Chapter 56 – Pillow Talk
By the time we entered the hotel room, my trembling had become full-blown shaking. The events of the day kept circling through my mind like a never-ending movie clip. My thoughts drifted to the moment I held that nameless vampire's head in my hand, right after I had jerked it free from his body.
I had actually killed someone.
Self-defense or not, it didn't matter, because the man was still dead. I wondered if he had a family. Everyone had someone who cared about them. And I had destroyed him.
I shuddered hard from head to toe.
Myrnin's soft voice interrupted my traumatic thoughts, "Come, Cariad."
I held his hand like it was a lifeline to my sanity, and followed him silently into the bathroom. I must look horrendous and automatically turned to look at my reflection in the mirror. "No," Myrnin stopped me, and firmly focused me away from the image I was certain would have haunted me forever, had I been able to see myself in that moment.
He leaned down and released the faucet, allowing a stream of water to flow from the showerhead. Turning back to me, he didn't bother to lift my sports bra over my head. Instead he simply tore it down the middle and let it fall away. His hands found my hips and he gently slid my shorts down my legs. I stepped out of them, thankful to be free of the blood-soaked clothes.
I waited as he quickly dispensed of his own ruined clothing and followed him into the shower. The water cascaded over our bodies, causing a crimson-stained pool at our feet.
He picked up the body wash and began with my face, cleaning away the blood of an unknown number of dead vampires. In our earlier frenzy, I had lost count of how many vampires died around me, their blood spraying in all directions. As Myrnin finished each section, he leaned down to kiss my skin: my forehead, cheeks, nose, and lips.
His touch wasn't sexual.
It was healing.
"Turn around, Cariad."
I did as he said, facing my body away from him. I heard him lift and then return the shampoo bottle in place, before his hands worked the liquid into my hair. His fingers massaged my scalp, carefully cleaning out the dried bits of blood and then settled me under the water to rinse the soap away. He repeated the process with another round of shampoo and then conditioner, all the while murmuring quiet reassurances of his love.
Silent tears rolled over my cheeks.
He continued down, until there was no trace of our earlier nightmare left, and then held me nestled in his arms, while the water ran comfortingly over our bodies.
"Cariad, what happened with Gwion?"
He didn't have to elaborate further for me to understand his question. He wanted to know the decision that Gwion had left up to me. Myrnin hadn't been in the room at the rave, when Gwion had threatened Ciro.
Overwhelming guilt flooded my system. I trembled and fresh tears flowed from my eyes, blurring my vision. Myrnin tightened his hold and spoke soothingly, "Cariad, no matter what you agreed to, you know I won't think less of you. I can feel your guilt. It is crushing you. I can't fix it if I don't know what it is."
I looked up and found the safety of his eyes. "I want you to know...but I just can't...." I whispered.
His fingertips touched my cheeks, lightly brushing away my tears. He murmured, "Would it be easier for me to ask Gwion?"
I exhaled and nodded, thankful he understood, and rested my head against his chest. I was desperate for him to fix it as well, but I just couldn't talk about it. Not yet.
Turning off the water, he reached for a towel and wrapped it around my body. When I stepped out of the shower, I noticed all of our bloodstained clothing was gone from the floor. Myrnin followed my gaze and answered my unspoken question, "I arranged for someone to discard our clothes and clean any traces away while we showered, so you would not have to look at them again."
I wound my arms around his neck, and laid my head back against his chest. I murmured, "Thank you for thinking of that." He kissed me on the forehead and then pulled back to wrap a towel low on his hips.
As we exited the bathroom, I was surprised to see Abby and Trystan waiting for us. Relief flooded through me that they both okay. When the Escalade flipped and crashed, I had been hugely thankful that Ciro had kept Abby in a secondary vehicle with two other vampires. She jumped up and ran to me, throwing her arms around me tightly. "Thank God you are okay!"
I smiled at her warm welcome, thankful once again to have her as a friend during all of this chaos. I squeezed her and teased quietly, "What are you guys doing here? Is it because I'm naked?" It had become our running joke. It seemed every time she was around, I was naked for one reason or another. Today being no exception, apparently.
Myrnin left my side to take her place in the chair next to Trystan. He collected his cell phone from the table and make a call. When he began speaking in Welsh, I suspected Gwion was on the other end of the line.
Abby tugged on my wrist and pulled me so that we were sitting on the edge of the bed. Her eyes clouded over in tears. Alarm ran through me. I looked her up and down. She seemed to be in one piece. Her hair was wet, obviously having just taken a shower as well. I couldn't find any physical reason for her distress and asked urgently, "Are you okay? Did something happen to you?!"
She smiled through her tears and whispered, "No, silly, I came to tell you thank you for coming to my rescue – you shouldn't have – but thank you."
I frowned. "Of course I should have. Why would you say anything different?"
"Because that bastard was just using me so that he could hurt you," she explained simply.
"Would you have done the same thing for me?" I asked, already knowing the answer.
"Well of course, but that doesn't it matter."
