Are Apologies Now Worthless?
"Tell me again why we're here this early?"
"I wanted alone time with you, is that too much to ask for?"
I blushed, unbuckling my seatbelt as Tyler parked in the back lot at school. He turned to me, his seatbelt already off, smirking as he leaned forward to give me a small kiss. I smiled softly and my shoulder rested uncomfortably against the console as I met him halfway to kiss again.
"Babe, I'm moving to the backseat," I said, pulling away as the console kept pushing into me. "This console is digging into my shoulder."
Tyler followed suit as I climbed into the back. Once he was there, the next thing I knew, he had straddled me, kissing my neck.
"Ty," I breathed out, my heart beating faster as he sucked my neck.
"Hmm," he mumbled, beginning to kiss my collarbone.
"Did you jus-"
"It'll be our little secret."
I blushed again, running my hands through his hair as he kissed his way up to my mouth. I let out a soft moan as he kissed me deeply, running his hands under my shirt. He brought me closer to him, and when we broke away, I managed to tug off his shirt, throwing it onto the floor.
Smirking, he leaned closer to me, his hands trailing to my stomach. I shivered, meeting his gaze and seeing his green eyes dark with emotions.
"My turn," I whispered, scooting up so I could lean forward to kiss his jawline.
Tyler let out a small groan as I kissed down his neck, giving him what he had to me. I kissed his shoulder, then moved my hand from his arm to the middle of his chest, then trailed down to the waist of his jeans. He caught his breath, and I smirked against his skin, making him pin me down gently and I took that moment to wrap my legs around his waist, my hand snaking back up to run through his hair.
"You are such a tease," he grinned, shaking his head before lifting up my shirt halfway so he could kiss my stomach.
He pressed his lower body down on mine once I unwrapped my legs, allowing him to pull my jeans down so he could kiss my hips. I held my breath, nervousness fluttering through me for the first time throughout this. I could feel my heart pounding against my ribcage as he kissed lower, closer and closer...
"Stop," I said suddenly, my heart continuing to race.
Tyler looked up quickly, backing off. He stared at me, concern written on his face.
"I'm sorry," I panted, sitting up. "I just... I don't... Ty..."
He shook his head. "You don't need to be sorry, Mercedes. I don't want to make you uncomfortable."
I trained my gaze on his shirt, faintly touching my neck. "But how far would that have gone?"
"I have no idea," he said truthfully, staring at the seat between us.
I closed my eyes, leaning my head back against the headrest and breathed in deeply. My hand moved slightly as he brushed his against mine, lacing our fingers together as we sat in complete silence.
I knew I didn't feel regret, but there was something simmering in the bottom of my gut that I couldn't pinpoint. I had no idea what it could be though, and even through walking into school, pretending once again that Tyler and I hate each other, I was still lost.
"Hey," Val greeted me as I stopped by her locker. "Nice going falling asleep in the middle of a restaurant."
I sighed, giving her a look. "Really?"
She shrugged half-heartedly. "I find it kind of funny, y'know. I mean, not as much as the time you crashed in the middle of a mattress store, but still pretty high up there."
"Whatever," I grumbled. I was so not up to dealing with any teasing today, my mind decided to keep itself occupied with thoughts of Tyler and I in his truck earlier this morning.
"I'm gonna go to class," I said abruptly, gripping my backpack straps.
"Wha? But the bell doesn't ring for another-"
"I don't care."
I hurried off quickly, feeling Val's eyes burning holes into my back. I shook my head, attempting to focus on the present but it was useless. I made it to class way before April and Aaron, fiddling with my pencil even as they sat down in their seats minutes later.
"Hey Ditty," April greeted me cheerfully. "What's up? Why so glum?"
"I'm not glum," I mumbled, seeing Tyler enter class in the corner of my eye. His backpack was shouldered on the opposite side it usually was on, and I noticed how his shirt collar was risen just a tad bit higher than normal.
"Then why-" April stopped herself then leaned in close, hissing, "Don't tell me you got one Ditty. Who was it?"
"What?" I questioned, thoroughly confused. I was too focused on Tyler that I barely even registered April eyeing me.
"Uh, your neck?"
Panic flared through me as I hastily shoved up my shirt to hide it. "My cousin dropped something on my neck. It's not what you think it is."
April gave me a disapproving look. "That's bullshit. Now spill, who gave you it?"
