Harry's POV
"Can I get you something else?" I ask nicely, gently rubbing my hand on her back.
Rachel keeps her attention to her laptop, shaking a little at the contact of my hand on her back. "No, I'm fine, thanks."
I move to place a kiss on her head as I pick up the plate beside her on the mattress, trying to take a glance at the screen before she stops me, "Please, don't kiss me here.. I hit my head on something, I think there's a bruise."
I back away with a nod she still doesn't see, because she won't look me in the eyes, and head to the kitchen to clean up from our dinner.
I just want to know what happened.
There's got to be more than just her parents "pissing her off" that made Rachel want to come back home after not even a day of being home in Texas. I know that because of how she has been acting with me since I picked her back up from the airport just two days ago, and it isn't even remotely normal.
She has been quiet, quiet like when we were separated, before we made up. She won't tell me anything that happened, which highly concerns me. I watch as she acts almost zombie like; Rachel does not let me get too close, she covers herself up from me completely, and all she allows is me to kiss her lips, but for seconds. She wouldn't let me comfort her after the trip when I tried, and she keeps pushing me away or hiding in the bathroom for twenty to thirty minutes, which makes me try hard to refrain from standing so needy outside the door.
What if her parents did this to her? Did they maybe change her mind about me?
The fact that my mind is in some self hating loop is really annoying, especially since the one person I want to talk about that with won't really even talk to me.
And honestly, who knows what is even going on in her mind right now, because it seems like it's even worse than what I'm going through.
Rachel did go to school today, which surprised me, but still just gave me a vague "It was fine." when I asked her how her day was, and she's been on her computer apparently doing homework but I was able to see on her tabs bar something about bruises or scrapes just now and I can't help my mind racing on what the hell is going on.
After I finish washing up, I decide to check back up on her, but when I return I find her locked in the bathroom, her laptop shut on the bed, and everything silent.
"Rachel?" I call through the door.
She is quiet, and I hear her breathing before she responds, "Y-yes?"
"Will you open?"
"Why?"
I place my hands on my hip, staring at the white door, "Because you're worrying me. And as your boyfriend, I think I have a right to know if you are alright."
"You're right," Rachel sighs. "Just um, give me a second."
A few moments pass until she unlocks the door, looking up at me with watery eyes, and when I walk in, she leans back on the counter. We stand just looking at each other, and I honestly cannot read her expression to even have an idea of what the hell is going on.
"Just.." I decide to speak first, "just let me ask you one thing."
Her sad eyes meet mine and she nods.
"Are you wanting to break up with me? Is that what this is about?"
Rachel's eyebrows suddenly raise in defense, "No, no! Not at all, oh my gosh, no—"
"Then what is it? What happened on that trip? What are you going through?"
She tugs her sleeves down in angst and looks immediately to the floor. "I don't know if I can say.."
"Rachel, I just want to help you. It's eating you alive! You're acting as if we're strangers again, you won't talk to me–"
"Maybe it'll pass," she says, more to herself.
"Rachel," I cross my arms.
"Harry, I just can't, I don't want you to freak out."
"What do you mean by that?"
Quickly she shakes her head and moves from the bathroom counter, heading for the door. "Just forget about it, I can't."
"We can't just leave this aside, baby–" I reach and gently tug at her sleeve to stop her from leaving me here, and when I tug at her sleeve, I see a large bruise from what looks like a hand covering her forearm.
Instantly when I notice, she takes her arm away from me, looking at me for any hint if I had seen it.
"What the hell is going on," I ask, though my words don't sound remotely close to a question.
I take her hand and bring her back to me. I lead her to stand in front of me, because avoiding confrontation now isn't an option.
"Rachel, who did this to you?" I lift up her chin slowly, my heart beating rapidly as my worry for her, and anger at whoever did this rises.
And still, she neglects to answer me.
"Your parents?"
That triggers her to respond with, "No.."
"Rachel, I will not tolerate this, I need to know why you have—" I quickly lift her other long sleeve to find another similar bruise along with some scrapes, "—bruises and cuts all over your arms!"