"Of course it matters, and you know it." I smiled at her.
She grinned and changed the subject. "Okay, time to eat."
My eyes were wide as I tried to determine if I heard her correctly. "Oh no! I am not feeding from you right now. You have just been through hell."
She huffed impatiently, "I am perfectly fine, now stop objecting and get started. I have a dinner date that I need to get ready for."
I shook my head.
Her eyes narrowed dangerously. "Really? You can run into the arms of a madman for me, but I can't do this for you?"
Well since she put it that way, I could see her point. "Are you sure you're okay?"
She rolled her eyes.
I sighed, "Okay, let me get dressed first."
Myrnin interjected from across the room, "You're only going to take it all off again as soon as they leave."
Just like the shower, his intention wasn't sexual. He was going to use our bond to comfort, love and heal the broken parts of me. And nothing would separate us when he did. I nodded in understanding. It would be a waste of time.
...
The blood definitely helped. I hadn't realized how much the fighting and subsequent burning had taken a toll on my body. After Abby and Trystan left, Myrnin removed my towel, lifted me and pulled back the covers to tuck me underneath. He climbed in next to me and then reached to extinguish the only light in the room, an ornate table lamp with crystals and a navy shade. The sun was shining now, but the heavy curtains were drawn tight, locking out the light.
I nestled tightly against his chest in the dark. I found I didn't like being away from his touch for long. I suspected my aversion to being away from him, was a natural result of the bond he had created, because the closer I got to him, the less broken I felt.
The stillness of the moment filled the air. Finally, I pulled back so that I could see him, and he shifted to his side so that we were face-to-face. His fingers traced imaginary patterns along my skin. I had many questions, but whispered the most important one first, "Is it over?"
"Yes, Ciro is dead."
I thought about his answer for a moment. When we had left, Gwion was still very busy torturing Ciro. I hadn't been sure if he planned to make it an all-day event out of it. I could still hear the echo of Ciro's screams ringing in my ears. I shuddered. Maybe it was morbid curiosity or maybe I just wanted to heap more guilt on myself, but I whispered "What did Gwion do to him?"
A muscle in Myrnin's jaw twitched. He spoke gently, but in a tone that did not allow for disagreement, "Cariad, I am not going to tell you that."
I nodded. It was probably for the best. Having more details for my nightmares likely wouldn't help me. But there was one detail I did need to know. I asked quietly, "How did he die?"
Myrnin stared at me, looking for my emotional stability. I murmured, "I want to know...I need to...for closure.
He hesitated another moment and then sighed in resignation. "Gwion used the handcuffs to chain him to a pole outside of the abandoned gas station at the crash site. And then he waited for the sun to rise.
"He burned," I breathed.
Myrnin's eyes were tight as he nodded.
"Are you sure he's dead? Is there any way he could have gotten away?"
"No, he didn't get away. Gwion stayed until the end," he replied quietly.
Fresh tears fell over my cheeks. I didn't know if they were due to my sorrow, guilt or relief. Myrnin pulled me close and whispered soft shushing sounds in my ear. When my tears slowed, he pulled back and smoothed my hair away from my face. I breathed deeply and looked down. I couldn't meet his eyes for my next question. "Did Gwion tell you...?"
"Yes," he murmured.
I cringed. He would never judge me, but I still felt ashamed. He lifted my chin with his finger. The amount of love in his eyes was stunning. "Cariad, you cannot bear the responsibility of what you agreed to while under the influence of Amelie's powers, or what he did to Ciro. It was going to happen because Ciro made the fatal mistake of trying to kill him. Gwion did what he did for himself, not for you."
I contemplated his words. There was an element of truth. Regardless of my choice, Gwion was going to subject Ciro to unimaginable pain and nothing I said or did would have changed that. "But..."
Myrnin traced my cheekbone with his finger and interrupted me, his voice hard, "For what Ciro put you through, believe me, there wasn't anything that Gwion did, that I would not also have done, if I had had the opportunity."
"You would have hurt him like that?" I whispered.
"Cariad, you already know the answer to that. I am not innocent. You've met the monster in me and I can't promise that I wouldn't have done worse once the monster was free. Ciro knew who he was going up against, when he went after you and then after Gwion. He made a choice and did it anyway. That was his choice, not yours."
I traced his lips as I thought about his words and then whispered, "I'm not sad that he is dead. What does that say about me?"
There was no hesitation in his response. "It says that you are feeling profound relief that you do not have to live your life always looking over your shoulder in fear of him."
He was right.
I changed the subject. "What happened to Raven?"
Myrnin's eyes were hard again as he answered, "I killed her."
"You did?" I breathed.
He nodded. "I did her a favor by doing it myself. You know what Gwion would have done to her."
I nodded. As much as I didn't like Raven, I didn't want to see her go through the same pain that I knew Ciro had...The pain that anyone would, if they chose to target Gwion.
My thoughts shifted. When I left the fight, the four of them were still heavily involved fighting. Trystan had made it out alive, but Myrnin had not mentioned Dargan. I asked quietly, "And Dargan? Did he make it out alive?"
