The quiet hum of the car was all that could be heard for several miles. Emilee had fallen asleep wrapped in her mother's jacket. Patrick was now driving and Ellen had slipped to the front seat to sit next to him. Her hand still intertwined with his. It was more comforting than romantic. He held it the way a friend would hold your hand after a painful day but they weren't friends. And now the rest of the world knew that too.
Ellen was hypnotized by the headlights on the freeway. Her emotions fell somewhere between exhausted and overwhelmed. The warmth of Patrick's hand was the only thing keeping her functioning.
"I'm sorry," Patrick said sincerely.
Her eyes flickered from the road to the man by her side. "It's not your fault," Ellen quietly reassured him though she felt quite emotional. Patrick touched her face and softly wiped a lone tear from her cheek. "I'm not sure you're going to make it through the holidays though," she tried to make light of the situation.
"I'm not sure I'm going to make it through tomorrow," Patrick huffed.
She smiled at the way he played along with her. Suddenly the loud ring of Patrick's phone disrupted the quiet car. With an aggravated groan he flashed the the caller ID to Ellen. It was the producer of The First Lady. "Hello?"
Ellen studied Patrick's features as he reacted to the conversation. "Do you watch the news?" She couldn't hear the voice on the other end but Patrick was annoyed, "Our life is in shambles." Patrick laughed awkwardly, "Of course," He rolled his eyes. "Yeah," the word heavy in his chest, "We'll be there. Just send the script."
Ellen shot him a questioning look but waited until he hung up. "What was that about?"
"They added a scene," he began, "they want us to film before Christmas," Patrick answered.
"Great," Ellen rolled her eyes.
"He said he thinks they are adding it because of the media," Patrick laughed.
"What does that even mean?" Ellen's voice was louder now.
"I have no idea. It's like.." Patrick's words trailed off as he pulled into the driveway. He immediately noticed a car parked inside his gate. Lucas came into view. He turned to give them a half hearted wave, his expression less than amused.
Instantly frazzled Ellen glanced to her watch. It was 8:30 already. She had completely forgotten about him. "Oh god," She sighed.
"What is he doing here?" Patrick asked.
"I was supposed to go to dinner with him at 8:00," Ellen's voice unsteady. She separated their hands.
"You were going to dinner with him?" Patrick's words were sharp.
Ellen gave him a look of exhaustion, "You really want to get into an argument after the day we've had."
"Good point," Patrick swallowed his pride and nodded.
The car pulled to the stop. Patrick watched as Ellen got out to talk to Lucas. He decided against torturing himself and stood to lift Emilee from the car. She nestled into his neck as he headed toward the house. He stopped by Ellen's conversation and extended his hand to her boyfriend. "Lucas," he nodded.
"How ya doing Patrick," Lucas returned the gesture.
"Doing ok," Patrick smiled and carried on his way.
Only a single motion light lit the dark driveway. The air was getting colder by the minute. Ellen struggled with her thoughts and then "I'm sorry, we took Emilee to Universal Studios."
"Emilee?" Lucas inquired.
Ellen broke eye contact and bit her bottom lip the way she did when she was nervous. She reflected on the day and the paparazzi. For the first time in years she would have to start telling the truth. The press would be typical, her friends wouldn't be surprised, even telling Lucas wouldn't be Ellen's hardest truth. Her hardest truth would come when she finally had to be honest with herself. "Emilee is our daughter."
"You and Patrick have a daughter?" Lucas was wide eyed.
"Yes," she nodded, "before today not many people knew that."
"I'm sorry," Lucas squinted trying to understand, "Weren't you... Wasn't he..."
"Yes," Ellen said quietly, "We were both married." She pulled her hair away from her face, "I told you it was messy."
"I guess so," Lucas' voice was breathy. "Which explains the picture, and why you're with him so much outside of work... I'm starting to piece this together," Luc smile.
Ellen's chest felt heavy. She sighed, "That's the thing... you're not."
"What do you mean?" he asked.
She felt a little dizzy as the truth came rushing to the surface. Her voice was fragile now, "The only thing," she stopped, second guessing herself. Ellen held back her emotion. Patrick had risked so much for her today. She continued, "the only thing you need to understand is that I'm in love with him. I've been in love with him for a long time and I don't think that's going away any time soon."
