A/N: Please vote and comment, it would mean a lot to me <3
Jungkook's POV
"RISE AND SHINE YOU LAZY-ASS IDIOTS!"
That's how I woke up. My hands wrapped around Jimin, my face against his soft hair, his warm skin against mine and... something inappropriate I should not have thought when I realized how Jimin's bottom was against my lower stomach. I felt my cheeks get warm and I squeezed my eyes shut as I looked for Jimin's hand under the covers. When I found it, I took it in mine and Jimin hummed happily in his half-asleep state.
Yoongi, on the other hand, wasn't even half-asleep anymore. He was wide awake and groaning loudly. I opened my eyes as I heard him move around in his bed and got a glimpse of messy haired, sleepy Min Yoongi. It was kind of cute and compared to the usual grumpy Yoongi, fun to look at. He kept blinking and whining something under his breath.
I was not ready to get up. I turned back to face my boyfriend (that word still seemed weird even in my mind) and nosed his neck. I let out a happy sigh when I felt Jimin leaning his head back to make my nosing easier.
Yeah. I wouldn't leave this bed soon.
Yoongi had other plans. From the sounds he let out I figured he was stretching his arms over his head and yawning loudly. "So", he said, voice rough from sleep. "You two wake up every morning to this? That's harsh."
"No", Jimin tried to say but it didn't come out as that but as something hoarse. I giggled against his neck. "No", he said again, this time succeeding. "We never really wake up."
"Does she keep scream–", Yoongi had time to ask.
"SNUGGLING TIME IS OVER, YOU MORONS. I WON'T WAIT FOR YOU."
"So she does..."
"It's fine". Jimin yawned. "She does wait every time anyways."
Yoongi groaned and got up from my (I guess) bed and started to shuffling around the room and gathering his stuff. That's at least what I thought. I just knew I didn't want to open my eyes yet and face the cruel world.
I squeezed Jimin's hand to let him know that soon we'd have to get up, go to school and do the dishes before we could come back. He turned around in my arms and now his face was basically against my neck. He was so close I could feel his breath fan over my skin, and then he leaned forward, pressing his lips on my skin, on one of the scars. I almost told him to stop because I couldn't always understand why he did it. I didn't understand how he didn't find them ugly or something. I didn't understand how he could still kiss my skin with all the scars on it. But Jimin had never cared and it amazed me every time. How could someone who thought so little about himself still believe someone like me was beautiful.
I blushed. I wasn't the beautiful one. I knew Jimin didn't know this, but I would make him understand.
"Are you guys going to get up?" Yoongi asked after a moment of silence.
As a terrible friend, I did not listen but instead lifted my boyfriend's chin and kissed him softly as a thank you for making me feel not-so-ugly. I knew my face wasn't bad, nor was any other part of my body. I just had never showed my skin to anyone in fear they would hate me because of my past and what it had left on me. I was about to pull away but Jimin looped his hands around my neck and pulled me in again.
"Aaand that's my cue to leave." There were footsteps nearing the door when it was yanked open, undoubtedly by Sumin. "Don't go in there", I heard Yoongi say.
"Oh." A pause. "Oh."
"Let's leave."
"Yeah."
The door closed.
At least they get along. Though, I forgot about them the second Jimin sank his fingers into my hair. I loved the feeling of his lips against mine, maybe too much. I loved how at times like this I was allowed to touch him, to feel his body, when he usually didn't want me to even look at his bare skin, feeling too ugly to let me do that. I loved how our nose bumped together because we wanted more.
But we couldn't have that. Not right now. I pulled away from the kiss, and when Jimin tried to pull me back, I shook my head with a grin curving my lips. "Jiminie, morning breath."
"I know", he whined and pressed his lips against my neck. My heart did not just skip a beat. "I just want to kiss you."
"You can, after we brush our teeth." My cheeks burned at the promise when Jimin hummed against my skin in approval. "Is that okay?"
