Hey guys, sorry for the long wait, I had a lot of college stuff to do. But to make up for it I made this chapter really long. It's exactly 7 pages in Word and nearly 4K words, just a token of my love for you guys! :) Also, I saw that this story reached 10K reads! That makes me so happy thank you so much guys .xx Vote please!
Chapter 20
Christina’s POV
It’s been six months now. Six months of lying to the media, putting on a show, and keeping Harry and I’s true relationship private. Six months of him being a jerk to everyone but me and the boys; but you know how they say that if you act a certain way for so long that, that is eventually who you become? That’s what I was worried about.
Harry wasn’t a complete jerk back at our apartment; he was still my Harry. We had our cute moments but just like every couple we had our fights and breakdowns.
“You can’t just do shit like that, Harry! You just need to maintain an image, not get completely out of line!” I yelled at him, slamming the apartment door. I was furious. I felt the heat crowding my face and I couldn’t help the glare that sent daggers at Harry.
“What? I needed to create a scene. You can’t tell me that the stunt I just pulled wasn’t chaos at its finest.” He responded, turning around the face me, hands on both hips. I scanned his face for any sign of regret, but if anything he seemed proud of his actions.
“Harry, egging a paparazzi car and flipping restaurant tables is not the image you want to create! We agreed on the bad boy image, not throwing your career down the drain! You’re lucky the restaurant didn’t sue. You broke some of their finest plates and glasses, and they were nothing but nice to you. What has gotten into you lately?” I asked him. It was the one question running through my mind through all of Harry’s recent outbursts.
“Nothing has gotten into me lately, Christina. Maybe this is who I am. For once in my life, I am actually having fun and living a little. Haven’t you ever wanted to let go? Why are you trying to stop me? Isn’t this what you wanted? I’m doing this for us.” He came closer to me, grabbing my hands in his. “This is all so we can be together behind closed doors, like we are right now, and not have to worry about who’s lurking in the bushes outside the apartment building. This is what you wanted.”
I jerked my hands away from his and stood my ground. “No, Harry, this is what you wanted. I went along with it because it seemed like it was the only way that you could be fully content with our relationship. I was fine with everything. I was fine with having paps on our tail because either way I would still have you. But this," I said, looking the man in front of me up and down, " isn’t my Harry. I don’t know who you are anymore. I just want my Harry back; the one that I knew would be here for me no matter what to keep me safe, to make me feel loved, the one that I would be proud to call mine. So when you find him, tell him I’ll be waiting.” His gaze fell to the ground, and he stood there speechless. My words hurt him, I could tell, but I had to do it.
He was slipping, I could tell. I could see him gradually losing himself, and I wanted to help him up from the steep slope down, before he became so off-balanced no one could break his tumble.
Later that night, I heard the hinge of my room door creak, awakening me from my slumber. I sat up in my bed, peering at the doorway from where a little light shined through. I put my hand up in front of my face, blocking the glare of the light, and squinted in the direction of the figure standing in my doorway.
“Harry?” I questioned, my voice still laced with sleep. I stifled a yawn that threatened to escape my lips, and readjusted my seating position to where it was more comfortable.
“May I come in?” he asked, hesitantly remaining by my doorway. I nodded my head, patting the spot next to me, motioning for him to come over. He gently closed the door behind him before pattering his way across my floor and to my bed.
“Lay down.” He commanded, softly, while pushing gently back on my shoulders. I gave him a confused look, but agreed, laying flat on my back, my pillow readjusting to my head shape. He laid down next to me, staring up at the ceiling with his hands clasped over my stomach.
“It wasn’t supposed to be like this.” He whispered into the night. He seemed deep in thought so I didn’t interrupt him; I just kept quiet and listened for his next words. “All I wanted for us was to be happy. I didn’t mean for things to blow so out of proportion. I don’t know what’s happening to me. I can feel myself slipping.” He took a deep breath and squeezed his eyes shut. My heart ached seeing his inner anguish, pleading to reach out to him. He turned on his side to face me, reaching an arm out to wrap it around my side and bring me closer to him.
