Life is going on a monotone. After that I stayed by Gabbs almost 24/7. She woke up a little later and had full on blow lecture. That damn girl doesn't even understand it even now, all she feels sad is that she wanted to tell it to me first that she was pregnant and cried because it got revealed by the doctors. Is it the so called hormones acting during pregnancy like I read in books or is that girl trying to trick me? Either way I am weak against her tears and so my mouth got shut. Stupid right? I know. It is like I am the one who is spoiling her.
Coming to Erik I am nothing more than glaring hard at him. I am so angry at him and it won't disappear for quite some years. He lost my trust by behaving inappropriately. I will die before forgiving him, may be a little exaggeration but being friendly with him like before is not going to happen any time soon.
Considering both our situation I should say I am the dad who is against his daughter dating a guy, in this case Erik, because he is not good for his daughter. I seriously want to separate these two but then again I don't want to. Love is such a complicated thing! Sigh! I can understand it the most because I have a very complicated love story. I know that he is going to hate sometime from now but I still want him. I still want to love him. I yearn for him.
Before I didn't understand why the girls in the books I read fell for such guys, even though they are players or jerks or were rude, but now I can understand it all too clearly. We can't help whom fall in love with. We want to run away from all the pain it causes but it seems impossible sometimes. Wanting what you can't get get. But then again we are mates so we are meant for each other right? In the books I read some people find a new love and some end painfully leaving me wondering about their painful love. If Blake starts to hate me will I be able to find a new love or will I be like the second lead who suffers painfully.
Love is indeed blind. It is like a rose, a beautiful red rose attracting us with all its charm and glory but when we approach it it hurts because of the thorns around it. Will I be able to stand all this? But I decided one thing whatever it is I don't want to regret it. I want to try the best on my part so that in the future I won't feel like I haven't tried enough. I don't want this to become a story that ended because I hadn't tried enough on my part. I don't think my pride is really worth it when it comes to happiness but just to let to know you I am not going to cling and beg, if he thinks he is better without me, I would have to l-l-lea-ve him. Even thinking about such a thing is extremely painful to my heart.
I never apologized for pushing him that day and I am not going to in the future too. If you want you can think of me as bitchy and stubborn but I don't care. What he did was wrong but I don't intend to be a bitch about it to Blake, except for Erik that is. I am going to be his worst nightmare he ever faced.
But ever since that incident though I am normal with him, he is a bit far away. I think he is troubled with something and the distance between us is decreasing and it is really a torture how to divide the time between those two. Stay beside Gabbs and take care of her 24/7 or put aside some time to have time with Blake, but to do I feel very guilty since I have neglected her she is this way so how could I just look for my happiness? But I really want to. Am I really that selfish? Whenever she sleeps at night I go back to my room and sleep but for a long time, until I can sleep I stare at him,trying to take in every inch of him into my heart.
Gabbs fell asleep and I sneaked off to my room and found that Blake wasn't there. I sat on the bed waiting for him. I feel very sleepy. It's been a long time since I slept fully. In the morning, I look after Gabbs, train vigorously with and without swords trying to build up my strength and stamina and at nights watching Blake as long as it is possible to resist sleep. I want to have him more. I hope he would come soon. I haven't seen him all day today and it aches me but I can't do anything. Should I search for him? The door creaked lightly making me know that someone is entering the room. Blake entered looking a little more frustrated than he usually is.
"What are you doing till this late in the night? I was waiting for you." I smiled at him.
"If you forgot I am the prince and am quite busy." But you never lacked the time for me before. I wanted to say it out loud but kept silent more for my benefit than his. "I don't have time for you." He said and went inside the bathroom. But I stood there stunned with my mouth open and my heart broken. Tears strung my eyes expressing the ache in my heart. Is that what he really said? My prince and the one who spoiled me endlessly has no time for me? I felt very sad. He said he has no time for me. Did he already start hating me? He never said something rude like that ever before. He always made sure that I am his first priority. But now I don't know anything anymore.
I ran out of the room downstairs. I don't want to see him now or else it would hurt me even more. I tried hard to contain my tears, blinking them back. Where am I supposed to go now? Gabbs room? No, if she wakes up to find me crying it would worry her, moreover Erik would also be there. I went down to the games room. It is, like the other rooms in the castle very big. It has a T.V., some game boxes, whatever they are and a big couch. I sat in front of the T.V in the couch, inserted some D.V.D I found and stared at the screen all the while tears flowed down silently.
I woke up next morning in the same couch. My heart pained to know that I am still here but not in the room. That means Blake didn't check where I am. He just slept after bathing not caring to see where I am. Why does it pain like this? Emptiness is all I can feel. Despair and sadness. That's why I don't want to get involved with humans. One day they say you are the world to me and the next day they say the world would be better without you. Fickle minded. What is with him barging into my heart all he wanted and leaving then. I really want to strangle and then.......kiss him senseless. Yeah, I know pathetic. I now really think it is better that I didn't meet him all, that would have been good for me. Don't bullshit with me saying a little good time with love is better than a lifetime without love, because that good time makes me yearn for me and my heart aches to think there won't be anymore but pain.
