A/N
WARNING: fucking sad because I'm fucking sad and I vent in my writing so enjoy it, kids.
I couldn't decide if I should name this Fat Axl or Hurt, so I did both.
Inspired from Hurt by Johnny Cash so you obvi know its gonna be sad. Warning you ahead of time. It gets better in the end though.
~munk
~
I hurt myself today.
Axl couldn't take this. He couldn't take this at all.
To see if I still feel.
He wasn't who he used to be and it was starting to show.
I focus on the pain.
He was trying his best, he really was.
The only thing that's real.
But no matter what, he came back to haunt himself.
Fat Axl sat on his google search bar, the parallel blinking bar on the computer screen taunted him to hit enter. He didn't want to see it, but he kinda did. All over, he's heard people making jokes and talking about a meme called Fat Axl, obviously talking about him. Axl himself only saw a few, but he didn't really care. But he really did.
Enter.
The needle tears a hole.
There he was, on the screen. But it wasn't him. This wasn't him.
The old familiar sting.
He was used to people not liking him, he was used to being hated. He had gotten shit thrown at him his whole life, but this hurt like no other.
Try to kill it away.
It really shouldn't bother him.
But I remember everything.
"Fuck this!" He shouted, grabbing his laptop and tossing it across the room, the machine hitting the ground with a thump. "Fuck everyone! No one knows me! No one ever will! Fuck!"
He was sobbing, fucking crying like a baby. His face buried in his worn out hands, crying his tears out in tremors.
What have I become?
No one knew how much he hated this. He hated himself and how he looked, every time he looked in the goddamn mirror, he was reminded his beautiful past was behind him. He fucking hated this.
My sweetest friend.
He was just starting to tour, just starting to get back into his grove. He had Slash and Duff and was still on good terms with Izzy and Steven. He was getting better. He was getting better.
Everyone I know, goes away.
No one, not even Slash, knew how much he hated himself now. He would look back at pictures of him and his four best friends. His four family members. How they would laugh and drink booze, fuck girls, sing and play their hearts out as they earned the most money they every had. He fucking missed everything.
In the end.
But it was gone. All his youth. His looks. His friends.
And you can have it all.
He would give up everything.
My empire of dirt.
Just to go back.
I will let you down.
Anything. Everything.
I will make you hurt.
He stood up and went into the hotel bathroom him and his band were staying in. He went to the cupboard.
I wear this crown of thorns.
He pulled out a razor blade.
Upon my liar's chair.
He put it to his skin.
Full of broken thoughts.
He put some pressure.
I cannot repair.
The door opened.
Beneath the stains of time.
"Axl? Are you-" Slash was breathless as he ran into the hotel room, only to be met with his best friend with a razor pressed against his wrist.
The feelings disappear.
"What the fuck are you doing!? DROP THAT NOW!" The guitarist screamed, causing the singer to jump and drop the blade to the tile floor out of shock.
You are someone else.
"What has gotten into you? What's wrong? Axl talk to me!" Slash was panicking, grabbing Axl's shoulders and shaking him with tears hanging onto the brim of his eyes.
I am still right here.
"Speak to me." Slash whispered, collapsing onto the ground and dragging his long time friend with him.
Axl looked at Slash in his deep brown eyes with a blank stare, not saying or doing anything.
"Axl... Please. Talk to me. I'm right here." Slash croaked, his head spinning with confusion and grief.
"I miss the old days." Axl stated in a hushed voice, staring at one of Slashes curls. His bottom lip trembled and he let out a sob, collapsing into Slash's arms. The man stayed silent, wrapping strong arms around his best friend.
"I'm fat. I'm not who I was. I hate myself."
"Stop it, Axl." Slash was crying now too, he grabbed the back of Axl's head and pushed it into his chest, leaning into him and pulling the smaller man close. "You aren't ugly or fat or whatever anyone says you are. You're fucking beautiful."
"N-No I'm not. I-I'm worthless."
What have I become?
"This isn't about those pictures, is it?" Slash pulled away from Axl, still holding his arms but looking back and looking into his eyes. Axl stayed silent, peeling lips trembling as he bit them to keep from crying. He nodded.
My sweetest friend.
"No. No no no, baby. I knew this would happen." Slash sighed, shaking his head and grabbing his best friends face. "Those people? They don't know you. The media doesn't know you. Nobody knows you like I do."
Everybody I know, goes away, in the end.
"B-But, Sla-Slash-"
"Hush, babe. You are Axl Rose. When have you gave any fucks about what people say about you?" Slash laughs a little, trying to lighten up the situation as tears trickled down his tan face.
And you could have it all.
"We all aren't the same anymore." Slash cooed, ignoring his own tears and brushing Axl's away with his thumb, hands still cupping the singers face.
My empire of dirt.
"None of us are, and that's just the way it's going to be, right?" Slash smiled sweetly, blinking and staring into his best friend's eyes, trying to make sense of it all. "I'm not the same. I've changed a hell of a lot. Shit, I died once!"
I will bring you down.
Axl giggled.
I will make you hurt.
Slash took a hand off of Axl's face and picked up one of his dropped wrist, examining it. Thankfully, the razor didn't break the skin and there didn't seem to be any scars.
"Baby, why'd you try and hurt yourself?" Slash whispered, looking up at him with sad eyes.
"B-Because I feel u-useless." Axl stumbled out, sniffing and taking a deep breath to keep from crying.
If I could start again.
"Don't ever feel that way." Slash sighed and stood up, picking up Axl by the hand and leading him to one of the hotel beds. He kicked off his boots and crawled under the covers, turning off the lights and pulling Axl with him.
A million miles away.
Slash wrapped his arms around the old man, pulling him close and tangling his legs with the other.
I would keep myself.
"Don't ever change, Axl W. Rose." Slash sighed, smiling as Axl smushed his face against his best friend's chest, breathing in the familiar smell he's known for so many years.
I would find a way.
~
A/N
Man, can I just rant for a second?
I've been feeling like total shit lately. So, I'm a christian and you probably couldn't tell considering I've been swearing and writing gay smut n stuff. Idk, man. I've just been fading away from my religion which sucks. I feel like God hates me and I feel like my parents hate me?
Sorry to get all depressy on you.
My parents just make me feel like I NEED to be perfect and they make it seem like since I'm a christian I need to be perfect or whatever and they keep trying to protect me which makes me feel like an animal in a cage and I hate it so much. They constantly make me feel guilty? Or maybe I make myself feel guilty, who knows.
I just want to do stuff without guilt. I want to do things without thinking "Is this very christian like? Is God mad at me now?" I want to watch horror movies without feeling guilty. I want to listen to heavy metal with swearing and stuff without feeling guilty. I want to swear without feeling guilty. I want to be happy with my sexuallity without feeling guitly. I want to masturbate or what not without feeling guilty. I JUST FUCKING HATE GUILT!!!!!!
Sorry, religion is such a touchy topic and I just???? I dunno, maybe I need sleep or something.
Goodnight.
~Munky