“I just wanted to make you happy.” He whispered, tucking a strand of hair behind my hear before proceeding to caress my face. “It was just you and me, against the world. And now I feel like I’ve unintentionally taken you out of that equation. I didn’t mean to, things weren’t supposed to go this far. I can see that I’m hurting you, and it’s tearing me apart. It wasn’t supposed to be like this!” He cried out in frustration, running his hands through his hair as he gripped his head, turning back over onto his back and turning his head to face me. “Where did I go wrong? What is happening to me?” He asked, and I could see the desperation dancing in his eyes. He knew he was changing, he knew that he was becoming someone he didn’t want to, but he didn’t know how to stop it.
“I don’t know.” I replied, running my fingers through his curls, our eyes locked. “Somewhere along the way, I guess you lost yourself. Maybe it was my fault. I should have seen what was happening. I don’t know why I didn’t notice, maybe if I would have before things would be better now.” I muttered, feeling the guilt creep inside of me. I was supposed to help him. It was the reason why I was put with him in the first place; but I failed. I failed.
“No, no, don’t blame yourself.” He panicked, cradling my face in his hands. “You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. None of this is your fault. It’s all me, I’m the problem. I just need a little help. A-“ he bit back his words, and I could sense his hesitation.
“What is it, Harry?” I asked, urging him on. He bit his lip before looking back up into my eyes. I could see his worry, and he let go of his hold on my face, fiddling with his fingers.
“Are you still happy with me, Christina? I’ll understand if you’re not anymore. All I’ve been doing is screwing up.” He muttered, already succumbing himself to rejection. He cradled his face further into the pillow, still staring in my direction but looking everywhere but at my eyes.
“Harry, as long as I’m with you I’m happy. You’re my source of happiness. This is just a small bump in the road, but we’ll make it through.” I smiled at him reassuringly. He nodded his head, bringing his face closer to mine.
“I love you.” He whispered, pressing his lips against mine.
That was two months ago. He was better for the following few weeks. He wasn’t an angel in public still, but at least he wasn’t egging cars and flipping over restaurant tables anymore. I knew that we still had to keep up his bad boy image, all I wanted was for him to tone it down a little. Everything was fine between us after our discussion that night. He let out a few harsh phrases every now and then but quickly apologized for them afterwards, claiming that he didn’t mean them. I believed him. I believed it all until last night happened. It was probably the worst fight of them all, his words cutting right through my heart.
We sat together in the living room, Harry’s arm wrapped over my shoulder as we stared at the television screen in front us. I noticed Harry’s attention waver as they scanned the room, his eyes lingering on the photographs that I had scattered around the apartment.
“Where are your parents?” He questioned, curious. I looked away from the television and looked at him, seeing his honest curiosity.
“I don’t really like to talk about them.” I muttered trying to redirect my attention to the show, but he placed his index finger under my chin tilting my head so I would look at him. I sighed knowing he wasn’t giving up.
“What happened? I met you when you were a senior in high school, and now you’re a freshman in college. Those were two of your biggest life milestones: graduating high school and starting college. I never saw them though, and you never mentioned them. It’s always been me whose been there for you, and I have absolutely no problem with that, you know that, love, but sometimes I can’t help but wonder where is everyone else for you?” He asked. I felt tears prick my eyes, as I realized he observed the one thing I hoped he would never notice.
“They’re not here anymore.” I answered, looking down. He grabbed my hand, playing with my fingers. “Did they die?” he asked, and I shook my head, messing with his fingers in return as a nervous action.
