Chapter 52 - Regrets
Everything just felt like a blur. All of the drama from this week just slipped away from my mind. Everything felt right, although, I wasn't sure if it was right. The thought of leaving Harry was killing me. I still couldn’t believe I made that decision. But what I was doing right now got my mind off of it quite well.
I could hear the sound of waves outside, I looked through the window to look at the beautiful view for a second. But just then I felt him touch my arm and turn me around. He smacked his lips onto mine and pulled my legs around his hips. I ran my fingers through his hair and kissed him aggressively. I pulled back and gasped for air, and then he laid me down onto the bed. I took a deep breath and let whatever was about to happen, happen.
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*Harry’s POV*
I couldn't believe this.
After all I been through, after all the effort I put into making her believe I could be the same old Harry again. I was the same Harry, I just needed time to get used to my old life, I thought she understood that. What hadn’t I done to prove myself? I shouldn’t have had to prove myself, she should have the trust in me that she always accuses me of lacking in her. I was furious, but most of all I was heartbroken.
I was in love with Rachel. I hadn’t ever met anyone like before and as fucking cheesy as it sounds, it the damn truth. I needed her with me, I needed to know that I would be able to wake up the next day and wish her good morning with a kiss. I crushed my face into the palms of my hands. I still hadn't moved from the spot where Rachel had called it off. So much had just happened, in those few seconds, it still hadn’t sunk in that she left me. I was trying so hard to be this perfect guy, but it’s hard as hell when there is no such thing. I knew there was something going on with her. I knew she was hiding something from me, but every time I pulled her away from everyone else and it was just two, she always had that twinkle in her and that bright smile.
I never really paid much thought to the drowning incident, I didn’t want to even bring it up again. But if she had brought it up I would have confessed. She said it herself, the drowning incident wasn’t even why she was that pissed off, it was because she didn’t trust me. I finally stood up off of the floor and walked out the door of the restaurant. I ignored everyone’s constant calls behind me asking me what happened, and to stay. I walked towards the beach. The water always calmed me down, maybe that would be the best for me.
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I took a deep, deep breath inhaling the fresh air surrounding me. I tore off my blazer and threw it on the ground, revealing my half buttoned white polo underneath. There it was, I felt that little drop trickle down my cheek. I brushed my index finger past my cheek and looked at it. I fucking hated crying. I hated it more than anything. I was trying for so long to hold them back, but here they were. I paced back and forth along the sand, trying to get Rachel out of my head. Trying to put into my head that she was gone and she was no longer with me. I wanted her to be mine, but she no longer was, and it was all my damn fault.
"I love you, I really do. And I know you love me. I just feel that for now, we need a break. It could be for a short time, or for a long; I really don't know. I just know that it's what we need right now. It’s the best thing for the both of us."
I could hear her voice repeating the same thing to me over and over again. Even though it was just a break, how long would that be for? And what if she found someone else by that time? Was she really going to wait for me? Did Rachel even love me as much as I loved her?
I pelted a rock across the water and let out a deep sigh. Of course the idea of this stupid break was eating my brain, but what was making me angry was that I knew Zayn was going to take this as his chance. He would take it as his turn, and steal her away from me. I was never going to let Rachel to be with someone else, ever.
"Hey, you alright over there?" I heard someone call behind me.
I really wasn’t ready to talk to anyone right now, but I looked over my shoulder to see who it was. It was Lauren. I wiped my eyes, making sure there were no visible tears.
"Yeah, I guess I'm fine."
"Oh, because I saw you leave so suddenly, I thought there was something wrong maybe?" Lauren carefully took a seat beside me on the rock I was sat on. I shifted over to give her some room.
"Rachel broke up with me." I could feel my lip quivering just as I said the words and I looked away from her so I could fight back the tears.
