July 1st, 1999
Michael was at home recovering from his fall in Munich. After the bridge collapsed, he sustained some minor spinal damage that caused him to pass out after the show. Mariah had been fussing over him since came home, while Noelle spent most of her time quietly playing in the bed beside him, like she understood what happened. Since then, most of his days were mundane, and today seemed no different.
He could hear Mariah and the girls near the bedroom door.
“Daddy-” Noelle started, followed by Mariah shushing her.
What are those three up to now?
Mariah walked into the room with the twins, a small smile on her face. Both of the girls had their hands behind their backs as they walked over to his side of the bed.
“Okay, you can show him now.” Mariah said.
Nicole and Noelle both pulled out handmade cards from behind their backs.
“Thank you girls!” Michael exclaimed, taking the cards. “Did you make them?”
Nicole grinned, showing her teeth. “Yes!”
“Look at mine Daddy!” Noelle said.
Nicole glared at her sister. “No me!”
“Daddy is gonna look at both of them okay?” Mariah interjected.
Michael chuckled, reaching down to ruffle each of their little heads. “You two are the sweetest.”
He inspected each of the cards, both covered in various colors of paint. He could just make out a heart on Noelle's card.
“Ah like it, Daddy?” Nicole asked, standing on her tiptoes.
Michael set them down. “Yes I like them very much.”
“Nick, Noni don't you have something else for your daddy?” Mariah prompted.
Nicole shot up. “I get it!”
Michael chuckled. “What else do you guys have?”
“Presents!” Noelle shouted.
“Noni!” Mariah exclaimed.
Noelle looked down. “I sawry, Mommy.”
Nicole bounced back into the room with a box. “Look Daddy!”
Mariah raised an eyebrow. “Nick, is that the right box?”
Noelle shook her head. “I go get it!”
“No! I get it!”
The twins both got up and ran out of the room.
Mariah turned back to Michael. “I didn't see that this morning. Who sent it?”
Michael turned the box over and read the tag. “June.”
Mariah rolled her eyes and snatched the box from him.
“Hey!”
She tossed the box into the fireplace, watching it burn, and then turned back to Michael.
“You don't need it.”
July 10th, 1999
Michael laid in bed watching cartoons. Outside, the rain beat the ground, simultaneously relaxing Michael and disturbing his aching joints.
Knock.
Knock.
“Yeah?” He called out.
“It’s me, old man.” A familiar voice joked.
Michael chuckled. “It’s unlocked.”
Nina walked into the master suite, Noah and the twins close behind.
“So you finally made the move, huh?” Michael asked.
Before Nina could answer, Noelle shouted, “Daddy, look, it’s my friend!”
Michael giggled.
“Okay, well why don’t you and your friend go in the other room and play?”
“But I want somina eat.” Nicole said.
Michael rang his bell and Mariah came flying in. “Yeah, baby?”
“Can you fix the kids something to eat?”
Mariah frowned at her husband. Nina noticed and shared a knowing look with Michael.
“Sure.” She grabbed her kids’ hands and walked out of the room, Noah followed.
“She’s mad at your ass, I see. And it’s weird because I talked to her back when it first happened and she seemed so much better.”
“Well, you know, she goes through her phases. And she’s pregnant so, there’s that.” Michael explained.
Nina didn’t seem impressed. “For her to be acting like this, you must be fucking up somewhere…”
Are we at that stage in our friendship yet, Nina?
Michael made a face that read, ‘girl bye’.
“I don’t fuck up.”
“Why’re you lying, Michael? As much as I’d like to think that Mariah is just crazy, she’s not. You have to be fucking with her somewhere.” Nina commented.
Michael sat up on the bed, shaking his head. “She’s just got jealousy issues.”
“Well, her issues can’t be too bad. She left me in here alone with you.”
“Well, it’s not like we’re in here having sex or something. You’re married to a woman, you’ve expressed your fervent disinterest in me, plus this is basically the twins’ play room--she know ain’t nothing like that happening in here.” He replied.
“This is your kids’ playroom?” Nina asked, gesturing at the entire space.
