Chapter Ten: "Hallucinated."
"WHY IS she not eating?" One of them whispers not very quietly.
I'm the only one still at the dinner table, tossing and turning my food around. I've barely managed to have three bites of everything that was on my plate, and to say that the boys staring at me and Ella looking at me worriedly didn't help me eat quicker.
"She needs time to adjust." Ella snaps, "Leave her be. She won't eat if you keep staring at her like a hawk."
"Actually, may I be excused?" I speak up. "I'm not very hungry."
"But you've barely eaten anything," The same boy speaks up. It's not Landon or Louis, but he's younger so I have no idea who it is. "And mom makes the best food around!"
"I was never hungry to begin with." I answer as nicely as I can, but my voice spits it out instead. Some things never die; in my case it's my harsh tone when I don't mean to use it.
"Um, yes, I guess." Ella sighs. "How are you liking your new room? Is it alright? Big enough?"
Is that some way of her asking me if it was big enough to suit my needs because I came from LA? Is that some stereotypical thing that because I live where you can oftenly run into celebrities while you're out tampon shopping means that I live in luxury?
I'm probably just overreacting. I've become very cranky over the past ten minutes since I started getting weird looks from everyone who moved from the kitchen to the living room in silence.
"It's fine." I answer. "Thanks. Dinner was good, Ella."
"You have got to be kidding, right? What would she know, mom? She barely touched her plate!" I turn to the source to glare at them, and I feel slightly disappointed when I see that that source was Landon. Guess friendship isn't starting anytime soon.
The fork clatters on my plate as it gets dropped out of my hand unconsciously, and I stand up, ignoring the pricks that start to form in my eyes. If only the idiot realized or even asked why I didn't touch anything. I walk up to where I think I came down from, and don't look back as the tears start falling and splashing onto the hardwood flooring beneath my feet as I speed my way up the stairs.
I'm already sobbing grossly once I'm in my room, and I make my way to the bathroom. I immediately stop in my tracks as I look down at the floor and see a scale beside the toilet, and turn around, closing the door. I start wheezing by the time I make it to the window closest to me. I throw open the balcony doors and close them behind me. The sun has already begun setting, and as much as I used to watch the sunset on the beaches back in Los Angeles and have it calm me down, this one isn't working any wonders for me.
I immediately grab my phone, unable to control myself as I dial the number.
I get voicemail.
"Hey. . ." I whisper, gasping for a breath. "I know we talked not too long ago but I really need you right now. . . I haven't even been here half a day and I already want to go home. Please answer or call me back. I really need you."
I end the call and toss my phone on the bed, but I miss miserably and it clanks loudly against the floor. I ignore it as I continue to cry harder as I think of how I ended up in the position I am in now. Last year was the biggest reason for why my health is basically shit, but adding to that was the bullying Stacy put me through, and adding onto that as well, was what Emily, Bethany, and Cathy did to me once they found out I was apparently doing shit behind their back.
I don't understand why I suddenly have a hard life. I mean, before I was fifteen, life was perfect in my eyes. My relationship with my mother wasn't good, but I didn't care. I had my dad, and my friends. I didn't have any bullies, and I didn't have enemies. Everyone liked me, and for some reason, after that one, horrid night, everything went downhill from there. I ended up in prison for false convictions, and I was body-shammed; hardcore body-shammed. I wasn't given it easy, and I was having horrible dreams. Nightmares that were so strong, I needed comfort at night. I needed sleeping medication because I had chronic insomnia. It's not as bad now, but I still have many sleepless nights a week.
I understand that I made poor choices, but I personally think that targeting my body was the stupid and most immature route to turn on. I was probably the most confident person you could ever meet when it came to my body. I was proud of what I had. I had curves, and no thigh gap. Until that one time, after that, I got abs within a month, and now that thigh gap that wasn't there, is present.
The fact that some people can just hate you so much; enough to make you hate yourself and everything you once admired, is scary. The ones you thought you could trust just stabbing you in the back like you meant nothing the whole time.
How could they have done that to me? Just make me feel so worthless, make me feel so disgusted by myself and do things just so I appeared different? Were they jealous that I was happy? Or did they just enjoy tormenting?
My cries grow heavier, and I don't realize how heavy until I start choking because I've been crying without any breaths.
I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand and head back into the room. I start looking through the boxes for what I'm looking for, and it starts agitating me because none of my parents even bothered to be kind enough to label any of them.
I still don't understand how my father could turn on me like that. I thought we had a good, strong bond, and to think that he just agreed with my mother to send me off to some place I don't even know makes me question how loved I am from the beginning. I smack the side of my head to clear that thought.
