Nikki Dawson
"Daniel, stop fussing and go and get in to bed!" I scold him, shoving my work bag over my shoulder.
It's been three months since I returned from the hospital, and I'm finally returning to work now that I am stronger physically and mentally. I can't wait to go back to work, I love my patients, I love watching them conquer their inner battles. I love helping them do it.
Daniel has just come home from a night shift, and from the dark circles under his eyes, I can see he's exhausted, but he's pottering around me with worried questions and helpful actions.
"Baby, are you sure that you're ready?" He asks me as he puts down the sandwiches he has just wrapped up for me.
Shaking my head with a tiny smile on my face, I step towards him and take hold of his hands in mine. "Yes, I am. It will do me good to get out and back doing what I love." I tell him as I let go of one of his hands and place my palm on his cheek. With a sigh, I feel him relax as he tightens his hand around mine and presses his head into my hand.
Eight days after we left the hospital, we had Katherine's funeral. It was small, quiet and very helpful.
I have a place to go and see her and to talk to her. She's been lay to rest and she's in peace. If I can't have her in my arms, then this is what I want for her. Katherine will forever be in my heart.
"Okay, sweetheart, I'm going to bed before I pass out." He lets out a heavy sigh and leans forward, placing a kiss on my forehead. "Please be safe and have a good day, I love you." He murmurs against my head before planting another kiss.
"I love you too, Daniel." I tell him, "Text me when you wake up." Slowly, I lean up and place a tender kiss on his lips.
"I'll see you later, baby." He squeezes my hand and trudges out of the kitchen and down the hallway towards the stairs to get the sleep he needs.
Daniel has been struggling to sleep since that happened. At first, I thought we were going to be thrown straight back to square one with him and his issues. He was apprehensive to get into bed with me, he was cautious to sleep around me and even touching me seemed terrifying to him. However, we have done a lot of talking and we took baby steps. Now he is much more relaxed, even though we still have work to do.
***
I lean back in my leather chair as the door to my office closes, signalling the end of my first appointment that day.
That case is particularly difficult. She is a young girl who was attacked by her new boyfriend. He made her believe that he loved her... but she was much mistaken. It's heartbreaking sometimes. However, I've been working with her for a while now and we're making progress. That's why I do this job. It's so rewarding and it's so surprising how much you learn about yourself through working with people in their times of need.
Letting out a deep sigh, I lean forward and wrap my hand around the brass handle of the drawer on my mahogany drawer and open it to retrieve the file of my next client who is someone I haven't seen before.
I know his name is Rasha Kattan from looking at my planner, but I don't know much about him. So I flick through the alphabetically labelled files until I come across the K's. When I find Rasha's file, I pull it out and push the heavy drawer shut with my knee as I shuffle closer to my desk.
Placing the file on the desk, I lean over it and begin to read.
"Rasha entered England as an asylum seeker..." I mumble to myself as I read aloud. "Who, during the treacherous journey, lost his parents and was taken into care once he arrived." My eyebrows furrow as I read, the story is already making my heart lurch for him.
My eyes jump to the top of the page to find a summary of his personal details. "Seven." I say, sadness in my voice. He's only seven... and he's gone through so much pain.
I continue to read. "While he has been in the UK, in one of our care homes in Norwich, the carers have noticed him losing weight, not sleeping and having nightmares." I push the file away then pull the cover over. I won't read any more, I will learn about him for myself.
Shaking my head, I pick up the file and place it back in it's appropriate place in my drawer.
Then, I push away from my desk and stand up, ready to go and greet Rasha and begin his journey to a happier life.
When I reach the waiting room, my eyes scan over the other patients for the other counsellors briefly before I call out his name. "Rasha Kattan?"
In a split second, a young, thin lady with long blonde hair stands up and looks at me before lowering her hand to her side, taking hold of a little palm.
Beside her, a young boy, Rasha, stands up, firmly gripping on to the ladies hand. He's tall for his age, but even though he's tall, he looks so tiny. There's no weight on him at all. His soft, chocolate eyes are wide with fear as he looks from me to the carer at his side. The lady smiles at him, but it's hardly warm, and then begins her advance towards me. Rasha is quick to follow as if he's scared to leave her side. As they make their way towards me, I notice how Rasha's walk is a nervous shuffle and he's completely on edge. He's forever looking around him as if he has to be aware and ready to run at any moment. It breaks my heart.
I let a smile form on my lips as he gets closer. Soon they're stood before me and the lady reaches her hand out to me. "Hello, I'm Sophie," I take her hand in mine and shake it softly. "and this handsome young man is Rasha." She smiles.
Bending down and placing my hands on my thighs that are covered by the grey, knee length pencil skirt. "It's nice to meet you, Rasha, my name is Nikki." I tell him with a gentle grin.
Rasha shuffles next to Sophie, looking between her and me, but then he lets the corners of his mouth turn up in an unavoidable smile. As he does smile, he turns himself away from me in an attempt to hide his shy, little face.
Standing up straight, I look down at him and then to Sophie. "Follow me and I'll show you to my office." I tell them.