He looked up in thought. “Well, they have one upstairs, but I mean...they in here more than we are.”
“So do you and Mariah not have a space to yourselves?”
Michael shrugged. “I mean we do sleep in here. And this is our room. But I mean-”
“Forgive me for such a personal question but, where do you two have sex if not in your bedroom?”
“No, we have sex in here. But I’d say a good fifty percent of the time, we have sex in my office.” He explained.
“And where is that?”
“You know that little walk way from this house to that little house next to it?” He asked.
Nina nodded.
“That’s my office. We just go over there.”
“So you guys plan when you’ll have sex?” She asked.
“Sometimes. But it’s more like we get the feeling and we just be like, ‘meet me in the office’. I used to work in this house too but I just completely work out of the separate office now.”
Nina sat down in the rocking chair next to the bed. “So what do you do in here?”
“I just told you.”
“Well I can’t tell if this is the damn kids room, where ya sleep, work, have sex, I don’t know!” Nina joked. “Y’all do a lot of shit in here.”
“Well this is just an open area. I mean only time it’s really closed off is when it’s just me and her. Other than that, we just kind of have an open door policy, hence why she’s not too upset with you being in here. It would be different if it were me and you upstairs though. That’s a more private area.” He responded.
“You guys have too much space for your own good. I’ve never heard of someone’s master bedroom having an ‘open door policy’.”
Michael nodded. “Well, you have to understand, this was my house. I didn’t have a girl living with me and sleeping with me on the regular here. I really only slept here like a few months out of the year so I don't see it as a bedroom per se. Plus, growing up I always had to share my shit. Even when we had money I still shared a room with Jermaine.”
“Well it’s not like you had to do that for long.”
He shuffled in the bed. “Girl I lived with my parents for 27 years. My mother would just walk on in my room whenever she wanted even though it was my house. By the time I was old enough to start really seeing girls in a serious relationship, I had to get my own place on the side. I couldn’t have girls coming to my house with my mother being so strict.”
Nina raised an eyebrow in disbelief. “You bought another house just to have girls over?”
“No, I bought a condo to have sex in.”
“That’s how you know you have too much money.” Nina replied.
“No, that’s how you know you need more privacy.”
“So did your mother know what you were doing?” Nina asked.
“Girl, if Katherine knew half of what I was doing, I’d be dead by now.”
“Oh boy, please. Now, I know you’re lying. You were a goodie two shoes.” She joked.
“I’m serious! There was this one girl when I was a teenager- My mother couldn’t stand her! She swore up and down she was no good for me and all that. And we used to sneak around all the time. Lying, acting like she was helping me with schoolwork or something and really I was getting head in the back of my Bentley.”
Nina leaned in. “Yeah fucking right.”
“I am so serious girl.”
“You were having sex with Tatum O’Neal?” She asked.
“No, not her! I had me an older woman. My mother hated her. But I didn’t care. I just wanted to screw her.”
“I’m guessing she wasn’t the marrying type…” Nina commented, her tone judgmental.
“Oh, she was. But she didn’t wanna marry me.” He replied, hiding his true feelings behind a nonchalant shrug.
“Wait- Do I know of this woman?”
Michael raised a concerned eyebrow. He didn’t want to reveal too much about that relationship, given his age at the time.
“Wait are you talking about-” Nina paused for a moment, her eyes widening. “Nooooooo! Not her, Michael!”
Michael’s eyes shot down to the bed.
“Oh my god- She’s so much older than you-” Nina gasped. “How old were you when you first got with her?”
Michael pursed his lips.
“Michael! Tell me!”
Michael put his finger up to his lips. “Shh! My wife is here.”
Nina huffed. “Were you eighteen?”
“Younger.”
“Seventeen?” She asked, her eyebrow slightly raised.
Michael twisted his lips to the side, pointing his index finger downward.
Nina pulled back, seemingly concerned.
“Sixteen?”
Michael nodded like a small child admitting that he broke the cookie jar.
Nina placed her hands over her mouth.