Jimin lifted his head and looked into my eyes, biting his plump lower lip. "No", he groaned and in a second he had climbed so he was on top of me. I tried not to think how little there was separating our... lower parts but it was hard. Especially with a beautiful boy on top of me, lips shining and pouting slightly. "Brushing out teeth means we have to go to school."
I knew that and sighed at the same time as him. I lifted my hand and pushed his hair back, smiling at how the orange locks fell back on his forehead despite my efforts. Then a thought came to my mind. "Why orange?" I asked softly.
Jimin seemed surprised by my question and was about to sit on my stomach, and as I had nothing against that, I was afraid my body would've wanted to react at feeling of... something. So, I grabbed the back of his thighs and lifted him, Jimin in panic pressing his palms against my chest. With my feet I pushed myself into sitting-position against the headboard and put Jimin back, this time sitting on my lap. After doing that I started to think if it was better in any way but after I realized it wasn't, not at all, but what was done was done, I thought I should just not focus on that. Still, I couldn't help my cheeks that burned red and hot.
"You can't just lift me like that", Jimin said like he was out of breath.
I could. Because he wasn't heavy, not heavy at all and it made me worried. If he didn't think he was enough when he was this light, what would be enough? I didn't let the worry to creep onto my face but kept smiling while I waited for my cheeks to stop burning.
"Seriously", he breathed. "Why did you lift me?"
The emotions I didn't want to find in his voice were evident. I tried to move on with the topic, to distract him from the voices in his head. I pressed our foreheads together and smirked. "Why? Would you prefer a different position?"
Jimin stared at me for a moment, obviously understanding what I was trying to do. Then he smiled, I guess it was like a thank you, and pecked my lips softly. "No, not really."
"Good." I was supposed to ask something else but I got lost in his brown eyes. They were looking straight at me, soft brown filling my world, his lashes casting faint shadows on his cheeks. He smiled at me and my breathing hitched and I felt light. It was like my head was filled with clouds or cotton, I couldn't think straight. It was okay, more than okay. "So", I blinked to keep my thoughts at least on some kind of track, "why orange?"
Jimin touched his hair like just remembering what we had been talking about. He pushed his hair back before playing with one strand at the front. He frowned. "It used to be red."
I was surprised. "Red?" Damn... I would've wanted to see that. I bet he looked hot.
"Yeah..." An uncomfortable expression passed on his face. "But then my mum told me it didn't fit me so I got rid of it..."
His hands were starting to tug the strand rather anxiously. I took his hands away and placed them around my neck, letting him lean closer to me again. I swiped the strand from his eyes and then took his face between my hands. "Jimin."
"I know!" he groaned and let his head drop down. "I'm stupid", he muttered.
"You're not. You've just been hurt", I said, not knowing what else I could do.
"Yes, but Jungkook", he raised his head again, "everybody has been hurt. Everybody gets hurt in life. What... What if everyone has lived through as hard things as I have and everybody else is just okay with it? What if I'm just weak? For example, look at you!" He sank his fingers into my hair. "You're so strong. You worry more about me and everyone else that yourself. You don't break down in tears when you do something that reminds you about your past!"
Was that what being strong was? Not crying? Taking care of others? I had lived with my own demons for so long and gotten over them, mostly. At day I felt fine, but nights were terrible. I sighed as I remembered last night. Jimin had woken me up when I had started to kick him in my sleep and when I had escaped my dream, I hadn't been able to breath for a while, too scared that Yoongi would wake up to my low whines. He hadn't, thankfully. But that showed that I still was scared even when I was conscious.
Jimin was staring at me as silence fell into the room. "I... I can't even look at numbers without crying... I know the numbers on scale should stay as numbers but they get into my head, Jungkook." Now he pressed his face on the crook of my neck. "I'm weak. I don't want to be, but I am... So fucking pathetic."
I rubbed his back as I looked for the right words to say. "That's not weak. It has means you have a problem that can be fixed."
Jimin snorted. "How can you know that it can be fixed?"
"Everything can."
He lifted his head to look at me again and I was happy to see he wasn't crying. Yet, at least. "But how do you know that?"
