If you just closed yourself off nothing could hurt you.
At least that had become Cole's logic, if he did crazy things and put himself at risk every single day he was in fact committing a warped kind of self-harm, he hurt himself so that no one else could hurt him.
So why did this hurt so much?
He was looking out of the window and witnessing something he probably shouldn't be witnessing, Charlie and Chase's heads were bent close together like they were in deep conversation.
Why was he doing this again?
But then Charlie pushed Chase back, literally pushed him back onto the truck, her face was twisted in anger and even from her he could tell, he knew his former best friend, she wasn't just angry.
Charlie was livid.
Even though he and Chase weren't really at the best stage in their relationship with each other, Cole somehow found himself scared for him, who knew what Charlie was going to do to him, the girl had been doing karate since she was six years old!
He could see Chase trying to console her, raising his hands in a placatory way but she wasn't having any of it.
Cole flinched when she slapped Chase on the face, he felt like he too had been slapped.
"Charlie wait!"
But Charlie was gone, disappearing into the woods that surrounded their house, Chase looked like he was going to go after her.
Without thinking Cole opened the window.
"Don't go after her, she's mad right now let her cool off"
Chase looked shocked, perhaps because Cole had actually directly addressed him instead of ignoring him.
"Did you see all of that?"
Cole nodded, he wanted to know the details but he also didn't want to know, this was Charlie's fault, she had gotten herself into this relationship so she could damn well deal with the consequences.
Things had never been romantic between the two of them and Cole had never wanted them to be, they had been the definition of a completely platonic boy and girl relationship, until she had decided that she didn't want a best friend anymore, and it was lucky for her that he had a complete replica that she could trade him in for.
"Well I totally messed up"
He honestly didn't care, Chase could never mess up as much as he had messed up and he wasn't going to have some dumb heart to heart with him from the window.
"Can I come up there?"
That question totally threw him off guard, they didn't go into each other's rooms, it was an unspoken rule.
But somehow he found himself nodding, he didn't know why, in the day he was surrounded by friends but he still felt so alone, Chase was like another part of him, the better and cleaner mirror image that he wanted to get rid of, but he wanted to talk to him today, maybe it was the fact that he wasn't completely sober, or maybe he just missed his brother.
Chase took his time coming upstairs, when he did he hovered in the doorway like there was a barrier preventing him from crossing the threshold.
This was going to be awkward.
Chase tentatively walked in like at any moment he expected to be attacked, he sat down on the spinning chair the two of them had both clamoured for when they were nine.
"Cole there's something I have to tell you"
Cole waited.
"Charlie doesn't like me, at least not as more than a friend, that's what our fight was about outside, it was so stupid the entire thing, she only approached me because of what you said, she told me you had joked about her being the girlfriend you'd never date and she was angry, that was an understatement"
Cole remembered that day, they'd been lying on the field a year ago and he'd felt so content, so glad that he knew that the two of them would always be friends, relationships were messy, they broke down and ended in tears, his own parents were an example, but friendships lasted forever, that's what Charlie had been to him, his closest friend that he would never dream of dating.
Clearly she hadn't felt the same way.
"I didn't even really like her, it was all so dumb I guess I was jealous... I've never had a friendship like you two have, it was toxic though, she wanted me to be you and I wanted her to be the friend you had, it was all just messed up, I couldn't do it anymore, so that's what I told her outside that it wasn't going to work out and that she should just man up and admit her feelings"
Wow.
"So let me get this straight..." Cole tried to keep his voice steady "You took my best friend away from me because you were jealous?"
"I'm sorry Cole, its just that I used to be your best friend once, until Charlie moved here we used to do everything together, it was pathetic but I saw my chance to have something meaningful and I jumped on it, it was a stupid thing to do and I regret it, I've been miserable these past two months but Cole that's why I'm coming clean to you... I miss you, everyday I miss you"
"How could you ever think you can justify what you just did, you and Charlie have both been lying to me, your both liars! You don't lie to people you care about, but of course Chase Roberts always gets what he wants, you wanted Charlie so of course you got her, you have so little to be jealous about yet you had to take the one good thing away from me!"
And to think moment ago he had pitied Chase, now he despised him, this weak reflection of himself who wanted for nothing.
"Cole I said I'm sorry"
"You know what Chase, sorry doesn't even begin to start fixing this, sorry is what would have fixed a fight about sweets or you breaking my toy truck back when we were young, this was scheming and horrible and if you think for a minute we can just hug this out you are wrong in so many ways!"
"Cole you need to stop thinking like this" Chase had put back on his annoying teacher voice, the one that was meant to console him.
"Chase just get out of my room, haven't you got a head boy badge to polish?"
Chase opened and closed his mouth, then resolutely closed it and left the room, shutting the door behind him.