Songs:
The Monster: Eminem ft. Rihanna
Where Are You Now: Skeillex and Diplo ft. Justin Bieber
A.J.'s POV
I tried to concentrate on the conversation that was going on without me, I was here for business after all, but my mind was elsewhere. With, Harry more specifically. As always, he was invading my thoughts. As if I hadn't just been gone for six months, it was like I had reverted back to the person I was right before I left. I tried to shake any thoughts of him away, but the more I tried, the more he became present.
For one, I couldn't help but think, how absolutely beautiful he was. Even though he looked different, and I couldn't pinpoint why that was, he was still just as handsome as when I'd left him in our bedroom. But, I also couldn't stop thinking of the deep contrast from the Harry I had just spoke to only an hour ago to the Harry that was at the engagement party. The man at the party was rough and hostile, much like the Harry I remember leaving. In comparison to the Harry I had just shared a few minutes with, who was charming and seemingly docile up to a certain point.
"Hey?" I felt someone shaking my arm. "You okay?" I turned around to see Michael's concern filled eyes on me, waiting for me to respond.
He's talking to you, my mind yelled at me. Answer him. I let out a deep breath I didn't know I was holding in, tears pricking the corners of my eyes and the lump in my throat, I wasn't aware of, rise up and become more prominent. He's waiting for an answer. My mind reminded me.
I fought against the tears and the lump in my throat to speak. "I'm fine," I assured him with the best smile I could offer, wondering why I was being this emotion, for no apparent reason.
"Really?" He smiled softly and let out a little chuckle. "Because you seem a little distracted."
I nodded and took a deep breath, "Yeah, I just had a long morning with the meeting and all that," I sorta lied. It was partly true, meetings for my grandfather's company usually drained me, so it wasn't a complete lie.
"Super sure?" He asked again, his smile getting wider.
I laughed and nodded, "Super, duper sure," I assured, again him with a larger, forced smile. "Where's Stephen?" I asked, both because I had just noticed he was missing and because I wanted to change the subject.
"He went to the bathroom, don't worry, he didn't even notice you weren't paying attention," he shrugged, probably noting the worry in my face.
"Was it that noticeable?" I started to panic a bit. "My being distracted, I mean," I clarified.
He shook his head and smiled, "Nah, he was too busy talking to notice and you nodded, smiled and what not at the appropriate times. Which you're frighteningly good at, might I add."
"I mastered that at a very young age," I bragged a little, though in reality, it was quite sad to have to admit that. Unlike with Harry, spilling out my secrets with him or anyone else made me feel over exposed and partially crazy. I wasn't as comfortable. It didn't feel natural.
"How was the engagement party, by the way?" He asked with some caution.
I shrugged and smiled, "I rather not talk about it around him," I pointed to Stephen who was making his way back to our table.
"Right," he mumbled.
Stephen sat back down, apologizing for leaving and continued speaking, probably where he had left off. I could see how people thought he was so charming. He smiled whenever he spoke. It wasn't just any smile. Like mine, it was forced and although it reached his eyes, it didn't hold any sentiment. It was as if he were a Mr. Potato Head that could easily remove and add the smile as he pleased. It was eerie if I actually thought about it. It made me wonder if people saw me the same way.
That would be something. Here I thought I was masking every emotion I felt when in reality, it was quite possible people could read me just as I was able to read, Stephen.
"I think we should cut this short," I interrupted his rambling, which he didn't seem too pleased by, but he smiled anyway. "I'm just not feeling too good," I stood up and grabbed my bag from the chair beside mine. I ignored his protests and paid, quickly saying a goodbye before taking off.
I heard him mention something about how "women can get fickle", but I ignored every fiber in my body that wanted to tell him off and kept going until I reached the valet and gave the young man my ticket.
"Hey," I heard Michael called out, making me turn around. He walked swiftly towards me, also handing someone his valet ticket. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," I nodded, "Just being a woman," I commented on what Stephen had said earlier, putting on my sunglasses so he wouldn't see me rolling my eyes.
"Hey, don't listen to him, A.J., he's a prick," I could hear the sincerity in his voice, but I still turned around. I was so wound up by Harry and Stephen that I might lash out and take out my aggression on him, how had been nothing but nice tome. "I'm about to go to the gym, you know, if you want to join me and let some steam out?"
He stood next to me, waiting for an answer which I wasn't prepared to give. Part of me wanted to accept his invitation, god knew I needed some physical activity after the day I was having, but another part of me just wanted to crawl in my bed, under my blankets and watch old reruns of one of my favorite shows and wait for sleep to overcome me. It was a sad way to live, I knew that, but it was how I was getting by as of late and the only thing that really appealed to me.
I took a deep breath and in a moment of pure spontaneity, I responded opposite of how I imagined the rest of my day going, "Sure."
"Great," he beamed, slightly making my anger dwindle at the sight, "I'll meet you there?"