Turning around, I start to walk towards my office. I can hear Sophie's confident step behind me and Rasha's cautious stumble.
Soon we're at my door and I open it, ushering them in ahead of me, the I follow them in.
I go around to my side of the desk. "Please, take a seat both of you." I say to them as I sink into my comfy chair myself.
I watch as Rasha's tiny army yank at the chair that he shouldn't be finding heavy, but his still underweight body does. He then slides into the chair and shrinks as far back into it as possible with wide eyes like a rabbit caught in the headlights.
Sophie sits next to him and jumps into the conversation immediately. "Rasha has been experiencing a lot of nightmares." She says suddenly and a frown forms on my face. This is not how I do things. I have to get to know Rasha a bit before I can expect him to talk to me about anything.
Dismissing Sophie's comment, I turn to the nervous little boy. "So, Rasha, why don't you tell me what your favourite thing to do is?" I ask him softly.
Rasha's eyebrows meet as he frowns. He's thinking. Then his face relaxes and a small smile creeps up onto it and a shine flicks across his eyes momentarily. "I'm learning to read, Miss Nikki. It's lots of fun!" He tells me. More energy seeps into his voice as he tells me about a passion he's found.
His English is good, he's clearly been taught it since birth. A small accent laces his words and it's honestly, adorable.
I clasp my hands together. "Oh wow, Rasha! That's lovely! I love reading too. Do you have a favourite book?" I ask him and lean forwards, listening intently to the boy who, I think, will have a really charming personality shine through soon enough.
Rasha immediately answers. "Where The Wild Things Are." He chuckles a bit as he remembers the funny story. His voice goes quiet. "What's yours, Miss Nikki?" He asks me, allowing his eyes to meet mine.
I lean forwards so I'm closer to him and he can't help but lean forwards slightly too. "Don't tell anyone, Rasha, but it's definitely The Gruffalo ." I tell him and laugh a little, so does Rasha.
Sitting backwards in my chair, I glance over to Sophie who doesn't look happy. She looks confused.
"I love it too!" Rasha smiles at me and allows his tense frame to relax just a little bit. "But I wouldn't want to have tea with the Gruffalo." He lets out quite a loud laugh at that one little joke of his and so do I. He's such a charmer.
"No, Rasha, I wouldn't too. He's a bit scary." I shake my head as I chuckle along with Rasha.
Sophie clears her throat and I look to her again. Then she crosses her arms. "Nikki, how is this going to help the real problem, his nightmares?" She asks me coolly, but with a cocky raise of her eyebrows.
Pursing my lips, I let out a deep breath. "Sophie, I would like to get to know Rasha. I can't even begin to help someone I know nothing about." I state calmly.
Rasha is looking scared, tense and nervous again. He's shrinking back into his chair and I can't let him close the door that I've got ajar to the person he really is.
Not allowing Sophie's snarky words jump back in, I turn to Rasha again.
"Do you have a best friend at home?" I ask Rasha. I need to bring him back out of that defensive bubble of his that Sophie just threw him back in.
Rasha's eyebrows furrow and his lips purse as he emerges into thought. Soon his features relax and a small smile begins to form on in his lips.
"Well, there is this one girl. She's really loud and crazy and funny and lovely," he starts with a bubbly tone to his words, but as he continues, a troubled look overcomes his face, "she
stops the other big boys making fun of me." He concludes and my heart sinks.
"How much do the big boys make fun of you, Rasha?" I ask gently, initiating eye contact with him.
"Every morning when they laugh about me shouting in my sleep." He whispers in a sorrow voice. As he reveals more and more about himself, my heart aches for him more deeply.
His parents wouldn't have wanted this for him. They would've wanted him to be safe, happy, carefree. Unfortunately, little Rasha is everything but that.
To have Katherine in my arms again would be everything to me. To have her in my arms, against my chest as I whisper her definite promises that I will keep her safe, that I'll love her no matter what, that I'll never let her go. That's all a parent wants for their child and it must be killing his parents to not be able to give him that.
"Do you have nightmares every night, Rasha? " I ask him softly. This time I don't get a verbal response, just a sharp nod.
His eyes are starting to cloud over with salty tears as he talks of his troubles. This is a lot for someone so young and vulnerable.
"I tell you what, Rasha, I'm so happy to hear that you've got a good friend at home. I think maybe you should go home and play with her, but I promise you that you can come and see me again if you like that?" I ask him in as light of a voice as possible to cheer him up a little.
Rasha lets out a visible sigh of relief, even though Sophie doesn't look happy about something. He nods at the prospect of coming to see me again and the tightness in my chest loosens by a minuscule amount.
Tiny Rasha scurries to his feet as Sophie stands with a graceful movement.
Allowing my hand forward to Rasha, he shakes it eagerly. Then allowing it forward to Sophie, she shakes it reluctantly.
"It was so lovely to meet you both, I'll see you very soon." I smile warmly.
And just like that they're gone, but my heart is still aching for gentle Rasha. He reminds me so much of the special man in my life. He reminds me what it is to feel protective of a young life. He reminds me of how it is you care for someone who needs help with their issues. All I want is to see him happy.