Suddenly she begins to cry, a lot. Her body falls to my chest in an embrace and my eyes can't control the few tears that make their way out. I lift my arm and run my hands through her hair, getting an "Oww, please don't," when I barely touch an area on her head; it was the part I tried kissing earlier.
I lean back to see her eyes red from crying as she looks up at me.
"Are you bruised here as well?"
Through sniffles she nods, saying, "I think so."
I hug her for a while more before whispering, "Will you please tell me what happened?"
I am surprised when I feel that she nods again against my chest, and I look down as she moves to look back at me.
Rachel gulps, obviously really nervous, and I can't help but wonder if I should be too.
"It actually starts before I moved here— or rather, it's why I moved here."
What is thirty minutes feels like hours that have passed of Rachel trying hard to explain everything. Everything. I feel as though I just learned so much about her because of what she went through. Everything that has happened in the past few months seems so reasonable now that I know what she went through. I get why she had fading bruises and why she even bothered to self harm, which hurts my heart. Though I am very pissed off that such a prick could hurt someone for no reason, I am also disappointed that when so many opportunities arrised where Rachel could've told me, so many times that I asked her to know what was going on so I could try to help her, she just wouldn't tell me something this big.
I am torn. How can I be disappointed in her? I shouldn't be. She went through a full out abusive relationship, so of course she did not want to tell anyone. She's even told me that her parents nor her cousins know of what she's told me.
I don't speak, just trying to process what I've actually been told, because I am in shock at the information and how brave it is that she's told me.
But her telling me did not make things better for her.
Rachel looked at me one last time, the look lingered for a while, as if suddenly the world ran in slow-motion. I took one glance at her eyes and noticed they were different. The pale blue color was the same, and so was the mystery about them I had noticed months ago the first time we met. This was the first time since then that I looked into her eyes and didn't see her. The beautiful, quirky, charismatic, and talented girl I danced with in that dodgy club was gone. She had left as soon as the nightmare of a ghost from her past came back. For the first time, I saw what she was that I never would've imagined meeting, what no one on this awful placed called Earth would ever imagine seeing from Rachel Edwards. I saw a ghost.
And with how things happened, I should have stopped her from running out on me in that instant instead of being lost in a trance.
Rachel's POV
"Are you serious?" Jennifer gapes, coming closer to me.
"Well I don't think this is something you can joke about!"
"But are you sure?" Hayley asks.
"Yes! I'm sure!" I yell in frustration.
I'm late.
As in, late late.
"It can't be, it doesn't make sense," I hear Hayley mumble.
"Well, we don't know that. Only Rachel does," Jennifer knocks some sense into her before turning to me. "So... D-does it make sense?"
I place the pregnancy test I had to practically force myself to take on the counter, glancing at the two very prominent pink lines that it shows before walking slowly like a zombie to my bed, sitting on it in thought and in pure, utter shock. My cousins both walk out of the bathroom to stand in front of me.
"Well?" They ask in unison.
"Y-yeah, I mean it makes sense, b-because there was one time," I gesture with my finger, making the number one as I keep my eyes on the ground in front of me, "one time that we didn't use a c-condom. Maybe a few times, actually—"
"Okay, okay," Jennifer stops me. "God, as a Harry fan it's hard to hear about this but as your relative.. Wow, I just don't know how to feel about hearing this at all. Not trying to be rude, I mean we're all in shock here," Jennifer joins me on the bed, cuddling me in a comforting manner.
"Pfft, yeah," Hayley agrees. "As a Harry fan, I don't know how to process knowing that his pull-out game is this weak," Hayley dumbly comments, thinking out loud.
I ignore her, just wondering when it happened, when I must have conceived, something I didn't think I'd be wondering for years. It has to at least be more than a month ago, which does make sense..
"What do I do?" I interrupt the girls from their conversation.
"What do you mean?" Hayley treads carefully.
"About Harry. I haven't even spoken to him since days ago, since I ran out on him. How do I just call him up again and be like, 'Hey! Just thought it's been a while and I should give you a ring. Oh, and I'm pregnant with your baby!'" My breathing quickens and I feel tears start to form in my eyes.
