Phil needed release. His head was heavy with bad memories. He needed to forget.
He rummaged through his draw then remembered Dan had everything locked up and hidden.
Maybe it was best. Dan really cared about him.
He had to stay strong. For Dan.
He turned and walked towards his bedroom door but fell to his knees and burst into tears.
Memories of him were all he could think of, his face fresh in his mind.
He needed something to stop them.
He couldn't talk to Dan because he would worry and make him call the police.
Phil really didn't want to get the police involved.
He left his room and entered the bathroom in search of something.
Nothing. The cupboards were empty apart from plasters, bandages, spare soap, toothpaste and toothbrushes.
He looked under the sink but nothing.
Memories flooded his brain. He wasnt sure how much more he could take. He just wanted it all to end but he couldn't do it, he couldnt do that to Dan. Although even if he wanted to die he wouldn't be able to do it. He failed before so why would it work this time? "You're pathetic." He whispered to himself.
Angrily he pulled at his hair.
He shook his head.
"You can do this, Phil. He cant get you. Its fine." He took a deep breath in and out.
He started to cry again.
He left the bathroom and headed back to his bedroom.
One more look in the draws. He thought to himself.
He opened the top draw and shuffled through the stationery.
Jackpot. A pencil sharpener. His heart skipped a beat and a grim smile spread across his face.
He took out the pencil sharpener, sat on his bed and undid the screw with his nails.
The blade fell out and landed on the green and blue sheets.
He slowly dragged the blade across his arm drawing small, red bubbles of blood.
He cut about three or four lines on each arm before returning the blade to the pencil sharpener and tightening the screw.
He placed it in his draw, hiding it under a note book.
Feeling calmer, Phil slid into bed.
He focused on the spots of red growing and slowly running down his arms.
Suddenly he remembered Dan. How much this would upset him if he found out. Then he remembered all the great times with Dan. All the laughs, all the happy memories.
He pulled the duvet up around his neck and slowly fell asleep thinking about Dan.