Emily's P.O.V
"Emily Parker!" A voice yelled behind me.
"Oh My God! It's you!" A young man, probably my age walked to me, he was well dressed. Wait, is that Collen?
"Collen?" I said more as a question.
"Yeah," he smiled.
"Wow, you look great!" I smiled, he really did.
"No look at you," he smirked.
"Still can't take a compliment hey?" I asked.
"I never understood Genetics, I don't know how I got an A in biology," he smiled.
"I'm sorry, I'm still shocked," he exhaled, it's like I was a celebrity or something.
"Me too," I was polite.
"Coffee? Please let me take you out for coffee, and let's catch up," he begged.
Catch up? For real? We weren't that close in college. Give me break. But poor guy, coffee won't kill me right?
"Sure," I smiled.
"The Emily Parker," he said again, we walked to a nearby coffee stand and he bought the coffee. The weather outside was calming, I can't believe I didn't notice it earlier. I mean it's New York, always busy but the weather was still.
"How long has it been?" He asked.
"Five years," we both said.
"I have a lot of questions," he said.
"I bet," I exhaled.
"Doctor?" He asked.
"Cardiac surgeon," I replied.
"Wow, you made it!" He smiled, that somehow came out offensive.
"I'm sorry, I mean all because of the drama you went through," he said.
Drama? That's the word you chose really? I would have took trauma more nicely. But drama, that's a no no!
"You transferred, never said goodbye," he said.
"I'm sorry," I laughed. It was not funny at all, what did he expect me to do. Okay, breath in and out, you've been through this Emily.
"I'm not mad or anything, I mean I don't blame you, I would have probably transferred too," he said.
"I'm sorry you don't want to talk about it," I guess he noticed my change in mood, I'm really happy to see you Collen, please don't make me think otherwise.
"No it's okay," I faked a smile. It wasn't but let's test how I'm coping, I'm on the last stage of grief and I need to talk about this, like Jane, my therapist says.
"How are you doing?" He asked.
"I'm moving on," I said.
Come on tears, go away!! Every freakin time tears form when I remember that day. It's been five years, come on Emily.
"I can see that, you're married!" He referred to the ring I was wearing. Poor guy, I guess rumours do leave something's out. It was still the ring Aden gave to me.
"No, I mean yes, it's complicated," I smiled.
"I guess another douche bit me again," he joked.
I laughed at his stupendous joke.
"Hey, I tried contacting you but you never replied to any of my emails," he said.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I never did?" I asked.
"Yeah not even one, I sent like thousands of them," Awkward!
"I'm always busy, you're lucky you're sitting down with me and besides many people complain about my social life," I laughed.
"It's okay, my prayers got answered though, last night I told God that if he doesn't land you to me, I'd kill myself," he joked again.
I almost spilled my coffee at his joke.
How dare he!!
"S**t! I'm sorry, lose mouth," he said as I glared at him.
Having coffee with him was not a great idea indeed.
"It's okay," I lied. It wasn't okay! I so wanted to splash him with this hot coffee, I'm not a fan of coffee anyways. How could he be so cruel, bad choice of words Collen!
"No it's not, I'm a jerk!" He said. Yes you are.
"Maybe a little," I said.
"Thank you," he smirked.
"That's more like it," he chuckled.
I smiled, like for real this time.
"I missed that smile," he noticed. I got to say I missed it too.Emily with the big smile, I wasn't that Emily anymore.
"So what is Collen Grunt been up to these years?" I changed the topic.
"Well, I'm a pediatrician and I moved here to New York two years ago," he said.
"You love kids that well huh?" I said more as a statement than a question.
"Sure do, me and my girlfriend are actually expecting a baby boy," he said.
"Wow, that's great! Congratulations!" I cheered.
"Thank you, oh she loves your book by the way, she still thinks I'm lying when I tell her that we went to the same med school," he said.
"Really?" I asked.
"Yeah, you not replying to my emails played a part too," he said. Oh hear we go again with the f***in emails! Dude you really can't take a sign,
"I'm really sorry Collen," I apologized once again.
"I know you are, most of my emails are apologies for what happened and for me not being there for you and all that stuff," he said.
"It's okay,it's all in the past now," I smile to hide the tears that were forming in my eyes.
"I really am, I shouldn't have left you like that," he said. Okay, you can stop talking about it now.
"What's the title of you book again?" He asked.
I guess he changed the topic because I became tense.
"Remember Me In Paradise," I said with half a smile.
"Yeah, it's been almost a year since you released it and I've read like three chapters. I'm sorry about that but I've been very busy with work, I never got a chance to read it," he said.