Damn fucking hormones. They probably are what caused me to run out of Harry's apartment that day in a bawling mess.
As Hayley gets me the tissues, she says, "Well, y'know if either of you bothered to tell us what you two argued about, or what the hell happened, maybe we can help it get fixed and be one big happy family again. Literally."
"It wasn't an argument," I groan for probably the millionth time since I came over to my cousins' flat to stay here as I take the tissues from her.
"That's what you and Harry keep saying, so the truth awaits..." She shrugs, sitting on my other side.
I know that yet again, Harry has been checking up with my cousins to see if I'm okay, and it does make me feel better that he's keeping everything I told him a secret.
He's so caring, despite how headlines and other things make him sound. He really truly is. He's a young man with his whole life ahead of him. A good, young man.
"No, I have to go, I need to check again," I suddenly spring up from the bed, unplugging my phone and getting my purse.
"Wait what? What are you doing?" Jennifer begins to panic.
"I can't do this," I walk speedily to the front door, hyperventilating as my cousins follow me with concern. "He doesn't need a baby. Not now. I can't do this now. I can't have a baby now? I'm 21! I have to buy another test, I have to make sure. Decisions need to be made if I'm—"
"You need to relax, Rachel," Hayley turns me around. "You're freaking out. You don't need to take another test, those are pretty accurate, so maybe instead make an appointment with a doctor—"
"No!" I cry. "That's for people who are sure of things and who don't hate doctors! I just, I just need another test. You have to make sure, you can't just take one to be sure!"
"But you said you didn't use a cond—"
"I know what I said!"
"Rachel, I think you need to tell Harry," Jennifer steps in.
"No, no!" I protest. "You have to make sure, I have to make sure... I can't.. I.. You guys will not tell him anything! You will not say a word, do you hear me?!"
"But Rach—" Is the last thing I hear as I slam the front door behind me and make my way to the town to the closest drug store to buy a test.
I make it to SuperDrug and as I do, I shut off my phone as the calls and texts from my cousins continue. Looking down at my phone causes me to bump into someone.
"Oh sorry," I mumble, looking up only to find Matthew.
"Rachel?"
"Hi," I greet, hoping I don't look like I've been crying the last few hours.
He gives me an embrace, "You haven't been to school at all since Monday, Jennifer told me you wouldn't be able to work, what's going on?"
"Too much to even retell," I reply honestly. "Just been a horrible week."
"I'm with you there. I'm coming down with something, so I popped in here to get some cough syrup. What are you in for?"
Oh you know, the usual. A couple of pregnancy tests.
"I uh, well I've realized I've left the list at home but I'll probably buy a few things now that I'm here," I lie, but I am still sure as hell buying that test.
"I'll meet you by the door when you're done?" He offers, clearly wanting to hang out since it's been nearly five days.
"Sure," I try to smile.
Maybe it'll take my mind off?
I split off from Matthew, leaving him to his cough medicine needs as I quickly and stealthily move to the aisle that reads "Family Planning".
"This was not fucking planned at all," I mumble at the stupid sign.
Hoping not to be spotted by any fans, cameras, or anything, I pick up the box with the label I remember seeing on the one that Hayley had and run for the checkout, praising this store for it being self checkout to avoid any confrontation.
I stuff the test once I've paid for it in my purse and find Matthew at the door waiting for me.
"Since it's getting a bit dark, do you want to maybe just head to my flat? It's right near here, just a block over— Wait, I'm not like inviting you, inviting you. I mean it as friends... I know you have Harry, and Jennifer and I are um, but I just, I thought since I had dinner made...and it's easier than trying to find a place.."
I save him from rambling any further, "I'm just fine with going to yours."
"Good," he sighs, flushed but still smiling.
At Matthew's small but homey flat, I sit at his kitchen bar as he heats up dinner and we talk about school, and what I've missed.
"Of course, Professor Porter has been missing you," he wriggles his eyebrows.
"No, shut up," I groan, putting my head down.
