"... and tonight, I'll fall asleep with you in my heart."
CLAYTON
Love was a word I rarely ever used. My parents never showered me with the constant use of the word as I grew up. Did I think that was a bad thing? No, quite the opposite actually. It made the word, the actually feeling, a lot more special to all of us whenever we said it to one another.
When Lucy made that obvious slip up while ending our call, it had caught me off guard. I knew it was a mistake the minute it came out, but it led me to thinking about the word way more than I would have liked.
What did actual romantic love feel like? How would I know I'm actually in love with someone?
I was sure most guys went to their buddies for their past experiences in the love department, but of course my friends never even saw the word as a possibility. Zeke would laugh at my face for hours on end if I ever mentioned that I was interested in such a feeling - yet alone might actually feel such a thing for someone.
It had started to nag the back of my mind the rest of that day. I tried my best to focus on helping my parents prepare for the barbeque the next day, but it was difficult for me. Besides my predicament, the two of them were behaving strangely as of a week before.
They weren't the type of people to randomly throw a party, especially one so last minute and not falling on a holiday.
I wanted to bring my suspicions that something was up with Lucy, and since I was nearby on yet another grocery run, I decided to stop by her house.
I would have let her know I was coming, but I knew she would have avoided me because of her little mess up from before. That little visit was going to help me show her it was okay, and that it happens. I definitely did that a lot when it came to my teachers and accidently calling them mor or far. It was embarrassing, but shit happens.
My hands grew slightly damp as I trudged up the stairs, their red door staring me down.
I had never told Lucy that a couple years previous, when I had first became friends with my baseball pals, that we teepeed her house. Well, they did mostly. . . but I watched, even laughed a little.
The next day was when I first noticed Lucy Walker, but because of all the wrong reasons. She sat next to me for weeks without grabbing my attention, until I overheard her explaining to her friends her house was teepeed. That was the moment where I saw what my behavior was doing to others, not just myself. I began to analyze Zeke and how he acted. The cool, popular image I once saw of him was shattered by the look on Lucy's face.
From then on, I always noticed when Lucy was in a class with me, or if she passed me in the hallway, or sat by my table in the cafeteria. She was beyond cute I thought, but never believed I was good enough to go right up to her and ask her out.
Yet here I was, growing closer and closer to this girl I used to be fixated on from afar. . . All because she quite literally walked into my life.
As my hand reached up to knock on the door, this feeling I couldn't quite depict began to consume me. It left the tips of my fingers tingly and chest full.
"Who is it?" I could hear Jacob yell out. He sounded annoyed, which was just plain perfect. Queue being called the wrong name in three. . two. . "Oh, hey, Clayton." He swung the door open, perplexed to see me there.
It was nearing nine-thirty, which was pretty late, so I didn't blame him for the surprise.
"You called me Clayton?" I was dumbfounded. Had he called me the correct name before? If he had, I couldn't remember a time.
He rubbed his eyes for a moment, then a smirk appeared slowly but surely. "That is your name isn't it?"
I stepped inside once he let me in, and I was greeted by Mr. and Mrs. Walker sitting in the livingroom.
Mr. Walker raised an eyebrow. "Don't you think it's pretty late to be visiting my daughter, sir?"
He was a very confusing individual to me. Mr. Walker could go from a fellow pal to a guy ready to pull out his shotgun on me. It was understandable since he was protecting his daughter, but definitely scared me shitless on the occasion.
"Uhh--"
"I invited him over to hang out with me for a bit, chill yourself." Jacob came swooping in to my rescue. "We'll be in the game room."
"But I--"
"Shush if you want to see her," he whispered over his shoulder at me.
I listened without missing a beat. Mr. Walker didn't really question us after that, and Mrs. Walker offered me some snacks to take with us.
We started to make our way down the hallway, and when we stopped by Lucy's room, I noticed her door was shut and light turned off. Well, I guess that was why she had not texted me back yet. She must've fallen asleep while watching Archer.
I reached my hand out to knock, but Jacob stopped me. He waved me over to follow him, so I obliged in fear he would hurt me otherwise.
"Welcome to my man cave. The place where Lucy avoids at all costs, which is great for me, because that means nothing of mine is moved out of place." He opened the door to a room I had never been in before, and I almost wanted to get sort of mad at Lucy for not telling me about this before. The room was full of movies and videogames, a screen projector hanging on one side of the room, while the main wall had two flat screens with counsels under them. "Please don't change the order of the DVD's and games. They are in order of release, and are my preciouses."
When Lucy told me Jacob was organized, I had no clue he was this organized. I barely had one folder for school to throw all my work together. That was my version of organized.
