A/N: Please vote and comment and read the A/N at the end, thank you <3
Jimin's POV
I felt a little sick. Actually, I felt a lot sick, now that I knew where at least one of the scars had come. I felt stupid as well – how had I not seen this coming? He had never talked about his family and the scars didn't look like accidents. I felt so fucking stupid because I should've known: it didn't sound like Jungkook was dreaming about kittens licking him in the nights. I didn't know if all the scars had come in the same way but it still broke my heart.
I was so hurt, feeling like the dumbest person. I had spent so long crying over my mother who wasn't there for me, when Jungkook was probably glad to be away from his dad. I didn't know how his mother was, and I didn't dare to ask. He had told me a huge thing already and I didn't want to be the person to ask even more question, like the thing he had told me wasn't enough.
I swallowed and slowly moved my eyes from the scar back to his face. He was looking at me with an expression that was full of sadness and maybe fear. What was he scared off? That I'd run away? I had seen the scars so many times before.
"Jungkookie", I breathed out and a tear fell on my cheek before I was able to stop it.
Jungkook raised his hand immediately and swept the tear away. He looked pained as he squeezed his eyes shut and took my hand in his. He opened his mouth before closing it again, jaw tightening. I knew he was feeling bad but I had no idea what to do. It looked like he had no idea either. That's why we sat on the bed, hand in hand, me silently crying and Jungkook probably deep in his past.
I didn't want that. I could already see he had had a terrible past, I didn't want him to live it again. I wanted him to leave it behind him and be with me now in this moment.
"Jungkookie", I whispered and squeezed his hand slightly.
His eyes fluttered open, looking so incredibly sad my heart smashed into pieces. His eyes were shining from the pooled tears and he sniffed loudly, the voice echoing in the silent room. He looked so young, so broken. His voice shook when he got the words out of his mouth. "S-Should I n-not have told-d you?" He looked so sad but there was a little bit of regret in his eyes.
He would not have wanted to tell me. I felt even worse now. He regretted telling me. But why? What had I done? I just stared at Jungkook to the point where he couldn't look at me anymore and turned his gaze away to the floor. I didn't know how to fix this. I wanted him to know he could always tell me about anything. "No", I said quietly. "I'm happy you told me."
He shook his head slowly. "N-Now you pity m-me..." His voice started as strong but shaky and it ended up as a broken whisper.
"No, I don't", I said immediately. Jungkook raised his head to look at me and shook his head like he didn't believe me. I frowned because I didn't, not at least like he thought, so I said it out loud. "I don't. Not at least in the way you think." I wanted to pull him into a hug so bad when he tilted his head in confusion. "Yes, I feel bad that this has happened to you, I don't know even how it happened and you don't have to tell me, but I'm not pitying you. There's a huge difference. I... I understand pain, probably not in the same way as you and it kills me how selfish I've been, but I understand. And I want to understand even more, if you want to tell me."
He sobbed and let go of my hand. For a second my heart stopped beating because I was so scared I had said something bad, something that could ruin everything, but then he threw his arms around me and hugged me against his chest. He pressed his face on the crook my neck and I could feel the tears falling down on me. I didn't care. I wrapped my arms around him and soothed his back.
"How do I deserve you?" he whispered so quietly I wasn't even sure if it was meant for me to hear.
"How?" I asked anyways and he nodded. I had always thought I was the one who didn't deserve him but I guessed I wasn't alone in this. We were both so lucky we couldn't believe we had the other. "By being you."
There was a long silence, me comforting the crying boy. My heart was hurting so bad but it amazed me to see how his breathing evened out when I sank my fingers to his hair. He pulled me even closer and took deep breaths that became normal after some minutes.
"It was when my mom wasn't at home", Jungkook suddenly sniffed.
I tensed for a second before swallowing and continuing rubbing his back gently. My heart was beating fast and I could already feel the burning tears in my eyes. He's telling me.
"I... I didn't know what was wrong but my dad was so mad." He paused before whining: "I thought it was my fault. I think I came late home from my friend's house, and he was so furious I had no idea what to do."
I wanted to tell him it wasn't his fault – how could it have been? –, that nothing of this was his fault. But I kept my mouth shut, knowing he would stop telling the story, and as much as it would save my heart from hurting, I knew Jungkook wanted to tell me. He had kept it so long from everyone, he wanted the comfort of someone knowing and understanding.
He was crying again. "I apologized and thought it was enough. I went to the kitchen and when I was about to take food he asked me what I was doing. I turned around and looked at him. He looked so angry and I asked why. He only got even more furious and grabbed my wrist."
I was so sure he wasn't breathing anymore, the words coming from his mouth so fast I was barely keeping in track. I felt panic rising in me as well. What had Jungkook's dad done to him?
"I-It hurt. I was small and his grip was so tight and I tried to yank my arm away. He let me go only to push me against the fridge and I remember falling down on the floor. I was so scared, so I got up and decided to run away. And that's when..." Jungkook stopped when a sob escaped from his lips. "That's when he took the glass vase from the table and threw it at me. I was quick and he had bad aim and it hit", he stopped to gulp, "the wall next to me and one of the big shards just sank into my arm."
