Calum didn't even care about his car. he didn't even mind walking home in the cold February air because it gave him peace to think. all he cared about was her. he would've shown up even if sex wasn't on the table, and an outlandish omen told him that they wouldn't get to that point either. more than anything, he just wanted to talk to her with no care towards the manner the conversation was in.
he wondered if that he was just reacting to all of this because he has a damsel in distress complex. he knew that he still loved her, despite what he said and how he acted. he wanted to know if this sudden need to be with her, talk to her, kiss her, touch her, was a direct response to all of the excitement of knowing just that she was close enough to do all of those things with. he knew that there was something going on with her that she just couldn't deal with, and although he was no doctor, he wanted to do whatever he could to get her to stop thinking about whatever it was and make her happy.
despite the circumstances, Calum was glad that she stole his car and he was left with only the echo of cars running down the amber lit streets in the distant city. it offered him more consolation than driving in the dark would have. he could have jogged home but with all of the work he put in during practice, he worked as much as he needed to and then some.
it took him half an hour to get to his neighborhood's entrance. he could see the mansions all down the road with their lights attached to the ends of their closed gates. the street that led him back home embodied light and warmth whereas the journey he traveled to get to this point was pitch black and foreboding. the decision to continue did not take long to conjure in his multitasking mind, which was mostly consumed with Flossy.
it was the trick of the light, he told himself as he looked in front of him. he could see the leaves on the trees just beginning to fall, just as he had for her. he could hear the sounds of the laughter of two people who were treading over the line between a friendship and relationship. he could feel his heart beating just as it had when her caramel eyes met his. he could taste the reminiscent kiss on his lips from the offspring of love and death: heart break. he could touch the image he so desperately wanted to recreate the first memory they created, but realized he was grasping something that didn't want to be held.
the silhouette of his companion evaporated and left him with his three month younger self. they looked at one another and noticed how blatantly they contrasted one another. the two parts of himself turned another corner and became aware of just how close their house was. as Calum gazed into those eyes that were alive with love, he made a decision that would precisely change everything in the course of the rest of his life.
"I don't care," Calum said as the shadow began to find its way home to the darkness. "I don't care!" his voice was louder, but not enough that anyone besides himself could hear. "I don't care about what's in the way. I will show her how loved she is by me. I can't keep this quiet anymore, she needs to know."
Flossy was an opinionated person, Calum knew that. she would not have wanted him to say that he would do anything to get her back into his possession, or that no one would stand in the way of the two of them. she remarked how possessive and selfish serial killers sounded when they said those kind of monologues to their obsession, and she vowed not to be just that. she would not be something briefly lusted after, but instead something to be admired for centuries. he knew that he only needed to implore her that he could admire her like the epitome of art that she was and ultimately have her decide if she wanted him to do just that until she deemed it was enough.
Calum finally walked up the extensive steps to his house and took off his shoes. he was awaiting not a single welcome from any of his family members, but instead was met with a blazing look from his mother and a smack on the back of the neck from a magazine that she had found.
"ow! what was that for?!"
"I did not raise a son smart enough to be top of the class, but dumb enough to not keep the only girl he's brought home to me around!"
"what are you talking about?" Calum bellowed as his mother stormed after him and hit him again with the mass amount of recycled paper. what he really meant was to ask how his mother obtained this information.
"Flossy just came by with your car and told me you haven't spoken to her in weeks! all because you yelled at her!"
"did she really -"
"okay, she said that you both yelled at one another, but you still shouldn't have let her get away!"
he proceeded to roll his eyes, which earned him a whack on his abdomen. "she has a boyfriend! she . . . made me feel special and then went right back to him the next day like it was nothing!"
the accusatory tone once in Mrs. Hood's voice had diminished and she regarded her son softly like she was going to deliver a death notice. "no girl would look so sad at the mention of your name, and then speak with disdain of your alleged girlfriend if she actually loved her boyfriend. if you don't go talk to her within the week -"
"why," Calum interjected, "did she give you a reason to tell me to talk to her?" oh god is she pregnant?