"His favorite student gone for days, he's been so upset, devastated," he goes on. "Not even seeing you on non-class days as he spies on you.."
"Matthew if you do not stop, so help me I will fight you," I threaten, and he puts his hands up in surrender.
Next he begins to talk to me about Jennifer, mentioning they were supposed to get together tonight but she hasn't told him anything about it. I ask him how it's going, and he says that he knows Jennifer is anxious for him to ask her officially to date, and I laugh. He tells me how crazy he is about her, and I can't help but smile, knowing that the two are quiet perfect together.
Matthew serves me dinner and gives me the plate and then serves himself before sitting next to me and placing a hand over my shoulder.
"Okay, you want to tell me what's going on now?"
"Can I not and pretend I did?" I laugh, savoring the meal, my stomach grumbling.
Stupid cravings and my hunger being heightened.
"Was it something Harry did? Or your cousins? It seems you've got a problem with either one. And you didn't even tell me how Texas was."
"Let's just say, I just need time from all of it. No one did anything, I just need to step away from all of them. If anyone did something, it's me," I reply with honesty.
And a little bit Harry, since he's the person who did the whole impregnating.
But as they always say, it takes two.
Luckily for me, Matthew leaves it there and the two of us have a rather nice evening. We binge television shows on the couch after dinner until
his cell rings and he leaves the room to answer it. In that time I must've fallen asleep, because when I next open my eyes, I find that light fills the living room I'm in, which definitely isn't my cousins'.
I rise from the couch, my back aching a bit from an uncomfortable sleep I'll surely be feeling all day. I look around, seeing that Matthew isn't with me, so I get up and head for his room to see if I can find him so I can let myself out and he can lock the door, or maybe give me a key, because with how I left my cousins yesterday, it's probably not good to have stayed out last night...
But when I open the door to Matty's room, I see what appears to be my naked friend with my naked cousin Jennifer under the sheets.
"Oh, God!" I gasp, the groggy couple becoming more awake as I cover my eyes, lucky to not have seen anything.
"Morning," Matthew chuckles.
"Rachel?" Jennifer asks with relief.
"I should go," I say, ready to avoid this awkward confrontation.
"Wait, Rachel we need to talk, we have to talk about yesterday!" Jennifer sits up, covering herself with the duvet.
"I will not talk about that now, it's not the time or the place and I.. I need to go."
"What's going on? Should I leave?" Matthew interjects.
"No, it's fine, I'm leaving anyway," I assure him.
"Rach.. please don't go. We were so worried about you yesterday, why didn't you tell me she was here?" Jennifer turns to Matty as he becomes totally confused.
"Like I said, I'm leaving. Thanks for letting me stay over, and for dinner," I say to him, also praying Jennifer doesn't tell him anything when I leave.
"Wait, don't go, we can all just have a chilled morning. Do you like pancakes?" Matthew tries so hard to get both Jennifer and I to calm down.
"It's fine, I really should get going. Bye," I quickly turn around and get out of there, leaving Matthew to my cousin and her questions, and my cousin to hopefully not spill to Matthew's questions.
I make it outside of his building, turn my phone on again, and begin walking. Just walking. I don't know where to go. I have to take the pregnancy tests. I have to make sure. I can't go home, I don't want to revisit Hayley and her smart, pharmacist pregnancy talk. I can't go to Harry's, obviously. I just need a place where I am free for just a small period of time. That's all that I'm asking for.
"Hey, Rachel? That you, sweetheart?" I hear a fellow American accent from behind me, and my body freezes, all of time seems to freeze. Cars go by, people walk by, and I just freeze in time.
There's no way, no way he followed me here.
a/n
it's the beginning of the ennnnnnnndddddd oh dear idk how i'm gonna even begin. but i'm excited, because that leaves me room for my new book. once i finish this, my new book "weapons" will be setting sail. go check it out right now if you'd like! the trailer is up so far, so go give it a watch!! it's an au, a psycho harry au!
hope there's no mistakes in this, i wrote it all today to get it out asap bc i think there's 3 chapters left(?) like WHOA.
see you soon with another update!