Surprisingly, Myrnin's face did not radiate anger as he answered, "Yes, he made it out."
I tilted my head and commented, "You don't sound like you hate him?"
He smiled wryly and replied, "Dargan and I will never be friends. But if he hadn't been there today, I don't know if we would've survived. It took all four of us, in the defensive position of covering each other's backs."
"Even still, there were so many vampires. There had to be more than fifty against four." It still blew my mind.
"It wasn't easy. Especially with those fucking drugs," he snarled, "But I am not sure there is a chemical on this earth that could keep me from fighting for you. We just had to hold them off long enough, until the reinforcements that Trystan had called, showed up. After that, we quickly overcame them."
I remembered how he had struggled to fight under the influence of Ciro's drugs. I never wanted to see him so vulnerable again. I whispered, "How many times did you get hit?"
"Five," he grimaced.
"Five?!" my breath came out in a whoosh. I stared at him in shock. "How did you even function when you were trying to find me?"
Blazing fury darkened his irises, the muscles in his neck pulled taut. It took him a minute to regain control over his expression, before he spoke grimly, "Your pain...It kept me razor sharp. When it began, I thought I was going to lose my mind with rage. I was astounded at the severity of it. I shouldn't have been. That motherfucker was always a cruel bastard."
I shuddered. I hoped there would come a day when I forgot every tiny moment of suffering as the fire from the silver licked my skin, but today wasn't that day. I whispered unevenly, "Listening to me scream...turned him on. He couldn't keep his hand off his dick."
Myrnin was dangerously silent, while his body vibrated with renewed outrage. His thoughts were crystal clear. He completely agreed that Ciro deserved the emasculation, and wished he could have had the satisfaction of doing it himself.
We were both quiet, lost in our own thoughts for a moment, as the rage calmed in his eyes. Myrnin brought me out of my reverie when he murmured softly, "You fought well. I would rather you had never been there, but I'm proud of you."
The reminder of the fight brought me back. I swallowed hard and whispered thickly, "I killed someone."
He nodded and replied simply, "Yes."
I tried to hold the tears back, but couldn't completely and asked brokenly, "Will I...ever feel better about it?"
He pulled me closer and murmured, "Time will help and..."
"Priodas?" I anticipated his next word. I remembered the overwhelming intensity and wasn't sure if I was prepared to experience it again, especially with the raw state of my emotions.
Myrnin guessed my thoughts and reservations, "Yes it will help. It's the connection that heels. We don't have to move if you don't want to."
The more I thought about it, the more I wanted it. The feeling surprised me given how hesitant I had been. I realized a part of me, whether physically or mentally, knew it would lessen my pain. And I desperately wanted relief from the emotional agony crushing my chest.
"Yes," I whispered.
"Cariad, do you just want me inside you or do you want to come?" he asked huskily.
"I don't know," I whispered honestly. With the emotional strain swirling through my head, I wasn't sure if I even could.
"I'm going to get you wet," he murmured and purposefully slid down my body, his lips burning a trail as he went. Whether from his words or the excruciating pleasure I knew his tongue could inflict, my body reacted all on its own to get ready for him. He growled low at the scent of my arousal.
He took his time, gently languishing kiss after kiss on every inch of my flesh, flicking out his tongue to taste his favorite spots. Every touch was clearly meant to love and cherish me. I squirmed in pleasure beneath him, my breaths shallow and fast.
Anticipation curled my belly into a knot when he moved back up my body, his knee sliding my legs farther apart, before coming to rest directly at my center. He hesitated just at my opening, while his mouth captured mine, whispering butterfly kisses before becoming harder, nipping at my bottom lip with his teeth.
Without releasing me from our kiss, he shifted his hips and moved forward slowly into me.
"Myrnin!" I cried out against his lips, as the feeling of him filling me so completely, shocked all of my senses. Every fiber of his being was alive within me. There was no space in my body where he did not exist, from my fingertips all of the way down to my toes. When he was settled deep inside of me, he held perfectly still, but refused to release my lips, capturing my gasps and moans with his mouth.
My mind and body were frantic for more. It was crazy of me to think we could become one, without the desperate need for release roaring sharp and strong in me.
"Myrnin...I need more... I need you. Please move..." I whimpered breathlessly.
His head moved to my ear and he murmured huskily, "Cariad, let go...Let it all go from your mind...I love you."
Fire shot through my abdomen at his tone and everything faded away except for the sound of his voice and the touch of his skin.
He withdrew slowly and then thrust back into me hard. I screamed and shattered apart in his arms, stunned at the force of the climax rocking through my body. I couldn't catch my breath before he repeated the motion and another orgasm was upon me.
I had no idea how long we continued. I had stopped thinking and just felt him, as he cherished and made love to me in every way imaginable, freeing me from the sting of my memories. I could still remember all of the events as they happened, but as I lay in his arms hours later, my brokenness was gone.
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