"she regrets whatever she said to you, but she's really heartbroken about what you said and did that day."
at the sound of Calum breaking Flossy's heart, he felt his own heart rupture under that same condition. he succeeded in the task at that time, but it haunted him every night he tried to sleep since. she mostly acted like she was happy he was gone but now that he had been ascertained, he had no idea how to react.
he protested to his mother, "she's so stubborn!"
"which will make it so much more rewarding when you get her to talk to you." when the middle aged woman noticed the glare her son was giving her, she looked at him with her near identical, but not genetically similar, brown eyes that softened under his gaze. "I'm not asking the world of you, am I? no," she answered for herself, "I don't think I am. coming from someone who almost lost the love of her life because she was scared, it was always worth it no matter how many times I tried."
Calum had no idea what else to say, and was in no mood to inquire about the person she was hinting at, he nodded and accepted her kiss upon his hair. he stood and trudged up the straight, carpeted steps. he accepted the comforting arms of his duvet but denied the nightmares of getting humiliated by the one person who meant most to him. when he woke up from the first, he looked out the window to see her light on and wondered if she woke up from a similar dream until he fell asleep to a different dream of the two of them doing the simplest thing together, but it ultimately made him incredibly happy.
❦
there was an alarming air wrapped around her limbs when Flossy woke up the next morning. the morning sun just began to rise and she was feeling not particularly morbid. she didn't immediately think that the day was going to the best, but she figured it had to be better than it had been. instead of lying back in bed for a few more minutes, she started her routine just as soon as her alarm went off and found herself running on time.
the day itself was a bore until those fateful periods rolled by where Calum would look at her with those imploring eyes. she quickly looked away and dived back into the attention of her instructor like she hadn't noticed the change in him. surely, it had nothing to do with his attendance at the fake-up - the term Chessie came up with to describe the interaction - but still a part of her wondered if he actually saw the way she looked at him.
Flossy felt at ease when the end of the day rolled around and thought that the worst was over. if only she remembered that the bad always outweighs the good, she wouldn't have been entranced in the eyes that coaxed her into a love she could not bare to wrap around her soul.
she waltzed into her house and expected no one to be home until it registered in her mind what the excessive banging was. a normal girl would have been annoyed that her mother was practicing adultery when she had finally come to terms with the silence. her mood had taken a turn since she was dropped off in what felt more like a dungeon than a dwelling, and the trees that shadowed it from light when the sun set did not help. it was not her fault, but the thoughts in her head kept repeating that she would not be in this situation if she was a better daughter, or person in general.
just when she wiped the tears that destroyed the already fading paint on her cheeks, it got increasingly transfixing. the wooden door to her father's study was thrown back hard enough to hit the wall behind it. the monster had been let out of its cage. within seconds, she grabbed a nearby charger, the snack she was nibbling on, and her book bag while she rapidly fell for shelter in the renovated basement. with just a few stomps against the stable flooring, her father reiterated the same action with the door to that of the room her mother was in.
a body was thrown to the ground hard enough that Flossy could feel its repercussions underneath the stairs. though she was not religious, she prayed that it was not her mother. a hard slap was thrown and before she could deny herself the right, Flossy began to sob. it was loud enough that they could hear the blood curling sound if she wasn't in the basement and they were not the source of the noise occupying the space.
"lay a hand on me one more time!" Rosemary's voice trumped after a silent beat. "I swear I'll have your life in the hands of the court! I'll take everything from you!"
it seemed that her father had not paid attention or simply did not care because he followed with, "it's one thing to be a whore behind my back but to bring it in my own house?! who could ever want to be a woman who wouldn't fix her wrinkles, or has no curvature to her body?!"
"plenty actually!" Mrs. Black continued without the slightest hesitation. "there are more men in this city who get more of me than you ever had!"
"I can't believe I married you!"
"I'm the best thing that's ever happened to you!" Rosemary yelled back even louder. "you're so revolting you should be happy I'm even sticking around you this long!"
her mother's courage was enough to get Flossy from crying, though not as much of a comfort to get her to come out. for once, she would be obedient and stay put. her father, who she believed was the most selfless and caring man she knew, had actually hit her mother. instead of helping, she ran away and cried like a child. this triggered the surplus of thoughts she had done everything to avoid. she blocked out whatever ideas she could and somehow recovered from the trauma she faced.
