Ellen stared at her phone. It had been nearly a month since Grey's had come to an end. She found herself fighting a strong urge to call him.
When you didn't like the answer to a question, do you just ask it again? How desperate did... reconsider...Come away with me, sound? About as Desperate as Pick me, choose me, Love me.
It was a mourning process. First her heart denied that it had even happened. Second, she was mad, who was he to drag her through this whole mess and just leave. Now she found herself sad. She remembered only the happy times. He was without a doubt the love of her life. She had given 10 years of her life to loving this man to sleep with him once and never see him again? The thought cross her mind that it had been his only goal. He got what he wanted. Now he could go back to his perfect little family.
Ellen still felt him on her skin like a tattoo or a stain that wouldn't go away. He was a part of her. Tainting her, stealing what little purity she had left. He was everywhere. The summer breeze smelled like him. The thundering car sounded like him. Her heart lost a friend, her body a lover. It felt all too real.
"You should just call him," Ellen's friend spoke up.
"What?" Ellen looked up from her glass of wine.
"You are obviously in love with him," her friend continued. "Maybe you didn't make that part clear."
"Because cheating on my husband with him doesn't make that clear?" Ellen's voice was bitter.
"Lots of people cheat just for sex." She shrugged.
"I asked him to run away with me," Ellen's voice bordering on disgust.
"Maybe he didn't think you were serious," she countered.
"Or Maybe he wasn't serious," Ellen spoke up.
She watched as her friend rolled her eyes and sipped her wine. "You get that this man has been in love with you for the last 8 years, right? He never once tried to pressure you into anything and now you're trying to paint him as the player- one night stand type?"
"Just," Ellen huffed, "forget I mentioned it."
"You're moody," Her friend cringed. She sipped more of her wine and lightly joked, "Maybe you're pregnant."
"Oh yeah," Ellen rolled her eyes and shoved her friend, "That's a great way to make me feel better."
"Ellen," she heard distantly and then, "Ellen," once more. She finally jumped to focus, "Your phone is ringing," Lucy, Ellen's new assistant said. Lucy was a bit of a jack of all trades. She helped with the girls, her schedule, she was even a therapist on the go.
"Tell him I'll call him back," Ellen said firmly, "Ask him what he wants and then tell him I'll call him back."
"Nope," Lucy shook her head, "Not answering it this time. He wants to talk to you."
"About our daughter?" Ellen half stated, half asked.
"Apparently not," Lucy returned her moodiness with a smile. "You got to cut this attitude," she joked. The truth was Ellen hadn't answered Patrick's call in weeks. Lucy had been coordinating all of the necessary co-parenting. She would filter Patrick's calls, sorting out what concerned Ellen and what concerned Emilee. Emilee was the only legal subject at the moment. "You know, you can't claim someone broke your heart if you were the one to end the relationship."
"Yes you can," Ellen spit back immediately.
"Why?"
"He didn't follow through," Ellen shrugged.
"You deprived him of that opportunity." Lucy adjusted her glasses. She turned to put Ellen's breakfast on the table. Ellen made a face of disgust. "What? You eat this every day."
"It smells disgusting."
Lucy eyed her suspiciously. "Are you sick?"
"No," Ellen reassured her.
"Are you pregnant?" Lucy said through a half smile.
"Yes," Ellen's voice was filled with sarcasm, "I'm pregnant."
"Moody," Lucy threw her hands in the air, "Nauseated. It would make sense."
"Tell me why I hired you again?" Ellen spit back with somewhat of a smile.
"Because you couldn't live without me," Lucy stood and moved the plate away from her.
"Oh that's right," Ellen smiled.
Ellen left her kitchen and ended the conversation. She stepped into the bathroom to adjust her hair and throw on a little lip balm. She studied her own face her mind unable to move from what Lucy had suggested. The truth was she had been feeling a little off. Her thoughts raced with possibilities. Was it possible that all these years could have brought her back to the very same mistake she had made. Could history literally be repeating itself? They break up, he doesn't chase after her, she finds out she's pregnant, has the baby alone. The thought made her stomach even more upset.
The sound of the flushing toilet masked the sound of Ellen's doorbell. She steadied herself against the bathroom counter. Her stomach fluttered again but this time it was nerves. Ellen exhaled as her hand made contact with the cool metal faucet. She tossed water to her pale face.
Her house was quiet this morning. Stella had a playdate in the park with their nanny and Chris had gone to New York for some sort of fake producer meeting. Ellen stepped out into her living room just as her doorbell rang again. She glanced out the window to find her friend standing there with a bag. "Hi," Ellen said softly as she opened the door.
Her friend nearly let herself in, headed to the kitchen. "I brought you a few things." Kristine emptied the contents of the bag onto the table. A gatorade, a bagel, banana and the last item was a boxed pregnancy test. Kristine set it on the table in front of the other items. "Take it," Kristine insisted, "Get it over with."
"Fine," Ellen gave in, "But I'm not pregnant," Her voice confident. She huffed and returned to the bathroom.
As the door closed, Ellen leaned against it. Confident was the last thing she was. She started at the box and then the small pregnancy test. Her hands trembled as prepared to take it. One of their many conversations filling her troubled mind, "You want me to have your babies?" She remembered the way his eyes glittered when he responded to her. "Are you offering?"
Ellen sighed again and took the test. If she thought she was nervous before taking it, this was the longest two minutes of her life. If there was a baby, what would she do, what could she do? Did she tell him? Call him? What kind of conversation would that be? Hey! I know it's been a month but I''m pregnant. No it couldn't be my husbands because I haven't fucked him in six months.
She had drank, she had drank a lot. What would that mean for a baby? Had she created some sort of birth defect. Would this baby have a normal life? And she thought, of course not. A product of a wrap party one night stand between two of the most famous characters on television. How could this baby have a normal life?
Ellen steadied herself again. This was just the fear getting to her. This was just an excuse for her to be tied to Patrick. She was't pregnant. She was being stupid and Kristine was being careful. The alarm went off on her phone she swallowed hard and reached for the text. She flipped it over slowly. There was no way she was... PREGNANT. The test read in unmistakeable capital letters.
The test slipped through her fingers and to the ground. Her knees felt weak. She crumbled to the ground. After nearly a half an hour her friend knocked on the door. "Ellen?" her voice soft, "Are you ok?"
"Hmm," She hummed.
"Can I come in?" her friend asked.
"Yeah," her voice quiet.
The door squeaked open slowly. Her friend glanced to the test on the ground by Ellen's feet. It was upside down so she couldn't read it. She tried to meet Ellen's eyes but she was staring straight ahead. "I'm pregnant," Ellen's voice cracked and a tear escaped the corner of Ellen's eye.