The next week will be Patrick's birthday and as much as I'm looking forward to it, I can't help but wish time wasn't going by so fast.
Only about two months and a bit more before High School's over. Before we all go to college and that's it. I'm going to miss everyone.
I'm going to miss all the people that threw glares at me for accidentally spilling stuff on them or bumping them in the hallway, all the people who never knew I exist, the people who knew I existed but I never chose to acknowledge them because they would never say anything to me, all the people who knew about my crush on Louis, all the people who would make fun of me for it...
Most of all, obviously, all the...all the teachers who I'd constantly make fun of.
Oh, of course, my friends too.
But if I'm being honest, I'm going to miss my chonce with Louis. I'm going to be so angry with myself if I don't take action before he's gone. Yes, I may be going to the same college as him- keyword, may- but college is huge. There are a lot of people. Louis might find someone he can relate to better than he can with me.
I might even find someone else.
The problem is, though, I don't really want to find someone else. I'm comfortable with Louis. I can't even imagine myself with anybody else. My soul just doesn't want to and who am I to object it?
Attempting to take another sip from my coffee, it spills over my shirt and I huff in annoyance. Of course.
It's sunset soon and I'm supposed to be going over to the studios where Brendon and Patrick record songs, (since they spilt water over their basement system and had to actually find money to record at a studio), because Patrick needs help with song writing and notes. Apparently, I'm the best person he could find.
So walking down through busy streets in the evening and spilling coffee over yourself isn't the best impression you can give to your people.
Oh well, not like I'm going to see these people in ten years.
I guess I haven't really mentioned Patrick's band before which is ironic because he started his band before Brendon started his. The name's Fall Out Boy, and their songs are magnificent. In fact, the members are great, too. I've hung out with them, like, once and it was pretty dank.
Patrick never does the songwriting in the band. It's usually Pete, the oldest. No, but really, Pete's not even in High School anymore.
The songs they play have more of a meaning you need to dig farther into to understand. Sometimes, I even think they're deeper than Twenty One Pilots.
Just kidding, I think that all the time...whoops.
'What was the address?' I mentally ask myself as I pull out my phone and check the address again. Looking back up, I see that the studio is just across the street. Sweet, that was easier to find than the coffee shop I went to earlier.
"Alex!" Patrick says as I enter the small studio. It's looks pretty cosy in here.
I nod at him. "Hey, Patrick. I got you coffee."
He smiles gratefully and takes it. We then walk into the actual recording room and he beings to explain how he's in the middle of writing a song for his solo album and that he needs a bit help with the wording of the songs. The note changes and note hitting is something he wants to improve on.
I take a seat beside him at the table and he shows me what he has already.
"Wow, Patrick. You wrote this?" My eyes widen impressed.
He shrugs and puts his arms behind his head, cradling the yellow-blond head. "I tried. What do you think?"
A smile grows on my face. "This is cool. Really cool. How does it go?"
~*~
Patrick's mum was kind of enough to drop me back home so I wouldn't have to walk in the night alone. Honestly, I'm kind of disappointed. I was looking forward to walk in the dark, but then again, I probably would've been paranoid as fuck.
It wasn't long before I got home and received a call from Ayesha.
"Alex, listen. Have you heard from Louis or seen him at all?" She asks in a somewhat trembling voice.
My world crashes at this. What's happening? "No, I haven't. Ayesha, is everything okay? Where's Louis? Is he okay?"
There's ruffling on the other end which only adds to my worry. "Flora called and said he hasn't come home now for a couple hours and he isn't picking up his phone," I nervously chew on my lip and look around helplessly in my room. "Don't worry, though! He's Louis, we all know he knows how to take care of himself." She quickly adds. Probably because she can hear my anxiety.
"Right, right. I'll try texting him," I say and she agrees. The call ends and I quickly go to my messages to text Louis.
But then for some reason, I rethink it. Should I really text him? There's a reason he left and if he isn't answering Ayesha or his own mother, what makes me think he'll answer me?
He won't.
So I put my phone back down and sit on my bed dumbly. It's times like these where I wish I could just teleport myself to Louis and comfort him for whatever troubles he's going through. It's kinda hard to do that when he's pushing people away.
(a/n: It's also hard to do that if he doesn't know you exist.)
What else can I do? How can I help someone who's so lost, they can't find the proper words to explain their story? Closing my eyes, I lay back down in bed.
Would a text hurt?
Yes.
If he doesn't reply, I'd feel so rejected and then how would I ever talk to Louis? He wants to be left alone. I'll leave him alone. I quickly put my headphones on to keep from the growing tears escaping my eyes. I will not cry for Louis. I will not cry for Louis. If anything, he'll need someone strong. Be strong, Lexie.
Maybe a text would hurt...but a quick secret walk wouldn't.
"Dad?" I call out.
No reply. He's probably asleep from the long day he's had. That's perfect, I'll just walk around the neighbourhood and try to find him with my lame attempt. I doubt I'll find anything, but everything's worth a try. Grabbing my jacket from the side of my bed, I walk downstairs quietly and slip my shoes back on. I have to go outside and start walking before I regret the whole decision.