Shit. Shit shit shit. I didn't know what to say or if he even wanted me to say anything. All I could think about was a little dark haired boy running away from his very own father, so scared that he would get hurt, and he did. Jungkook had gotten hurt. He had gotten so hurt that it was killing him from the inside, and he had even gotten something to remind him from it every time he looked down his arm.
Jungkook slowly lifted his head and pulled away enough to look at me. His eyes were swollen, just like I knew mine were, and, well, he looked like a mess. Still, he kept on talking. "I just pulled it out of my arm and pressed it with something, since I was small but not stupid, until my mom came home and helped me with the cut. She didn't take me to the doctor nor did we ever talk about what had happened. My mom just grounded me because of the vase, even when we all knew it wasn't me who had broken it." Now that the story was clearly over, he was only staring at me with big eyes, tears drying on his cheeks. It was like he was waiting for something.
I knew he was, and I knew what he was waiting for. Just like I had been scared of what I had said and if that could've ruined everything, Jungkook was afraid that this had. He was afraid that I wouldn't think the same of him or not like him, I could easily see it from his eyes. He was so scared.
I kissed him. I wasn't sure what else to do to prove him that nothing had changed, not at least to the wrong way. To better, maybe. I knew I would've not been able to say the right words. That's why I showed him how I felt. I kissed him softly, not too softly though, I didn't want him to think I thought he was so fragile he couldn't take more. I knew Jungkook wasn't a delicate flower, I knew he was so strong and the story had only supported my opinion in that. I knew he deserved everything, but now it wasn't the time for soft, light kisses.
From the way Jungkook sighed happily against my lips before starting to kiss me back I knew he agreed. He pulled me closer from my waist and I could feel everything in the kiss: how he felt, how he was thankful and happy, how he trusted me so damn much it sometimes made me hard to breath. Like now.
As I started to taste tears in the kiss I opened my eyes and pulled away slightly, leaving our forehead together. I had time to sweep the tears from his face before Jungkook kissed me again. I didn't mind the taste of salt in our kiss, I only wanted to know if he was okay, if I could actually read his kisses and had guessed these were more happy than sad tears.
I pulled away and Jungkook whine in a needy way. He closed his mouth and looked embarrassed when I met his eyes. I only gave him a small smile, assuring him it was fine. Then I frowned and asked carefully: "Are you okay?"
He nodded. Now his eyes were shining again, from a totally different reason than last time. His eyes were shining with something so strong I was very scared to face it, but on him it looked good. I liked him looking at me like that. I felt warm and happy, despite the fact that he had just told me something awful. I really did feel bad for him, it hurt me, but I knew Jungkook didn't want me to feel bad for him. He wanted to know he could trust me and tell me anything, and he could.
"Thank you", I said.
"About what?" he asked and looked for something from my face.
"For telling me."
Jungkook let out an awkward laugh. "It wasn't exactly a nice, happy story."
I shook my head. "I don't care, I'm just happy you told me, you can always tell me. You know that, right?"
He nodded and gave me a thankful, yet a little shy, smile.
I stared at him for a moment and he stared back. I offered him a small smile. "Do you not want to think about it?"
He nodded and looked away.
"Okay", I said slowly, looking around the room before my eyes landed on the laptop on the table. I took his hand. "You want to watch a movie?"
"With Sumin?"
"Nah. Just the two of us."
He smiled his beautiful bunny-smile that made my heart skip a beat. "Sounds perfect."
"Okay, I'll go downstairs to see what movies we have." I gave his hand a squeeze before I stood up. At the door I turned around and glanced at Jungkook who was still sitting on the bed, looking at me. His eyes were so full of... something. I had to blink hard before I was able to speak again. "Do you want something to eat?"
There was a grand pause. "Only if you want too", he answered and frowned a little in worry.
I stared at him while there was a battle inside my head. Some parts were screaming so loud I couldn't hear anything. Then there was a small voice, saying something, and it became so silent in my head. No voices, no bad ones, no good ones. It was completely quiet before the voice spoke again.
For Jungkook.
Carefully, really carefully because I was afraid I could do something to start the mess again in my head, I smiled. Just a little, but it made Jungkook smile so beautifully back at me it was totally worth it. And even after saying the words – "maybe I'll find something" – out loud and the shouting started again, it was so worth it.
I would do it again and again for that one beautiful smile.
A/N: PLEASE READ!!
So, Christmas is next week so I want to ask something and I wish many people could answer! Even if you don't like commenting, just put the number and that's it :)
So, because of Christmas I wanted to ask if you want (on the 24th day probably):
1.) no chapter at all
2.) some kind of short special chapter about Namjin or Yoongi or Jungkook's past (I'm not sure yet, you can leave your opinion in the comments if you want)
3.) a normal chapter (it's probably going to be a short though)
Thank you <3 and merry Christmas if people don't want to hear from me next week, I understand if people want to spend their Christmas in peace :)
Next update: 24th or something, or 31st