“But- I mean- It’s not as bad as it sounds.” Michael noted. “Honestly.”
“How can that not be bad, Michael?” Nina spat, sounding like a concerned mother.
“Well it’s not like I actually put it in.”
“I just asked you when the sex started, what do you mean?” She replied, irritated.
“I lost my virginity to her. But I was 19 then. Before that we just messed around--we would go down on each other. And I told you that-”
“That’s still sex, Michael!” Nina interrupted. “And how old was she? Easily thirty?”
“Nina, you don’t understand. I’ve had a crush on her my whole life. She was just giving me what I wanted.”
“And you don’t see nothing wrong with a thirty-something year old woman fucking a 16 year old boy?” Nina shouted.
“Shh! And no- It’s not like that. I was in love with her since I was a little boy. I grew up around her and we have a special connection.”
“Michael, listen to yourself! Is that the shit she used to tell you before she’d molest you?”
“Alright, you stop it right now, Nina! She is not like that! You’re acting like I was a damn child- I was basically grown. I had my own place, my own car, all of that. I knew what I was doing, I wasn’t some helpless kid!” He explained.
“When did the flirting start, Michael?”
“I don’t know? But it’s not like it matters-”
“Oh god. No wonder your mother doesn’t like her. She got to you when you were just a baby. That’s why your ass can’t get over her, you have Stockholm Syndrome.” She replied.
“You know what, Nina, if you’re gonna keep accusing her of something so disgusting and so heinous, you can leave.”
“Let me ask you this, Michael: What would you do if you found out a thirty year old man had sex with your sixteen year old daughter?”
“Don’t you dare put my kids in this.” Michael bit.
Nina sucked in her cheeks, taking a long pause. “That’s what I thought. You’d kill that man.”
“It’s different with men.”
“And how come?” She asked.
“Because that’s fucking disgusting and it’s basically rape. A grown man should never have sex with someone under 18.”
“But a woman can?” Nina retorted.
“Women are pure, Nina. She was pure. She loved me. I’m the one who tempted her. I wasn’t some helpless kid and she wasn’t some predator. She was genuinely loving.” He explained.
Nina shook her head--her arms folded. “That is some backwards ass fucking thinking.”
“That’s just the truth. I’m sorry if you didn’t want to hear it but that’s how it is. Women are different. It’s not sex, it’s an act of love and compassion and beauty-”
“Women can be fucking predators too.” Nina shot back.
Michael had given up trying to convince her.
“Yeah, well, this one wasn’t.”
July 16th, 1999
Jermaine stood outside as he waited for someone to come to the door. It had been awhile since Jermaine last spoke to Michael, but after hearing about his accident, he felt like it would only be right to see his little brother.
The door swung open and a heavily pregnant Mariah stood front and center, slightly jumping back when she saw him.
“Uh, hi Jermaine. What brings you by?” She asked quietly.
Jermaine grimaced. “Where’s Mike?”
Mariah nodded slowly. “Come in, I'll take you to him.”
He stepped into the house and noticed there were toys scattered around the living room.
“Where are the girls?” He asked.
Moving a few dolls out of the way, she answered, “They're taking a nap. Would you like something to drink?”
Hennessy would be nice.
“Sure, just a water.” He replied.
Mariah sent Fallon for a glass of water and escorted Jermaine to the master suite. She gently tapped on the door and the two walked in.
Michael sat up, raising a confused eyebrow.
“Look who's here.” Mariah said.
Michael didn't take his eyes off of Jermaine. Soon, Fallon came in with an ice cold glass of water. “Mr. Jackson.” She said as she handed Jermaine the glass. Fallon gave Jermaine and Michael a look that read ‘be good’ before promptly leaving the room.
Jermaine glanced back at Mariah, pointing his head toward the door.
Seeming to take a hint, Mariah left the two of them alone to talk.
Jermaine sat in the chair beside the bed, placing his glass on the nightstand beside it. “So, how are you?”
“I'm getting better, I can walk around a little bit now.” Michael replied. “How are you?”