“No, but as horrible as it sounds they might as well have. They were always out of town on business meetings and conventions. They left me home with a permanent nanny they hired. I spent nearly my whole entire 16th year alone with my nanny. I literally did not see my parents for a whole year. It was just me and my nanny, Susana. My father’s brother had passed away in a motorcycle accident when I was 4 and my mom doesn’t have any siblings, so I don’t really have much family. My grandparents live in South America and Italy. Neither my father nor my mother’s parents could stand the American lifestyle, not even enough to help out their one granddaughter. So I was left alone. I turned 17, and my parents finally came back. Turns out they only spent seven months on actual business conferences, the rest they decide to spend on vacation together. It’s like they didn’t even care. They didn’t care that I existed. So finally I turned 18 and moved out. It was the beginning of my senior year and I knew that the following year would be my true, fresh start. My parents gave me enough money to buy this apartment, glad to get me out of their hair. They gave me some extra money to last on until I found a job as well. I didn’t have any luck finding one, and that’s where you came along.” I concluded. I looked up at him, expecting a look of understanding or maybe even sympathy in his eyes, but I wasn’t begging for pity. However, I received the total opposite and it left me in total confusion.
“Why are you glaring at me?” I asked, taken aback.
“So I’m just a job to you?” he asked, his tone harsh while he yanked his hands from mine.
“What? No! Harry, how could you say that? After all we’ve been through, you should know that is so far from the truth!” I defended myself. How did this all turn around on me?
“Haven’t you ever heard that you aren’t supposed to mix business and pleasure, babe?” He spat, getting up from the sofa and storming off.
“Harry, where the hell is all this coming from?” I demanded, chasing after him. He walked into his room and I followed him in. He turned around to face me and he looked furious.
“You know, it all makes sense now. I’ve been trying to figure out how you can even stay with such a screw up like me. It has puzzled me, I thought you were too good for me but it all makes sense now. I’m your only source of income. You were probably running short on money when we came into the picture, and ‘Voila!’” he exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. “It was probably like you just walked right into a miracle. I’m what is keeping you alive right now, and you need me around. No wonder you haven’t gone to management and asked to quit, you need the money. I’m just a walking bank to you. It all makes sense.” He stated his completely false theory, pacing around the room waving his arms around as he narrated the dialogue that was the source of my heartbreak.
I stared at him, horrified. How could he say such things? Did he not see how much I tried to do for him? How I made his struggles my own just so that he wouldn’t have to suffer through them alone? A lone tear ran down my cheek as I stared at the man I loved accusing me of everything that wasn’t true.
“You’re right.” I whispered, wiping away my tear with the back of my hand. His eyes widened at my response, clearly not expecting that response. What confused me is that he looked hurt by my response as well, but quickly covered it up back to his outraged expression. It’s like he was purposely pushing me away. “Your words are right but your perspective is all wrong. Yes, you are my only source of income. Yes, I was running short on my parents' money when you came into my life. Yes, I felt like I did walk into a miracle after spending time with you. Yes, you are what is keeping me alive and I do need you around. Yes, I do need the money. So congratulations, Harry, seems like you’ve got me all figured out.” I sniffled, my chest aching from the pent up tears that were begging to be released. But I wasn’t about to cry in front of him again right now.
“But I haven’t gone to management and asked to quit because then it would mean losing you. It was a miracle meeting you, because it was the first time I began to believe in love after being deprived of it all my life. You are what is keeping me alive because you are my source of happiness and life. I need you because I love you. Sure, you may be the one who pays my bills indirectly but I would give it all up and find another job if it meant that I could still have you. Clearly though, you don’t feel the same way since you are so willing to push me away by throwing absurd accusations in my face.” I sniffled again, and turned away walking out of his room.
“Wait, Christina -- ” I heard him call after me but I ran to my room, slamming the door behind me and locking it. I slid down the door, cradling my knees to my chest and let the tears flow. I could hear his heavy breathing coming from the other side of the door, but I didn’t want to let him in. Yet even through all of this, I still had hope; but my biggest worry couldn’t help but overcome my mind. I was meant to help him, but it was so hard to save him when the only thing destroying him was himself.
I was in the living room, staring at the television screen once again. I wasn’t paying attention to the show though, my mind kept drifting off to last night. My chest still hurt, a mixture between the soreness from all the crying I did last night and the emotional pain I felt.