"Wow. . ." That's all I could muster out.
Jacob chuckled a bit to himself while settling into a bean bag in the corner. When he gestured towards the one beside him, I assumed that was for me.
Not so gracefully I maneuvered around the coffee table, trying to overlook the intense stare Jacob was sending me.
"So, I'm sure you're wondering why I saved you from getting kicked out just a bit ago, huh?"
I nodded. "Yeah. Strangely uncharacteristic of you."
Jacob put his hands up. "Hey now. I'm a pretty chill dude as long as you don't screw up my strategic placement of items and not hurt my little sister."
I gulped at the last part. What if Lucy found my nervous farewell after saying love you to me as a bad thing and got hurt?
"Don't worry, bud." He patted my knee with just two fingers, his face contorted for a moment with disgust. Then he continued, "you haven't hurt my sister." I eased up at that. "Not yet, at least."
"I don't plan on it," I surprisingly declared, without missing a bit. This made Jacob nod his head.
"So, what's your relationship with my sister exactly?"
It was a question so many people had started to ask me. Even my past fling Courtney was asking what was going on between Lucy and I. I used to tell them we were just friends, but now when people ask, I wasn't too sure how to answer. I wanted to be so much more than friends, but I was too scared of rejection to take that leap without confirmation of her feeling the same way.
"You like her, don't you?" He asked, his face growing soft for once.
"Of course I like her she's great--"
"No. You like her as more than just a friend." It didn't sound like he was asking if I did or not. He was more so stating a fact he believed in. One that was one-hundred percent true. "Don't play dumb with me either Clayton Hugs."
"It's, uh, Hugh. Clayton Hugh." I added gently.
"Shit, man. I'm sorry." He rubbed the back of his head. "I'm really trying."
"It's alright. You can memorize all these release dates, but not my name. Totally get it."
The air was lightened with our mutual laughter.
"I'm not going to lie to you, Clayton. When I first saw you, I just saw this boy trying to get into my sister's pants." He pointed at my face. "I mean look at you. You kind of scream heartthrob. . . but anyways, you have proven me otherwise."
I didn't know what to say or do, so I sat back and listened. This was the first actual conversation he and I was sharing, and it wasn't the worst experience of my life, that was for sure.
"But you know what you are?"
I leaned forward, truly curious. "Huh?"
"Stupid as hell."
And, there went the nice conversation we were having.
"No offense dude, but why haven't you told Lucy how you feel? You two look so happy when you are hanging out." Jacob looked away from me to turn the T.V. on, making my gaping expression less embarrassing for myself. "What's stopping you?"
For so long I was keeping all my feelings bottled up on the inside. The only person who actually knew how I felt about Lucy was Mateo, and he definitely did not hear all the details, and just about how much I actually felt for this girl.
"Lucy's too good for me. She can find someone a lot better."
Jacob started to mess with his prosthetic leg, his eyes tracing up and down it. "You know, I used to think this one girl was too good for me too. I thought she deserved someone who had both two feet on the ground. . Literally and metaphorically." When he glanced up at me, regret was planted on his face. "I lost my shot with her, and now she's about to marry a big shot Hollywood producer."
"Oh. . . I'm sorry."
He waved me off. "But, uh, enough of me. Back to you. I'm telling you from experience that sitting back and letting something amazing slip out of your fingers because of your insecurities sucks absolute balls." He had to pause for a moment to keep himself calm.
"Yes, I know. . but I really don't know if she feels the same way as I do."
He snorted out loud - loud enough to where I wouldn't be surprised if Lucy woke up because of it.
"Once again dude, you're not the brightest when it comes to Lucy. She has been crazy about you since day one. I'm pretty sure even before day one." He faked like he was curling his nonexistent long hair. "Mom, isn't he the cutest guy you've ever seen? Oh my goodness. He's sooo totes dreamy."
Despite his over dramatic, nasally interpretation of Lucy, all I could do was smile. My face fell into my hands as I blew out a long breath. It felt like I was holding that one in for the longest time.
"Now just because she likes you does not mean you can park your car in her garage. Remember what we talked about before? That still remains." He tugged at my hair a bit to make me look at him.
I knew it wasn't the response he was looking for, but that smile was still remaining. How could I frown at a moment like that? The idea of Lucy liking me since the beginning made me beyond surprised and ecstatic; all while feeling stupid too, of course.
"I understand. I haven't even thought about that."
"Are you forgetting I am a fellow male?" He gave me a straight, dull face. "You don't have to act like you haven't thought about it."
Okay, maybe I had. . . on occasions. I would have never told him that though. Then my car would have definitely gotten crushed.