Nights like these- where it's not too chilly, but not too warm- would remind me of the nights I'd go to the park crying at midnight. It was near the time of when my mother passed away and the pressure of having myself put me down would always be too much for me.
But at the same time, it's also somehow soothing. The slight breeze carries away all the regrets I have for the night, and the stars would give me new hope. That's why I loved finally pouring out all my emotions at night.
Okay, I'll just walk down the street and hope I don't get kidnapped or raped. If anyone decides to come near me, I'll just kick them in balls when they lease expect it. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.
I end up walking all the way to the end of the street which is just the intersection to where Louis' street is and where mine is. I don't really think it's a good idea if I keep walking down the street. Maybe I should just text him. Or call him.
Calling is worst than texting. I'll grow even more anxious than I already am. But before I can think twice, my phone's ringing and my hopes aren't that high. If he answers, yay, if not...oh well, I kinda expected it.
"Sorry, I'm not available to pick up your call right now. You can leave a message or whatever, I don't really care. I don't check voicemails so it's really your pick." And then the loud beep noise.
Well, what else did I imagine? Of course he wouldn't answer.
I bet if I keep calling him, though, he'll get annoyed and eventually pick up. Or block me, but I'm going to hope he picks up. This is a horrible idea, but life's still going to move on.
I call again. Voicemail.
Call. Voicemail.
Call. Voicemail.
I call once more and it still goes to voicemail.
"You little fucker, answer!" I yell at my phone. I'm so glad this isn't a quiet neighbourhood, people would've thought a drunk person decided to walk down their street.
When he doesn't answer at all, I decide to keep walking. There's a park just down the road from here. I'll just sit on the swings and hope Louis decides to call back. So, I keep walking. I'm a hundred percent sure this is a terrible, terrible idea but who's here to stop me?
I've done this before. Sure, I was younger and naive and a stupid little piece of shit, but if nothing happened to me then, I doubt anything will happen to me now. Walking has always been a way for me to think, and think. Thinking is one of my favourite things to do. Through all the negative thoughts that bloom into my mind, positive aspirations grow the next day leaving me with something to hang onto.
Which brings me to think, all these years I've been holding onto Louis as somebody who could comfort me without actually comforting me. It's because he's been through worse and you don't have to know him to see that. Though he's good at hiding it, it's obvious. If you look closely, beneath Louis' soul lies something. I'm not even sure he knows that. But I'm not sure he cares.
I reach the park but I see something I would never have expected to see in a hundred years. My heart completely shatters at the sight and I look up with eyes widened, full of fear.
"Louis," I whisper.
He hears me. His back's turned to me, but I know he heard me because he freezes.
"W-what are you doing?" My voice become shaky and I can't seem to control it.
He turns around and lowers his eyes at me. "What are you doing here?" He snaps. "Call me a hundred times and I don't answer, now you decide to stalk me?"
I shake my head. "I was talking a walk. Louis-"
"Don't." He says in a softer tone.
Louis had burnt a piece of paper. I can't see his face, but he doesn't sound like himself. What happened to this inked boy?
"You can't tell anyone about this, Alexandra. I mean it." He grabs a cigarette from his pocket.
I nod slowly. "Who would I tell?" He doesn't say anything, he just turns away again and lights the stick. I suppress a sigh. I hate it when he smokes. "What are you doing here?"
"I don't think you have the right to ask that." Louis simply responds.
But I think I know exactly what he was doing. Burning written wishes and promises, the secrets that you can't even bring yourself to see. He knows that I have an idea of what he was doing, you can hear it in his voice.
I've never see him like this before. This is heartbreaking.
All I've wanted to do was give him the world that he could never bring himself to see. The job's kind of fucking hard to do when you can't even comprehend what goes on in someone's mind. How am I supposed to understand him?
"Your family's worried," I lamely say.
"I'm aware." He blows out the smoke and I awkwardly look around.
I bite the inside of my lip. "You shouldn't smoke."
Louis sighs clearly annoyed and looks at me. "Why are you here?"
I shrug. Honestly, I really have no answer. I came for him, but that isn't all. There was also something else which I can't seem to put my finger on. "You aren't the only one who takes motivation from bright lights."
"Motivation- it's more of a muse." Louis says and steps on his cigarette. "You should go now."
Pushing down the frustration building up inside, I say, "Only if you also go back."
With a small sigh, he tilts his head as if to say 'Let's go.'
a/n: im sorry i kinda don't like this.
also, we're not going to talk about Louis being arrested. DON'T MENTION IT IN THE COMMENTS. all I'm going to say is that it wasn't his fault whatsoever and that fracking pap deserved it. idk why Louis' going to court for something he didn't do.
NO, HE'S NOT GOING TO JAIL. HE WAS BAILED BY OLI AND EVEN AFTER COURT HE WON'T GO.
okay, we're not talking about it anymore.