Tupac
January 3rd, 1993
5:07 A.M.
I tossed and turned for the millionth time tonight. I felt horrible, I threw up about three times and I had the chills.
A drug addiction isn't a joke and it's extremely hard trying to withdraw from it. I just wanted this whole stage to be over. I regret the day I took that shit.
More than ever I wanted to be home but I couldn't let my family see me this way. I couldn't let them see the what the fame had done me. But then again this was the time that I needed someone to lean on. The time I needed someone to confine in. Out here I don't have anyone and everyday, I regret leaving home.
I stood up and tried to get ahold of myself. I had kicked all the groupies out of my condo. I didn't need all the extra shit around me.
The minute I stood up the room started spinning around me. There was only so much I could take and right about now I have had enough.
I stumbled across the room with a pounding headache and went to my drawer. I looked through it and found what got me in this predicament now. My Oxycodone pills. I popped three and went and sat on the bed. I waited for my high to come on.
Eventually my anxiety started to ease, I became relaxed, the pain stopped, and I had this feeling of euphoria. I was back in my happy place as my brain fought at all the negative thoughts which eventually faded away.
***
I woke up at 12:00 and I decided enough was enough. I needed help, I needed to see my family. My head was already pounding which meant my body was feening for more pills. I can't keep living like this. I feel like a crackhead. I never thought I'd stoop this low.
I started packing all of my things; clothes, shoes, pictures, jewelry, and other shit I had. I wasn't leaving anything behind because I had worked so hard for everything I had. Everything I have, I got it on my own.
I decided to put my furniture in storage until I figured out what to do with it.
After making sure I had everything situated in L.A., I took the next plane to New York.
When I touched down I wanted to cry. It felt so good being home. The first thing I did was go to the place I called my home months ago. I rung the doorbell and Chauncey answered.
"Yooo...Omar!" His tone changed when he realized who I was.
"What up man." We embraced each other in a brotherly hug.
"Where everybody at?" I asked after we released from our hug.
"Running the streets but come in." Chauncey mumbled the first part.
Running the streets? What could Nas and Ezra possibly be doing, fucking bitches?
"Where ma and pops?" I questioned more.
"Work and shit. What you doing here?" Chauncey asked.
"I'm moving back, and no I won't be staying here. I'm gonna get me a place somewhere."
"That's good, what made you want to move back?"
I went blank for a second. There was no way I could tell my little brother who looks up to me that I moved back to New York so I can get off of drugs.
"I wanted to be closer to my family. I was young and dumb when I moved out not realizing the affect it would have on my future." I managed to come up with a somewhat good response.
"What you mean?"
"Exactly what I just said."
"But you still young and dumb. You're literally just a year older there's no way in hell you really wanted to leave the money and bitches behind in L.A. So cut the shit, what's really going on?" Chauncey took a seat and looked me directly in my eye.
I had to realize that this was my actual blood brother I was talking to. He knows me like book so there's no way I could hide shit from him.
"Chauncey, I need help."
Nas.
January 3rd, 1993
9:31 P.M.
I pushed my seat back further so that she could be more comfortable while she rode me. Kelis moaned in my ear which caused me to get even more turned on.
Yes, I know that Kelis is 16 years old but honestly it's not my fault. I came to see her, we took a ride, one thing led to another and now we're here. It's not my fault she started all this shit. I just wanted to chill as friends but shit happens.
She was so wet that I had to take the condom off. She took all of me and when I couldn't get any deeper she started scratching my bag. I tried my best to flip her over so that I could be on top. To my advantage it worked and now I was in control.
After a couple of more strokes she finally came and I did right after her. She was soaking wet, I was breathing hard. This shit was just too good. I couldn't wrap my mind around it.
After getting ourselves together I took her back to my house and we smoked a blunt while she rubbed my back.
All I could think about was how me, a grown ass 19 year old man, just fucked a lil ass girl. And she laid it down on me. I was feeling all kinds of fucked up.
Not to mention I had a whole lot of other shit on my plate. A possibility that Destiny isn't mine, that thought alone was killing me. Then Marc was the other possible father. A nigga that was supposed to be down for me was fucking my bitch behind my back. I need to confront his ass.
"Kelis come on, imma take you home. I got some business to handle."
Kelis simply nodded and I grabbed my strap out my drawer. I put my pager in my pocket before putting on my shoes.
I dropped her off home before driving to the spot. I knew for a fact Marc would be there.
I got out my car and slammed the door. I walked in the house to see the usual in there. Cliff, Marc, Chris, and the other niggas that's always there.
"Marc you been fucking Keisha?"
"Nigga I ain't saw you in days and that's the first shit you say to me?" He took of sip of the beer in his hand.
"Well nigga you a daddy." I said to him before plopping down on the couch.
I was more hurt than anything. It wasn't even about Keisha, it was about Destiny. My love had grown so much for that little girl.
"Says who?"
"Keisha nigga!"
"Damn, my bad Nas I ain't knew."
"Fuck you mean? Everybody knows Keisha is my bitch and it's been that way for a while." I stressed.
"Look, if somebody throw pussy at you, are you gonna dodge that shit? I think the fuck not. Pussy is pussy I don't give a damn who you is."
"So nigga you'll fuck your mama?" Chris chimed in.
"Like I said nigga pussy is pussy." Marc replied.
Everybody started laughing. I could be mad and hold a grudge but it's no reason for me to do that now. What happened, happened. I can't change the pass so what's the point of me using my energy for negativity.
I lowly chuckled, Kelis is rubbing off on me. Got me thinking about energy and shit.
"Well let me tell you about some good ass pussy I got into today. And none of you niggas can have some of that." I smiled thinking about Kelis.
"If you talking bout that lil' ass girl nobody want her baby ass pussy." Cliff said and everybody started laughing at me.
"Man I ain't even tried to fuck her but like Marc said them bitches just be throwing pussy. So I fucked up and slid in the pussy."
"How was it?" Marc asked intrigued.
"Shit was so wet I had to take the condom off. Shit why am I even telling you this? You might try to fuck her."
"Shit I might." Marc took another sip out of his beer.
"Yall niggas funny. Any of y'all seen Ezra today?"
"Naw I was gonna ask you the same thing."
Shit I should probably go home to see what's going on.
"Alright imma catch y'all later." I dapped everyone up before leaving.
****
I got back to the crib and people was actually there this time.
"Wassup y'all?" I walked in expecting to see only Ezra and Chauncey but I saw Omar as well.
"Brooo!" I yelled like a child waking up to tons presents.
We hugged each other before smiling then hugging each other again. I was so happy to see my brother.
"What are you doing here?" I questioned.
"I'm moving back but I won't be living here. I'm gonna get my own place."
"That's great, what made you want to move back?" I asked as I looked in the fridge and grabbed a water bottle.
"I just wanted to be closer to my family."
That statement alone made me turn around and look at his face. I know Omar and he's a strong dude. He can handle anything on his own but this was something more. I know something is wrong but I'll ask him about that when we're alone.
Omar went on to talk but as I observed him I noticed he didn't look the same. He was skinner and his face was sunken in. He looked really sad and now I felt so bad for my brother.
He's hurting and he has no one to help him. He was all alone and none of us were there for him. We didn't even call him like we should. I felt so horrible. Omar is going through something.
I didn't wanna bring it up in front of everybody but I would be talking to him while we were alone.
I swear if it ain't one thing it's another.
—
It's been a while but it's winter break so hopefully I be able to update more. This chapter was pretty crazy. Excuse any mistakes and leave feedback!