Four boxes later and I find everything that contained my safes. I find the one where I held personal things that nobody knows about, and punch in the code. It unlocks and I grab out two of my bottles, popping open the lid and throwing a couple of the tabs in my mouth. I grab the third bottle, and take a caplet out for when I go to bed.
"What are you doing?"
I immediately throw the pill bottles back into my safe, slamming it shut, causing it to fall onto the ground on the other side of the bed, and hiding the tablet in my hand behind my arm. I spin myself around to see Landon.
I remember what he said earlier before dinner, and after. He doesn't want to be friends. I keep reminding myself. I stare at him, my lip in between my teeth to prevent me from saying anything bad, and I hide my face by my hair so he can't see the vulnerable state I'm currently in. "Nothing."
"Then what are you hiding behind your back?" He presses, arms crossed in a taunting manner.
I bulk up to meet his stance. "What's it to you?"
"Nothing, but hey, curiosity killed the cat."
"The cat may as well die, then." I hiss, and I begin to panic once my hands begin twitching; something that I always do when I'm nervous. Closed fists, keep them near the bed. Shove your hands in your pants if you need to, but don't you dare open your fists.
I gulp as the twitch starts increasing, and I squeeze my hands closed so tight, my nails will soon start drawing out blood. I swear, if Landon could see me, I'd more than likely look very constipated.
My face heats up as Landon's gaze intensifies, and he gives me a full smirk.
He knows I'm going to crack soon.
"The cat is enjoying himself right now." He says, and takes a seat at the desk. I avoid his eyes and stumble to turn around so he doesn't see what's in my hands. "I wonder what Blue's hiding behind her back."
"Stop calling me Blue," I interrupt, "I'm not a dog."
"No, you're right," he agrees, "But dogs hover when they know they've done something wrong."
I swear my jaw drops. "S–so? I've not done wrong yet."
"You sure about that, Blue?" He teases with a raised eyebrow. "You look pretty bad."
"What's that supposed to mean? Are you calling me ugly, a criminal, or is that some sexual innuendo?"
"Frankly, I think you're really pretty, but it was an innuendo." He answers casually with a shrug. I feel a blush rise to my cheeks, but I push the smile that's threatening to appear. I'm supposed to be mad at him for being so nice then changing all of a sudden. Stay focused, Brooklyn.
Right, focus.
"Well, thanks for stopping by. Bye!" I say with a tight smile, nodding towards the door.
"Not before you tell me what it is you're hiding." Landon answers sternly, standing up and coming closer to me. He's right next to my bed, glancing at the mattress before his eyes come to meet mine. "I'm just making sure that you know, I don't go downstairs and come back up half an hour later seeing you dead on the floor."
"So, what? You think I'm suicidal or something?" I say, clenching my teeth together as he sits down. I get a quick glimpse at my bed and see it empty of any bottles or caplets. Oh thank goodness. "God, you Canadians are so quick to fucking judge. Pfft, and I thought LA was bad."
"We Canadians are far more peaceful than your country, thank you very much." Landon scoffs, placing his hands in his pockets. "And no, I wasn't 'quick to judge' you or whatever. You know, it's kind of hard to just leave when I legitimately just watched you pop tabs in your mouth like a piece of gum."
"I didn't do it like I was simply popping popcorn in my mouth," I argue.
"I said popping a piece of gum." Landon corrects. "Not popcorn, and you didn't deny taking them."
"What? No, you're just trying to confuse me and make me confess!"
"I–"
"Whatever. Even if I did, they're nothing for you to worry about, so just drop it, please."
"Fine." He shrugs. "What are they, then?"
"Nothing for you to be concerned about." I answer quickly. "They're. . . cold medicine."
"Cold medication doesn't come in those types of bottles, Blue."
"Maybe I wanted them in a more secure container. My cousin has a baby and I–"
My lie is interrupted when Landon glares at me seriously, shaking his head at my fib. "Seriously? You're going to lie to me straight to my face? Come on, I thought we were friends now, Brooklyn. You can trust me." Landon says honestly, and I look into his eyes that are a few feet away from me. His eyes from here don't show any source of a lie, so I begin to have a sinking feeling in my stomach on how harsh I've been towards him.
But. . . dinner still happened. I thought we were–possibly–friends too, but I guess not.
He must be lying.
"I don't think we're friends, Landon." I say, my voice cracking a bit.
"What? Why?" He asks in pure confusion. "I thought we hit it off well."
"Maybe you were wrong." I shrug like it's nothing. It's something, though. It's definitely something. "You don't know me and I have my reasons for lying. I don't need to tell the truth if I can help it. And about the friend thing, dinner said else-wise."
"What are you talking about? I never said anything at dinner." Landon questions. His eyebrows are raised, and I'm honestly starting to consider if I actually heard him right; if it was actually him and not one of his brothers. "Besides, I understand you have your own secrets and things you just don't want to share or aren't comfortable sharing with just yet, but why lie to my face when I can see through it?"