❦
there was a twenty four hour interval between the time she set foot back on her property before the incident and the time that he did. the winter storms had rolled in and Flossy could not be any happier with the sight out of her window, which was the only thing she saw as of late. she tried to remain in her room as much as she could and did whatever she felt necessary to keep her mind at bay. that was until she heard the doorbell ring incessantly, as if a child was the culprit. she was quick on her feet to answer it just so that the nudnik would stop.
neither surprise nor shock could be described as Flossy's reaction when she opened the front door to reveal Diff. his right forearm was pressed against the edge of the door as he peered down at his ex girlfriend with what was supposed to be a cavalier stance. his muscles were much too rigid and the visit was much too unplanned for her to believe any of it.
"missed you," he tried to tell her, but it came out as a slur instead of an endearing statement. she couldn't detect any abuse of a substance in his appearance, but there was something exceedingly wrong about the scene. she continued to attempt to pinpoint it as Diff took her silence as an invitation in.
she knew that he wouldn't be at her house unless it was something that needed to be dealt with immediately. he made no move to discuss it, so she simply ascended the winding staircase hoping that he would follow and divulge his issues or see himself out. his reaction was not immediate, but within a few minutes he was in her bedroom as he had been for what felt like a million years ago.
Flossy got to her work and was so indulged that she hadn't realized that Diff climbed up the steps until he sat next to her on her bed. the simple, platonic decision couldn't sit right with her because the last time that someone sat that close to her when Calum nearly beat Julian Blackthorn to a pulp. it felt to her that the arrangement and level of intimacy was reserved just for him.
Diff moved the laptop and she felt like a battle defense had been lowered and she was suddenly vulnerable. she immediately told him that she had things to do, but he clearly didn't hear nor care. his hands brushed the barely styled hair behind her hair, which should have been a voluptuous invitation until she looked into his eyes. they were the same blue as they always had been, but there was a darkness of control in them that she wanted to shield herself from.
"stop," she told him just as those veined hands began to take the grasp of her pinky pink sweater. she heard the softness in her own voice that could have been construed as coy instead. "you don't know what you're doing," she said much harsher as her hands covered his own, that were set on the bottom of the velvet material. her small fingers were overpowered and pushed to the side.
it came to her in that moment just how much bigger he was than her. she was never good at math, but she could calculate how much physical and emotional strength she needed to push his intoxicated body off of her own. it was a number beyond her abilities. she had read an extensive amount of articles on precautions for these circumstances, but they were miles from her mind when she really needed them. she concluded that she just had to scream loud enough for someone to hear.
"please!" she hadn't realized how desperate her voice became until she felt a tickle of warmth down her cheek. she had to be strong like her mother, but with every passing second and every touch left on her skin she became more and more aware of the fact that she inherited her father's cowardice. it seemed that her body's reaction was to continue to realize the dam down her cheeks and resist as much as she commanded her bones to.
"stop it!" Flossy bellowed with her voice much higher than she intended. her arms came up in defense, but were once again overpowered by getting pinned down by Diff's muscles. she asked him loudly and quickly to let her go to no avail. the walls were closing in on her and she was running out of air. she couldn't keep the voices in her head at bay as they kept telling her that she was supposed to like it, and that if she didn't, there was no way out of it so she had to just lie on her bed and take it.
"please!" she repeated once again, though it came out as more of a concoction of a scream and a sob. "this isn't you Diff! just let me go, please! I won't do anything, just get off of me!" she looked into his eyes as she pleaded for her life, and noticed the flicker of realization of his actions in the pale blue irises, then the control settled again and nothing had changed.
his finger trailed on her moisturized lips but halted as the sound of hurried steps up the long staircase echoed throughout the house. Flossy took the advantage of the distraction while she told herself it was a carrot she bit into and broke. in an instant, her hands were freed from the cuffs around them and Diff sat on his knees as he howled in immediate pain. the steps were getting closer and she used the little wiggle room in the pants around her calves to kick him hard enough in the nose that he fell off her bed with blood starting to spur with every breath he took.
