Chapter 24 || It's My Fault
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* * Nicole's POV * *
(this chapter uses the video above, I will let you know when to play the song)
I stayed bedridden for days - just lying in bed unable to move and unable to speak. I don't even think I have slept. I just stayed in my bed doing nothing except replaying that day over and over again in my head.
I wish it would stop replaying its self but it doesn't. It just keeps coming the second it finishes.
The look on Liam's face was burned into my brain. It scared me. He even threw me into a wall as if I was nothing...... nothing.....
I couldn't even stop him, with everything I've done to help me in situations like that I still couldn't even stop him.
I couldn't cry anymore, I had no more tears. I didn't have enough strength in me to cry.
My door slowly creeks open - I ignore it - lying in the same position I was in from who knows how long.
I hear footsteps come my way as a hand gently rests on my shoulder.
"Nicole... I brought you breakfast" Jake says in a soft voice as he rubs my arm.
I don't move... correction I couldn't move.
He lifts his hand from my arm and places down the tray of food. I hear Jake take a deep breath as he slowly places one of his arms around me and the other under my head and lifts me to a sitting position. Once he props me up he places the tray on my lap. He's been doing this for days now - Helping me. I don't know why but he is doing it. Every day around a meal time he comes in with a tray full of food, sits me up and helps me eat.
I remember how tight he held me when he found me on the bathroom floor of that night. He kept saying he was sorry over and over again. It got to a point where I thought he was telling himself more than me...
I don't stare at him or the tray. I find my self staring at a spot on the wall near the door. I never noticed it before, there was a tiny tiny little crack in the wall. It was so small that I could barely see it.
"Nicole? Are you hungry?" He asks as he starts cutting part of the waffle.
I just kept staring at that little crack.
He sighs and places his hand behind my neck, "You need to eat"
You know that crack reminded me of something... I can't put my finger on it though...
I felt Jake rub the back of my neck. His warm fingers grazed my skin sending shivers down my spine.
As if out of nowhere I was brought back to reality - it felt like someone grabbed my foot and pulled me back onto earth.
I shut my eyes and took a deep breath.
Jake stopped rubbing the second I did that but then immediately picked back up.
When I finally opened my eyes again I noticed the crack in the wall again, "You see that crack in the wall over there? By the door?"
Jake looked at me confused, then to the crack, then back at me and nodded.
"I'm like that crack in the wall" I say slowly as I tilt my head sideways.
Jake didn't say anything as I spoke, as if he was afraid that if he said anything I'd stop and go back to what I was doing before.
"That tiny little crack is like me" I reiterate "The whole wall is perfect... perfectly put together. Nicely painted and polished, no cracks... except that one little crack by the door over there. It's a broken piece of the wall, unlucky, ugly and nobody wants it there. The rest of the wall hates the crack because the crack wrecks the wall. It's the only crack." I take a deep breath, "I'm that crack."
I feel Jake looking at me and I keep staring at the crack.
Jake places his hand on my cheek and turns my face towards his very slowly.
He looks me in the eye and I look him in the eye back.
"Nicole listen to me" Jake said, he was about to say something else but I spoke instead.
"Jake, I need to tell you something..." My eyes began to water.
"Anything" He said as he brushed my hair out of my face.
I took a deep breath, I had to tell him, "Jake... W-When it was just Liam and I in the room a-a-and he was doing and saying that horrible stuff to me... I-I..." I began to choke on my words.
"Its okay Nicole. Don't push yourself, you don't have to tell me anything." Jake assured as he rubbed my cheek which helped me calm down a bit.
I took another deep breath but this was one was longer and slower, "W-When Liam was over me, I-I had thought I put everything I had into fighting him off, b-but it wasn't good enough. I-I couldn't do it..." tears began to flow from my eyes as I spoke, "I kept thinking how everything happens to me a-and It got to a point where he said no one would want to find me anyway a-a-and I believed him." At this point tears were pouring out of me but I kept going, "I-I honestly thought I deserved what happened to me a-and stopped fighting back.... I-I believed was a w-worthless n-nothing."
My eyes were like waterfalls but I did it, told him.
He brought his other hand up to my cheek and looked me square in the eyes. I noticed his eyes were watery too, "Nicole, don't you ever think that about yourself. You didn't deserve any of that. None of that!" he began talking louder "You have this special something that lights up a room when you walk in. Those people that hurt you, it's because they see that special something, envy it and want to take it from you."
"You are not some worthless nothing, No! You are an amazing, strong, and beautiful person, Nicole!"