"It's okay, I wrote it for my therapist and it really moved her, her exact words were 'this is some dope sh**!' And she encouraged me to release it to the world," I said.
"Wow, I feel horrible for not reading it and that is one cool therapist," he smiled.
"The best," I agreed.
"I'm glad you were talking to someone," he said.
"Yeah, so when are you proposing to your girlfriend?" I asked.
"I tried months ago, but she cried and accused me of only proposing to her because she was fat and ugly," he huffed.
"You proposed while she was pregnant?" I asked.
"Yeah?" He said more as a question.
"Dude, you don't do that!" I exclaimed.
"Yeah, I now know that and so does my back, I slept on the couch for a whole month," he whined.
"Serves you right!" I laughed.
"What's it with you girls? What do you want!?" He smirked.
"No one knows, not even us," I smiled.
"I agree with that," he said.
There was silence, not that awkward silence though.
"We should do this more often," he broke the silence.
"I'd like that," I said. I wasn't sure about my statement. I mean I haven't had friends for a long, long time. To be real the last best friend I had was Lucy. May her soul rest in peace where there's music and cute guys everywhere, that's peace for her.
"Really?" He asked.
"Yeah why not?" I smiled.
"Great!" He smiled.
"Are you happy Emily?" He suddenly asked. Strange question.
"Yeah, why do you ask?" I was curious about how he's going to answer that.
"I'm just asking, I ask almost all the people I meet," he replied.
"Come on Collen, I know you, you're like me, not a people's person," I said.
"I guess you're right, it's just that," he paused.
"Spit it out," I said.
"You're not you anymore! I feel like if someone comes up to you and asks you, are you okay ma'am? You'd burst out in tears, it's that vibe I feel. You said that you're moving on but that's not true. Aden killed himself, yes we know, you loved Aden, yes we know but he's gone now. Don't make it seem like he took your heart with you, you're building up a wall and no one can really get to you, to the real you!" He said.
"Are you done?" I asked.
"Look at you, you're already in tears and I haven't said much, do you know how I spotted you today? I saw this young beautiful lady walking, head down, never looked up once. Honestly many people do that all the time but this is New York, where dreams come true. I beat myself up a couple of times before I called out to you because I wasn't sure, I thought it must be someone else but you turned. Who are you and what did you do with Emily? I'm done now," he said.
"Thank you for saying that," I stood up. It's true I was crying, I need to go before I blow up on him, he has no right to speak about him! No f***ing right!!
"See, you're walking away from me, the Emily I knew wouldn't take sh*t from anybody especially a boy," he shook his head in disappointment.
"You know what Collen," I paused, fighting with myself not to do this.
"What? Spit it out," he stood up and looked me dead in the eye.
"You don't know me anymore! And you sure as hell don't know what I went through, so please don't you dare psycho analyse me,
Thanks for coffee," I left, I walked so fast you'd swear I was about to fly, I couldn't clearly see where I was going because of the tears in my eyes.
I got a lot of stares but it's not like they haven't seen a person crying before.
Many things went through my mind, what Collen just said and Aden. Oh Aden!
I'm glad I don't wear makeup anymore because my face would be dirty. I lost my mind when I couldn't remember where I parked. I looked around and more thoughts came back, I got cold and hot at the same time, I took off my heels and searched again. My keys couldn't sense it either, damn you Mercedes!
And then it hit me later, I parked in the above floor. Sh*t! I dropped my car keys and by the time I glanced down, someone had already picked them up. Please let it be not Collen! Not now, he's so gonna gloat, Please let it be Aden, I'd tolerate him more even though I would slap the sh*t out of him before talking to him.
"Hey," It was Collen, how great!
"What?" I rudely asked.
"Here are your keys," he said.
"Thanks," I took them.
He took out a tissue from his fancy jacket suit and looked at me.
"Can I?" He asked. I just looked at him.
He gently wiped my tears and I stood there in silence looking at his eyes.
I was searching for something, a reason why he did that to me. I couldn't find it.
"There you go," he smiled.
"Are you happy?" I asked.
"Of course not, you're hurt," he said.
"I'm okay really," I faked a smile.
"Look at you, you're not fine," he said.
"Seeing you today really brought back the memory, I'm not like this I promise," I said.
"That's okay, crying is okay but you haven't moved on," he said.
I'm afraid he's right, I can't believe I lied to myself. Fifth stage of grief my a**! It's been five years and I'm still in denial, the first stage. What the f*ck is wrong with me!? I fell on my knees and started to cry, believe me I didn't want to but it just happened. I cried like a little child, I felt warm hands embracing and I was defeated.
