pills are kept.
I grabbed my ones out of the cupboard next to the mirror, which was above the sink, and balanced the bottle on the side of it.
I put my hands on the sink and leaned on them, look at my reflection in the mirror. I looked like shit.
My hair all greasy and dishevelled, my eyes had large black bags under them, my skin deathly pale, and my whole body was now very thin and skinny.
Nobody would want to see anyone who looked like this.
'Do it'.
Slowly, I uncapped the pill bottle and poured them out into my hand. I counted all of them and there were 46 pills.
That would surely be enough.
I picked one up out of my cupped hand and held it up to my eyes, studying it carefully. I've always thought these pills looked very pretty, with their white and blue coating the outside. I have so many pills left because I refuse to take them, I only take them when Baekhyun forces me to, which is whenever he comes over. He's scary when he's mad. When I take them, they make me feel like someone I'm not, like my mind has been numbed, but after a while the voices just come back.
With shaky hands I picked up 2 and put them into my mouth, swallowing them quickly.
Then another 2, and another, and another.
This went on until I had taken 32 of them and could feel the effects starting to take place. My legs gave way and I managed to sit down against the bath tub, pills still in hand.
I swallowed the remaining ones and let my head roll back so it was resting on the tub behind me.
Maybe I'll be able to see my mum again.
My heart was thumping wildly and my throat was dry as my vision began to blur. Black spots danced around the room and my eyelids gave up the fight to stay open.
But what I failed to notice before I slipped into a coma like sleep, was the sound of the front door opening.
*Baekhyun's POV*
After receiving that distressing text from Chanyeol, I scrambled out of bed and threw some clothes on before stumbling out the door, still half asleep. My phone wasn't on silent, thank god, so it woke me up with the noise of the notification.
The whole drive to his small apartment was tense, and I'm pretty sure I was over the speed limit most, if not all, of the journey.
God, I hope he isn't having suicidal thoughts again, he only just coped the last time, I was really scared he was actually gonna do it.
I pulled up outside his house and abandoned my car near enough in the middle of the road.
Sprinting to the front door, I unlocked it quickly and flung it open, not caring how much of a sound it made.
I ran to his bedroom, looking for any signs of life, but found none. Then I looked in the bathroom, and the sight I was met with, I will never forget.
Chanyeol was sprawled against the side of the tub, an empty pill bottle on the side of the sink, and his body looking lifeless and cold. The worst thing was that he still had just over a dozen pills left in his right hand. I threw myself down onto the cold floor and grabbed his wrist, checking for a pulse.
Thank the Lord, there was, but it was faint.
With tears now rushing down my face and blurring my vision I grabbed my phone and called for an ambulance.
Whilst waiting for them, I looked at him in my arms.
"Please, don't let go. Hang on, for me, please?"
I knew he couldn't hear me.
They came and took him away, leaving me to follow in my car behind them.
I wasn't allowed to know anything about Chanyeol's condition yet, so it was a nervous wait in the waiting room. What if he didn't make it? What if it was too late? Questions were racing around in my head.
About an hour later a doctor came into the waiting room.
"Family and friends of Park Chanyeol?" He asked.
I put my hand up and stood up hurriedly, making my way over to where the doctor was standing. Of course I was the only one there for him, his father had probably been phoned by the hospital and he probably didn't even give two shits about it.
"Is he okay? Is he alive? Can I see him?" I bombarded him with questions.
"Let's go to my office." He said with an almost pitiful expression.
I followed him through the maze of corridors in the hospital. As we we're walking, we passed many beds occupied by people with various injuries, but there was a certain one that caught my attention. It was a girl, probably around the age of 16. She had both her wrists bandaged up and she looked very pale and thin. Seeing this broke my heart, it made me think of Chanyeol.
Not long after that we arrived at the doctors office, and I noticed the name of the doctor was engraved into a plaque on the door.
Dr. Hong.
"Please, sit." He said and gestured to a chair in front of his desk, opposite where he was sat.
I sat down slowly and he began talking.
"Where do I start? Well, Chanyeol took so many of the pills, anti-depressants I believe, that we struggled to save him. He is alive, but only just."
I let out a sigh of relief a he hearing that.