"Sophie!" That's Gabbs voice. Shit! How long did I sleep? Oh no! Act all cheerful. She shouldn't know I am sad. Moreover I don't want to feel sad too. I like being happy.
"Gabbs! What are you doing down here? You walked downstairs all alone? What if you slipped? You should be more careful." I said running to her and smothering her.
"You are worst than a mother hen! Nothing will happen just by walking some stairs. Besides Erik is with me. He is also a mother hen like you. He doesn't allow me to go anywhere alone." I looked back to see Erik and glared hard at him.
"Come on Sophie. You should forgive Erik already. It's not like he is the only one who is wrong. It takes two to tango you know." Gabbs said pouting.
"Why are out of the bed? You should be resting." I said completely ignoring her earlier question. I don't want to honor that question with an answer. What she said is true. She wold have gotten more than a earful from me if she was not in such a fragile condition. Gabbs just rolled her eyes knowing that I am not going to drop this grudge against Erik any sooner.
"How long do you want me to be one the bed? It is very boring. If I stay in between that four walls any longer I will go insane. By the way why are you sleeping here instead of sleeping in your room?" She asked.
"Uh!" I fidgeted nervously. "That! I wasn't able to sleep so I came to watch a movie and fell asleep."
"Movie?"
"Yes, wait a second, I don't think I switched it off. I dozed off in the middle. One second, I will be back." I ran back to the room only to find it off. Now that I think think about it, it was off when I woke up. But I don't remember switching it off. May be I forgot that I switched it off in sleepiness.
"Sophie!" Gabbs came and sat on the couch I slept previously.
"So you refuse to sleep or take rest in your room." I asked her and she replied affirmatively. So I have to entertain her without tiring her. I started thinking staring at the room and found Erik there at the door. My blood boiled again by looking at him. I noticed that he is keeping his distance from me whether because he is scared of me or because he wanted to avoid awkwardness. Leave him, he is out of the window now with all the problems I got myself into. Idea!
"Barone!" I don't want to ask Erik about it and he arrived in a minute. During these days he is being near to me or rather I keep him near with all the sword practice and all. I got close to him but couldn't get him to call my name. He still addressees me formally in old style.
"Yes your Highness." He bowed slightly. Told you. I got used to it by now.
"Can we get bubble blower. You know soap solution when blowed gives lot of bubbles?" I asked in a little voice.
"Yes, you highness." One would expect at least a little weird look but no Barone is like the ever humble and perfectly stoic butler.
"Can I get them as soon as possible and as many as possible?"
"Yes your highness. We can get them at most in an hour."
"Thank you." I smiled widely. "Ha, if you know something fun which doesn't involve one to move you can bring it too."
"Yes princess." Don't call me princess.It reminds me of my prince. My smile faltered a bit but I covered it up.
"Okay then. We will make today a fun day." I grinned to Gabbs.
"I doubt your idea of 'fun' since it varies largely from mine." Gabbs retorted.
"Oh shush! You will thank me by the end of the day. For now we will watch a movie. First baby's day out." I said bending down searching for the dvd while Gabbs groaned . I already got it along with Home alone 3 when I was prohibited from doing anything except resting these past days after my kidnap because of Blake. Ugh! Why does he come into my mind again and again when I don't want to think of him now.
Coming back to the main topic they are really good movies. I laughed like crazy when I saw it for the first time. As Gabbs told my idea of fun is different from her idea so we never watched it together or rather it would be her first time watching these movies and so she will have a great time. Trust me when I say no one can dislike these movies.
Movie started with Gabbs and me and then Elsa, Angelina and even Sarah joined. Crystal left long back with Mr.Alpha once they were sure that I am fine, they have duties regarding their own kingdom. Barone came 15 minutes into the movie with what I asked for. I made him sit and watch the movie. Erik too is watching along with us but Blake is nowhere in sight. I am watching it and laughing with everyone but it is not genuine. I am acting and that is causing me to be further sad. I can't concentrate on the movie. Where did I go wrong? Why is Blake avoiding me?
After completing the two movies with lots of snacks and chocolates we blowed bubbles. As asked Barone got me so many and the room was basically filled with bubbles. He even got some balloons but none touched it as of now.We all became small children blowing bubbles, trying to catch them. I tried to blow a bubble around Angeline but failed miserably. She pouted asking me to stop and others made fun of me for failing every time. Everyone had a great time and I had a fake smile on my face. I wanted nothing to do except curling into a ball and cry to my hearts content, until I can't cry anymore.