Lauren's cheerful face faded into a worried look. "Oh no, Harry I'm so sorry"
I opened my eyes wide so the tears would dry up on their own. I shrugged my shoulders and smiled at the ground. "I guess some things just aren't meant to be. She said she wanted a break from me for a little while. But I don’t understand why? What have I done that’s so wrong? I know I lied and that was wrong about the drowning incident, but she clearly over reacted. I could have talked to her and I was going to apologize, explain myself a bit as well. But she never gave me a fucking chance, I love her so much and she just threw all my love away.”
Lauren pouted her bright pink lips. "I'm sure she had a reason behind it, you're just misunderstanding her. Harry, you really don’t have any idea how brains of girls function. We think differently from you boys and we often over think many things too. Maybe Rachel was hurt for a while, and she didn’t feel like what you guys had was right. From what I've seen myself the past few days here, I think Rachel's a great girl. She loves you just as equally as you love her. I guess she wants some more time to figure herself out, and decide what she wants. You should respect that, I mean maybe it’s even better for you as well."
I shook my head trying not to make eye contact with her and faced the floor. I obviously loved her and I wanted he give her as much time as she wanted. But it was just so hard. "Yeah, it's Rachel. If it's her, it means she knows what she's doing. I guess I've just got to respect her, and her decision. Guess I can wait."
I lifted my head and looked back up at her. Lauren beamed, and patted me playfully on the back. "Wow, that was quick. You’re pretty easy to convince."
“What, so all that was bullshit that you just said?”
She cringed and closed her eyes. “Dude, you have got to control that tongue of yours. Stop cussing so much. And no, it obviously wasn’t, I did mean what I said.”
I chuckled, she was an interesting one indeed.
"Oh, I had a question!" Lauren asked.
I looked up at her waiting for it, and just hoped it wasn’t something I didn’t want to answer.
"How the hell do you skip rocks like that? I can't even make it jump once."
I couldn’t help it, I snorted and busted into laughter. “How long were you even standing there and watching me for?”
She clucked her tongue, “Since you very dramatically ripped off your blazer.”
I rolled my eyes, I could feel my cheeks flushing with embarrassment. You really don’t realize the things you do when you’re alone, angry, and hurt.
"Well it's easy, here I'll show you." I picked up a rock off the ground. It was round and flat, just the way I liked them best.
"You've got to choose a rock like this. If it's flat enough, it may not skip as much. Then all you do is lean back like this, cross your right leg behind the left one, form your fingers like this, swing your arm back, and THROW! That's all."
Lauren looked lost, but she nodded. "Umm, okay, I think I’ve got it." She picked up a rock that looked quite similar to mine.
“Alright good start…” I gave her a little support.
She leaned back pushing her long dress out of her way, and threw it. Plump. It landed right into the water, not even skipping once.
"Damn it! I told you I can't do this!"
I picked up another rock and handed it to her. "Hey, don't be so hard on yourself. You're just not holding your arm in the right position. Do it like this." I held Lauren's arm back steadily.
Her sweet scent surrounded me and her soft hair brushed past my hand.
"There you go, now slowly, aim your arm and release!" I pushed her arm, with her force helping, and the rock skipped over the water three times in a row.
"Oh my gosh! Wow, that was perfect. That was actually, really, good." She jumped up and down proudly, and I just watched excitement laughing.
My smile slowly faded, and now she was back in my head again. How easily I had forgotten all about it, and how easily it had slipped back.
“Uh harry?" Lauren waved her hand in my face and I came back.
“Oh uh, no problem, you're as bad as you think you are either."
Lauren raised her eyebrow doubtfully.
"Okay, no offense you did kind of need some help."
Lauren laughed. "That's better."
"C'mon now, I'll walk you back to your cabin, it's getting late."
Lauren nodded and we both walked down the beach.
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The two of us continued walking down the sandy path of the beach, in the chilly weather. The wind of the night blew past us sending chills. "Ooff, it's getting chilly." She rubbed her hands on her arms.