"But there is some bad news. The only way of saving him was to put him in an induced coma for the best chance of him surviving."
And just like that, my whole world came crashing down.
"C-can I see h-him?" I asked quietly.
"You can, but I'm warning you, he may not wake up for months yet, so don't get your hopes up too much." Dr. Hong warned me.
"I understand. But please try as hard as you can." I nearly whispered.
We left his office and I followed him back through the maze of corridors and to the ward Chanyeol was in. The ICU, intensive care unit.
Dr. Hong stopped in front of a room, room 461, and turned to me.
"He's in here. If you have any questions, there will be nurses around the ward that you can ask. I need to go check on one of my other patients." With that, he left me stood by the door of Chanyeol's room.
Gripping the cold metal handle tightly, I pulled the door open and slowly stepped into the room.
The sight I was met with wasn't pretty but I knew he was in better condition than when he was at his apartment. But only just.
I walked over to the chair placed by the side of his bed and sat down, not taking my eyes off of him even for a second.
Reaching out my hand, I took his hand in mine and gently intertwined our fingers together.
Silence engulfed the room and all I could hear was the slow, steady sound of our breathing, Chanyeol's was only just loud enough to be heard.
"I-I'm sorry. I'm so s-sorry Chanyeol. I should have been there for you.......I should have got there quicker." I sniffed and tried not to cry, which didn't work.
I ended up say there watching Chanyeol and crying until a nurse came in.
"Sweetie. I know you want to stay here with your friend, but you really need to go home and get some rest, maybe eat something too." She smiled warmly at me.
"He will get better, I know he will. Just be patient." She said, rubbing my back in a comforting manner.
I looked up at her.
"I promise."
*1 month later*
I've been visiting Chanyeol everyday after school and work, checking up on his condition. Sometimes my friends accompany me, but they have lives too and cant always come to the hospital with me and watch me cry everyday. Most of the time, when people actually come with me, it's either Minseok or Luhan.
So far he has only made a tiny bit of progress, but I'll take anything now. I just want him to wake up, for him to be okay. I've vowed to myself that I'll never let him do anything like this again, that I'll never leave his side again.
So here I am, sat at the side of his bed again in my usual spot. The nurses know to leave the chair in this space, seeing as I would end up moving it here anyway. I come here straight after school, and I stay until visiting hours are over, usually doing homework or reading, but no matter what I'm doing, I always listen to music. I only ever have one earphone in, just in case something happens.
Chanyeol was laid there, motionless, as always, and Luhan and Minseok were both sat on the small sofa which was placed against the wall, facing the hospital bed. I'm pretty sure they were both texting their boyfriends, rather than doing the Chemistry homework they said they were doing. Well judging by the smiles on their faces they definitely were.
The small smile I had on my face faltered slightly after thinking about how happy they were with their boyfriends, while I was still waiting for Chanyeol to wake up to tell him how I feel. My gaze dropped to my lap as I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I don't want to cry, not here when Luhan and Minseok are here, they don't need to see me like this. They already have too many times before.
My eyes fell upon the sketchbook, which laid on the floor next to my abandoned bag, and I picked it up, examining the cover of it like I always do. It is covered in loads of band stickers and small polaroids of me and my friends, mostly me and Chanyeol. I remember taking all of these with an old polaroid camera I found in the attic of my parents house when I was exploring. My mum said I could keep it, so as soon as I got back home I called all my friends over so we could test it out. These are all of the polaroids we took that very day.
My sketchbook is filled with random doodles and half finished drawings of people and landscapes, but there is are a few drawings that I have actually completed. These, surprise surprise, are all drawings of Chanyeol, and they are the reason I never let anyone look through it, especially my friends as they wouldn't stop teasing me about them. The latest drawing I have been doing is another one of him, but it isn't finished yet, and it has water marks dotted over the page from where I've been crying whilst drawing it.
I jumped when Luhan waved his hand in front of my face and began speaking.
"Hello? You in there? You've been staring at your sketchbook for 5 minutes now." He said as he sat back down.
"What...... Oh yeah. I'm fine." I muttered, flicking through my sketchbook to where the drawing was.