This is what he wanted, now he's happy. The main question in my head was why? Why Aden? No one could answer except for the man himself.
"Okay, that's enough Emily," he cleared his throat. I was starting to run out of breath but it felt so good to cry.
"Little longer," I cried.
"Okay," he laughed.
It all came back like it was just yesterday. One of the worst days of my life. Let me tell you something, I really have a lot of tears, and I don't know where they come from or who, my mom was not a crier and according to Google my dad is a millionaire, well was, he died. Rich people don't cry, right? Yes they do cry, me for example, a multi award winning author and the best surgeon.
"Okay, you're coming with me, you need water so that you can catch your breath," he helped me stand up.
We went to where he was parking and he sat me down in his car, a very nice Lexus. I'm a fan of nice cars.
"Here you go," he gave me a bottle of water. I didn't want water, I wanted Aden.
"Come on Em, take a sip," he called me Em and I started pouring again.
"Please don't make me regret making you cry," he exhaled. I smiled inside.
"Drinking water will give you more tears," he lied but that was a good lie.
I grabbed the bottle and drank the damn water.
"Thank you, see now you can normally breath and you stopped crying," he smiled.
"Tissue?" I asked.
He handed me a tissue and I blew my nose. Yep I just did that, I cried.
"How do you feel now?" He sat next to me.
"Same," I said.
"Oh come on, I'm really trying here," he said.
"Stop trying," I exhaled.
"Emily-" I cut him off.
"No seriously, you don't know what it's like. You ran on me Collen, I needed you then and you left me, I don't need you right now," I said.
"I was scared,okay," he said.
"And you think I wasn't? I woke up and Aden was hanging from the roof tell me you wouldn't be scared," I felt tears coming.
"You're right, I shouldn't make excuses, it was dumb, stupid and a coward act," he admitted. That's more like it.
"You, you just walked. You walked in the room and saw him, you looked at me and you felt sick, you ran out to vomit and never came back," I started to cry again.
"I know, I'm sorry, I've never seen a dead person at that time," he said.
"It's okay, I was an undertaker," I said.
"Don't be like that," he said.
"Like what?" I asked.
"Like this! What did you want me to do?" He exclaimed.
"You could have done many things than to run away like a scared little boy," I said.
"Yeah like what?" He asked.
"Well for starters you could have stayed," I cried.
"And do what!?" He yelled.
"I don't know! Don't make this about you okay? This is not about you," I said.
"I'm not making-" I stopped him from finishing his sentence.
"Stop talking, shut your mouth!" I exclaimed. One more word from him and I swear I'll kill him.
"Like I said, I woke up and Aden had committed suicide," I paused and took deep breaths.
"I screamed and cried, I got up and I couldn't believe my eyes, and then you came in, and then you left," I said.
"Emily-" I stopped him again.
"I'm talking and you're listening," I said.
"So I cut the rope, it's like he was begging me too, it was as if he was still alive, even though his tongue and eyes were hanging out, but hey you know what I'm talking about right?" I nudged him.
"Yes Emily I saw him," he said.
"Are you about to hurl by just remembering him?" I laughed.
"No I'm okay," he held his stomach, no wonder he's a pediatrician.
"Okay, back to the story, I cut the rope and he fell down, I checked for the pulse and everything but he was gone, gone Collen, I held him so tight you'd swear he was going to wake up, but he didn't, he was long dead, ice cold.
I covered him with a blanket, covered us. I held him, crying, I then ran out of tears and started to talk to him, sang even. I was crazy, minutes turned into hours and calling for help wasn't on my mind. I just wanted to be with him hoping he'd wake up." I exhaled and looked at him.
"I'm sorry you went through that," he said.
"I'm sorry too," I smiled.
"What happened in the end?" He asked.
"What happens when someone dies, it's that obvious Collen," I said.
"No I mean, on the same day he died," he clarified.
"Well, I was helped by a very brave man that wasn't on the rush to get home to mummy," I said.
"Why do you have to be so mean?" He asked.
"Noah, Aden's roommate helped me, he was scared like you but he truely wanted to help. He called the police and the mortuary. I really gave the poor guy a hard time, I didn't want to let go of Aden, you'd swear I took martial arts. It took a lot of convincing but I gave in. Aden's time of death was estimated to be around two o'clock in the morning but he left my room at about eight o'clock in the evening. You can call me obsessed but I call it true love.