the adrenaline pumping throughout her veins intensified as the source of the racket revealed himself with her bedroom door thrown open and eyes as dark as the amber just after sunset. the first thing Calum noticed was the half clothed girl starting to sob in her bed once again, the reddening scars on her body, and the shirtless, bloody boy on the floor. determination radiated off of his skin as he pursued to punch whatever skin his knuckles could find. Diff quickly became a human punching bag and would soon be concealed in a body bag if Flossy didn't intervene.
she found herself sitting in a corner with her fingers in her tangled hair and the palms of her hands concealing her ears. she sounded like a broken record as she shrieked for Calum to stop or he'd be dead. he obliged, but there was something in those chocolate eyes that told her that was his sole intention.
the rain marching on the roof and the light grey outside becoming darker by the minute was all that consisted in the bedroom. Flossy's tears and hatred of herself was loud enough to drown out everything else. she had seen plenty of violence that anything more would haunt her forever, just as the sounds of that incident had. she hated to see herself as the little girl with the beautiful dress ruining it with mascara and hiding in the corner, but that's all she wanted to do. despite herself, she began to sob once again and hated how it sounded, almost as much as Calum did by the way he winced at the sound.
she knew that she should put the sweater back over her body, but there was a malfunction in her mind and all she could do was let her fears out on the carpet. she saw a sneaker come closer to her and her heard snapped up rapidly in anxiety that he had come to hurt her again. Calum seemed to have the same idea as she did and came toward her with the clothing in his hand like he was going to put it on her, but she swiped it from him before he got close enough. avoiding his eyes, she finally stood with her back to him as she pulled it over her head.
"I didn't want your help," Flossy whispered to him so softly with such gravel in her voice that he wouldn't have heard it unless he was so close to her.
"he was going to rape you," he replied with the same tone. just hearing the reality of those words let them sink to the bottom of the ocean of Flossy's tears. they rushed to the shores once again. she couldn't will her arms to come up and wipe them away. "I knew from the first day I met him that he would be the type to do something like this."
"if only I knew the first day I met you that you would be the type to change yourself for validation," she retorted before she could help herself and turned to look into his aghast and angry eyes. "but even if I did, people surprise you."
"are you sure we should be talking about that right now?" Calum's voice didn't contain even a dash of indignation, but it was his words that did.
"what would you rather talk about? do you want a witness statement, or to psychoanalyze me? ooh, no! let's talk about how I'm feeling, because clearly that is the first thing I want to tell you."
"well, are you going to tell someone about it? I mean, I get it, he's your boyfriend -"
"so you get how your ex-boyfriend felt that he was entitled to your body because it used to be such an easy access, do you?" with every passing second, all the anger Flossy buried deep within her came bubbling even further upon the surface.
"well," Calum expressed uneasily, "no, but you still act like it didn't. the first time it's when he's drunk, and soon you'll find yourself walking on eggshells every time he's within one hundred feet of you."
her amber eyes widened as her eyebrows rose immediately. "do you really think I'd keep someone like that around?"
"no, it's just . . . you shouldn't just excuse him like this," just added fuel onto the fire.
"oh, you mean the way you're expecting me to excuse you for everything you've done the past few weeks all because you helped me with something that I could've dealt with on my own?!"
"that's - that's entirely different!" his defensive tone immediately rose notches above what hers had been.
"it's not!" Flossy bellowed back. "you both broke my heart into two separate pieces for two separate reasons." just as she realized what she would never tell to the person she would never tell it to, her lips parted in unforeseen shock. her eyes immediately reverted to the floor and fixed her black jeans instead of getting fixed in the thunderbolt in his eyes.
"where are you going?" Calum desperately inquired as he watched her put on her socks and get up to exit her room.
"I'm going to go downstairs and get my shoes on so I can drive him home." her eyes hadn't met his still.
"we need to talk about this first!" he shouted out into the corridor.
"no," Flossy yelled back, coming back into the doorway, "we don't. I'd rather we forgot about it completely actually because that was then, and this is now. what we need is to go back to how things were yesterday, because clearly that works best for the two of us. you're going to walk home, I'm going to drop him off, and forget this entire thing ever happened."
there was something about the flicker in his eyes that told her he wasn't done with this conversation which secretly made her heart jolt. "you're in no state to drive, let me do it. just tell me where I'm going." she had no argument against it, so they loaded the offender into the back of the Range Rover turned police car and set on their journey.