"You clearly aren't. Even Yixing has noticed something is up, and you know what he's like." I looked at him to see he was being completely serious. But he has a point.
"Dude, you seriously need to go home and sleep. You look even more like a panda than Tao does. Stop worrying, he is going to be fine, he won't leave you without putting up one hell of a fight." Minseok interrupted before I could say anything.
I looked over to where Chanyeol was laid. Minseok was right, but I still didn't want to leave him alone, I have a feeling something is going to happen.
The room fell silent.
"We need to go now to meet with the others, you should come. They are worried about you, you know. They haven't seen you properly in weeks."
"We're not going anywhere where we have to socialise with other people, just to the park. There wont be that many people either, just the usual ones." Luhan said as he began to gather up the many pieces of paper that was supposedly his Chemistry homework.
"Okay, I'll come, but only for a few hours." I said, finally giving in.
"You have to promise us that you will go home and sleep after we meet with the others too." Minseok added on.
"Okay. But if I get any news from the hospital at all then I'm coming straight here, no matter what." I bargained.
I'm pretty sure they have given up on me now, but they agreed and finished packing up their things as I grabbed my bag and sketchbook, which was now placed on the edge of the hospital bed.
I got up from my seat and stretched, its been 2 hours since I've moved from that chair and my back was beginning to ache and cramp up. Even though I do this everyday I still haven't gotten used to it. I swung my bag over my shoulder after putting my sketchbook in there and walked to the door, where Luhan and Minseok were waiting for me.
*Chanyeol's POV*
My eyes feel heavy, like they are being weighed down with something. I feel numb and as if I'm not in control of my body and limbs.
After struggling for a few minutes, I managed to open my eyes and the brightness of the room I was in nearly blinded me. I looked around and realised I was in a hospital room. Why didn't it work, I just wanted to die, to leave this world behind and live happily for once.
I tried to sit up slowly, my head was still sore and I felt dizzy. I looked around the room I was in, it was like a typical hospital room, white, white and more white, with the occasional bit of blue. But I failed to noticed, a first, that there was someone sat in a chair beside my bed. As soon as I recognised the dark brown mop of hair I sat up and started calling his name, waving my hand in front of his face.
"He can't see you." A voice spoke softly from the other side of me, making me jump.
I quickly turned my head to see who it was. In the process of doing that I also noticed that Minseok and Luhan were in here too, both sharing a small sofa.
Stood in front of me was one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen, apart from Baekhyun, nobody can be more beautiful than him. The person had medium length blonde, straight hair, and they wore all white. It was almost as if the person was an angel, you could literally almost see a halo above their head.
"What- I mean- who are you?" I asked, confused.
"I am Jeonghan and I'm an angel, your guardian angel. I'm here to help you make a decision." The person said.
I looked at him confused.
"At the moment you are in between living and dying, and I'm here to help you decide whether you want to live or die."
"What do you think? I tried to kill myself, you think I want to live?" I spat, probably a bit too harshly.
"You may want to rethink that decision. But before you make up your mind, let me show you some things that may help." He said. He didn't seem fazed by my rude comment.
"What do you mean?" I questioned.
"Just watch." Jeonghan said as he gestured for me to look back at Baekhyun, which I gladly did.
Sitting down on the edge of the bed facing him, I realised that this time I could hear what was going on in the room, whereas before I could only see what they were doing.
Baekhyun was still sat there in the chair next to my bed staring off into space, and Luhan and Minseok were both still sat on the sofa, talking about some kind of homework, I'm guessing Chemistry by what they were saying. But they soon stopped talking and both got out their phones and began texting people, they were smiling loads so I'm guessing it was their boyfriends.
But what caught my attention was the fact that Baekhyun looked over at the two texting with a small smile on his face, but that quickly faltered and he turned away and looked down at his lap. It looked like he was trying to hold back tears too.
"Why do I need to see this?" I asked Jeonghan.
"Just watch it, you'll understand in a minute." He said.
When I looked back, Baekhyun had picked up his sketchbook and was examining the cover of it. I unconsciously smiled when I saw what exactly was on the cover, it was all the polaroids we took together. I didn't think he still had them. He ran his thumb over a certain one, one that was just the two of us together.