I opened my mouth to reply, when another senior, Quentin, walked past, her waist hitting my arm. It ruffled my shirt, causing it to slip down slightly.
"Oh, sorry," she said, looking at me, then smirked and said loudly, "Nice hickey there Dittmar."
Oh my god.
I slid down into my seat, moving my hair so it covered my neck. However, people were already looking my direction, some even snickering, which made my face grow as red as a tomato.
April, who was shooting daggers at Quentin, turned to me with a sympathetic look on her face.
"I'm sorry Ditty," she said, frowning.
"It's fine," I managed to mumble, sinking lower in my seat as Mr. Gardener finally started class.
By the time it was lunch, I could hardly stand the whispers. Some said I had hooked up with Connor behind the bleachers, as he was known to give girls hickeys there, or that I had made out with a sophomore since the younger they are, the more prone they're to give a hickey.
I avoided Tyler and Valerie at all costs, which included staying in the student council room for the whole lunch period. That's where I was now, sitting at the head of the empty table, trying to busy my mind with the upcoming food drive plans. I kept flipping back and forth in the binder, trying to see if we had gotten everything sorted out when I heard a knock at the door.
My first instinct was to snap out that the room was off limits. But surprise kept my mouth glued shut as I looked up to see Antoni standing awkwardly by the doorway. He gave me a half wave before stepping inside.
"What are you doing here? Gonna say some stupid shit to my face about what's been flying around today?" I seethed, glaring at him.
"No," he said slowly, giving me a wary look. "I just... I need your help."
"With what?" I snapped frostily.
"Um, well, I know you're busy and if this is a bad time then-"
"Seriously? You already made me start talking to you. Now what is it?"
"What kind of chocolate does Valerie like?"
Um, who is this and what has he done with fuckboy Antoni?
"Why..." I frowned curiously, shooting him an odd look.
He hesitated, shifting from one foot to the other and back again. "Because... just please tell me?"
"Whatever," I rolled my eyes and scoffed. I wasn't in the mood to argue with anybody, nor deal with whatever was going on in Antoni's weird life. "She likes dark chocolate. Maybe snickers. Happy now?"
Antoni's face broke out into a huge grin which lasted only for a second as he let out a weak cough. "Thanks Mercedes."
I shrugged, barely giving him a glance as I resumed my focus on planning.
"Oh, and also," he said, making me look back up at him. "Sorry you have to deal with these stupid rumors... It must suck."
I sighed, moving my eyes down to the floor. "Not your fault."
Silence coated the room and it was a moment before I heard the shuffle of feet walk out back into the hallway. I tried focusing back on the plans, but my mind simply wouldn't allow it. All I could think about was the rumors and why in the world Antoni was asking about Valerie.
Then it hit me. Antoni likes Val.
My mouth dropped open in surprise. Of course, why else would he ask what kind of chocolate she liked! And, with how Valerie reacted when Antoni was making out with that freshman, it was obvious she has feelings for him too.
I grinned despite myself and felt a rush of excitement. I wanted my best friend to be happy, and if that meant being with Antoni then I'd have to see what I could do.
By the end of the day, the talk of the school shifted from me to Antoni and his break up. Apparently during fifth period he had taken Callie out behind the gym and ended it because of 'too many differences.' She had come back into school crying, and now everyone was saying how Antoni had reached a new status update in real life-- 'The One Quicky.'
Yet if I say so myself, it seemed like Val was in a slightly better mood, but I knew that she wouldn't entirely be over it. Just to be on good measures, and to make up for this morning, during english I partnered with her for the day's activity.
The class was unusually mellow, yet we all worked intently as Ms. Nivilla was in a bitchy mood. There was some small chit chat but nothing too loud, as everyone already knew how she could get. She could bite off someone's head if we weren't careful enough.
"I think this part means he's trying to escape himself, to try and become a better person," Valerie said, mulling over the textbook, her brows scrunched in concentration.
"Yeah, probably. He seems sad too, but angry at the same time," I agreed, taking my pen and scribbling down a few notes.
"Maybe-"
Valerie stopped mid sentence as a wadded up ball of paper hit my desk. I gave it a look, narrowing my eyes as I hesitantly opened it, even as Val gave me a warning glance. In the creased lines was a phone number, written messily, and as I started to crumple it back up, a classmate stood up from his desk two over from mine.