❦
the situation before them could only be described as catastrophically awkward.
Flossy was in the front seat next to Calum driving. she would have been in the back but she couldn't even look at Diff, let alone sit next to him. she figured that she had to choose the lesser of two evils, although she knew both were good-natured at heart.
the honest truth of it all was that she was overwhelmed. she had just transitioned her mind to only thinking of Diff as someone who she would only love as a companion in every platonic sense the letters hid behind the word. she was comfortable with him in ways that only the person beside her could relate to.
this was her punishment for falling in love with someone that wasn't her boyfriend.
she could finally keep her mind closed, but could barely keep her eyes open. the rhythm of her telling Calum which direction to go in became so laborious that she eventually stopped because she fell asleep. the next time her eyes opened to only white, and despite herself, she immediately thought that Diff came back to finish the job and killed her in pursuit. once objects started to materialize, she realized she was in the car beside Calum with the backseat empty.
"where's Tommy?!" Flossy asked in alarm for her own safety as opposed to his. she rarely called him that, but seeing as he lost the right to his previous title, she would get used to it.
"inside," Calum replied with a cavalier tone that made her skin crawl. he nodded his head to what she concluded was the center-city police department, not far from home.
"you brought me to the police?! you took it upon yourself to take my choice away when i hadn't even a day to think of the situation?!"
"Floss," he called her with a tone of desperation. he didn't want her to point fingers at his chest, which just happened to be her only form of protection. "I had to. my dad called and asked where i've been and eventually he got it out of me."
"bet you didn't put up much of a fight," she mumbled to herself as she leaned further back into the comfortable seat with her arms crossed over her chest.
"so what if i didn't? that piece of shit took advantage of you and he deserves to suffer because of it. letting him go because you have a connection with him doesn't give anyone any consolation." he must have noticed the glare she shot at him and immediately set up a defense. "this isn't me being jealous that he got to touch you, if that's what you're thinking. this is me thinking logically, which I don't blame you for not being able to do. he put you in a traumatic situation and if he were a stranger, I know you'd stop at nothing until he got his life taken from his cowardly hands for it."
she said nothing but got out of the car with the door's slam echoing behind her as she marched into the police station like she was walking into a war zone. the time between Flossy sitting in the lobby to an interrogation room was a blur, though Calum was next to her through it all. she ignored him but he wouldn't go away, and she was grateful because she knew she wouldn't be able to go through it alone.
the detective inquired if Diff - Tommy as they were calling him - was ever abusive, and she answered that he had borderline anger issues, but never took it out directly on her. her cheeks turned a dark crimson when he asked the nature of their relationship and she had to tell him that they were mostly friends with benefits the last few months that she and Calum had joint company. the detective asked her to go into detail of the incident, to which she described to the best of her ability, though her mind went into defense mode and only left her with the blurry moments she knew would crawl their way into her nightmares.
the silence ate at her. when she closed her eyes, she could see his above her, turning pure to evil within seconds. her breath became jagged once again because his hands were around her throat. she hadn't even realized that she was crying until she saw the caramel of Calum's neck dampening under her tears. his arm was around her shoulder while his other hand was holding her own.
"why were you there?" the detective asked the question Flossy never got the chance to.
"I was on my way to talk to Flossy about our lack of communication the last few weeks and I heard her screaming from the door. I thought she was being murdered, that's how much pain she was in. I didn't have to think, I was up the stairs before I even realized it."
the detective nodded as he reviewed the information written down and closed the file. he paused in between Calum's reassurances until the two looked up at him. "I think this is a straight shooter case. you two would have to come down and testify, but if all goes well, he'll get five years."
"five years?!" Calum exclaimed, and would have stood in protest if Flossy wasn't holding on so tight to him. "a second degree drug charge is four times that."
"a typical attempt of rape is that long. the jury will try to twist it that because you two were previously wrong that you mistook a night of foreplay to a nonconsensual night of fun."