Taking a deep sigh, Jermaine sat quietly for a moment. “I'm in weird place right now. Me and Alejandra...we uhh...we lost our baby.”
Silence.
“I’m sorry, man. I know how hard that is. Losing my son was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to deal with.” Michael replied.
Jermaine nodded along, his eyes filled with hurt. “I never thought that would happen. In a million years.”
Michael, despondent, chewed his lip.
Damnit.
Jermaine started again. “Aye, I’m sorry about that. I know you’ve been through it too. And I don’t wanna get you down and you got one on the way.”
“It’s cool. I’ve dealt with it. I mean, losing kids is never easy, but I know everything happens for a reason.”
“But like, how did you deal with it? When Prince didn’t make it?” Jermaine asked. He didn’t want his brother to relive his trauma, but at the same time he needed someone to help him through his own. And the only person he was close to who’d experienced that sort of tragedy, was Michael.
Michael stared out into space. “At first, I didn’t, really. I couldn’t.”
Jermaine shot his eyes up at his brother. “What does that mean?”
“It means I didn’t deal with it for a long time. I just repressed it and repressed it. At times trying to forget about it, but it just kept coming back to haunt me. Up until the point where I just went ballistic. I blamed Mariah for everything, and a part of me still does. I know it sounds bad because she didn’t really try to hurt him, but I didn’t know what to do.” Michael explained.
Jermaine picked up his glass, taking a sip. “Did it help?”
Michael turned his head toward Jermaine, raising his eyebrow. “Man, no it didn’t help. It just made her crazy and made me resent her even more. You have to understand, it was a long time for us before we could properly grasp the situation. She was hoeing around with her ex, I went to rehab, he abused her, I married Lisa crazy ass--nothing went right for us. And I blamed her.”
“I mean I can say that she really didn’t do anything wrong though. So blaming her is...odd?”
Michael shifted his legs up so that he sat cross-legged. “I didn’t say it was rational.”
Jermaine sat back in his seat. Could’ve just been your feelings catching up with you.
“You sure this wasn’t a ummm...latent reaction?”
“What do you mean?” Michael asked.
Jermaine offered an explanation. “I mean, like, maybe you blamed her for Prince because you never really dealt with losing Ros-”
“What the fuck did you just say?” Michael interrupted, his eyes cold and dark.
“Well, I’m saying you never really dealt with that. You lost everything in one fell swoop.” Jermaine noted.
Michael narrowed his eyes. “I don’t even know what you’re talking about Jermaine- What are you even talking about?”
“Look, all I’m tryna say is that it fucked you up. You changed after that. And I can’t say I blame you. She was your first ch-”
“Prince was my first child!” Michael snapped.
Calm yo ass down.
Jermaine took a deep breath. “Look, I know that it’s hard-”
“It’s not hard. It’s easy. I have four children, and one on the way.”
Jermaine looked at his brother with a face that read ‘you’ve got to be kidding me’. “No, you have five children and one on the-”
“Shut up! Shut the fuck up!”
Who the hell does he think he’s talking to?
“Hey, Mike! You can calm all that down! You living in this fantasy world where your child never existed and her mother isn’t some succubus is not my fault!”
“I don’t live in a fantasy world! Leave me alone!” Michael shouted, like a defiant nine year old. “Leave me alone, okay? I don’t have to deal with this!” He almost sounded afraid, his eyes glazed over with tears.
Jermaine slowly shook his head. “Pitiful.” He paused for a moment, taking a sip from his glass. “You know what? I feel bad for you. I know everyone else around you, including Mother at this point, wants to feed into your fantasy, but I will never forget how that changed you inside. As it should have. You didn’t deserve that, okay? And you’re more willing to blame yourself and pretend babygirl never existed than to face the facts that you were fucked over by a ruthless bitch who made you think she was perfect.”
“You know, it’s funny, I don’t even know what you’re talking about?” Michael retorted, a sad smirk on his face.
Jermaine stood up, feeling sorry for his brother. He turned to walk out of the room, stopping just at the door. He faced his brother, who tried his best to hide his pain.
“Sad…”
He turned back around and exited the room.