"It's my fault you were in that mess. I shouldn't have forced you to go to the party a-and I should NOT have left you alone" he took a deep breath and gently rests his head against my forehead "If I could go back and change my decision, I would."
Silence fell between us, not awkward silence. A silence that was speaking for us, we didn't have anything to say but the moment felt nice.
His breath fanned over my face, it was a nice minty flavor. His nosed brushed up against mine, shivers where spiraling down my back. My heart was racing. My face felt like it was on fire. What was happening to me?!
Jake moved his hands from my cheeks to behind my neck, he pulled his head back and said one last time "I am sorry."
I was frozen, he was so close to me.
I stared at his face and he stared back at mine, his dark brown eyes no longer looked like a black hole but now were full of regret and sorrow. His eyes were watery from everything that had happened but he did not cry - I'm sure I looked like a mess though.
I smiled weakly at him and he smiled back. Not a grin - no - a smile. A perfect big pearly white smile, and when I say perfect... I mean PERFECT. His smile made me smile.
"There's that smile I've been waiting to see!" He says as he rests his hand under my chin.
I chuckle and look away, but he gently turns my head so that I am facing him again.
"Nicole?" He asks.
"Yeah?" I say with a sniffle.
"You are perfect the way you are and I wouldn't want you any other way." He said.
I felt red seep into my cheeks. Why does he have this affect on me?
"T-Thanks" Is all I can say.
He smiles back at me, then pulls out his phone and begins playing some music. once the music starts to play he stands up and holds out his hand for me, "You need to have some fun right now."
I look at him concerning and take his hand. He lightly pulls me off the bed to stand. I was a little weak and wobbly at first - only cause I haven't moved in days - but Jake held my hand tightly not letting me fall.
"What are we doing?" I asked as he began to sway closer to me.
"Shhh... don't talk, just go with it." He says as he places my hand on his shoulder and then wraps his arm around my waist.
I listened to the music we swayed, it was Just Hold On by Louis Tomlinson. How could I not recognize it right at the beginning? I love this song!
Jake smiled as he realized I was enjoying our dancing and he began to lead me into a more advanced dance.
We moved in circles, to the front, to the side, to the side - all around my room.
He spun me a few times and by the middle of the song our chests were touching.
"You know you're not bad a dancing?" He said with a grin.
I chuckled, shook my head slightly looked at him square in the eye and with a little bit of sass that came out of nowhere said "You're not bad yourself."
He raised an eyebrow and let go of me. He went right to his phone and changed the song to a more up beat dancing song.
I began swaying to the beat as I tried to figure out what the song was. I kept staring at my feet until I gave up, I had no idea what the song was but it had a good beat to it.
I looked up at Jake who was devilishly grinning at me.
"What?" I say unable to keep a smile off my face.
He chuckled, looked down and shook his head. His little laugh made me giggle. He slowly walks over to me grabs my hand and starts dancing with me - luckily I can keep up. It wasn't anything super crazy until - out of nowhere - the beat starts picking up like really fast and up beat and Jake starts doing these crazy dance moves with me. He drops my hand and starts doing those dance moves you would see Jason Derulo would do. His feet dance to the beat as his body moved up and down.
Once he finished showing off he came dancing back to me and lead me around the room dancing. He spun me and even dipped me. He seemed impressed that I could even keep up.
As the song faded out, I let go of Jake and clapped slowly, "Wow Jake, I'm impressed." I laughed with my words, "I didn't know you had it in you."
He brought his hand up and brushed it through his hair, I could feel his cockiness flying in the air... it was time to take that away.
I rush over to his phone and put on the first peppy song that comes into my head... Im a Lady by Meghan Trainor
* * (play the video to hear song) * *
I let the beat play a little before turning around, but when I did Jake looked at me with a hilariously confused look.
I chuckled at his face.
And the second Meghan's voice filled the room I began my turn to make his mouth drop.
I let go of everything I was feeling and just danced my heart out.
I flipped my hair, twisted my hips and moved my ribs cage left and right.
Have you ever seen those amazing hip hop dancers on Instagram or Facebook? That's essentially how I was dancing... or at least felt like that.
The room spun as I danced, I haven't felt this happy since I was home with my parents.
I did a funky spin while holding my leg next to my head and caught a glimpse of Jake's face. He was dumb struck... in awe. His mouth was hitting the floor!
As a kid I used to dance when ever something stressed me out or made me sad and I guess over the years I got a lot better....