I saw Luhan get up and walk over to Baekhyun, who didn't hear him, and wave his hand in front of his face, making him jump.
"Hello?" He said, "You in there? You've been staring at your sketchbook for 5 minutes now." After Luhan said that he sat back down.
"What...... Oh yeah. I'm fine." Baekhyun muttered quietly, flicking through his sketchbook. It looked like he was trying to find a certain page.
"You clearly aren't. Even Yixing has noticed something is up, and you know what he's like." I could tell by the tone of his voice he was being completely serious. I can't believe he made himself so bad that even Yixing noticed.
"Dude, you seriously need to go home and sleep. You look even more like a panda than Tao does. Stop worrying, he is going to be fine, he won't leave you without putting up one hell of a fight." Minseok interrupted as Baekhyun opened his mouth to say something.
For the first time I was able to properly see how Baekhyun looked, and he didn't look good. He had dark circles around his eyes and he was pale and skinny. That wasn't my happy puppy-like bundle of sunshine, not at the moment anyway.
'He did this to himself because of you'
I turned back to Jeonghan once I couldn't hear any of their conversation anymore.
"How come I can see and hear them but they can't see me moving around? Baek is acting like I'm still laid on the bed." I asked him.
"Because this is like the living part of you", he gestured to me, "the part he is seeing of you is the dying part. That's why you need to make your decision." The angel explained.
"Now that you have seen what it has done to your best friend, there is one other person I think you should see before you make your decision." He waved his hand and a faint figure appeared, and soon it was the full figure of a person.
My eyes began to well up as I realised who it was.
"Mum...." I whispered as I ran up to her and hugged her tightly.
She hugged me back just as tight and sobbed into my shoulder. I haven't had a hug like this in so long, too long. I've missed her so much.
She pulled away from me and looked me over.
"You look so grown up! Like a proper man now." She exclaimed.
I smiled through my tears.
"Your really here?" I asked, not sure if I was just seeing things. But how could I? This is all like a dream anyway.
"Yes I am. But not for long, I only have a few minutes before I must go back."
I hugged her again, not wanting the moment to end.
"Now, you have a decision to make." She said.
I nodded.
"But I don't know what to do now! Tell me what to do." I exclaimed to her.
"I can't tell you what to do, but I can influence your decision. I think you should live and go back to Baekhyun and all your friends, that's my opinion."
"But I don't want to leave you! You've already left me once, I don't want to have to let you go again!" I sobbed.
"Did you see how Baekhyun looked? He looks really bad because he's missing his best friend so much, I know you like him more than that. He would be heart broken, do you want that? Yes, it means you will have to let me go again, but think about it, you have managed to cope without me for 3 years. Even if you did decide to come with me, you would be lonely without him, you know that. I think it's time you let me go and go back to your soon-to-be boyfriend." She said, smiling and letting her tears fall as she did. She pulled me into another hug.
"Can we just stay like this for a while?" I begged, not wanting to let my mum go again. I've missed her so much since she left me.
I buried my head in her shoulder and we both sobbed our hearts out, not wanting to let go of each other, but time was running out. Soon she would have to leave me again and I wont see her for a long time now.
"I don't mean to break this up, but we must go Mrs Park, we don't have much time to get back." Jeonghan interrupted, trying to be as polite as possible.
"Okay. Thank you Jeonghan. Thank you for re-uniting me with my son. You truly are an angel." My mum thanked him.
"Your welcome. It was my pleasure to do this for you. I love being able to do this for people." He smiled, and I'm pretty sure I was momentarily blinded by for beautiful his smile was, but not as beautiful as Baekhyun's.
"Goodbye my son. Remember I will always be with you no matter what, even if you can't see or hear me." She kissed my forehead and stepped back, standing next to Jeonghan.
"Goodbye mum. I promise I will make you proud of me, and I will never stop thinking of you."
"We must go now. Chanyeol? Promise me that we will never meet like this again?" Jeonghan asked me.
"I promise." I looked at my mum.
She smiled at me and the next thing I knew everything went black.