I took off my blazer and dusted some sand off of it. "Oh, here you are. I hope this will help." I covered her with it gently.
Lauren looked over at me with her sparkling blue eyes. "Thank you, what a gentleman."
"No problem."
I awkwardly shoved my hands back into my pockets and walked with her. Even though I wasn’t really in am good to talk or to be around anyone right now, I somehow didn’t mind Lauren.
"So, if you don't mind me asking...can you tell me a bit more about Rachel? Like where you met and stuff?"
"What?" I asked confused.
"Oh my god I’m so sorry, sometimes I just say things I don’t really give much thought to them before I say it. I know you just broke up and that was totally wrong to say, I’m so sorry.”
I chuckled a bit at her embarrassment. “No its fine, it’s not that I was just wondering why you wanted to know?”
She giggled and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. I always did that to Rachel’s hair…fuck.
“Ever since I came here, you guys were the talk of everyone. And you’re so—were so attached to her and I guess you still are. I kind of just wanted to know more about you both?"
I cleared my dry throat, "I met Rachel a long long time ago. I always had this sort of crush on her but never had the guts to tell her. Typical guy move, I know. Back in elementary school I found some guys messing around with her, and just had to do something. I just...I can't bear to see guys bothering other girls. I can’t take it. So...I kind of beat them up."
I heard Lauren gasp. "Oh my god. No way?"
"Yeah, and then after that it got even worse. I was expelled and I had to move to a different school."
"And it was all for Rachel, damnn." She smiled at looked at the ground.
I laughed quietly. "Yeah, but then it was like destiny wanted us to meet again. We met in high school. We spent some time together and I just fell in love with her all over again. We had some crazy adventures together, and yeah. It's hard to let go of them yano?"
Lauren nodded understanding. "I know I get it. It all sounds so cute, it’s hard to understand why Rachel did what she did tonight though?"
I kind of felt good talking about all of this. I don’t know why, it just did. So I figured I could tell her some more. "There's another thing as well. Rachel and I kind of got into an accident a while back. I was trying to apologize to her apparently in some romantic way. It was while we were on a boat together. It bumped into a big rock, and I hit my head really hard and suffered from mild amnesia. I still haven't regained my memory to the fullest, which made me forget all my moments I had with Rachel. I barely remember anything, but I am trying. Rachel just doesn't seem to get that. I like to blame my memory for breaking us up…but I can’t because it is me."
Lauren pulled my blazer over her. "I'm sorry about all that Harry, but just because of that accident...you know it doesn't mean she broke up with you cause of that. She might have broken up with you after how you were treating her just recently. Like avoiding her, not spending as much time with her as she expected to, all that stuff. The best thing to do is just give her some time. You can always win her back."
I looked over at Lauren once again. I had continuously been accusing Rachel of not understanding me the entire time, when really, it was myself who hadn't been understanding Rachel.
"You know what Lauren, you're right. I will wait. I'll wait for her, it’s for the best."
Lauren smiled proudly."That's what I wanna hear!" She playfully tickled me near my ribcage. I jumped back startled.
"Oh my god. Do not tickle me again!”
She stepped back and almost looked afraid of me for a second. I should reprase that, “I mean, I’m just really ticklish.”
“Oh! Well you do know I'm going to have tickle you now just for saying that..."She dug her hands into my side tickling me constantly.
"GAA! STOP LAUREN! STOP! I can't breathe oh my god! STOP! STOP IT! STOP...RACHEL!" Then she stopped. Lauren pulled her hands back, but still smiled.
I was shocked at what I just said, and covered my mouth with my hand. "Oh, I'm sorry. I was just thinking about Rach-" Lauren giggled, interrupting me. "It's alright really, you don't have to explain. Calm down Harry."
"Alright, I guess I'm here!" Lauren exclaimed as we finally reached outside of Lauren's cabin. I nodded. I was a little disappointed having her leave already.