The song was coming to an end and I needed to do something big to really hit Jake in the face - not literally.
My eyes lit up. I did a jump spin and landed in a center split.
The song ended and I looked up at Jake while moving the hair out of my face.
Jake just stared and stared at me.
"What?" I say, still in the split on the floor.
Jake coughs and straightens himself out, "I was not expecting that" He holds out a hand for me and I laugh as I take it.
"Where did you learn to dance like that? That was incredible!" He says in awe.
I smile, "Well, I'm self taught."
Another punch in the face to Jake.
"No way" is all he says.
"Way" I say with my hands on my hips.
He smiled and took his phone, "Way to one up me."
I laugh and fall on my bed. I look to at my pillow and notice something I didn't notice before, Teddy! Teddy was back! I reach over and grab Teddy and pull him into the biggest hug ever.
"Feel any better?" He asks cautiously and sits next to me.
I nod as I loosen my grip on Teddy, "Thank you Jake. Really."
He smiles back at me and with a wink says, "Anytime Princess."
And we're back with the nicknames.
"What happened to baby cakes?" I question as I sit up.
Jake shrugs, "I like Princess better" he pauses and with a grin asks, "Why do you miss Baby Cakes?"
I shake my head and chuckle as I brush my hair out of my face.
"All righty go get ready. I'm taking you out today." Jake says as he pats my back, "I'm going to give you the best day ever!"
* * Jake's POV * *
I thought I heard Nicole behind me but when I turn around she wasn't there. Only random drunk people dancing.
Stop thinking about her Jake! Get her out of your god d*mn head!
I shake my head as I reach for a cup.
Wait, I can't drink. I promised Nicole I wouldn't drink.
UGH what is this woman doing to my head.
I need to forget her.
"Hey Jakey" I hear a high pitch voice from behind me.
I turn around to see a short girl with green eyes twisting her platinum blonde hair with her fingers.
"Who are you?" I question with a harsh tone.
She is taken aback for a second but then gets closer to me. She rests one hand on my chest and the other around my neck, "Follow me."
Maybe this girl will help me forget about Nicole... so I follow.
She leads me through the sea of people. We pass the kitchen and then the sitting room that was more like the standing room now.
I stared at the 'sitting' room. There were people filling up every inch of it, mainly guys standing around a table with girls on it.
The blonde kept leading me and just as we left the sitting room I thought I caught a glimpse of Nicole on the table.
I immediately ripped my hand from hers and ran back to the scene, but there was no Nicole. However there was a guy knocked out on the table. I shake my head, don't drink if you can't handle it.
The blonde comes back to me, "Jakey..." She twirls me around and leads me out of the room.
Something isn't right here.
My spine shivers and my hands tense.
Something is wrong.
I let go of the blonde again and she whips around in anger, "Stop that!" she squeals.
"Go find someone else" I shout at her and storm away.
I hear her scream as I leave and I can only laugh. I didn't realize how weird people are when they are drunk.
I run around the house like a mad man looking for Nicole, but she was no where.... which was bad... really bad.
I ask some people if they saw her but they either were too drunk to answer or had no idea who she was.
I groan as the night goes on.
It's getting late, if I don't find her soon I might never find her.
I run past a group of two guys who seemed pretty sober, I mean they were having a normal conversation.
"Have you seen a girl named Nicole? She is about this tall..." I hold my hand up to her height, "Brown hair, brown eyes and wearing a black long sleeved shirt with jeans?"
One of them answers "You mean that table girl? Yeah I saw someone like that? Some guy ran up onto the table and punched a guy to get her."
The other guy added, "I think that was Liam."
"Oooo yeah. Liam is crazy drunk man." He laughs.
My eyes widen, "Did you see where they went?!"
"Uhh yeah, They went through the kitchen and then down that hall over there. It's closed off though." He says as he goes back to his drink.
"Thanks!" I shout as I begin to run away.
"Good Luck!" I hear them shout back.
I hurry through the kitchen and to the hallway where three guys - that looked like security guards - were guarding.
They had to be in the hallway. They had to! It was the only place I hadn't looked but how was I going to get past those gorillas.
I thought for a second, then laughed as three drunk girls wearing next to nothing past by me.
"Hey ladies. You see those guys over there? They think you are drop dead gorgeous." I say as I point to the gorillas.
They giggle and then make their way over to the gorillas. They obviously had a routine down cause the moment they reached the gorillas they were following them down the hallway and into separate rooms.
Genius Jake! Genius!