Baekhyun's POV:
I hadn't realised how much I have missed hanging out with all of our group of friends. It felt so good to see all of them again, and actually talk to them. Usually, at school, I sit by myself and don't talk to anyone, not even the guys. So this is the first time that I have had a proper conversation with them since Chanyeol's 'accident'.
The only down side to it is the fact that I, well me and Chanyeol, are the only single ones. All the others are in relationships with other people in our group of friends.
We all just talked and caught up on everything, other than the accident, that had been happening. Apparently there had been a group of new students that moved from a different school to ours, in the year below us. There was quite a few of them, and not all of them were Korean either. I think 2 were Chinese and 2 were half-American, or something like that. They were all guys, but one in particular looked quite a lot like a girl, with long blonde hair and a slightly feminine looking face. But of course I hadn't noticed, I had been too busy worrying over a certain matter.
And now, as promised to Minseok, I am trying to get some sleep, as everyone, even Tao himself, agreed I looked more like a panda than he did.
But I can't sleep, as much as I want to, I just can't. I'm worrying too much, I know, but I can't help but feel like something is going to happen. Luckily, I gave the hospital my number so they can ring if anything does actually happen. It's not like his dad would care if they rang him anyway.
Eventually, I managed to fall into a fitful sleep, which lasted until late morning the next day.
When I finally did wake up the next morning, the first thing I did was check my phone. There was nothing of any importance to me at that moment in time, only some group chat messages and instagram notifications.
After looking at the messages on the group chat, which were mostly just people sending memes and jokes to each other, I finally dragged myself out of bed.
Stumbling into the bathroom, I looked at myself in the mirror. This time I actually looked more like myself and less like a panda. That's probably a good thing. Deciding my hair wasn't going to be able to go another day without washing, I turned on the shower and waited for it to heat up, scrolling through Instagram while I waited.
After my shower, which was longer than I expected due to the fact I spent 10 minutes staring at the wall thinking about random stuff. For once it wasn't actually about the 'accident', but about school and how much I must be failing at the moment. It's not my fault its all extremely boring and that I can't concentrate at all. I was just glad I didn't zone out when we were playing basketball in sport, that would have been an interesting experience, especially explaining to the school nurse what happened.
I was so glad it was Saturday today, it meant I didn't have to go to hell-I mean school, but I also meant I have to get all my homework done and go to work later on today. It won't be too busy this afternoon hopefully, I only work at the corner shop near my house. That means it will be boring but I have an excuse to go on my phone whilst working.
I picked out my outfit and changed into it quickly, then walked through into the kitchen to get breakfast before I leave for work. Me, being my lazy self, didn't want to cook anything, so I settled on just some boring cereal, but I don't really care.
*3 hour later*
Work is so slow today.
I've been here for 2 and a half hours and I've only had 3 customers so far. Thankfully all kind old ladies, no teens trying to buy alcohol under-aged, or cigarettes, or trying to steal stuff. No, that's usually on the Friday and Saturday night shifts, which means I don't need to deal with it. I can go home and continue to worry about my life falling apart.
"You okay? Y'know I'm worried about you, you need to take care of yourself more. I can't loose my best worker!" My boss, Mr Choi, joked.
"I know. But I can't help but worry!" I said. He knew about Chanyeol's 'accident' and everything that had happened.
He looked at me.
"Can I ask a favour from you? It's Not much."
"Sure."
"Well-" He started, "my son, his boyfriend and his group of friends just moved to the same school as you, and I was wondering if you could maybe look out for him. Not like babysitting, it making sure he doesn't get into trouble with the older years. He has a tendency of doing that." Mr Choi asked me.
"Yeah. I don't mind. Seungcheol is a good kid, I'm sure he will be fine." I replied.
"Thank y-" He began but was cut off by my phone ringing.
"I'm sorry. I should take this." I apologised.
"It's fine. Don't worry about it."
The number was unknown but I picked it up anyway, not really caring.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Baekhyun. It's Dr. Hong. You might want to get to the hospital quickly. Something has happened." He said through the phone.
"Okay. Thank you for letting me know." I hung up and went to find Mr Choi.
He was in the back room unpacking boxes of stuff.
"Mr Choi! Something's happened at the hospital, can I go early to find out?" I pleaded.