"Because", I bumped out noses together, "everyday I feel more whole and once I was really broken. I thought I could never be fixed." I closed my eyes and swallowed hard. I took a deep breath to cool down my already burning cheeks. "I'm almost whole because of you."
Jimin kissed me. It wasn't passionate like earlier, I didn't think why does the morning breath exist? but felt the softness, the feelings of... something. It didn't last long but it was amazing, of course it was. Everything was with him.
"Jimin?"
He hummed.
"I'm still hurting, a little. As the days are bad for you, the nights are to me."
Jimin smiled, his eyes disappearing. "'Like day and night', that kind of crap, huh?"
I nodded, grinning. "But we're not as different."
"Maybe not."
~
When we arrived to school, me and Jimin looking like we had just woken up (which wasn't the entire truth, we had been awake for a long, just spending that time kissing and talking), and we looked pretty bad next to Sumin and Yoongi who both looked fresh and well-rested. I was back suffering from sleep deprivation and not enjoying it. It wasn't as bad as it had been for years, when I had only gotten a few hours of sleep per night, but I had gotten used to sleeping more during weekend.
As we walked through the front doors of our school, Tae was the first person to greet us.
"Is he stalking us?" Jimin asked under his breath and I shrugged. Could be.
"Has Yoongi joined your gay club? Who would've gues–"
"Not now, Tae", Yoongi said firmly and walked past him, hitting Tae in the process with his shoulder.
"Okay..." Tae said.
Jimin and I shared a look. That works?
"So you two? Really? Pulling Yoongi to your shit?" He tsked. "You guys don't have any boundaries."
"We don't?" Jimin asked, sounding really ready to leave. Or to hit Tae.
Tae's face lit up. "So you're not denying it?"
"Which part? Tae, we're not listening to you!" Jimin said loudly, getting a few weird glances from people around us. He looked tired too, his hair flat (I still hadn't found out completely why is was orange) and not its usual fluffy ball. He didn't have dark circles like I did, but he still looked very tired. For a second I wondered why this was, because Jimin had slept fine, but then I realized: It was the same reason Yoongi looked tired and like he was ready to go to sleep any time.
Jimin wasn't eating. That fact made me want to smash my head against the wall, made me wonder if there had been any ways I could've avoided this with. I knew nothing was my fault, but sometimes it felt like it. I was trying to get him eat, I had suggested an apple to him in the morning, but he had glanced at Yoongi and shaken his head for no.
It made me feel like the smallest person on Earth even though I knew that wasn't how I should've felt. But I couldn't help it. You can't even get your boyfriend to eat, a voice laughed in my head. It was right. I knew, I fucking knew, it wasn't because of me, but it hurt me when he didn't even take a bite, muttering how he could survive without.
It wasn't about surviving. It was about being healthy and happy.
I hadn't said that out loud. How could I have? Eating made him sad and he felt 'healthy' when he... He starved.
My boyfriend fucking starved himself, and I had no idea what to do.
I wasn't sure what was my place in this. I couldn't force him to eat but I could courage him to do it, but to what point? What will I have to do when he looks like a skeleton? Or should I have asked him to go to see a therapist now so maybe it wouldn't get bad?
I wanted to shout.
While I was having a crisis inside my head, Tae and Jimin had had a staring contest, both looking at each other with narrowed eyes and telling something under their breaths.
"Jungkook!" Jimin said, sounding a little like my mom when she really needed me to do something. "Let's go."
I let him grab my hand and drag me away from cooing Tae who was yelling how cute we were after us. Weird.
I forgot that, and everything else, when Jimin pulled us past Sumin, who had escaped before Tae had even opened his mouth, to our friends. They were standing in a circle and greeted us with smiles, everyone else except Yoongi.
"Oh, these two!" Yoongi pointed at us. "These two are unbelievable! They –"
Jimin shook his head.
Yoongi blinked. "They", he stuttered, "are going to continue this once they can..."