I've never been in trouble with the law like that, tampering with a crime scene and many more accusations but the bottom line is that you bailed on me when I needed you the most, and now you want to play a hero," I said.
"You're never gonna forgive me right?" He asked. Now we were both in tears.
"I already forgave you but I'll never forget," I said.
"That's not healthy Em," he said.
"Don't call me Em," I looked at him.
"Sorry," he said.
"You really loved him hey," he nudged.
"I don't know," I smiled.
"How did you guys meet again?" He asked.
"Stop talking to me," I smiled.
"Come on, no more tears and more good memories," he said.
"He had greeted me a few times, opened a door for me and that would be it, we never got in a long conversation," I paused.
"Tell me," he said.
"Tell you what?" I asked.
"What he'd say exactly," he said.
"Hello Emily how are you? He'd come over when he saw me, I never asked how he new my name, I'd say I was doing well and he'd say that's great, he had that smile, very genuine, he never looked at my butt or boobs. I never asked how he was doing but he didn't give up," I smiled.
"That's nice, go on," he said.
"What next?" I asked.
"When did you guys have a serious conversation?" He asked.
"You're lucky I still remember, well I had recently installed a new game that Jonah said he liked and I was very good at it,
He came over and he was impressed, told me he only had one game in his phone, soduku and I was like what? I gave him my phone and he tried it out, wasn't good, it was like I had traveled through another galaxy with my phone, it was a whole new thing for him. I laughed at him, he wasn't faking it believe me and he wanted me to teach him and so I did, that was the first time I held his hands, very soft warm big hands, and we talked since then," I said.
"Not quite what I expected," he smiled.
"What did you expect?" I asked.
"This is not about me right? So walk me through your first date," he said.
"Well it wasn't a date, date. He found me reading a book, and he asked me about it and he accidentally told me the ending, I was so pissed. His exact words were 'oh is this the one where the guardian Angel is actually the Angel of death?'," I laughed.
"What a spoiler," he laughed.
"That's what I said, I made him buy me tea to explain the whole book because he ruined it for me and that was our first date, to me, I mean we weren't dating but it felt like one," I smirked.
"That's special," he said.
"It was," I exhaled.
"See, you're okay now," he nudged me.
"Whatever," I smiled.
"So, now tell me about your husband," he said and I choked.
"Well, I don't want to talk about him," I said.
"Come on, there must be something that attracted you to him," he said.
"Well, truth be told, Aden proposed the day before he died," I said.
"Why are still talking about, wait it's Aden's ring?" He was shocked.
"Yes," I said.
"Emily!" He exclaimed.
"What?" I asked.
"Congratulations!" He yelled and embraced me. I threw a couple of weak punches on his chest. He was making me cry again.
"Thank you," I cried.
"It's okay, no wonder you're sad, you haven't let go fully yet," he said.
"I don't want to let go!" I exclaimed.
"That's okay, this answers the question I asked before," he said.
"Which question?" I asked.
"Did you love Aden?" He asked.
"Oh that one," I said.
"Answer it," he smiled.
"I said I don't know," I said.
"I think you do, why are you still wearing his ring?" He asked.
"It's a diamond ring, come on," I laughed.
"Emily," he rose his eyebrow.
"Fine I guess I loved him," I smiled.
"And?" He asked.
"I still do," I said.
"But?" He asked.
"But I need to let go of not only his body but let go of everything," I admitted.
"Like?" He smiled, he was enjoying this.
"Like this stupid ring I'm wearing," I started to cry.
"Good girl, I guess you did learn a lot today," he wiped my tears.
"If you were single I would kiss you right now," I said.
"Sasha wouldn't mind a thank you kiss though," he winked.
I leaned in and gave him a small perk on the lips.
"Thank you," I stood up.
"You know what to do?" He asked.
"I'm flying home tonight and I'm gonna get some sleep and when I wake up I'm gonna open the letter he wrote for me, I'll take the day off so that I can go to the beach and let go of everything," I said.
"That's a great idea, he left you a letter and you never opened it?" He asked.
"Yeah, why does he get to say his last words, when he never gave me the chance to say mine?" I asked.
"What if he left you money?" He asked.
"I don't care about his money, but I'm gonna open it tomorrow," I said.
"Okay but don't throw away the ring though," he said.
"Why not," I asked.
"Dah it's a diamond ring, keep it safe," he smiled.
"Take care okay," I said.
"You too and please accept my friend request on Facebook," He said.
"You got it," I looked at him one more time and then walked away.
"Emily?" He called.
"Yeah?" I turned around.
"Head up," he winked.
"Right," I smiled.