08 ; Chapter Eight

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Song of the chapter is The 1975's Robbers


It had been one week. One long, agonising week since Pandora had told me. 168 hours of pretending that everything was fine when it was anything but. This week had almost killed me. The anger and the guilt was taking turns at twisting my insides. I had ignored eight calls from Jake. I had managed to stay away from him in school and when at home I hid in my room, fearful that he would come for a visit.

It was like a dream. I was lying in the water, floating contentedly as I slept. Then three seconds after I woke up, the realisation hit me and I was being dragged under by the devil himself. My life had turned into a nightmare. Everything before this had been a blissful dream. Nothing was the same.

This week had almost killed me and as I sat opposite the devil in question, I wondered how I'd get through anymore. He was sitting beside Marie at my family dining table as he smiled and chuckled at the playful banter between himself and his fiance. Marie was a blonde bombshell with brains. Marie Thornton was the package, everything Jake could ever want and nothing had made my mother happier than when he had come home from college with a first class degree and a wonderful girlfriend.

Jake was blissfully unaware of what was going through my head and it took me a few seconds to realise that he was now looking at me with a questioning look.

"I asked if you wanted more peas, Vee," Jake said again, his words finally registering in my brain.

I just continued to stare at him, wanting to grab the dish of peas and slam them into his innocent looking face. How could he ask me if I wanted some more fucking peas, knowing what he had done? A shiver ran down my spine as it did every time I thought about it. I felt bile rising up and I wanted nothing more than to throw up from disgust but I knew there would be nothing there. I was barely eating, finding it hard to sleep and when I did it was full of dreams of him and Pandora. Of what happened. It made my skin crawl and I wanted to pour bleach into my eyelids to burn the images away but I knew it wouldn't help. It was etched in my brain and every time I looked at him, my whole body shut down. His eyes were bright. How could they be bright? Why did he get to have bright eyes when the sparkle in Pandora's was gone? Why did my brother get to live normally while she was a mess.

Unable to stop myself, I pushed myself up from the table so forcefully that my chair flew backwards onto the floor. I grabbed the wine glass sitting beside me and threw it in the direction of Jake only for it to miss him and smash on the floor, shards of glass flying everywhere. "Don't call me that!" I shouted as the shards tinkered across the floor, the high pitched noise it emitted reverberating around the silent room.

"Vivienne!" My mother shouted in her angry high-pitched squeal, "What in the name of God are you doing?"

I stood in my place staring angrily at Jake, his blue eyes now wide with confusion. The words clawing at my throat, struggling to get out. I could feel myself losing my mind. This was killing me. The guilt of not stopping it. The anger at knowing we were related. The fear that he'd do it again. The anxiety that this wasn't the first time.

"Jake is a fucking liar, okay? He cheated on her!" I shouted and pointed towards Marie, "Yes, that's right, Marie, your doting fiance isn't so wonderful now, is he? He cheated on you and I caught him," I turned to look at my mother, her eyes were practically the size of saucers and my dad was staring at me with a dropped jaw, "Golden boy isn't so fucking golden after all."

With that, I stormed out of the room, smashing the door into the wall on my way out as angry tears were streaming down my face. I didn't want this to happen. I wanted them to know he raped my best friend. I wanted them to know that he was a monster but I couldn't get the words out. I made it to my room and crumpled to the floor sobbing loudly.

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