song of the chapter Gasoline by Halsey (link isn't an offical video but it's amazing)
I pulled up at Pandora's, the entirety of the outside was in darkness as was the inside. There were no cars in the driveway either. In comparison to the street, it looked like the entire family had died rather than just one person.
I didn't want to get out of my car. What was the point? No one was home.
But then I remembered the key under the mat at the patio doors and I found myself quietly slipping out of the car. I had this unconceivable urge to get that bracelet. I didn't understand at the start. It meant nothing to me but it meant something to her so I needed to have it. It was like I thought it would give me some sort of clue.
I climbed over the low fence that surrounded the house and jumped down, my thud echoing through the darkness. I wandered towards the door, making sure there was definitely no one in. I wondered if this is what the person who broke into my house felt like. I personally felt like I was crossing so many lines that I never thought to even go near nevermind step right over. Did they feel the same? Was it sheer desperation on their part? Did they feel bad tainting somewhere that's supposed to be safe for me?
I got the key and opened the door quietly. Much like I expected, the entire house was in darkness. It was late Autumn, the time changing meant it got darker quicker. I closed the door behind me and made my way through the familiar layout, ending up in Pandora's room in a matter of seconds. Her scent was fading and the room was starting to smell musty. I figured neither of her parents went in here any more, the memories being too painful.
I closed the curtains, just to make sure no one would see me in here when I turned the light on. Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw.
On her mirror, in Pandora's favourite mauve lipstick was the phrase "All Liars Die" repeated over and over, covering the majority of the mirror. Time felt like it stopped. Why would they come here? Why leave this for her parents to find? Or did they know they wouldn't?
I stifled the noise of frustration I wanted to make as I ran into her ensuite, wet a tissue and started wiping it off. It just smeared down the mirror and I ended up with a soggy pile of tissue. I may suspect her mother, but she wouldn't have wrote this? Would she? Everything was spinning again, mirroring the inside of my brain. I swung open the wardrobe and went to the box, spilling the contents onto the carpet beneath me.
The bracelet was there, the four letters staring back at me almost angrily. I slipped it into my pocket and looked about for anything else of interest. I looked everywhere for her diary, wondering why I hadn't thought to take it before. I practically tipped the entire room apart trying to find it. I checked under her mattress, under the bed, on top of the wardrobe, in the loose floorboard, in the wardrobe - everywhere. But I couldn't find it.
I groaned and pushed everything back, throwing the sopping tissue into the toilet and leaving her bedroom. I went for the patio door again but a glint from the bin caught my eye as I walked by. Inside it was a smashed up picture of Pandora, still in the photo frame. She was smiling but there was a crack in the glass, sinisterly punctured across her face. I reached for it but changed my mind. A picture held a thousand words, and chances were Pandora's mother was struggling to look at her daughter's smiling face. The exact reason still puzzled me. I didn't want to believe she murdered her own daughter, but I didn't have a reason to believe she didn't either.
I left as quickly as I arrived, with the ANYA bracelet burning a hole in my back pocket the whole way home. When I entered the house I realised I was late for dinner. I ran upstairs, through the bracelet into my bedside drawer and pulled on a navy and white striped dress before practically crashing down the stairs to the dinner table.
"Nice of you to join us," my mother said snootily.
"I got held up," I apologised as I took my seat.
"Well your dinner is probably cold, but quite frankly if you can't be bothered to even turn up, you don't exactly deserve me fawning over you."
I couldn't help the snort that escaped me, "fawn over me?" I repeated bitterly, "Jesus, that would actually require you to acknowledge my existence as something important rather than as a continued inconvenience."
Mom just looked at me with a slight interest then, one sharp eyebrow raised, "are you finished with acting the victim? It really doesn't suit you."
"And that colour really doesn't suit you, mother, but as I prefer to not be a bitch, I don't comment on it despite how many times you wear it."
She scowled then and my father coughed to interrupt, "Ladies, please."
"She started it," I muttered as I nodded in her direction.
"And I'm finishing it," he replied, "I was trying to have a nice dinner but every time I raise my fork you two are at each other's throats. Quite frankly this back and forth is making me dizzy."
I apologised quietly, not looking in my mother's direction. She got up and left and I couldn't help but snort.
I barely touched my dinner, constantly thinking about Pandora and her family. Wondering if the homely life I saw was just a cover like mine.
"Ready to go?" Jake asked as he pulled on his brown leather jacket and I nodded, pushing my chair backwards, cringing when it scratched along the tiled floor.