He was right; lying at this point was useless, but I still wanted to keep it to myself, so I ignore that last part to avoid getting into too much detail or revealing too much information. He has already seen more than he's supposed to, meaning now I need to be extra cautious. Maybe I should start putting them in Tic Tac bottles instead. . .
"You practically intended that I didn't enjoy your mother's food! That was embarrassing."
"Blue, I don't know what kind of pills you're using, but I didn't say fuck all at dinner; my word." Landon says with a smirk.
"You did, though, Landon, and I'm not using pills." I scoff. "Should I reconfirm for you? Hmm, it goes along the lines of, 'what would she know? She barely touched her plate!' Does that ring a bell to you?"
I'm clenching my jaw so tightly; breaking my teeth might actually be a concern. Not to mention that my neck veins must be pulsing so noticeably.
"Nope, not one."
"Are you shitting me?" I laugh, "Landon, I literally glared at you the fucking moment it escaped your mouth! How can you act so chicken-brained? You're lying through your teeth, and I know! So, stop acting, I know."
Landon's eyes are filled with amusement and genuine confusion, but then it's like a light bulb goes off in his head because the confusion vanishes and realization takes its place. "Ohh," he hums, "I see where we went wrong."
Where we went wrong? Hell no, it's where he went wrong! "There is no 'we.' It was you."
"No, no, no," Landon laughs. "It's you this time, but don't worry about it, Blue. This confusion happens a lot."
"What?" I ask, this time I am seriously lost.
"That was Liam who was talking about you." Landon says simply, "I promise."
Before I can argue, I hear footsteps coming up my stairs, and I stop my train of thought when I literally drop my mouth when I see Landon come upstairs.
Am I dreaming?
No, no, no, did I take the wrong caplets? Well, I can't look now.
Shit, I must be hallucinating. It has to be a symptom from the drug.
"Hey, mom wanted me to–" He begins, but stops midsentence. "Oh, I didn't know you were up here talking to the newbie."
My hands start twitching again, and I visibly gulp. There are literally two Landon's standing in front of me right now, and I am genuinely going to lose my head if I'm seeing what I think I'm seeing.
"I'm hallucinating," I breathe out, more to myself than directly at anyone specifically. "Maybe the last month and a half hasn't actually happened and I'm actually, in reality, going crazy."
"Is she on cocaine or something?" Landon asks.
"Ugh. . . I don't think so?" Landon replies.
Oh my God, someone please pinch me.
My eyes widen as I see Landon approach me. He shrugs, and without any hesitation, comes up, connects his fingers to my arm, and squeezes. "Ow! What the fuck!" I exclaim, tossing the pills that were in my hand under my bed, and reach up to rub the stinging spot that Landon just pinched.
Great. You voiced your thoughts again, Brooklyn. Good job!
"Landon!" I exclaim.
"What?" He asks from across the room.
"What was that for?!" I screech.
"I didn't do anything, Blue," he laughs. He then turns to himself, who stands a foot away from me. "I'll be down in a few minutes."
Landon nods. "Please be quiet if you get lucky tonight. I know your room is directly above this one, but don't think that these baseboards don't shake, because they rock the house like an earthquake." He then turns around, smirking at me as he descends down the stairs, and I let out a gasp once I hear the door close. My cheeks immediately flush red and I put my head down to cover my embarrassment. Two Landon's may be one thing, but one talking to the other and giving him orders to not do any. . . activity up here, is a totally new ordeal.
This hallucination keeps getting weirder and weirder.
To cover my face, I immediately shift myself around, and see the real Landon not looking, so I quickly scatter the bottles together and the fallen pills that landed under my bed. I grab my safe that fell down there as well, I toss the loose caplets and bottles into my safe before smashing the lid down and locking it. I'll just take them when everyone is sleeping. I conclude to myself.
Landon then sighs, and I just notice that he watched the entire thing silently–and that includes me throwing everything into my safe. Crap. Maybe he looked back. He doesn't ask any questions as he huffs and moves my safe to the floor, again, before sitting down on my bed next to me.
"You aren't hallucinating," he begins, "That's my twin brother."
Twin brother?
Well, that totally makes more sense than me hallucinating. I've been taking these caplets for a year now, I should obviously know their side effects by now.
"He's not like me at all," Landon suddenly laughs. "The complete opposite, actually."
"How so? You guys are literally identical twins." I ask.
"Well, for starters, we're identical, yes, but we have totally different personalities. Liam is. . . well, let's just say he likes to get around. A lot. That being said, I have my fair share of girls too, but I don't drop them like he does. And I certainly don't go through as many a month as my brother."