“Christina?” I heard his voice call out. I looked in the direction of the noise and saw him standing on the other side of the room, hands tucked nervously in the back pockets of his jeans.
“What? Come to more revelations about my family? Don’t bother revealing them to me, since I already know it, it being all a part of my ‘master plan’.” I sneered, rolling my eyes at his presence, and pulling out my phone to avoid interaction with him.
He let out a sigh and took a small step forward. “Can we talk this out? Please?” he begged, giving me pleading eyes.
A message banner appeared at the top of my screen.
Paul: Management wants to meet with you. Meet me at the cafe around the corner. Don’t bring Harry.
I stared curiously at the message in front of me. Management? What could management possibly want with me right now? Did I do something wrong?
“I don’t know what I was thinking last night. I shouldn’t have –“ I got up as he talked, not wanting to hear his excuse at the moment. I wasn’t angry at him, I was just hurt. Anger was the only front I knew how to put up.
“Wait, where are you going?” he called after me, following me as I walked to the door.
“To meet a friend.” I lied, opening the door and putting on a light jacket that was hanging by the door. He grasped the edge of the door and looked at me, confused.
“But we weren’t done talking. You can’t leave now. I didn’t get a chance to explain.” He stated, his facial expression scrunched up in his confusion.
I looked him directly in the eyes for the first time since our confrontation last. “Oh, I think you explained yourself enough last night. At least you don’t have to hide how you truly perceive me anymore.” I retorted, my emotional pain speaking before my brain could fully comprehend what I was saying.
“No, Christina, that’s not—“ he tried to stop me, but I walked out the door and headed to the cafe to meet Paul. I knew I was going to forgive him eventually, but he needs to marinate in his own guilt right now. I know purposely keeping him in pain was wrong, but maybe it’ll help him wake up to reality and help him realize all the mistakes he’s been making lately and the consequences of his actions.
“I don’t quite understand what I’m doing here.” I stated, walking into the management’s conference room I was directed to. Surprisingly, there were only two older men sat at the conference table, an overwhelming majority of the seats empty. I went and sat in one of the seats near them, but left a few chairs distancing us.
“Well we want to keep this brief, since we have other matters that we need to attend to. We’ve been noticing Harry’s actions getting lots of press coverage lately. He’s supposed to be getting better, not worse, that was the contract remember?” the older man with the black hair said. I nodded, gulping as I feared where I thought this conversation was heading.
“It’s been about 7 months, Ms. Lawson. We have not seen any improvement, only regression.” The other older man with white hair, stated. “It seems we are going to have to end the contract binding you and Mr. Styles, and figure out an alternate solution ourselves. Now, if you would just sign here at the bottom. This will terminate the contract and you are free to go.” He continued, sliding over a single sheet of paper covered in fine print.
I stared down at the sheet in front me, the pen being placed in my hand by the man. The empty line pleading for my signature stared back at me, mocking me. I knew this would have to happen one day, but I didn’t think it’d be so soon. I knew Harry and I weren’t on the best of terms right now, but I wasn’t ready to give up on him.
I looked up at the two older men, who stared back at me expectantly. “Can I have a few more weeks, please? I think I’m really getting through to him.” I lied, but I had to convince them it would be the right decision. “I think if I just had a few more weeks, I’d be able to turn his reputation around. I just need a few more weeks.” I pleaded.
They looked at each other, seeming to have a silent conversation with their eyes. The one with black hair reached over, bringing the contract back towards him.
“You only have a few weeks. We’ll get back to you and we’ll see where the situation stands then.” He confirmed, and both men stood up. I nodded my head, relief coursing through me. I still had a few weeks left. A few weeks in which I was under tremendous pressure to reverse the person Harry had subconsciously turned himself into.
(A/N:)
Phew.. that was long wasn't it? I listened to the entire Union J and One Republic albums while writing that haha
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