"Of course you can! Just let me know what happened." He smiled as I ran out the back room with my bag, running out the exit at lightening speed.
Seeing as I was closer to the hospital here, I decided to speed-walk rather than going back home to get my car.
I burst through the doors, scaring a few people, when I got there. Dr. Hong was waiting for me by the receptionist's desk, so I ran up to him.
"Ah! There you are. I didn't think it would take you long to get here. Let's go to my office."
I followed him through the same maze of corridors I walked the first time I came here, over a month ago. I noticed the girl who was there the first time I came wasn't there anymore.
"Doc? May I what happened to the girl who was there last time I came?"
"Oh, you mean Nari. She was discharged a week ago. She is starting rehab to help her, today actually. Why do you ask?"
"I was just curious." I answered.
We sat down in his office and he began talking.
"So, your probably wondering why you're here. Well, early this morning I was checking the monitoring on Chanyeol's brain waves to see if there were any signs of him waking up. This surprised me to find this, but it seemed as though he was using his brain, like he was thinking and using emotions." He explained.
"What does this mean?"
"It means he could begin to wake up soon, probably within the next 48 hours or so." He finished.
I was so happy to hear the news he will wake up.
"Can I see him?"
"Of course. The nurse should be in there too." He said and got up, opening the door for me, and closing it again after he had walked out it too.
We got to Chanyeol's room and I took my usual seat next to his bed, smiling slightly at the fact the nurse had remembered to leave in there. Well, that and the fact that Chanyeol is going to wake up.
I took his hand and looked at his face, only partly listening to Dr. Hong.
"He may begin to make small movements, as his body is waking itself up from what it thinks is a really long nap, even though we were the ones to put him in it. But, just to warn you, there is still a small possibility that he won't wake up." He explained to me.
After a few seconds he spoke again.
"I've got some paperwork to do, so I need to go. I will be called if anything happens, the nurses will be around if you need anything." Dr. Hong left the room after that.
I smiled.
"I know you won't be able to hear me, but I want, no, I need to say this. Ever since we became friends 12 years ago, I've always thought of you as more than a friend, like a brother." I paused.
"But since about a year ago, I realised I liked you more than a friend, or brother, that I liked you. Only Luhan and Minseok know, I think. They have probably told their beloved boyfriends too!" I paused again, trying to think of what to say next.
"You only realise how much you need someone until they leave you, or nearly do. Chanyeol, I've realised this. I'm not going to let you leave me ever again, you hear me? I-I think I'm in love with you." I let the room fall silent.
I looked down at our intertwined hands and smiled slightly, despite the tears once again threatening to fall.
The next thing that happened could have been my imagination, but I swear it was real. I felt Chanyeol very lightly squeeze my hand.
I lightly squeezed his hand back, letting him know I was here, and that I wouldn't leave him.
Grabbing my phone out of my back pocket, I began to text Luhan and Minseok about everything. They both replied that they would tell the others but they wouldn't come to the hospital until he had woken up, so it wouldn't get crowded.
They all had faith in him to wake up too.
I must have fallen asleep after that because when I opened my eyes next, my head was resting on the side of the bed, next to mine and Chanyeol's still intertwined hands. I'm pretty sure the nurse would have woken me up when I needed to leave, but when I looked out of the small window it was dark. She must have let me stay.
I checked my phone to find out what time it was. I was surprised to see it was actually 2 am the next morning, I didn't realise I slept for that long. I must have still been tired, but the relief of knowing Chanyeol is most likely going to wake up, made it easier for me to sleep, and it wasn't as fitful either.
Deciding I had gone long enough without food and water, I grabbed my bag and looked through it for my wallet, taking some money out of it and then replacing it in my bag. I got up and made my way out of the room, and down the corridor to where the vending machine was. But before I left, I looked at Chanyeol and I swear I saw his hand move again slightly, that may have just been my imagination just wanting him to wake up, the usual.
I made sure that I wasn't caught by anyone, especially a few of the nurses I've had run-ins with before, they weren't the nicest people ever, let's just say that, especially one. I actually feared for my life one time.