I almost laughed but then saw Jimin's expression. He smiled faintly at Yoongi for a second before starting to stare at his shoes, his jaw tightening. I wanted to grab his hand and comfort him somehow, but the thing was that I wasn't ready to tell yet either.
Maybe.
Now that I thought about it... Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to be able to hold his hand and kiss his cheek in public. That wouldn't be the worst thing.
No, Jungkook. Jimin wasn't ready, and I didn't have a burning need to tell everyone. Of course I didn't. As long as Jimin knew I liked him, I didn't care if anybody knew.
Yoongi noticed the change in Jimin too and quickly changed the subject to something else. "Jin, how're you doing?"
The smile that had been on Jin's face disappeared and he shrugged tiredly. "I don't know."
Yoongi grimaced as he noticed his mistake. This was not the easier subject he had hoped for. "I'm sorry to hear that", he said awkwardly and rubbed his neck. I could see the want of escape the situation in his eyes.
"Yeah, well... It's just shit. There's nothing I can do right now", Jin sighed and Namjoon moved to pull him against his side and kissed his head.
I wanted to do the same to Jimin, but all I could do was look at him closing his eyes for a couple of seconds, take in a deep breath, the opening his eyes and meeting mine. His expression softened when he eyed my obvious frown, but I knew it was just an act, that he wasn't really feeling better. He wasn't ready to tell, the idea of all the eyes on him terrified him. I was fine with that. I just...
...wanted to kiss my boyfriend.
"His parents are trying to break us up", Namjoon explained. He looked like he hadn't slept well either. Jin and he looked like they would fall into the next bed or any kind of soft surface that they faced. I probably looked like it too, but everyone was used to it.
"How?" I asked, not really knowing if I should or could.
"They're telling him all the consequences that come from dating me."
"Like?" Hoseok asked. "I don't get why it's so bad."
"Me neither..." Yoongi said with a small voice and both Jimin and I turned to look at him. He made gagging noises at us at home all the time but now he was blushing?
Namjoon let out a long sigh. "To them there's a lot. Apparently they 'won't accept this'" Namjoon quoted. "I don't know what to do."
"There's nothing we can do." Jin tried to smile. "I have to wait until they get over this nonsense, not the other way around like they think."
That sucked. I didn't know what my parent would say, and I wasn't going to find out. I still had some places with 'clean' skin, if you could call it that. I wasn't going to lose that. I wouldn't let them hurt me anymore. Not because of Jimin and our relationship or anything else. I was done.
No one deserved to be hurt. Was it by their thoughts or by someone else.
And when we would tell our friends, that would complete the list of people I cared about what they thought. Sumin knew and more than supported us and I guessed that was the most important thing. Speaking about her, she had said she needed to talk to me when we had left. I wondered what it was about but didn't want to overthink it. It could be anything.
The bell rang to anyone's relief. Namjoon and Jin shared a quick kiss before walking to opposite directions and Yoongi and Hoseok left with Namjoon. Jimin looked after Jin for a second, knowing he should run after him if he wanted to be in time at class. Still, he turned to look at me.
"Are you okay?" I asked, pushing his hair back for him gently.
Jimin looked shyly around us, but people were too busy getting their books and running around to give us any attention. "I'm fine", he said quietly. "I wish I could help Jin."
"I wish I could kiss you."
Jimin was just as surprised as I was when those words left my mouth. It was my turn to blush, but the good thing was that Jimin's mind was somewhere else. He smirked. "Oh really?"
I nodded, not able to look at him. I could feel my cheeks. It was uncomfortable.
"Then see me after class."
I turned to look at him with raised brows.
"We can lock ourselves to a bathroom stall for the whole break. Sounds good?"
This time my nodding was a lot more enthusiastic.
Hell yeah.
A/N: Instead of studying to my exams I'm doing this. Be proud of me. (I'm going to fail Swedish but it's a sacrifice I have to make.)
Anyways, I hope you enjoyed! I'm sorry for not updating that much anymore :( life gets in the way, I hope you understand
And don't worry about life, you're all beautiful. Please remember that <3