I'm a coward, that's what I am. I thought sadly as I entered the ninth division.
I had a restless night yesterday, Yumichika's disgusted expression hunted me in my sleep. His words prevented me from sleeping, more than once I had found myself waking up screaming to my boy... ex-boyfriend to not leave me. However, why would he do that when I cheated on him as I did, not only because I flirted with Matsumoto-fukotaicho. But also, because I lured him with empty promises into a position where he had his family turning his back on him. While I, on the other hand, left unharmed and broke my word.
What's worse is that I just found out that things were so bad in the eleventh division for Yumichika that he had to put a request for transfer. This morning while heading towards here I overheard some shinigamis talking about how surprised they were when they found out that a fourth seat got Renji's unoccupied place in the sixth squad. That was a low blow.
Kazeshini has always been right... not only I am a coward when it comes to accept myself, but I also am afraid of what people say about me. Principal reason why I can't admit to anyone of my feelings for Yumichika. Goodness for years I didn't want to admit them to myself! But he saw right threw me, broke down the walls I built around me to deceive the rest into believing that I was strong... that I wasn't afraid of anything. But in reality I am scared of myself...
However, right now my fear isn't centred on me, but on my love. If being held prisoner in my own division wasn't enough, my ex being played by the legendary zodiacs is. I've heard all about them, how they were a group of shinigamis and hollows that believed peace could be achieved between our kinds. As expected they were banished and looked down upon. But during those years they recruited people, creating an army. Their power grew immensely... and they finally attacked with the objective of conquering both words. Of shaping the Hueco Mundo and Soul Society into their idea of the perfect empire. That was the first time that shinigamis and huecos worked together, and we won the war believing that they were exterminated... it seems that we were wrong.
But that's the least of my worries right now. I thought desperately. I have to find a way to get the hell out of here and go find Yumichika. It's the least I can do for him, I have to save him from them!