"Hey Mercedes, don't be so rude," he said, acting pouty. "You barely even looked at what I wrote."
I rolled my eyes, crumpling it up even more. By this time, some of the class had focused their attention on me and their fellow classmate. I hoped that Tyler wasn't paying attention to us; things did not need to become more complicated.
"Well, I don't need to," I said sharply. "Nor do I want to."
He scoffed, shaking his head and pointed to his chest. "You mean, you won't even think about calling me when you're ready for this?"
My eyes widened in shock as I gathered what he had just said. Before I could retaliate though, the sudden screech of a chair backing up made everyone jump and turn to look behind them.
"What the FUCK!" Tyler shouted, his eyes blazing with anger. He took a step away from his chair, yet paused to glance at his shirt where a stain of blue ink had progressively grown in the middle. His pen lay broken on the floor, and his foot crushed it as he took a step towards us.
"Mr. Dorran," Ms. Nivilla called out, her voice thinly hiding back anger. He paused, swinging his head to face her, his eyes dark with fury. "I will not tolerate anymore of your outrageous behavior. You know better than to use that kind of language in my classroom. I think it's time you payed a visit to the principal's office."
There was an awkward silence; nobody dared to breath or move a muscle. Still steaming with anger, Tyler roughly grabbed his bag and walked out of class without another word. His foot left behind faint ink marks on the tile, and as soon as the door shut, everyone immediately returned to their work. It was as if his anger hadn't truly left the room, since even the guy sat down and awkwardly attempted to work with his partner.
"Jeez man," Oliver said to Connor, who both had to sit near us for the activity. "Dude's been in more trouble than me in these past few weeks than I've been in the whole year."
"I think he's broken a record then," Connor snickered. "I would've at least expected his anger issues to dial down a bit by now. We're almost adults for god's sake."
"Did you hear how he almost flipped a desk over the other day 'cause some dude asked him a question or something and he just kinda went beserk," Oliver snorted.
"Hey that's not as bad as when he punched a hole in the wall sophomore year, man."
"Oh, dude that was fucking hilarious. He didn't even have a reason, he just did it too."
"True man. Hey do you remember that time when he..."
**
It wasn't until thirty minutes after school I got to see Tyler. I had seated myself near the lockers closest to the principal's office, and right as he exited the room, I stood up instantly to go over to him. Anger was still present in his features and a scowl was set permanently on his face.
"Hey," I said softly, noticing his shirt was still stained. "Ty?"
"My mom thinks I should go back to anger therapy," he muttered, the frustration in his voice causing me to frown worriedly. "I talked to her on the phone in there."
"Maybe you should," I said hesitantly as we walked out of school. "You know-"
"You're siding with her?" he snapped, glaring at me.
"Ty, listen to me," I responded, feigning hurt. "You've lashed out so much this year over small things. I-I overheard Oliver even saying that you've gotten in more trouble than he has this year. That's not good."
He scoffed, rolling his eyes. "So now you're comparing me to one of my best friends on how many times we've been in trouble? Bullshit."
"Tyler," I put a hand on his shoulder, forcing him to look at me. "You shouldn't lash out so easily at everything. I think you should at least give it another chance. You were doing better before and now it's like you've had a setback or something."
He snorted, shrugging away so that my hand fell to my side. "I do not lash out at everything. There's no way I'm going back there."
I averted my eyes so he wouldn't see them filling with tears. "Yes you do, and you know what? It almost always involves me in one way or another. You've gone past jealousy by this point. What happened to compromise?"
"I'm trying to protect you," he shot back, gritting his teeth. "And what that guy said was stupid. What people say about you are stupid. You're not a slut, dammit!"
I swallowed, biting the inside of my cheek. "That doesn't mean you have to constantly get mad all the time," I said quietly.
"I care about you Merc, and I hate hearing all this stuff about you. I just, I just want to do something about it," he sighed irritatedly.
"Then if you truly care, give anger therapy another shot," I mumbled, beginning to back away slowly.
He caught my eyes, reaching out to stop me. "Where are you going?"
"Home. I'll leave you to cool off."
"Merc," he protested, his voice cracking. "Don't, please. I'm sorry, I'll try and do better okay? Please, baby, don't leave. Don't leave me."
"Drive safe," I said, quickly squeezing his hand before I turned away, walking off down the sidewalk without another glance behind me.