In the end, I only got a bottle of water, before returning to the room. I resumed my position next to the bed and took out my phone, clicking on the Instagram icon. I thought I should probably check all the notifications I had received since this morning, even though this was the only thing I was doing at work. To be honest, it was just to pass the time, I didn't want to go home, not now.
The next thing that happened scared the life out of me, I nearly fell off my chair. The heart monitor that was connected to Chanyeol began going crazy. Not knowing what else to do, I pressed the button that called a nurse, and soon after, the nurse came running into the room. She began checking various machines and tubes, before calling the doctor too.
"What's going on?" I asked her with worry in my voice.
Before the nurse could answer, Dr. Hong ran through the door and began asking the nurse loads of weird-sounding, science related questions. I listened to what they were saying, trying to pick out any information that may be vaguely helpful for me to understand the situation slightly more than I do at the moment.
"Im sorry, Baekhyun, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave the room. I will get you back in as soon as possible." Dr. Hong said, guiding me to the door.
So, once again I found myself in waiting room, waiting for any news at all of what was going on. I had no idea, for all I know Chanyeol could be dying in there at the moment. But that was the last thing I wanted to think about.
I waited for felt like years, but in reality it was only an hour, which was still quite a long time to me. I just wanted to what was going on.
I was so happy, probably too happy, when I saw Dr. Hong walk into the waiting room, much like the first time I came here over a month ago. Once again, I ran up to him, wanting answers to all my questions, but before I could speak he silenced me by holding his hand up as if to stop me from speaking.
"All your questions will be answered as soon as you step back inside that room, so don't bother asking any now." He said with a small smile on his face. It must be a good thing right?
We made our way back towards the room in silence, the only sound was the sound of our footsteps and the usual sounds of a hospital. I was nervous, but a good kind of nervous. I knew that if Dr. Hong was smiling it had to be good news. But would it be as good as Chanyeol waking up?
We arrived at his room again, 461. The amount of times I have walked this route to his room I could probably walk it blindfolded, but I'm not surprised by that, I've been coming here every single day since the accident so.......
"I think you will like what you see in there." He said gesturing to the closed door. He nodded for me to open it, and after that I couldn't contain the tears anymore.
My hand flew up to my mouth as I stood there in shock, this wasn't happening, this wasn't real.
"Oh my god......" I whispered to myself.
I ran up to the bed where Chanyeol was sat up smiling softly at me.
I softly punched his arm and then hugged him tightly, he wasn't gonna leave me again, not now, not ever.
"Baek, I'd like to not be suffocated if that's possible." Chanyeol managed to croak out, his voice breaking slightly in the middle of the sentence.
"Sorry..." I said sheepishly as I let go.
"Never do that again. You scared me!" I faked being angry, even though I was slightly hurt that he would try to do something like that and not think of who it may affect.
"I'm sorry." He said, lowering his head as he spoke.
"We'll give you guys some time together." The nurse said as she and Dr. Hong left the room.
"I wasn't thinking straight, the voices came back. I'm sorry." He said again.
I hugged him again.
"Let's not talk about it now. I'm just happy your here and awake and okay."
There as a moment of silence before Chanyeol spoke up again.
"I love you too."
"You heard all of that?" I asked, my cheeks heating up with embarrassment.
"Yeah I did. It was weird though, I could hear what was going on in the room but I couldn't physically do anything." Chanyeol explained.
"Do you mean it, what you said?" He asked cautiously.
Instead of answering his question, I kissed his lips softly.
"Does that answer question?" I questioned him.
He pecked my lips.
"Does that answer yours?"
*3 days later*
Chanyeol's POV:
After I had woken up and had seen Baekhyun and been checked, I was moved out of the ICU and into a normal hospital ward.
It as been boring stuck here, but the first day all of mine and Baekhyuns' friendship group came to visit me, now that was interesting.
But I glad to see all of them again properly, seeing as I hadn't seen them since I was actually going to school which was a month before my 'accident'. They were just as loud and hyper as usual but it felt good to know they cared for me.
But the rest of the 2 days has consisted of medical checks, pills, and regular talks with Dr. Hong about why I did it and stuff like that.
So I was extremely happy to find out I was being discharged later on today.