"Vivienne, please watch what you're doing. Those tiles are worth more than your entire wardrobe," I heard my mother call snootily from the hall.
I turned to look at Jake with an exasperated look on my face, "She is the biggest pain in the ass I have ever met. And she's related to me so I can't exactly escape her."
Jake stifled a laugh as he looked up and saw her coming into the room, "Viv and I are going out."
My mother's eyebrows shot up, "Who would have thought?" she muttered to herself before leaving again, looking as if she needed a lie down from the shock of hearing that her two children were actually going out never mind talking again.
"She's dramatic," I stated as we walked towards the car.
"At least we know where you get it from," Jake retorted and I pushed him away, him laughing.
There was something about reconnecting with him which was putting my mind at ease. I felt like I was putting one thing right after Pandora's lies and I couldn't help but think of the bracelet in my room. Maybe returning it would be another helping of good karma, because God only knows I needed it.
***
The arcade was mostly empty considering it was a sunday night so it was nice to be able to play and talk without listening to young children's screams of glee.
"I don't remember it looking so..." I said, struggling to find the word.
"Muted?" Jake offered and I nodded. Everything in my memories of it was so bright and vivid. But as I stood, looking around I couldn't help but feel a little deflated. The walls were now a dull red, peeling at the corners. The carpet which was once burgundy was now brown with dark stains, probably a result of some kid's excitement mixed with too much candy.
"It's kind of sad," I said as I walked up to the pinball machine and rubbed my finger against the once shiny metal. "It's all different."
"Everything changes, Viv," Jake replied, suddenly sounding so wise. "Sometimes your memories make everything seem so much better, but when you're seeing it in front of you or writing it on a page, it just seems like a terrible anticlimax."
"Is that the novelist in you shining through? I see being a teacher hasn't crushed your dreams."
Jake chuckled and shook his head as he stubbed at a horrible stain on the carpet beneath him, "I still have dreams, I just look at things differently now."
"Doesn't that make you sad?" I mused and searched his body language for any sort of sign that his reply wasn't what he was actually thinking.
"Not really, I mean I'll still get there someday, just maybe using a different method," he said and I furrowed my eyebrows.
"What do you mean?"
He shrugged, "I mean I always wanted to write something hard hitting. Something that teaches you a lesson and makes you think about life. But that's not only hard to do, but people are more cynical now - they know everything already - or at least they think they do."
"I get what you're saying," I replied, Jake was a smart guy, he wasn't wrong in his analysis.
"Something that never gets old though, is something that's tense and new. I think I have an idea on how I can do that," He admitted and I smiled.
"How about you share it with your little sis?"
Jake laughed, "And have you steal my idea? Not a chance, kid."
I feigned a strop and only agreed to speak to him again when he agreed to pay for the all the games I wanted to play tonight.
The night went on and I could feel our sibling bond falling back into place. I had missed his wit and anecdotes more than I would have cared to admit a month ago. Jake had always been the only person I trusted entirely and it was nice to have him back. There was still guilt edging at the back of my mind for not trusting him when the lies surfaced but I figured it would always be there.
He dropped me home and we made plans to make going out a weekly ritual. When I was younger, all the kids in my grade had been jealous of my big older brother who still hung out with me and took me to all the 'cool' places. Spending time with him was sort of like reverting back to that kid again. It was nice to feel innocent again for once, to pretend that none of this had happened.
When I got home, I walked up the stairs, basking in the silence. I should have been thinking about upcoming midterms, but I had barely looked at a book lately. Instead, I riffled through my jeans and pulled out that bracelet.
I put it on my wrist and looked at the dainty beads against my pale skin. I didn't want it and Pandora never deserved it. Anya's best friend had found a new best friend in that fickle way people do. Maybe she forgot and maybe it's better that way. I knew I'd never be able to forget about Pandora, but maybe the memories wouldn't be so painful if I put things right. Maybe if I gave Anya back her bracelet, maybe then whatever bad karma seemed to loom over me lately would simply disappear.
Maybe.
a/n
in a previous chapter ( i cant remember which one) someone asked why Viv was struggling with her math homework when she usually was so good at it. its because shes not herself anymore. she can't concentrate on the questions because of all the stuff going on in her personal life.
hope you enjoyed this chapter !!
question of the chapter: why is Viv's mother such a bitch?
dont forget to vote and comment!!!! all feedback is good feedback
thanks,
rachel // longtimegone
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