Huh. So I live in a family of. . . fuckboys, then? Man, this day just keeps getting better and better. Note the sarcasm.
"Okay, so you're both fuckboys but he gets around the world more than you do. What else?"
"Well, I'm not sure if you have noticed, but my brother is. . . how can I put this nicely? Opinionated? Expressive?"
"A dick?" I suggest, which causes Landon to throw his head back in a laugh. A very cute gesture, since his jaw looks amazing when it flexes. Not to mention his fluffy hair bouncing around when he drops his head back down.
"Yeah, I guess that's a better word for it." He chuckles.
"I have others," I grin.
"I know he's mean, but when you get to know him, he's has the decency to be a good guy."
"Seriously?" I scoff in disbelief. "I don't believe that. He has more inappropriate jokes than Trump does about the whole female species."
"You just got here twelve hours ago. Give it a couple months." He smirks.
"I'm not holding my breath on it." I chuckle. "Anything else I should know about?"
"Well, since you seemed awfully confused, I'll be a nice guy and give you the easy difference to separate and differentiate the differences between my brother and I instead of having fun with it and having you decipher everything out by yourself."
"Thanks?" I say uneasily, but the rest is quite obvious to separate them from one another. "Well, one of you is a dick, and the other is straightforward. All in all, one is more of a dick and the other is just cocky and likes to throw sexual innuendos. Know which one is which? I think I got easy conclusions."
Landon looks down at me from the corner of his eye, and I see a glint of unknown emotions travel through his blue orbs. They're actually very bright; like a sapphire blue. Very, very beautiful.
He doesn't need to know that, though.
"Well, that's one way to put it. Or," he quirks an eyebrow, "You could just look at our eyes."
I was looking forward to Landon trying to figure out if whether he's the dick or the annoying flirt, but I guess he made that conclusion himself, since he chose to completely ignore what I just said.
I scrunch my face up in confusion. A lot of confusion today! I shake my head to clear my thoughts. How is it that I look at each brother's eyes, and I can immediately tell the difference? They're identical twins!
"I'm the only person in the family with different coloured eyes," Landon answers, like he literally just read my thoughts.
"What?"
"Out of all five of us," he says slowly, "I'm the only one with different coloured eyes. I'm pretty sure you haven't noticed that since you seem very lost right now, but yeah. All my brothers have hazel eyes besides me. I got my mom's eyes, while the other idiots got my dad's."
"Ah, so you're one of a kind; unique." I say understandably with a click of my tongue. I shrug my shoulders afterwards. "It makes sense. You seem okay, huge ego, annoying, annoying flirt, and sweet, while the others seem piggish, selfish, and sexist. The only thing all of you have in common is flirting. Great character traits."
"I'm going to take those middle ones as a compliment," he smirks. "But with my brothers, they're tolerable once you get to know them," Landon repeats, "I don't expect you to understand immediately since you haven't even been here a day, but I know you'll find out soon enough."
I give him a small smile and a nod. So far, this family doesn't seem all that bad, aside from the snarky hit-me-ups and the arrogance, but living with boys might become an issue for me. It's not that I don't like them, but the way Landon's twin was expressing things at dinner and whoever the other voice belonged to, I have a feeling we'll be fighting.
A lot.
I remember what Liam came upstairs for, and purse my lips. "Um, you should probably go see what your mom wanted." I say, biting my lip and getting up off the bed to scan through the boxes to find my nightwear.
I feel Landon's eyes on me while I pick through boxes, causing a blush to rise to my cheeks, but I remain focused. "Right," he says finally. "Listen, I'm going to go down, see what she needs, then I'm going to come back up, and make sure you aren't dead. Comprende?"
"That's totally unnecessary." I say blankly with a shake to my head. I can't help but notice, though, the slight sink in my stomach at the fact that Landon actually cares enough to double-check on me.
Or, it could be because he doesn't want the smell of dead human flesh lingering down to his room, but I hope it isn't the latter.
"It is, Blue. Especially since we're roommates now." He says the last part with a smirk.
I scoff, and roll my eyes. "We aren't roommates, Landon."
"We're living in the same place," he points out, "plus, your room is directly above mine, so if that floor–or my ceiling–wasn't there, then we'd be sharing a room."
Okay, gross. "I didn't need that awful visual." I scrunch my face up, faking to vomit while doing so.
"It'll be the best visual of your life, sweetheart." He replies.
"Definitely not holding my breath on that." I snort.
"You'll be holding your breath once you see these" he points to his abs, though and a little lower, "Just you wait." He flirts, sending me a sparkling wink.
"Never going to happen, you nasty."
He tsks, and holds his thumb, index, and middle finger up in a way to wave me off and say bye. "We'll see about that." Then he's out the door.