Me and Baekhyun both decided I would be best for me to go and live with him, mainly so he could keep an eye on me. I was excited to move in with him, my now boyfriend.
Dr. Hong walked upto my bed, where I was sat.
"I wanted to talk to you about what you want to do now. I presume I want to get help to stop the voices of yours?" He asked.
"Yes. But the medication I had before didn't work. That's why I ended up here to begin with." I stated.
"Well, rather than just medication, you could try seeing a psychologist well. It might help more than just the medication I have prescribed you." Dr. Hong explained.
"I want to get better, I really do. But last time I went to see a psychologist it made it worse. I can't do that again, I can't." I half pleaded.
"Well, we could just start off with just the medication and then if it doesn't work then we could reconsider the whole psychologist thing then." He replied. This relieved me a bit.
"Thank you doc! Is there anything else we need to talk about before I go?" I asked, trying to sound polite but probably failing. I just wanted to get out of here, I've been stuck here for 3 days without anything to do.
"Oh, yeah. One more thing. My son, Jisoo, has just started at the same school you go to, when you go back, would it be possible for you to look out for him and his friends? Not like babysitting or anything, but just in case they get into any trouble with older students. A couple of his friends are good at that." Dr. Hong asked me.
"Sure. I don't mind. I'm sure all my friends can look out for them as well, there is a few of us, 12 altogether, so it shouldn't be a problem."
"Thank you." He said.
He grabbed the clipboard off of his lap and unclipped a piece of paper from it. He then took a pen out of his front pocket on his white coat and signed the bottom of it. Finally, he handed it to me.
"Your discharge form. When you leave, hand it to the receptionist then she can sign you out."
"Thank you doc, for everything. I really mean it, you saved my life." I was grateful for everything he had done for me.
"Well, I promised myself that I would save as many lives as I can in my career as a doctor, so it makes me happy that I saved another one."
He smiled.
"I have a feeling you have someone waiting for you. I think you know who it is." He smiled.
"Now go get your man!"
I got up of my bed which I was sat and looked around for one last time. Despite being bored as hell while I was in here I'm going to miss this place. I began walking towards the exit of the ward.
"Chanyeol. One last thing. Promise me I'll never have to see you in a hospital bed again?" Dr. Hong half joked, though I could hear the seriousness in his voice.
"I promise."
*1 month later*
Things have been going well since I have been discharged. The meds seem to be working, the voices haven't come back, which is good.
Living with my boyfriend is amazing, I get to wake up to his face every morning. He has helped me so much, I love him so much.
I started going to school again a week ago now, and it has all been going well so far. But one weird thing did happen on the first day of me being back.
*Flashback to 5 days ago*
I was sat at a table in the main hall at lunch with all the others when Luhan spoke up.
"Hey, there's the new group of kids from the year below." He said, pointing to a group of about 13 people.
"We should go say hi to them." Suggested Baekhyun from beside me, our hands intertwined like usual.
So we all ended up going over to their table and talking to them.
I recognised one of them as Mr. Choi's, the shopkeeper where Baekhyun works, son, Seungcheol.
But apart from him, I didn't really recognise any others. Well until we all introduced ourselves, then I recognised one.
He had medium length, blonde, straight hair and a slightly feminine looking face.
"I'm Jeonghan. Yoon Jeonghan." He introduced himself as.
Wait, he was the person in my weird dream thing when I was unconscious.
When he noticed me, he just winked. It confused me but I brushed it off.
The last person to introduce them self was a boy who spoke with a slightly American accent.
"My name is Hong Jisoo, but you can call me Joshua." He said.
"Wait. Does your dad work at he hospital?" I asked him.
"Yeah, he's a doctor there. Why?"
"He saved my life. Well that and he told me he had as son at his school." I stated.
"Park Chanyeol right?" He asked.
"Yeah that's me. Tell him I say thank you once again."
"I promise I won't forget."
*Flashback over*
After that lunchtime our 2 groups of friends started hanging out more until we kind of just turned into one group, despite the fact they were a younger.
So now we all hang out together at school and out of school. I've gained another 13 friends, brothers even, and an amazing, wonderful boyfriend who I love to pieces.
And I couldn't be happier.