Finally I had someone to talk to about his problems, someone I felt I could trust, and actually gave me legit advice. I’ve felt so alone since we’ve come here to LA. I hadn’t had any real friends to begin with, and all of these people were mostly Rachel’s friends.
"Yup! I guess I'll see you tomorrow then? Make sure to stop by at our cabin if the class doesn't do anything tomorrow!"
"For sure!" Lauren replied back placing her hand on the doorknob.
"Oh one more thing Harry. I hope you know that you are a great guy. Rachel was very lucky to have you, and I'm sure she’s not stupid enough to let someone like you go. She will come back."
I was all of a sudden completely mesmerized by Lauren. Not only cause was she really pretty, but she was so interesting. I could sit there and listen to her babble on for ages and I would not get tired of it. I wanted her to stay longer and talk to me and ask me about my past and about who I am, and get to know more about her. Without thinking, forgetting every reason to why I had been so depressed tonight, I leaned in. I slowly closed my eyes…
"Harry, what are you doing?" Lauren interrupted moving back.
I finally came back to my senses. I moved back just as Lauren did. What was I thinking? Was I just about to...kiss Lauren? Just after losing Rachel?
"I'm sorry Harry, but I can’t do this. You just broke up with Rachel, it’s not right. I hope I didn't create any misunderstanding between us. I'm sorry."
"I have no idea what I just did. I'm sorry I really didn't mean it."
Lauren had a pitiful look on her face, but rushed inside. As if she was trying to get away as fast as she could. Once she got inside, I shouted at the top of my lungs.
"DAMMIT!" I punched the wall behind me furiously. What the hell was wrong with me!? She just broke up with me for this reason, for not being able to trust me and I do the exact thing she couldn’t trust me over. Fuck. I broke down into tears, and sat down in the middle of the beach, crying my heart out.
I had no idea, love could ever get so complicated. I would have never fallen in love if I knew this was to come.
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*Rachel’s POV*
The light shone bright into my eyes. I yawned, and stretched my arms far up above me. It was a bright and early morning. I could hardly remember how last night had gone. Everything was mostly just a blur. My body was so tired. Probably after all the running I did to get home after I broke up with Harry. Oh right, I broke up with Harry.
My eyes still felt dried up from all that crying. My eyes felt like they were glued shut. I turned over...and then froze. My eyes popped open wide.
No way in hell had this just happened?
Zayn was sleeping right next to me. What the actual fuck. I swallowed hard, and looked down. I gasped and pulled the blanket up and tighter around me to cover my body. Yup, I was naked. Zayn and I had just slept together.
After I had just broken up with Harry? What was I thinking!?
I leaned up and almost got out of bed, before realizing once again I was naked and I had to find my clothes. I covered myself up with the one side of the blanket that me and Zayn had been sharing. My clothes were all scattered across the floor, and Zayn’s were on the other side of the room. Why couldn’t I remember anything from last night?!
"Oh my holy Jesus." Zayn's came voice from behind me. I turned around making eye contact with him, and we both just stared at each other in complete shock.
On cue, the both of us screamed. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
I jumped out of bed, while Zayn jumped out from the other side. Both of us ran to the opposite sides of the room to find our clothes and get dressed. He looked just as confused as I was.
Why were we both so surprised! If we slept together, shouldn't we have known? What really happened that night?
"Oh my god Zayn. I can't even remember what happened exactly but....."
Zayn took a deep breath interrupting me. "I think... I think we just had sex."
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END OF CHAPTER 52
Guys remember it's just a fanfic...a lot of people told me they actually have stopped reading this fanfic just cause I added that big Rayn kiss at the end. I'm sorry if the story isn't going the way you all expected it to, but I had this all planned out from the beginning. Please respect my decisons, but I hope that I can please you all through the next few chapters to come:)
Also, please make sure to check out the visuals i've provided for the characters! Check my stories and they are there! Lemme know whatcha think! Thanks for reading lovelies! :)
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- Rida xx