11 ; Chapter Eleven

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Song of the chapter is Mama by My Chemical Romance

As soon as I woke up, I felt more motivated than I had in a while. Maybe it was the realisation that my mother was still angry over what happened or maybe it was the threats and hints. I could barely keep track of one thought as I went about my normal routine. I grabbed the maths textbook before I went down the stairs and found a good place to hide the letters.

I took the stairs one at a time, but my mind wasn't concentrating on what I was doing. I could feel the blood pumping in my ears. I decided to skip breakfast as I heard the boiling of the kettle in the kitchen, indicating that my mother was awake. I grabbed my jacket and went out the door and got in my car. I was planning on going to school but when I got there, I didn't want to go in.

I had managed to ignore Jake so far. I didn't want to try to repair the damage because I knew it was my fault the damage was done in the first place. I had taken Pandora's side over his. I had spent months thinking he was a monster, it's not just something either of us would be able to forget. Part of me was still mad that they had slept together anyway. He didn't rape her, but he did use her, which was made worse by the fact that he was engaged when he did it. Jake wasn't perfect, he wasn't a monster, but this idealised view everyone has had of him isn't correct either. 

A tap on the window startled me from my thoughts and I turned to see Freddie standing with his hands on his pocket, looking down at me from outside the window on the passenger side. He pointed to the lock on the door and I pressed the button to let him in.

    "I didn't think you'd be at school today," He said as he got in and closed the door, putting his backpack at his feet.

    "Would rather be here than at home - well I thought I would," I replied. I looked out the windscreen to see Jake walking across the courtyard to the school building. The students he passed, particularly girls, gave him this glossy smile and he nodded in politely in return. My brother had always been popular, especially with the girls in the school. Jake was eight years older than me, making me a little accident pregnancy. From as long as I can remember, Jake has never been short of female attention with his blonde hair and bright blue eye combo. Athletically built, but still appealing to girls more interested in intellect on account of him having a degree in english literature and being a teacher. 

Freddie turned to look at where I was staring and nodded to himself as if understanding why I didn't want to go in, "You know, Pandora did admit to lying, you can still fix the relationship."

I shrugged and expelled a large breath of air, "I don't think there's any point. Whether he raped her or not, he still abused his position of power and cheated on his fiancee. I understand that people make mistakes but he still fucked up big time, if it ever got out," I said, not wanting to say it out loud which would make it even more of a possibility.

    "I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but Viv, he's still your blood. He's still family," he stated with his own sigh.

    "I don't want to talk about it right now."

He placed his hands up in a defence kind of stance and nodded his head. There was a brief pause before he spoke. I had noticed that Freddie never could keep quiet, but it wasn't annoying. It was more comforting to know that he was actually involved.

    "So, if you don't wanna go home, and you don't wanna go to school, what do you wanna do?"

I wanted to say something fun. I wanted to ask if he would come to the beach with me just so I could have a break, one I so badly needed. I felt like I was going crazy with the paranoia. Part of me knew that if we did go to the beach, I wouldn't feel any better. The paranoia would probably cripple me into sitting in the car the entire time.

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