"Yeah," I agreed and got in my car, taking off as soon as I was able to make it into traffic.
It was a short drive. Or so it seemed, I was kind of going through the motions, which now that I think about it, probably wasn't the safest thing in the world. Not for me and certainly not for the innocent pedestrians and other drivers out in the world. It wasn't their fault I had nothing to look forward to and found even the slightest incline of danger, thrilling.
I made my way through the gym, thankful that it was semi deserted and I didn't have to greet anyone. I reached the empty, female's locker room, undressing as soon as the door shut behind me, not bothering to check if anyone else was in there. And, I really didn't care at this point had there been someone else there. We were all women here, we all had the same things.
I opened my locker that I had reserved for days like this, the only personal thing in there was an outdated picture of Odie and myself in Mexico a few years back. I found it when I had come back to L.A. and moved back into my grandfather's house. It was really quite annoying to be back there, but I also hadn't made any effort to find my own place. I didn't see a point since I really didn't go home and when I did, I just stayed in my room, but I knew I'd have to start the hunt soon since she was coming to live with me after the holiday's.
Her moving with me was my last hope in trying to mend my relationship with her. She was the last person I thought I'd have to work on repairing, but I understood what I had done was unforgivable in her eyes. I had a sliver of hope that she would understand my reasoning behind my leaving, but it seemed like the more I tried to explain, the more she resented me. So, I eventually just gave up, hoping one day she'd just let me be her sister, again.
I fought the tears that tried to resurface, again, with a full force and quickly got dressed in my gym clothes, getting my gloves on while I made my way back out to the ring, where Michael was already waiting. He made some snarky comment which I ignored, my focus narrowing on where I'd be able to punch him. We'd spared enough through these last few days I'd been back, that I had learned his weaknesses, it wasn't that hard when he basically had the same moves every single time.
We went at it as soon as we were given the green light, neither of us holding back, which I was grateful for. I would have lost my shit if he held back. But, he never did, he always treated me as an equal in this square.
As we danced around the ring, I only pictured, Harry and the damn doctor that had informed me that little Sloane was gone, both faces that were etched in my mind, never leaving me and always hunting me, day and night. The more my mind shifted from the doctor to Harry, the harder I threw my punches, landing hard blows on Michael's stomach which was his most vulnerable spot.
We got the a seventh round before he called quits and threw himself against a corner, hoping for some rest. "You're really pissed, huh?" He chuckled, then groaned, grabbing his side in pain.
"I'm sorry," I repeated a phrase I had become all too familiar with when it came to him.
He waved his gloved hand in front of him, "It's fine, you keep me on my toes. It's good training." Again, he smiled widely at me. He always just smiled. He never got angry and I wasn't sure if that was even normal. I don't remember ever seeing him upset.
"I'll try to be more mindful next time," I promised, using my teeth to help my remove my gloves, to no avail.
He stood up with ease and made his way to me, his gloves already off, "Let me help," he said, not really waiting for permission. He took my hands in his, easily undoing the lace, releasing them from their confinement. "There," he whispered, dropping the gloves on the ground and taking my hands in his, rubbing my palms gently. "It's gonna be okay," he hummed.
I wanted to yell at him and tell him that it wasn't going to be okay, ever. There was no possible way that things were going to be okay. I was torn apart and it felt like nothing was going to be able to help me pull myself together again. But, I kept quiet. I held it all in as I had trained myself to do long ago and just revealed in his embrace. No, it wasn't the same as being in Harry's arms, but it was the only thing that was keeping me together in this particular moment and I was going to take it.
"You wanna go out and grab some real food?" He asked, his lips against my hair.
I quickly pulled away from him with a slight push, reminding us both of the distance we should keep. "Thanks, but I have some plans," I lied.
"Oh, with who?" He asked nonchalantly as he began to pick up our gear.
"Um, actually, it's an old friend that I just reconnected him, recently. Dylan," I let out, wondering if he would be up to hang out, again.
"Reconnect? Did you guys stop being friends or what?"
"Not really, we kinda just had our own thing going for a moment. And his girlfriend wasn't too okay with us being friends, so we kinda just mutually decided to focus on our own lanes. He had a few projects and I ended up leaving to London, so it worked out for us both."
I sighed at the thought of how screwed up Dylan and I had left things before we went our separate ways, but after connecting, it was as if nothing had ever changed. That's what I always loved most about him. I never had to fix things or ask for forgiveness with him, he was always just there. As much as I loved Chris and Sam, Dylan was different. He never treated me like I was broken or needed fixing. He was just there.
"Raincheck, then?" He asked as we both stepped out of the ring.
"Raincheck," I agreed, heading straight for my locker to grab my phone.
I had a few texts from Max, wondering if I'd be home for dinner. But, that was it.
I cleared the missed messages and typed out a new text to Dylan, hoping he'd be up to hang out.