I bolted down the hallways, listening for any sound and looking for any locked door. Each door I past was unlocked and empty.
Oh Nicole.... Where are you?
"PLEASE! HELP! SOMEBODY! HELP!" I hear Nicole's voice scream from around the corner.
"Nicole!" I scream back, knowing she can't hear me but maybe she will.
I check every door in the area until I came to a door where it sounded like people were fighting. I tried to open the door but it was locked.
I heard a loud slap noise and then Nicole grunt in pain.
I'm coming Nicole.
I run back and charge for the door. The second my body hits the door it comes falling down - nice to know all my work out actually help.
I look around the room to see Liam on top of Nicole on the bed about to take off her shirt. I could barely see Nicole but from what I could see of her was that she was completely pinned and hit so much to a point where she was completely out of it.
That's it!
I run over to Liam, grab him and throw him across the room. I charge at Liam as Nicole goes against the wall, dazed.
I punch Liam several times in the face and Liam punches me right before he runs right over to Nicole again. His bunch barely got me but it was enough to have me step back giving him the time he needed to run over to Nicole and chase her off the bed.
I grab his feet and pull him away from her.
Nicole crawls to the bathroom, blood dripping down her arm, she had no idea what was going on or why Liam stopped. She was out of it.
I straddle Liam and begin punching his face, "You f**king hurt her!"
Punch
"I'm going to f**king kill you!"
Punch
Anger boiled within me. What the f**k is wrong with him.
I could have knocked him out with one punch but I wanted his pain to be long and painful. I wanted him to know to never touch her again.
Punch
"Don't you ever lay a hand on her again!" I shout in his face as I send one more killer punch with everything I had into it to knock him out for weeks.
I would have kept going till his head fell off but I needed to get Nicole.
I get off of Liam and walk over to the bathroom door which was mostly shut but not all the way.
I began to open the door, "Nicole?" I say cautiously.
I hear her cry and I push the door all the way open, "Oh my god Nicole!" I rush to her side and collapse to my knees. I wrap my arms around her shaking body and lift her up. "It's okay Nicole, open your eyes I say" with a shaky voice.
Calm Jake Calm, you need to be strong for her.
She twitches in my arms then tenses, "You're safe now."
She opens her eyes. She looks at me but doesn't recall who I am at first - it was like she was looking through me. She focuses harder and soon relaxes as she stares into my eyes. I relax a little.
I couldn't help but know that this was all my fault. I'm the reason she was in that mess. I'll never let her get hurt again.
"No one is ever going to hurt you again" I pull her closer to me and she rests her head on my chest, "I'm so sorry Nicole! I'm so so so sorry!" I say over and over again as I see blood travel down her arm and I felt my eyes water.
It was all my fault.
"It's okay Jake. I'm okay" She says weakly.
I stand up with her in my arms bridal style. I feel her shake in my arms, I hear her whimper as she tries to hold in her tears.
"I'm sorry" I whisper as I walk out of the bathroom.
She clutches my shirt and tries so hard to not burst into tears.
I hold her tighter, "It's okay. Let it out."
She does, she starts crying all over again.
This is all my fault. Ugh... why am I such an @ss hole.
As I slowly walk past the unconscious Liam, I look down at Nicole. Her face was resting into my chest, her eyes tightly shut. I let out a breath of relief as I exited the room. She didn't see Liam. Liam looked like he had just got ran over by a truck. Blood dripping from his head and all. He would definitely have bruises all over his body tomorrow.
I stared down the hallway, it was empty... but outside of this hallway millions of people swarmed the house. I didn't want to cause any attention to Nicole, she would hate that. I turn around and look for a different exit. Soon enough I found one that lead out to the side of the house where a garden was.
I walked through the garden with Nicole in my arms still crying, completely unaware of where we were. She yet to open her eyes.
"I'm sorry" I say again under my breath.
I spy my motorcycle not too far away and begin walking cautiously to it. Why didn't I take the car?!
By the time we reach the car Nicole had stopped crying, but she was still in her own world. She wasn't comprehending things.
I place her carefully on the bike, I had to hold her as I reached for the helmet or she would have fallen right off. I carefully place the helmet on little her. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying and her hair was all over the place.
As I got on my bike I held onto her and wrapped her arms around my waist.
I drove away with one had on the bike and one hand holding Nicole's hand - Unsafe but I had to.
When we arrive home, Nicole was still out of it. She was always looking through me... never at me. Her eyes weren't really focus at all they just seemed to stare no where.