"Oh," Lucas was shocked at her confession. He shifted his stance uncomfortably. He was at a loss for words. After a long moment, "Okay."
"I'm sorry," she shook her head, "Messier than you deserve."
Ellen watched as he Lucas backed out of the drive. She gave a weak wave as the gate closed behind him. She was fearful again, was it too soon to give everything up for a man that was still married. Her teeth started to chatter with a mix of cold and emotion. She turned to find movement in the door way.
"Your nose print is on the glass," Ellen teased as she came through the front door.
Patrick smiled sheepishly, "Are you ok?"
"Yes," she nodded, "He was surprisingly understanding. We rescheduled for tomorrow." Ellen leaned against a wall near the doorway waiting for his response.
"Oh," Patrick nodded, "Good," his tone not matching his words.
Ellen tilted her head to look at him sideways, "because that's typically a boyfriend's response when you tell him you're in love with another man."
"In love," Patrick's voice trembled at the sound of her saying it for the first time. He looked at her longingly. He extended his hand to her and drew her to the couch with him. She was the life he had craved all of these years. He simply held her there with him. They both ached to say much more but held back. You can't build a house on faulty foundation. You build it piece by piece, from the ground up.
Realizing they were staring at an empty spot in the middle of the living room, "We need to put up a Christmas tree." Ellen said realizing it was only two short weeks away.
"You're right, we do," his voice soft, savoring the way 'we' tasted on his tongue. "You, however are not leaving this house for a week." He spoke, "So you better write me a list."
Ellen laughed lightly, "I'll be ok," she paused, "It's her I'm worried about." She gestured to Emilee's bedroom.
"Hearing her say that today," Patrick could feel himself get choked up. "it was..." He couldn't find his words.
"Incredibly surreal," Ellen filled in the blank.
"Yes," he nodded, "Everything I ever wanted and... completely terrifying." Patrick kissed Ellen's forehead. "I felt more like her father after she said it."
"I know what you mean," Ellen agreed softly. Her skin tingled at his touch. She started to feel relaxed for the first time in several hours. She glanced to the clock, "I didn't realize it was so late."
"Hey," Patrick spoke his line and watched as Ellen slowed. "You okay?" She trailed forward a bit before answering.
"Yeah, Yeah," Ellen spoke her line softly, "You know... holidays..."
"Yeah," he agreed waltzing forward with her still. Patrick found her eyes, "I do know," he found himself feeling much more like Patrick than Derek as the words left his lips. Their eyes locked. His heart panicked a little as they were nearly to the mark where they would separate. He knew this meant wrapping for the evening.
"Merry Christmas," She said softly.
"Merry Christmas," He responded as they parted.
He paced for a few steps and then, "Cut. That's a wrap! Have a good Holiday!" The crew scurried to close everything up for the evening. Patrick sighed and continued his slow, somber walk to his trailer. His thoughts stuck on her, on the scene they had just filmed together. He opened the trailer door to find her sitting on his couch. He jumped, slightly startled.
"Sorry," she said through bites of his left overs, "It's weird going back to an empty trailer. I'm not used to the whole separate trailer thing."
Patrick laughed with relief and found a spot next to her on the couch, "It's okay." He smiled, "As long as you share."
"I suppose I could," she smiled handing him her fork. He ran his hand along her back, leaning in for a bite.
"You think we'll get back together?" Patrick asked her lightly.
Ellen rolled her eyes, "Of course we will."
He watched the way she moved, breathed in her smell. "El," he spoke, "Do you..." His phone rang interrupting his words. He looked to the caller ID, Jillian.
"Yeah..." her voice eager.
"Uh," he exhaled, "Nothing. I've got to go." He studied her face and leaned in to kiss her forehead, "Merry Christmas."
"Patrick," she had pulled herself from his arms now. "It's late. Shouldn't you go?"
He studied her face the way he had that night, "I'd like to stay," he said softly. "Not because I'm expecting anything. I would just like to stay here... with you."
"What about Jill?" Ellen asked.
Patrick shrugged, "She'll be there tomorrow." He found her eyes again, "I'm tired of going and wishing I would have stayed. So, if it's okay..."
Ellen initiated a kiss for the first time in seven years, he melted into her. How could he have ever walked away from her? His body tingled, his heart racing faster. He parted their lips. Patrick pulled her body against his, soaking up everything he had missed.