| Blond |
What a shitful day.
Really shitful. I was stuck in a traffic jam again this morning and of course our manager was mad at me. My bass’s speaker wont work at the studio then one of my strings snap while I was playing. Kai didn’t come today too, so our recording session was move two days from now. We went to have an after work get together at this club… I had a fist fight with one of the customers.
So yeah now, the left side of my jaw was aching.
It was still early when I arrived at the building, maybe eight?
I knew that Aika would be there at the living room again but I’ll do what I’ve been doing for a few weeks now, Ignore her. Avoid her.
Actually, I didn’t know I was pretty good at that thing. Haven’t talked to her since that night she knocked on my room with a cake.
I almost gave up that time. I almost told her why I was doing this.
But I held my horses and continued to be an ass.
Taking the key of the apartment was useless, the door was unlocked. I didn’t bother and walked in with my gaze trained on the floor. Same method – go straight to my room, ignore, avoid.
Yet this time both of my feet stop when I heard a sob coming from the living room. Ignore it!
The curious side of me, made my head turned and saw Aika on the couch, covering her face with both of her hands as she cry.
IGNORE!! AVOID!!
Both of my hands clench tightly in a fists. I shouldn’t bother this… but fuck it!
I walked my way to the living room and sat down beside her.
“Aika….” I looked at her in concern and pulled her hands from her face.
Aika looked up at me, with teary eyes, quavering chin, breaking heart.
“He…. He.. broke up with me…” She cried between heave.
I couldn’t stop myself and pulled her in a hug. I couldn’t take seeing her like this, it pained me too.
She finally felt the ugly face of that emotion.
“Shh….” Hoping that I could relieve the sorrow she was feeling, I caressed her back in a big circular motion. “Shhh….”
She gripped my shirt tight, crying and heaving on my shoulder at the same time.
I cradled her head and rocked her gently.
We stayed like that for minutes… for hours… I didn’t know and I didn’t care.
When her tears stopped from falling and she was just dry heaving. I walked to the kitchen and get a glass of water for her. She drank only a few sips though.
I wiped the remaining tears on her eyes with my thumb and smiled at her reassuringly.
“You’ll survive that… Everyone survive this kind of pain. I’m a survivor myself.” I didn’t realize I said that. My brain to mouth filter malfunctioned all of a sudden.
Aika was still heaving when she looked up at me with her puffy red eyes. “yyou?”
I couldn’t take back what I said right?
I ran a hand through my hair, readying myself to replenish what happened a few years ago.
"When I was in high school, there was this girl I really like." I kept my gaze down, Aika was silent.
"She's very nice, pretty... perfect." I scoffed at those words. "Well, one day I asked her who she likes.. She said my name.... and another guy."
When I glanced up I saw her eyes widens at what I said. I continued.
"It bothered me a lot but I didn't say anything. And I still asked her to be my girlfriend." I shrugged both of my shoulders. "She accepted my confession, we became a couple then. We were perfect... I thought we were..."
I stopped. My hand automatically turned to fist as the pain I suffered that day waves back to me.
"One day at the library... I saw her making out with that other guy. It was fucking painful to see. But still I acted like I didn't see anything."
Before I continued, I breathed deeply.
"I caught them three times in a row and the third was the last straw. I wanted to break it off with her but I couldn't find the words to say. So I organized the most awful plan. I went to a bar and get a random girl to make out with just in time that she and her friends walk in.”
I remembered how she saw me, I remembered how shocked she was to see me kissing another girl. “She broke up with me on that instant and that day was the start of me being a manwhore."
The whole room fall to silence but I still could feel Aika’s eyes on me.
A bitter smile formed on my lips. "Relationships are full of shits."
Her voice came very little. "You must really liked her..."
. "No..." I moved one of my hands on my head and fisted some of my hair. "I loved her."
I stared at the floor, pushing those memories that suddenly waved back in to me.
“So what should I do?... become like you?”
Aika asked all of a sudden, making me face her.
Shaking my head hurriedly, I made her look up at me by grabbing her shoulders.
“No.”
Even the idea of her being like me was…
It made me saw red.
“NO! I… I’ll help you.”
Both of her brows meet as she stared at me. “How?”
How? I survived by becoming this guy who bedded girls without knowing their names. That’s how I forgot the pain. That’s how I moved on.
How?
How?
I didn’t know any other ways, but I’ll help her look for it.
I’ll help her forget that asshole. I’ll help her heal this pain.
“I don’t know… But for now… Let’s start it with a cake.” I smiled at her.
A little smile formed on her lips as she nodded weakly.
I stood up but she gripped the hem of my shirt, halting me. I sat back down again. “What is it?”
She looked down, fidgeting with her hands as she questioned me.
“You’ve been avoiding me…. What’s wrong?”
My lips pursed. Was this the right time to tell her that I was trying to stop my feelings for her?
No, I didn’t think so.
So I sighed. “I was very busy the last few days, I’m sorry if that’s what you thought I was doing.”
Aika looked at my eyes, seemed like she was searching for something there for a few seconds then she exhaled.
“You threw the cake I gave you.”
I traveled my gaze away, how do I explain this.
“Sorry….” I heard myself told her.
She surprised me after she sighed deeply. “Sorry too.”
“No, Aika… You don’t have to say sorry for anything.”
Aika looked at me with hopeful eyes then, and asked.
“Are we friends again?”
Friends…
Friends.
“Of course.” I smiled at her. Even though deep within me, I didn’t want to. Even though I still needed to avoid and ignore her.
Standing up, I patted her head and instructed her,
“Don’t cry if I’m not with you, okay?”
She stared at me for a few seconds before she blinked and nodded.
I chuckled on my way to the door. “I’m gonna get our chocolate cake, I’ll be right back!”
Aika smiled warmly at me as I closed the door.
The store was already closing and wouldn’t let me buy anymore. But I kept on pleading them, actually making stories for them to just let me buy. I told them that it’s my beloved aunt’s birthday, and this might be her last cake…. Yeah right.
I hurried back to the apartment after I bought the cake, only to find Aika already asleep on the couch.
Relieved that she got to sleep despite of this situation, I let her.
I settled the box on the coffee table and sat down the couch facing hers.
A promised is a promised, right?
I promised not to feel this emotion again.
I even told Uruha that I’d fight it.
I thought I could bury this so I wouldn’t hurt again.
But as I stared at her – this feeling just wouldn’t stop.
And before I knew it – it became prominent.
I thought I could stop myself from it but here I was,
already loving her.