Before I had a chance to say anything or change the subject, a loud alarm noise sounded off from a speaker in the corner of the room. It made me physically shake and I was quick to hop up.
Jacob appeared used to it. All he did was sigh. "It's just Lucy. She must have gotten out of her bed."
"Does that happen when she has to go to the bathroom at night, too?" I followed him out the door and down the hallway. Lucy's parents were already making their way to her bedroom but they backed away once they saw we had it taken care of.
"No, she can put the password in to turn it off on her phone." He answered smoothly while fiddling with her doorknob.
Lucy told me a little about how they somehow locked her in her room at night majority of the time. However, it was more of just a baby lock where she could easily get out if she was actually awake. It was a lot less horrifying as it had sounded.
Jacob opened the door slowly to peek inside, then eventually opened it fully.
"Just making sure she has clothes on tonight."
My brows rose at that. Was he saying she slept naked sometimes?
"Stop thinking of her naked now, boy."
I stepped inside her room behind him with burnt cheeks, to find Lucy there, standing eerily across from us. She was wearing cute polka dot pajama pants and a tank top that had ventured a little low. Her eyes, however, were the main focus though.
Her eyes remained open and vacant.
"It's not good to wake up anyone from sleepwalking, but I'm sure you know this already." Jacob whispered as he neared Lucy. "The alarm only goes off if she moves pretty far from her bed. See?" He pointed to the sensors attached to the bottom of her walls. "Sometimes she doesn't make it this far every night. She must've been stressed about something."
I could make out faint murmuring coming from Lucy, making me move closer to her. I just wanted to hold her.
"Anyways, the alarm only sounds in the other rooms of the house, so she isn't woken up by it. Then whenever one of us comes in here, we try to gently put her back in bed." He continued to explained. It was hard to pay attention when I had Lucy staring back at me so squarely. "This time around, you're gonna be the person to get her back in bed."
I definitely paid attention to what he had said then.
"What? No, I don't want to hurt her," I instantly retracted, taking a few steps away from her. The last thing I wanted to do was make things worse for her. I couldn't imagine having to go through these measures every night.
Jacob shook his head. "It's not as bad as you think. Promise."
Lucy started to take a step forward getting closer to running into her dresser. I move forward instantly, gently gripping her arms.
"Now, just slowly guide her over to her bed. She will typically move herself with you, unless she's being stubborn. . then I typically just pick her up and throw her over there."
My eyes shot to him.
"Kidding, kidding."
Slowly I began to move her closer to her bed, all the while holding her little by little closer to myself. Ignoring the fact she was deadpanning me, she looked so peaceful. How could she ever even fall asleep not knowing if she'll get up and accidently hurt herself somehow?
My mind fell back to the night we first officially met. She escaped the house and made it to my house! It was such a miracle for her to make it out without a scratch. The idea of anything happening to her made me want to hold her tight to my chest and never let her go.
"I got the rest of it, thanks, Clayton." Jacob stepped in to get Lucy to lay back down in her bed.
She settled back in pretty much on her own, which was strange to me. Jacob said that somehow she would recognized the softness, and automatically assume it's her bed.
"I'm gonna go let my parents know it's all good. Close the door when you leave." I nodded towards Jacob, then peered down at Lucy.
Her eyes had closed when I wasn't looking and she was beginning to mumble actual words out.
As beautiful as she was, all I could think about was how horrible her issue was. I wanted to help fix her problem so she could have at least one night of good sleep. I wanted to help her so much.
"Don't worry, love. We'll figure this out."
There was a piece of her blanket not covering her arm, so I gingerly placed it over her more.
With one last glance over her, I bent down to kiss her cheek.
I went to leave her room after that, pleased with getting more insight in her condition and nightly routine, when I heard her mumble something before I made it out.
"You're so perfect, Clay. ."
My head whipped around, to find Lucy snuggling up more into her bed and blanket, a small smile gracing her face. Despite her being asleep, my cheeks still heated up.
". . . Søte drømmer (Sweet dreams)."
Once again, I repeat, JACOB IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS IN THIS BOOK. And yes, to many of y'all's assumptions, the spin off novel I will be writing is based off of Jacob!! *Queue confetti* Anyone interested in a story starring him too?? His story will be posted either when I post the next chapter, or after chapter twenty-four.
Question of the chapter: How do you guys feel about love? Are you someone who falls really easily? Or are you more guarded? Or are you as confused as Clayton about it? I'd love to hear your perspective of love in the comments! Personally, I had no idea what it felt like to be in love with someone until a year ago, and when I did, it just consumed me. I had never felt so happy and consumed but such a feeling before, and I love love.