I pick her up bridal style again and enter my house.
"I'm sorry" I say in a whisper again.
I walk to her room, her seemingly lifeless body still in my arms. I look down at her. Her head rested on my chest and her hands were clinging to my shirt as if she was holding onto the edge of a cliff. Her breathing was slow and shaky but her heart rate was fast.
I carefully placed her on the bed.
I ran into her bathroom, grabbed a cool cloth and just as I was about to leave I noticed a hair brush resting on the counter - I grabbed that too.
I returned to Nicole, same position I left her in... exactly.
I took a deep breath and dabbed the towel across her face. I sat on the bed, lifted her so she was sitting up and began to brush her hair. She would like that right? If I didn't she would wake up with a rats nest... right?
Her hair was thick and smooth and as I brushed her hair she never said one word. When I finally finished her hair looked likes it usually did. 'What if I became a hairstylist?' I joked to my self.
She rested on me, her back leaning into my chest.
I looked down at her, she must be incredibly uncomfortable in that outfit I picked out for her.
"Nicole?"
No answer.
"Do you want to put something more comfortable on?"
Silence.
Oh boy.
I gently rested her body down on her bed and went into the closet in search for Pj's or warm something cozy.
I scanned the closet and found a fuzzy pink sweater with a boxing glove on it. I then found the ice cream shorts she usually wears. Perfect.
I walk back to Nicole... still in the exact same spot I left her in.
"Nicole. Do you want to change?" I ask hesitantly.
Silence.
"C'mon Nicole. Please answer." I say with a pout on my face.
Nothing.
"Blink if you understand me."
She didn't even blink... now that I think about it I don't think she has blinked since we left the party.
I gently closed her eyes and put the side of my face next to her hand to make sure she was breathing, and thankfully she was.
"Okay.. umm.. I don't really want to do this but do you want me to help you change?" I say in the most awkward way.
No answer.
I don't know what was so awkward about this, I mean I've seen quite a few girls before... why was I so awkward around her.
"I'm ultimately talking to a ghost" I tell myself.
Wait! Idea!
I rush out of her room and into the one room that could wreck my entire life from this situation.... my mom's.
I creak open the door but before I could open it I hear my moms voice from behind me causing me to jump a million feet, "What are you doing!?"
"Are you trying to f**king kill me mom!" I say in a quiet but shouting tone.
She stares at me with those death glare eyes.
I roll my eyes, "I kinda have a problem... Follow me"
I didn't wait to see her reaction, I pushed by her and walked into Nicole's room she followed.
I point to the lifeless Nicole and she crosses her arms, "What did you do to her?" She questions.
Great... how was I going to tell her?! "Um..." I fidget as I try to say something, "Nicole might should really be the one to tell you, It's not really my business to tell..."
She widens her eyes "Oh..." she looks at Nicole "What's the problem?"
I hand her the clothes, "I can't change her!" I say "She's awake but lifeless."
She nods and pushes me out of the room, "Smart choice Jake" and shuts the door.
I pace outside her door waiting and waiting. Then I remembered something. I bolted into my room and grabbed her little tan teddy bear sitting on the bureau next to my bed. I gently hold it in my hands as I rush back to her room.
Finally the door opens and I can enter. My moms kisses my head and say "Good night Jake"
"Night mom" I say back and kiss her cheek.
I approach Nicole, who is now tucked in sleeping soundly on the right hand corner of the bed. I gently lie down next to her and tuck her teddy into her arms.
"I'm so sorry Nicole" I take a deep breath as I brush a piece of her hair out of her face "I'll never let anyone hurt you again."
Soon enough I drift off into a deep sleep.
The next morning I wake up beside Nicole, still in the same spot from last night. I drag myself out of her bed and run into the kitchen and put together a variety of breakfast food and stuff them onto a tray and rush back to Nicole.
When Nicole was up she was still lifeless and out of it. No talking or moving. She breathes slowly and blinked very rarely.
"Nicole?" I ask, "Are you hungry? I brought you some food."
I carefully fed her food to make sure she wouldn't starve and helped her drink water so she wouldn't get dehydrated.
Days went by and I'd do the same thing every meal.
I'd stare at her and try to make her as comfortable as possible - I would brush her hair, her teeth. I would read her some books I found lying around in her room.
Many days later the unthinkable happened, I couldn't contain my happiness. It was so hard. I just wanted to pull her into a hug and never let her go. She had came back!
• • •
Thank you so much for 2.3k+ reads!!! ILY!!
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