"there's absolutely nothing we can do?"
a tone of hostility was used when the detective told the pair, "no, for once being the son of the commissioner, or the daughter of the best lawyers in London can only give you the best advantage."
the detective got up and opened the door with the only intention of showing them out of the station. neither spoke until they were buckled in the car. there was so much to say, but so little desire to find the right words.
"you never told me your dad was the commissioner," Flossy stated quietly while she looked at the rain on her window.
"there's a lot I haven't told you about me lately," was his immediately gruff response. she said nothing.
the soft sound of the radio was all that was shared between Calum and Flossy as the sped their way back to their neighborhood. the reality of the situation kept her awake and all she could do was think with her eyes trained on the passing town on a rainy, winter night. despite everything, she wished she had the old Calum with her who would do anything to make her smile even though it seemed impossible. that Calum would never have kept secrets from her or lied to her.
suddenly, Come as You Are by Nirvana was blaring through the speakers in Calum's car. she saw before her eyes a scene that she couldn't look away from even if she tried, almost paralyzed with the shock of it recurring. the two of them were on the bus - for that brief period just after she realized that she definitely felt something for the nerd with the brown eyes and beautiful dark curls - and they were leaning into each other with just seconds from their smiling lips meeting in the middle. she wasn't sure what she was looking at more: his lips or his eyes on her lips.
she reached to turn the retched song off when she realized that they were pulling into their neighborhood. she did it anyway and began to wonder if Calum remembered that moment between the two of them too. all too quick, she looked up to see if expression but it was impassive. she sat back in her seat with her right leg crossed over the left and her right arm crossed over the left on her chest. she chastised herself for wanting him to be angry, or sad, or simply show some sort of change in emotion.
as soon as the car stopped, she threw open the door and began to march across his property when he finally got out. he halted her movement completely by asking what she was doing.
"i'm going inside!" she bellowed in reply with a tone that made it seem like he was stupid.
he jogged across the lawn to meet her in the middle. the lights outside of her house were not on, but Calum's were. they left shadows behind the two of them.
"you shouldn't be alone," Calum said once they were face to face.
"you're right," Flossy replied, even shocking herself before she felt her feet back on the ground from the blow. "I won't be. I'll sleep in my sister's room and finally talk to someone about everything, and then I'll go to bed."
"talk to me about it," he pleaded to her. "I want to talk to you whether you want to or not."
her brown eyes squinted at him through the dark as if she couldn't see his perfectly shaped collarbones and his own eyes wide with desperation. "what makes you think I'll listen?"
Calum told her vaguely, "if I know anything about you, you'll want to listen to me."
"oh yeah? and why is that?"
he looked her directly in the eyes and she was briefly reminded of the first time that they stood outside in the cold together. he struggled over his words and she struggled to get him to look at her. the brown was darker than usual, not like the lust they once held for her but instead the look of a man who had come up with a plan. his voice was staccato as he told her as earnest as his vocal chords could let him, "the last time we were alone we fell apart. I'm hoping this time is going to bring us back together."
the reply got under Flossy's skin for a reason she could not adequately define. she wanted to hurt him before, but in that moment she wanted to see him suffer. "fine! you want to talk? good, because I have plenty to say, and I'm not holding back. come on babe, let's sit and talk."
❦
this is honestly so angsty and I love it so much. idk adding that she was almost raped probably offended someone or a lot of people and I hope I did it justice bc I've never been in that sitch so I wouldn't know how somone felt so I just went with it? i was gonna have Diff hit her but bc she heard her mother get hit it would've been worse so I just stuck with this. dont worry tho he's gonna get what he deserves
anyways yay a pre-christmas post!! I'll try to write n post something before I go back to school in January but it's probably not gonna happen. I've already started some of the dialogue for the next one so ;-) also dedication to @mademoisellepryde bc she gave me the idea of Mrs. Hood beating cal for fucking up :))))
so like next chap is basically part two to this bc I gotta leave you coming back for more ;-) i'm not saying this to be thirsty but i'll probably update this quicker if you guys comment some more motivation bc if I don't get that many people wanting more then it's like?? what's the point in messing up my usual schedule if barely anyone is excited for thE BEST CHAPTER YET ya know?? so yeah just show me some love bc i need validation